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The new year had began. New years eve i spent with my family. I didnt spend this holiday with Donald. Made him very angry. Argued plenty.



February i moved out and got into the apartments i was after. I absolutely loved the new atmosphere, everything was clean and nice and best of all i was close to school. Moved in with my old room mate Brittany which me and my friends just called Beezy and i moved in with Donald. Finally me and Donald had space but that did not last long.



It started over a fire really. I was cooking and the stove lite up. I didnt know what to do with the flames and it wasnt until then that i realized my real fear for fire. I was crying i poured water over it, luckily it stopped. It was a grease fire and most of the time putting water on a grease fire makes it worse. Thank goodness it didnt. It stopped. I called my friends Nevah, Ja'juan and Dre. Nevah held me and Ja'juan and Dre cleaned up after the mess. I was seriously that wrecked over it. I was completely scared. Im thankful that they came to help me. After a little bit and after the mess was cleaned they left. Donald had came home and i told him what happened. He was thankful that i was ok.



My manager wasnt too thrilled that i wouldnt touch that stove. I demanded a new one. She complied and got me a new one but i had to wait a few days in order for them to hook it in. Donald tried doing it himself but i said either i could do it, my dad could or the maintenance men. Not realizing that i was hurting his ego.



This ended up into a huge fight. Most of it is a blur to me but i do remember getting violent first. Very violent. Here i was. Little pregnant me, throwing an 180lb man around like a rag doll. I was slamming him into whatever i could and i still dont know what triggered that ugly side. I cant remember and Donald will not tell me. Donald had to slap my face in order to shock me out of whatever the hell happened to me. I still called the police. He got arrested. and there i was alone, hurt and with a red cheek.



It wasnt until later that i learned that Dominique came out of him. This was Donalds vampiric entity. Whatever he is, hes an entity and i dont like him. Never have. Four days later i had my son.



25 hours of labor. I ate almost the entire time and i still slept. I had an epidural which i regret. It fucked up my back. The nurse shut it off an hour before i started pushing anyways. I could feel everything. The doctor pushed me into the epidural, the bastard. I had a breathing mask on because i was having trouble breathing. William was falling asleep from lack of oxygen but we made it. 25 hours later there he was. William. 6 pounds 14 ounces. 21 inches long. born at 10:33pm. He was beautiful. Tiny. i held him and fed him for an hour. I held him bloody and everything i didnt care. He was my everything and i to him. He looked at me, smiled at me. He could already hold up his head. The doctors were impressed. I'd expect nothing less from the son of me and Donald. He was just the best thing in the world and has been ever sense.



I spent three days in the hospital. Every morning i ordered french toast, bacon and once i has a muffin. The breakfast was great. My friend Stephanie came to see me, my sister stayed a night with me and of course family was there a lot. I had called Terri, donalds mom, to tell her all that had happened. So they could all know. And Donald.



I then packed William up and left the hospital. I went home, set up his play yard and let him sleep. I then stayed up cleaning, crying and organizing. Donald was supposed to be there but due to the circumstances he couldnt be. It took a month for the courts to drop the restraining order and for him to get out of jail. Me and William did good though. Beezy worked often and i stayed home all day watching William, getting to know him, feeding him, going to the store and doctors appointments. The house was always clean and nice. It was a very painful but peaceful time and William slept all through the night. A very calm time. Its always calm before the storm.

COMMENTS

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SuicideDoll
11:15 Mar 20 2012

Congratulations on the birth of your son : )

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It has been so long sense i have written. I feel you all have forgotten about me. I look back and i barely know that girl i once was. Ill be sure to write as much as i can, although because of the time gap this will be difficult. So 2010 i left off. Very long time ago.



I spent the remainder of 2010 at my mothers, preparing for moving, preparing for baby. Me and Donald had started to argue by then. He moved in with me that October i believe and stayed with me until i moved in 2011. I had stopped writing. Looking back in my diary i didnt even write i until july of 2011. Sad really, ive always written. I just lost the spirit to. I lost so much of what i was. Not from drugs, not from alcohol, any substance abuse just being in that relationship with him and trying to make it work.



I was always stressed, working on school. My mind was blown without even knowing it. I stopped feeding unless i absolutely needed to, stopped writing, stopped being alive. I denied every part of me. and i will never go back. Not saying that i even can now but what i am about to go over with you will be painful. Painful for me. I entered into dark dark times and am now just beginning to see light. October i spent with a lot of friends. Especially celebrating Halloween until Donald moved in with me.



November i spent thanksgiving with my family as well as i did for Christmas. My family did not like Donald but they bore with us and got him gifts. I must admit, Christmas over at Donalds family was much more eventful and meaningful to me. We celebrated on Christmas eve and we had gone for dinner. His large family was always fun. there was always something going on and until that Christmas i had never received a gift from santa. Silly i know but it brought a tear to my eye. I remembered as a child, how much i wanted a gift from santa and although i knew the truth the gift was still meaningful. My mug full of candy :)



Me and Donald argued but still kept our heads up. I began to distance myself. I didnt allow myself freedom, pleasure, love, nothing. I still dont know why. It must of been my head.