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I'm developing... still working, but also finding my own style in art. What I have wanted to do for years is now a real goal: create my own tarot deck. I'd mentioned this a couple weeks ago in my journal. I've started feeling even closer to the project as I have been quickly progressing... and even if I am not at the skill level I want to be with in drawing, I can still sketch my ideas out in Procreate, then draw them *better* later on. I can get so much done already though.

I will do this. I can imagine doing a Kickstarter... but if that isn't funded, I can still do the print on demand thing. Honestly... I just want to have that feeling of accomplishment. What a task it would be to draw 78 cards with the particular details I would want. How wonderful to be able to complete that.

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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
22:35 Aug 31 2022

I am excited to see your tarot deck when it is ready for viewing!

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Last night I read "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. It was published in 1988 and is an incredibly popular book- but I'd never read it till last night. I couldn't sleep... so I just kept waking up and reading more till I was finished. I LOVED IT. An old friend suggested I read it yesterday... I snagged it on Kindle and so glad I did. I needed to read that so much earlier than I did. And I mean *years* ago. Throughout my read I kept writing down quotes from it. Me, in my state of deep depression... so much I needed to keep reading, hearing, digesting.

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting."

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“What’s the world’s greatest lie?” the boy asked, completely surprised. “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”

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When you really want something the universe always conspires in your favor.

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People need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want.

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“Because I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. You’ll see that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.”

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Since they were visitors, they would have to share living space with those who lived there, and would be given the best accommodations. That was the law of hospitality.

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“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”

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“I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.”

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“And anyone who interferes with the Personal Legend of another thing never will discover his own.”

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‘I believe in our proverbs. There’s one that says, ‘Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.’

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“No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it.”

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“Thanked God for….. having met a woman of the desert who had told him that love would never keep a man from his Personal Legend.”

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My "plan" is to get the iPad Pro on Friday (in 2 days). I am going to get the 11" instead of the 12.9" because it's $799 instead of $1099. I wanted the bigger canvas to work with for sure, but the main goal is the upgraded specs to be able to make full use of Procreate. Only had one donation- so I am going to make a "bad financial decision"... but I am not kidding when I say that these art projects are helping my mental health. I have to invest in myself. I can type it in a million different ways... but you will never know. My suicidal ideation without a focus has hit me in ways far heavier and far more frequently this past year. I'm doing everything I can to focus on more positive and productive things. I'm trying my best to "get happy". Medications only do so much- and sometimes they do me dirty.

Just uploaded something new (a fox). The projects I have been working on are laid out lessons... I'm just going to do my own thing for a while- no lessons for a bit. Be carefree. I can't be intricate now anyway.

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LORDMOGY
18:57 Aug 29 2022

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I guess I'll just sketch and not paint. I started painting my new project (a tiger)... spent hours on it trying to make it look right, but the brushes I download for it just don't translate well enough for it to work out. So... I saved my tiger sketch and I will paint it eventually when I get a new iPad. So frustrating.

I posted the tiger sketch in my portfolio. It's not perfect, but I can even things out when I get to paint it.

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LORDMOGY
18:19 Aug 29 2022

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I'm drawing another huge project anyway.

I'm so unsatisfied. Do less because you can't do more. "Do what you can with what you have" is all anyone can do- but it's just actually making me scorned right now. Like... I feel like I finally found something to help me escape then a low ceiling was built above me to ensure my happiness would be tempered. It's not a great way to be looking at things, sure... but I am human and dealing with major depression here. I just want to transcend.

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LORDMOGY
20:31 Aug 28 2022

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I am not overjoyed with the lion I posted in my journal, but I have to keep telling myself that was only day 6 of learning to draw. I wasn't expecting it but at the end I ran out of possible layers for my particular device and I wasn't able to wholly complete it the way I should have. If I would have known that- I would have waited to try it... but I had been working on it for 5 hours after 5 previous attempts where I gave up an hour into it. I just let it be. I'm still really frustrated, but I guess I will continue to work on less challenging things until I upgrade.

Funding my iPad Pro

So, today I am studying art, not so much drawing. I signed up for some classes on domestika.org, and I am learning more history, theory, and other things - while I am waiting to move forward to bigger projects, I figured I would still be involved with art in some manner. Don't mind me as I continue to post this link in my entries at least over the next week or so in an attempt to get that device and FLY!

Funding my iPad Pro

I'm feeling a little defeated today as I was abruptly stopped from doing better projects due to the iPad I have. I am now limited to the basic beginner shit and I had no idea this was going to happen. I didn't know anything about the limits on Procreate depending on your device. I'm new to this. So I haven't drawn anything today. Feeling boxed in, I'm a bit crestfallen whereas I was so uplifted in continuing on to each next phase, each bigger challenge.

I'll continue to put this out there I guess. I know it's a stupid "cause" for many people to donate to. It's not stupid to me though. I would be so bold as to call it medicine. The best thing I have ever done to help with my depression. I have suffered the worst year of my life and I am working so hard to keep in a good zone. I want to make myself matter- that's why I decided to take Mogy's advice and create the GoFundMe. Maybe my problems count too- as trivial as this may seem to be to a lot of people... I am sure they could tell me a list of other things I could be doing that wouldn't cost a dime... but they aren't me. We are all unique in what is helping us get through. This is personal my thing.

Funding my iPad Pro

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LORDMOGY
19:05 Aug 24 2022

IMO, the only thing that would be considered stupid is when from time to time we need assistance from anyone willing to provide it and not ask.

We are all coping through life with different life challenges and coping by utilizing a number of methods.

I personally prefer Healthy Productive Coping methods instead of what would clearly be the opposite which brings about suffering.

You've done your part.

You've asked for assistance from not only this community but also anyone that has access to the GoFundMe platform.

Now it's up to those that can and are willing to do so.

If absolutely no one supports one's effort, well, It Is What It Is and we move on to utilizing other avenues to achieve our goal.

But, We Never Give Up!

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Cartomancer
19:26 Aug 24 2022

I appreciate your perspective. Creating this artwork has been a lifeline for me. And I am not being melodramatic.

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LORDMOGY
19:32 Aug 24 2022

Nope, melodramatic is not what I sense.

I sense a passion for something you desire and I feel we all need that level of passion.

For something.

For Anything!

Best wishes on achieving your goal.

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I am taking LORDMOGY's suggestion and I set up a GoFundMe... I really hope I can get some bites here. I just started a project I cannot complete because my system requirements in my current iPad aren't good enough :( Anything anyone can do would be greatly appreciated. What I have been able to do for mental state in drawing has blown me away. I have been able to focus on better things, and not think about the things that take me down dark holes. Pease consider!


Funding my iPad Pro

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LORDMOGY
20:48 Aug 23 2022

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Cartomancer
20:50 Aug 23 2022

You kick a lot of ass... and I *hope* there will be others who follow suit.

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LORDMOGY
21:18 Aug 23 2022

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I deleted the artwork from my journal and put it in my portfolio- I messed up the links in my File Storage so my entries got messed up. I added a new one today though (in port)- an owl.

My only problem now? I want the 12.9" iPad Pro, and that fucker is $1100. I would just love to have a bigger canvas to work with. I am lucky I have anything though. So I'll try to keep my focus on that.

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LORDMOGY
23:19 Aug 22 2022

GoFundMe....And then give all donors a personalized digital gift like a Stamp or something.

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Cartomancer
00:25 Aug 23 2022

I don't think anyone would donate. I'll just try to save up.

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LORDMOGY
02:29 Aug 23 2022

But, I understad...

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I am putting in some major hours with this drawing thing. What I would really love to eventually do is draw my own tarot deck. I can't even imagine how long it would take me to get 78 cards done... but I would love to. Then I could upload them online to any number of sites that would print the deck. There are several options. And, that's looking way into the future at this point.

I've been trying to reach SireWallflower/Nevermind... he hasn't been around lately. He's really into art and I would like to talk to him about this new journey... but, we will see when he signs in again.

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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
22:44 Aug 22 2022

It really has been ages since he has been on..... I am wondering if he is still on my fb to where he could be reached to see how he is doing.....

I would absolutely love to see a tarot deck made by you, the prospect is absolutely exciting!

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Today I drew a landscape. I hate it :). But, I did it. I put time into it and I uploaded it to a secret Instagram account where I will share all of my work. Eventually I will share the link with people I know, here, and wherever- but for a time it shall remain unknown.

Even though I don't really like what I produced, I was so happy I finished it. I am charging up my gear to create something else tonight. I really do plan on doing something new every day for as long as I can... then maybe I will "graduate" to projects that take a hell of a lot more time to complete. I'm just starting out though, so smaller projects it is for a while. All I have to do is stick with it, then I know I will eventually be proud of something.

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LORDMOGY
19:57 Aug 19 2022

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immortalxkiss
20:04 Aug 19 2022

As artists, we are our own worst critics. There's very few pieces I've done over the years that I like. Just keep at it, keep drawing. Pregress will be slow, but it will come. I hope that when you're comfortable, I can see this secret Instagram account. I'd love to see your work.

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War
19:39 Aug 20 2022

That is wonderful, getting outside of our comfort zone can be hard at times. I struggle with it myself and I too have been painting and crafting and trying to reconnect with my artist side, it has been on the back burner for so long. But with having to take the time to heal from everything, art has been wonderful. I cant wait to see what you create :)

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What's a good dream/goal? To get good enough to where I feel enough pride to post my work on DeviantArt. I won't go easy on myself. I know good when I see it and I won't have any blinders on concerning my own work.

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LORDMOGY
21:06 Aug 17 2022

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Dakotah
21:21 Aug 17 2022

Have more faith in your ability to be an artist. You do not need approval from anyone. You are perfect as you are.
So is your art. Keep going. Post it. By the way, I do acrylic paintings. I have two paintings currently I am doing that are commissioned works. This blows my mind people want to pay for my art. Thus, the advice I am giving you is something I have to tell myself every day.

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LORDMOGY
21:31 Aug 17 2022

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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
22:53 Aug 17 2022

We are our own hardest critics. I have no doubt that you will succeed in your goals and dreams because you have the determination to do so!

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Much appreciation to my friend last month who bought me the stylus I wanted (paid him back)- but I am happy to say that today I found my lost Apple Pencil!!! The other stylus will be a back up plan. What's great about having the Apple Pencil, is that it has all these other features made for iPad that no other stylus brings to the table. So... this is a win for the day :)

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LORDMOGY
21:08 Aug 17 2022

Hey, from

Me

to

You

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I am really going through quite an evolution. Definitely the worst time of my life as far as depression goes- but I am very intentionally doing things each day to try and keep myself in the best zone I can. I'm not enjoying learning Procreate- I can only take short spells of the classes before I pause... I just want to hurry up and know it well so I can get to the drawing courses... but it doesn't work that way. I psyche myself out and get too anxious about learning the app which puts off getting to what I really want. Then I think about the struggle I'll then have even building that drawing skill. I probably should be smoking pot... but it's not legal in my state. I have a Delta 8 vape that I use periodically... but I don't like to use it much. I think it'll be interesting once I am drawing well (giving myself a lot of credit that'll be my reality) to actually draw while high, lol. I want to see what "high *me*" delivers.

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LORDMOGY
03:10 Aug 08 2022

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