The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

13:39 Jul 30 2023
Times Read: 350

I sleep like shit when I sleep alone. When I'm next to Logan, it's like peace just washes over me and I can get to sleep, and stay asleep with no issue. But when I'm on my own, it's a battle to get to sleep. And then I have a horrible habit of waking up nearly every hour or so. Even ASMR doesn't work all that well on my when I'm alone.

I may go invest in some melatonin or something again. Despite the amped up bad dreams I tend to get when I take sleep aids, it may be the only real solution I can find at the moment, since I can't spend every night next to him in bed.

21:43 Jul 29 2023
Times Read: 386

Oppenheimer was just as good the second time around.

05:42 Jul 29 2023
Times Read: 416

I've finished the new season of Good Omens. I love the novel, written by Gaiman and Sir Terry Pratchett, it's a fun little book and the first season of the show follows the book extremely faithfully. But, given that Neil Gaiman was so heavily involved with it, that's not surprising. This new season isn't a book adaptation like the first season was. It is, however, adapted from notes from both Gaiman and Pratchett, and the show was written by Gaiman. So, it had all the heart and humor that you would expect from Good Omens. But, the way they ended this new season, I'm angry. I want those two to be together and happy, and it makes me sad that they have seemed to go their separate ways. There needs to be a third, and final, season so that they can wrap up the story and give Crowley and Aziraphael their happily ever after.

22:43 Jul 28 2023
Times Read: 444

I treating my mom to the movies tomorrow, we're going to see Oppenheimer. I really wanted to go see Haunted Mansion, but I'm seeing that next weekend with Logan, so I need to be good and wait. Though, I'm not disappointed to be seeing Oppenheimer again. It's such a great film. And this time we're going to see it in IMAX, which should be fun.

It always strikes me as weird that around Logan, there's like one theater that has Imax, and it isn't exactly close to him, so we don't go there. But out here where I live, there are at least three theatres within a five mile radius that have it. And it's not like any of these theaters are new or anything. All of them are at least 20 years old at this point, so Imax was added after the fact. You think they would do that for the ones out where Logan lives. But nope. I don't know why that bugs me, but it does.

09:13 Jul 28 2023
Times Read: 466

The last three episodes of The Witcher were garbage and I am angry. It was a really shitty way to say goodbye to Henry Cavill as Geralt. And, honestly, it was all just wasted potential. I didn't have high expectations after the first half, but man, when those last three episodes couldn't even clear that extremely low bar, that's bad. That's very, very bad.

02:26 Jul 28 2023
Times Read: 522

Little conversations with Logan. Do kids really think we, as 30-somethings, are that far out of touch with terms like NPC? Because, fuck, I've never felt so old if that's the case.

11:18 Jul 27 2023
Times Read: 571


Keep your secrets.

05:18 Jul 27 2023
Times Read: 605


... All right then.

02:15 Jul 25 2023
Times Read: 688

The search continues for the perfect song to walk down the aisle to. I just know I don't want to be the "traditional" bride. I'm not sure what our wedding will look like, but considering both of us are little goth kids at heart, I'm sure it'll be more...unconventional. I know, it's stupid to focus on that when he hasn't even proposed yet, but, I mean, it's pretty set in stone. We are going to get married. I couldn't see my myself building a life with anyone else, and I wouldn't want to build my life with anyone else. He may not be perfect, but he's perfect for me. There's got to be a song out there that fits and that isn't you know, cliche like Lovesong. I may love The Cure and I may love that song, but it is so overused.

07:53 Jul 24 2023
Times Read: 737

It's been such a wonderful weekend, as they always are when I get to see Logan. I didn't do any VR related things outside of checking messages a few times over the weekend, as I needed a bit of a break from everything. So, nothing got done with Nocturnal this weekend, and I'm okay with that.

We went as saw both Oppenheimer and Barbie. Oppenheimer was amazing, simple as that. You expect a lot from a Christopher Nolan film, and man, it does not fail to deliver. And, while it is a three hour movie, it didn't feel it's runtime at all, I was so engrossed from beginning to end. Cillian Murphy did such an amazing job as J. Robert Oppenheimer. And the ensemble cast was so star filled, but it didn't once take away from the film itself. Barbie was, well, I think what you would expect. It was funny, heartwarming, serious when it needed to be, and emotional. Overall, lots of fun. I got teary eyed a few times. I wouldn't say it's hyper feminist, but it definitely preaches that woman can be anything, we don't have to fit into these societal molds simple because we're female. And, the music! The music was so good! So yeah, I highly recommend both films if you can see them.

Logan bought me two long-stemmed red roses last night, just because he could. I trimmed them down, as the were nearly half my height, and put them in water. They started opening up really well and they look beautiful. And, we spent around two hours looking for wedding music. I had mentioned that we didn't have a song, and then how I didn't want to walk down the aisle to Canon in D, so we started looking for alternatives. We found a few possibilities, but I think we'll have to keep looking. It's okay though, we'll likely not get married until we move to Texas, so we've got a year and a half to two years yet. It's just so crazy how he and I are so similar. He'd bring up a song, and I'd literally be right about to mention it, or vice versa. It's honestly a little scary how he and I have so much in common. But yeah, it's been a great weekend. Not long enough, though. The time we get is never enough.

01:20 Jul 19 2023
Times Read: 875

I need Friday to get here already. I've got things to look forward to with Logan. Oppenheimer on Saturday, Barbie on Sunday, time with my partner all weekend. I just need a little break from everything.

PRIVATE ENTRY
19:09 Jul 18 2023
Times Read: 888


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

08:56 Jul 18 2023
Times Read: 947

I may be intelligent, but man, can I fuck up royaly sometimes. Today seemed to just be a day full of me messing up. Thankfully, I have people I can turn to for advice, people who will correct me when I'm wrong, people who will talk things through with me so that I do not make those mistakes again. So, thank you for the messages, the phone calls, talking things out with me. No one is ever too old to learn from their mistakes, and learn I most definitely did.

05:43 Jul 18 2023
Times Read: 979

That did not just happen. This game did not just make me cry.

You had to go punch me right in the feels didn't ya, Dreamlight Valley? Jesus.

PRIVATE ENTRY
00:03 Jul 18 2023
Times Read: 994


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

20:20 Jul 17 2023
Times Read: 1,023

Sometimes you just have to take a moment and appriciate the peace and quiet.

09:44 Jul 17 2023
Times Read: 1,039

I've gotten back into playing Disney Dreamlight Valley. I stopped playing for a bit because it really wasn't holding my interest, no game was, but it's fun to get back into it. The nice thing about coming back after taking a break is that there is a lot of content for me to catch up on. It's just something nice and cozy to play when I need a break from reality.

07:32 Jul 17 2023
Times Read: 1,045

Tickets for Oppenheimer and Barbie purchased for Saturday and Sunday. It does mean getting up earlier than usual, I could only get seats for the morning showings, but it's okay. And then in two weeks it's the new Haunted Mansion movie.

If you're in support of SAG-AFTRA and WGA, go and see the movies. Watch the shows. Talk about them. Show the big Hollywood companies that they can't replace the human element in these productions. Show them that AI isn't what is wanted. I know people are unsure because they don't want to cross the picket lines, but seeing the movies is showing your support.

05:45 Jul 17 2023
Times Read: 1,061

I couldn't be happier with how things are progressing with Nocturnal. The people I've placed in staff positions are the absolute best. It makes it so much easier to work on the House when I have such amazing members. If it was just me, yeah, I don't think I'd do very well. But, I'm thankful I have the members I have. They make it a home.

I other news, I'm pretty stoked for this coming weekend. I'm gonna try to get tickets to go see Barbie and Oppenheimer with Logan. Though, considering that they both come out this week, it may be difficult. But I'm gonna try. Even if it means going to the theater in the shopping center where two shootings have now taken place...

Logan lives in a very good area, when you stay in the confines of the gates of Hidden Hills, but everything outside of it... He lives in an affluent area, but he's totally the boy on the wrong side of the tracks. You don't hear about daily shootings out here where I live in the IE, but out there? Encino, Northridge, West Hills, Calabasas... Those be some shady areas. It's why we want to get out of California. Once upon a time, those were great places to live, it's where people with money lived, and they were nice areas. But that was 20+ years ago. Now there's shootings in shopping center parking lots, hit and runs, all the crime. Southern California has been where we were both born and raised, but it doesn't feel like home to us anymore. People get a certain idea about LA, about Hollywood, about California. But, its come out that over 50% of the homes in the market here are going to be over 1 million dollars to buy, the crime, the homelessness, the fact that we don't prosecute our criminals, the politics, they all contribute to making this place the utter sithole it is. You can't afford rent in any city close to LA unless you want to pay at least $2,500 for a one bedroom. It's only slightly cheaper if you come out towards where I live, but even then, it's still going to cost you around $1,900 starting. You can't afford to live a decent life unless you make at the bare minimum, $100k a year, though depending on where you live, that easily can jump to 2 or 300k. I love California with all that I am, we have the beaches and the mountains and the deserts all in one place, but I no longer want to live here. I don't exactly want to live in Texas either, but I'm willing to give it a shot. With all the land, we wouldn't be bothered, which is definitely a plus in my book. I'm just tired of this place.

Haha, the entry started out so positively. Anyway, enough rambling about how much California sucks. I'm gonna go get something to drink and watch some What We Do in the Shadows with my love.

PRIVATE ENTRY
01:57 Jul 16 2023
Times Read: 1,100


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

00:47 Jul 16 2023
Times Read: 1,121

Can we dim the sun, just a smidge? It feels like I walked straight into hell when I stepped outside.

07:31 Jul 15 2023
Times Read: 1,173

I think my profile's due for a bit of a make over. I've had the same look and information for... Seven? Eight? A lot of years now, and I feel it's time for a change. Maybe I'll ask for Logan's help. I just don't know what I want. I love the color scheme and I love my background, as it's my own art, but I feel I need to do something new. I may play around in Photoshop and see what kinds of things I can create. If I get a good background done, I can build it up from there. Maybe something in muted blues, greens, and grays.

21:18 Jul 14 2023
Times Read: 1,213

We're in for 99/100+ days all weekend and through next weekend. I am thankful that, for the most part, the heat out here is relatively dry. If we add humidity into the mix, it would be so much worse. The coolest it's going to get at night is the low 70s. I think this weekend, since I'm not with Logan, will be spent at my brother's in the pool with the kids. I'd go to the pool here, because we do have one in the complex, but I don't trust these people. You couldn't pay me to get into that water. So, I'll text Liz later and see if I can come over tomorrow and/or Sunday.

07:21 Jul 14 2023
Times Read: 1,243

Logan took an edible tonight after work to unwind. And man, talking to him while he's high and I'm sober is funny. We're watching Supernatural and it's an episode about planes and shit and he's all "Do you think the Kool-Aid Man ever burst through a plane while it was mid flight, going 'oh yeah!' while everyone is screaming?" And I'm just sitting here like, no. And then he tried to look up memes of that and got sad when there weren't any. It's funny.

00:12 Jul 14 2023
Times Read: 1,274

I applied for Disneyland again, well, for one of the hotels anyway, at the suggestion of Trevor. Let's see if I hear back from them as quickly as I did the last time I applied.

I am a bit sad that they don't have anything inside the park available that I would be qualified for. But, working at their resort wouldn't be so bad as you still get all the awesome perks, and at least I'd be inside an air conditioned building.

23:16 Jul 13 2023
Times Read: 1,290

Well, things out here in Los Angeles are going to shut down quite a bit more. In case you haven't been paying attention to Hollywood, the writer's guild (WGA) has been on strike since May 2nd, and now SAG-AFTRA, the screen actor's guild has approved a strike as well, which goes into effect at midnight. So, while a lot has been shut down due to the WGA strike, now all productions are going to be shut down with SAG taking to the picket lines. This move goes beyond just Hollywood. My actor friend, who was scheduled to go to Comic-Con, like he always does, has now pulled out. And I'm pretty sure he's not going to be the only one to do so. It also means that studios can't really promote any of their upcoming movies, as the actors are not allowed to talk on panels or promote upcoming films and shows. So yeah... It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

01:30 Jul 12 2023
Times Read: 1,353

I've got to go watch the kids in about an hour. I may complain about how I get next to no notice on babysitting, but I don't say no. I want to get in all the time I can with them before Logan and I move to Texas. Yeah, it's still likely a year or two away, but man, time flies right past you as you get older. And a year, two years, it seems like nothing. So, best to get in as much time with them now as I can. I can't imagine I'll see them much outside of holidays when we leave California.

22:27 Jul 11 2023
Times Read: 1,396

It's pretty much plastered all over my profile and journal, but here, for those of you who cannot comprehend what you may read, or you just choose to ignore it:

I am in a relationship. I want nothing and no one outside of that relationship. Do not bombard me with messages, I will not respond. And if it gets to a point where it annoys me, I will block you. I have everything I need, I do not need you.

Thank you.


I hope that's cleared up any and all stupidity on your part. I'm done being polite.

07:26 Jul 11 2023
Times Read: 1,427

We got an extra day and a half together, and it wasn't enough. Not even close.

We did get some work done in the House. Not much, but we fixed the main page layout and the Alliance layout. I'll be going in and fixing the images now that I'm home. We're still working on the text for the main page, but it's getting there. Hopefully in two weeks, when I go over there again, we can get things done once and for all.

21:01 Jul 08 2023
Times Read: 1,486

I popped my head in to the journals for just a moment to check on things and I regret all of it. I'm gonna go back to my weekend with Logan, as soon as he gets out of the shower.

03:43 Jul 08 2023
Times Read: 1,512

I get an extra day with mi amor! I'm pretty happy about that.

08:04 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,560

I might get an extra day with Logan this weekend, which would be amazing. I already get an entire six hours more than I normally would with him tomorrow. I can head over there after he finishes his sessions for the day, since Mina's camping until next week so he doesn't have to drive out to the Hollywood Hills to see her. I'm happy. I latch onto any extra time we can get together, as we don't get that much. Despite us only living 76 miles away from each other, it really feels like a long distance relationship right now. Between work and his daughter, it's hard to carve out more time for us outside our every other weekend thing we've got going. I really can't wait for the day that can all change... But for now, some extra hours tomorrow and the possibility of an extra full day is enough. I'm looking forward to it.

07:40 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,576

And now you've taken my stamp?

Damn lady, I know I'm awesome and you're obsessed with me, but you're never going to be me, you should stop trying. It's pathetic.

07:18 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,590

Just because you can't see through your own delusions doesn't mean we can't see you for what and who you are. But no, go on about how you're so original and aren't trying to copy anyone else while using my kismet as your own, while using someone else's avatar as your own. So original.

06:37 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,619

I know you want to be me, but that job is already taken. Sorry. 🖤

06:26 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,630

You mean this one message thread? Don't act like you and I talk on a regular basis, we don't. I want nothing to do with you. But, meh, enjoy or whatever.

Mandalorian
Mandalorian
Dastardly Being (59)

BLOCK
16:57 Jul 04 2023
I forget that you exist every day :) I also see you as who you are!

23:06 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) immortalxkiss wrote:

The fuck? I haven't ever tried to manipulate you. And, honestly, write whatever you want at this point. People on VR can see you for exactly who you are. I don't care if you trust me or not, that means exactly jack shit to me. You don't need to trust me. I sure don't trust you, so let it be mutual.

I'm going to go back to my real life and forget you exist. Have a good one.

21:42 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) Mandalorian wrote:

You can't manipulate me in the profile shit when I ask you to leave me alone I mean leave me alone I said I would make a promise that I won't stop writing journals the more you admins come after me every time I prove you all wrong,

The video I posted is true and real,

I actually don't trust you admins and believe you at all what anyone says on here you can be bullshitting me right now the way you write journals yourselves

10:08 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) immortalxkiss wrote:

If Moonie took action against that account, than that account was breaking the rules in some way. She wouldn't suspend someone just for fun. The Admins can see a lot more behind the scenes than what normal members can, so obviously something was going on that warranted a suspension. I can't speak on it because I don't know. I'm not going to speculate about it.

I've posted about my depression many times over the years in my journal. It's never been a secret that I suffer from it. So, you didn't make any grand discovery that I was hiding. I've probably gone into too much details about all of it, to be honest. But, I'm in a much better place these days. A lot of that was my own efforts, but a good amount of it can be attributed to my partner. He gives me someone to talk to without judgment, and he knows how to handle things, since he has multiple degrees in Psychology and has been working in the field for years. Not that you care, but I'm proud of myself for my personal progress.

You can't stop someone from viewing your profile. That's just something you're going to have to accept.

09:55 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) Mandalorian wrote:

Tylorbrooks got wrongly suspended from mooniepie on this site and Drayton set up Tylorbrooks
Tylorbrooks was accused of being Tabby because he lives in the UK Like Tabby does,

But TylorBrooks isn't Tabby,

I'm just saying it looks like you need help saying the world dies with a black-in-white photo,
I also called it out for being clever,

No one has ever figured you that you use to be depressed I'm actually really smart,


https://www.vampirerave.com/profiles/profiles2.php?profile=TylorBrooks&sort=newest&gen=all&query=tylorbrooks


Eyes wide shut was a girl that went after Tylorbrooks trying to set him up and I was trying to protect Tylorbrooks from eyes wide shut they both lived in the UK,


Eyes wide shut lied to Tylor saying she didn't have a husband and tried catfishing Tylorbrooks,

And Tylor Brooks really thought Eyes wide shut loved him,

I know a lot more than people realize and see a lot more things than people accept,

Tylor Brooks doesn't deserve any of this he did nothing,


I got catelyn, Drayton booked but they keep viewing my profile every day and wont leave me alone,

07:24 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) immortalxkiss wrote:

Well, I'm not changing my kismet or my profile image. So whether you like them or not is of no consequence to me.

I haven't come after you about anything religion based, and as for what anyone else does, again, I do not control other people and I cannot police their actions. Nothing being posted is against the ToS, therefore, it is allowed.

And again, if you're having issues with Cat, block her. That is your right. If you block her, she cannot bother you. Same with Drayton. Block him if he's bothering you.

I'm not going to talk about the TylorBrooks account, because I don't know. All I know is that I didn't want the EyesWideShut account in my House, therefore it was traded out to Purgatory. I'm not trying to get anyone banmed, I'm just trying to uphold the rules of this site, since that is my responsibility.

07:16 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) Mandalorian wrote:

Nicole I really don't like you're kismet I also really don't like your photo being black in white it's really nothing positive to be fair,

If you where in my shoes you would see why but I know you don't care about that at all since you all claim it in my honor and through kismets in journals publically you and all the admins always come after me with god stuff so I can't really trust you or any of the admins at all,

I mean if I could I would block all the admins at this rate,

It's useless,

I try to make a report on catelyn, harassing me over and over and yet no one listens same with drayton,


I know you guys are just looking for a way to IP band me like my friend tells me he's the only one I trust and drayton lied about tylor saying he was tabby when he isn't,

He isn't tabby at all and I Can tell you that catelyn, and Drayton are up to no good getting people suspended,

Mooniepie said Tylorbrooks was tabby living in the UK Even eyeswideshut is from the UK same with my other friend,

You guy's don't 'even bother asking why I'm really mad ,
Just like I wont ask you why you keep trashing me you are really not better then me to be fair,

no one is,

The only one who is better is me going against me and that's all I'm facing,


06:55 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) immortalxkiss wrote:

I do not control what other people do. As long as it is within VR's ToS, I cannot tell someone to stop doing something. If you have an issue, I will tell you what I tell everyone else, block them. If you don't want to hear from Cat, block her. If your mom doesn't want to hear from Cat, she can block her as well.

I haven't spoken about you in some time, so to say I constaly go after you because of your grammar is silly. I haven't. I haven't said anything about you until you started on the journals about my kismet. But, as I said, I can't say anything in my own journal without you latching onto it. I've left you alone, but you cannot do the same for me.

06:48 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) Mandalorian wrote:

then tell you're best friend catelyn to leave me alone or I will keep writing journals about you same with drayton and all the others the more you bring catelny into my life the more I will be angry at you and the whole site

you guys brought this upon you're self by bullying me over and over again about my grammar you claim you all don't care but you all keep viewing my profile over and over again


You know how sad it is when you bully someone over grammar?
And yet you claim you don't care clearly you do care
so there for you do are and with that being said I highly suggest you get catelyn back in line or my journals are going up again to bother you,

You are not the only one who wants to be left alone you guys don't care or take notice that catelyn is bothering me and 3rd parting through other profiles that I half to keep blocking you guys are not helpful at all to be fair


If catelyn messages me and my family again I won't hesitate to write another journal just so you know and I'm not nice about it either,

We all want to be left alone but clearly, you are not getting the pitcher of the real problem,

06:45 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) immortalxkiss wrote:

I haven't done anything of the sort. Get your facts straight before aiming baseless accusations at me.

06:43 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) Mandalorian wrote:

No this is your last warning you send catelyn to text my mom again on her phone to tell me to kick me again I will screen shot the message and send it to cancer.


06:43 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) immortalxkiss wrote:

I've ignored you for weeks, but you constantly bring me into your nonsense. I can't write anything in my own journal without it provoking you.

Now, leave me alone before I block you. This is the only warning.

06:39 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) Mandalorian wrote:

then stop writing journals about me and I wont be a dick.

06:39 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) immortalxkiss wrote:

I don't know what you're talking about.

Do not contact me unless you have an issue with VR in general. I otherwise want nothing to do with you.

06:37 Jul 04 2023 (-0 GMT) Mandalorian wrote:

kick me from your coven because you texted my mom to kick me :)
Now I'm texting you
:)

Catelyn told me to send you this message

04:48 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,664




Heh. The rhetoric sounds so familiar.

03:41 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,696

Lol, tell me you're joking. This can't just be because I said you don't exist to me off this website. Holy fuck, I'm dying. Sorry to break it to you, but unless I have you on other platforms, you mean nothing to me outside the confines of this one website. It's a hard truth, I know, you're so goddamn enamored with me that you wish you consumed my every thought, but alas, you do not.

01:59 Jul 07 2023
Times Read: 1,743

Dude, when the fuck have I ever gone after your mom or attacked your personal life? Unlike you lot, I don't sink to those levels. You however, you've bashed my personal life on more than one occasion and I've never said anything about it except to tell you you're wrong, which you were.

I mean, the bit where you said you had jokes, should my mother no longer be living, is so fucking telling of the type of person you are.

Also, you're accusing people for a profile that they didn't create.

But, no, do go on with your false information. You're not a victim. End of story.

22:42 Jul 06 2023
Times Read: 1,794


"I don't let my emotions get the best of me! It's just a website!!"

That's rich coming from the person who literally called me a racial slur because I said they weren't a victim.

10:14 Jul 06 2023
Times Read: 1,820

23:30 Jul 05 2023
Times Read: 1,872

Would you look at that, more false accusations thrown at members who aren't involved.

Lovely.

04:46 Jul 05 2023
Times Read: 1,926

Fuck, I hate fireworks...

18:20 Jul 04 2023
Times Read: 1,958

Happy Fourth!

I'm off to spend the day at Kevin and Liz's. We're going to do some swimming, have a little barbecue, and then light some sparklers and stuff later in the evening. It should be a fun day.

09:08 Jul 04 2023
Times Read: 1,998

When the fireworks keep going off so it's hard to sleep, what do you do? Listen to hurdy gurdy music, of course. I love her.

04:29 Jul 04 2023
Times Read: 2,073

You don't get to play the victim when you're the one constantly starting nonsense.

23:50 Jul 03 2023
Times Read: 2,143

Tell me you don't understand what it means to be into the gothic lifestyle without telling me you don't understand what it means to be into the gothic lifestyle.

The world is beautiful because it dies.

I'm someone who's been an active member (in my teens and 20s )in the goth scene since I was pretty young. I went to the clubs, I dressed the part, I read the literature, watched the movies, and listened to the music. I may not dress that way anymore, but it doesn't mean I don't still align myself with the lifestyle. Goth isn't just in the way you dress, the music you listen to, it's in the way you view the world. Seeing the beauty in the macabre.

Everything dies, everything comes to an end, that is the one true constant about life - it will, at some point, end. There's a beauty in that. Does it mean I want to die? No, not at all. Have I had suicide ideation before? Yes. I've suffered from depression since my teens, and I have made moves to end my life at my lowest points. I am no longer in that mindset. Can it come back? Absolutely. You don't magically heal depression, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain, I'm always going to have it, but I have found ways to manage it better so I no longer fall into those deep depressive states. One of the perks of being with a licensed therapist. But, it doesn't mean I can't appriciate the cycle of life. I may not crave death, but I understand it and I do not fear it. The thought of dying doesn't make me cower in the corner, clinging to all that life has to offer.

So yes, the world is beautiful because it dies. Such is the design of human eyes. Death doesn't have to be a horrible thing. Death is a release. Even the stars die, they collapse into supernovas, creating the building blocks for new stars to be born. Death allows for life to flourish. If you can't see some beauty in that, well, I can't help you. Nothing I say will change your sad point of view.

23:07 Jul 03 2023
Times Read: 2,170

Here's the thing, a person can listen to "depressing" music without having to be suffering from depression or having a depressive episode. I listen to Spanish, Korean, and a Japanese music without fully understanding what they're saying because I don't speak the languages. Music transcends all that. What a horrible world it would be if you could only listen to music that corresponded with your current emotional state.

10:47 Jul 03 2023
Times Read: 2,200

Switched some things up in Draconem, though I'm unsure how I feel about all of it. The layout will probably stay that way until this weekend, when I go see Logan. The crest is what I'm really iffy about right now. So, if it changes, don't be surprised. I'm just too tired to put too much thought into all of it tonight. For now, it's passable.

07:59 Jul 03 2023
Times Read: 2,219





Reborn

Someday I will be reborn
Someday I will be reborn
And the earth spins faster at its core
The ground and sky each moving slower
A blind watchmaker's semaphore

Someday I will be reborn
Someday I will be reborn
And the world is beautiful because it dies
(Or such is the design of human eyes)
As sure as each ice age melts and dries


Idiots.

06:04 Jul 03 2023
Times Read: 2,245

Now I have to redo Nocturnal's layouts. The problem with me is that I like things in blues and greens, so those tend to be the colorschemes I stick to when making images for myself. Which is why the new Crest for Nocturnal is done as it is. I tied in the orange with the eyes, but outside of that, it no longer fits the main page layout. I just don't know if I want to mess around with the coding, or just wait until I see Logan this coming weekend where we can work on things together. This also means I'm likely to redo Draconem's layout, Crest, and rep image to match Nocturnal. Why do I do this to myself?

04:31 Jul 02 2023
Times Read: 2,343

I was playing around with some things today and yesterday and I came up with this. What does VR think? I'm so unsure about my skills these days.

I had to edit, False pointed out that the text wasn't centered properly and when I noticed, it bothered me.

08:34 Jul 01 2023
Times Read: 2,358

I miss living in cities where fireworks are prohibited. Out here, its like the wild west. It's been going on for the last month, and it'll likely continue well into next month, because I guess when you buy fireworks, you might as well stock up on them. I'm extremely tired of hearing them go off all night.

04:24 Jul 01 2023
Times Read: 1,553

I need more gamer friends. The weekends I'm not with Logan are always rough in that I find it hard to keep myself entertained. The few friends I do still have on Xbox are all on different schedules or are busy with life, so I don't ever get to game with them anymore. I don't like playing games on my own anymore, I need the social aspect to be there or I just won't play.

03:23 Jul 01 2023
Times Read: 1,565

Eh, I'm over summer. 0/10 - do not recommend.

If I could live my ideal life, I'd spend half the year here, from like, October to March, and then April through September over in the Southern Hemisphere, so I would be in perpetual autumn and winter awesomeness forever.