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Happy Anniversary to me!! I dont remember what day in February of 2016 that I got my first order of herbal HRT from My Evanesce, but it was late February so I will consider today, my one year anniversary. They may have been herbals, but it was the first step in my transition. At this point I knew I was trans and was serious about transitioning. I did get SOME results from these products. There were different capsules you had to take Evenesce ES and Feminol 2.0 were the estrogens and Andro Ease and Calm Companion were the T blockers. Three months later, I decided that I wanted faster and better results and went DIY. I purchased Progynova 2mg which is estradiol valerate I started with 4mg daily. I also ordered Cyproterone 50 mg tabs and took 100mg a day. The Cyproterone is actually a better T blocker than Spiro, but its not available in the US because the FDA wouldn't approve it because it is very hard on the liver. In September of 06, I came out to my endo and began the process of going legit. Finally in late November of 06, I got my first prescription for medroxyprogesterone. My endo originally prescribed Premarin but my insurance doesnt cover it. I came out to everyone at this time. I was finally free to be ME. Thats when HE started to fade away. I got my prescriptions for Estradiol 2mg two times a day and 100mg Spiro in December. In late December, I went full time. My God, what a year this has been. I cant believe how much I have changed. I wonder what the next year will bring???!!!

Feeling depressed and dysphoric tonight. I hate having a male body and I hate being over weight.

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xRobin3x
11:13 Feb 25 2017

:(



ok, sweety... lets do this... again. ;)



Lossing weight is the worlds worst and takes forever to do.

so does everything else your trying to do as well.....



one step at a time. one day at a time. I sooo know it seems like your getting no where on things. like loseing weight for example. but when your properly loseing weight, the way to lose weight where it will stay off..... will seem to take forever. BUT you will get there.

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Necromance
13:33 Feb 25 2017

All the challenges you may possess all the hurdles. All of them can be a overcame. You truly seem like a fighter and can do all of it.

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hannahrose
11:03 Mar 03 2017

JUST KNOW ALL YOU CAN DO IS YOUR BEST AND KNOW I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU, AND THAT THAT I LOVE AND ACCEPT YOU JUST AS YOU ARE AND THAT I AM SO PROUD OF YOU LAND PROUD TT CALL YOU MY BLOOD FAMILY. HUGS. XX

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Feeling content tonight. Things seem to be finally falling into place for my legal name and gender change. I am starting to get excited. Less than two weeks remain for my court date. I am not sure whether the name change becomes legal that day or thirty days later. I just dont know that yet. But at least the ball is rolling and either March 7 or April 7, I will be legally Elena Marie Durant and soon thereafter, legally female on my license, social security and medicare. I cant wait for this huge step in my transition and my life.

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RaynesAsylum
13:37 Feb 23 2017

I am so happy for you!!!!!!!

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Well cleared two hurdles in getting my documents changed after my name change. The nurse practitioner filled out and signed the gender marker change form for my license. Then after I got home, I got a call from my endocrinologists office stating that my endocrinologist had written the gender change letter for social security. I will pick that up next week. Now to wait for my court date. I hope I will not have to wait thirty days after the court date to change my documents, but at least the ball is rolling.

Back in a bad mood. That means only my endo can do this. What if the guy decides not to write the letter? What if he decides to drag this out and make me see a social worker and then make sure I have to wait for the letter for over two months like he did with my HRT?? My court date is March 7 and I have to change my license within 21 days of final judgement. If I dont get that letter, I will either have to remain male on my license or have my records mis matched. And people wonder why I dont think my name and gender markers wont get changed?? I keep finding more obstacles in my way.

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queenofchaos
09:21 Feb 22 2017

How long have you been identifying as a female?



How long have you been on hormone therapy?

Have you had a Dr. follow your transition? I know this is a lengthy process, and not something that comes overnight.



I have several Transgender Female to Male, as well as Transgender Male to Female friends, and nothing happens that quickly in terms of changing ones name officially...

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cr8054
10:28 Feb 22 2017

I have been identifying as female and transitioning for a year now. I have been legitimately on HRT since November and have been followed by a doctor since that time. I have been full time since late December. So this is something that has been gong on for quite some time. Whether he writes the letter for changing my gender marker for social security or not, I will be changing my name. The hearing is March 7.

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queenofchaos
19:30 Feb 22 2017

So let me get this straight..



You've only been HRT x 3 months (ish)

Followed by a Dr. for the same time...



Presenting F/T as a female late Dec., so approx. 6-7 weeks



You're in just the EARLY stages of Male - Female transition.



I'm not following WHY you're upset and not understanding why the medical Dr.'s won't right you 'the letter' so that you can legally change your name on your license.



You've JUST started this process...and presenting as a female for less than 2 months. YES it will take time, YES you would and should be referred to a Social Worker. Why wouldn't you want all the help you can get, during this transition?



I've been a Mental Health Nurse for nearly 20 years...I know what I'm speaking about. I think you need to really sit back and not be angry and just learn and grow.



What you present as is YOUR business...be happy with that, and not so hung up on the gender ATM on your DL

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queenofchaos
19:32 Feb 22 2017

ugg *write

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BeautifulEnlightenment
01:57 Feb 23 2017

I hope you get it! :)

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cr8054
04:16 Feb 23 2017

It goes a bit deeper than that. My given name gives me alot of dysphoria. I have gotten to the point where I cannot stand seeing it or signing it. I hate having it called, especially in the hospital where they will use that name until legally changed. You can tell those people that you prefer to be called _______ But they still use the name and gender on your bracelet. While I havent been on hormones legitimately for very long, I have have been on hormones DIY for almost a year. I have been comtemplating my name change for that year. I am ready to finally be me. The person I was always meant to be. I know that I will b e much happier when all of this is done.

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I know I will never get what I want. I bet if I go to the doctors office on wednesday, the nurse practitioner wont sign my gender change form for my license, I bet the endo wont either. They will both say I haven't been on hormones legitimately long enough. I bet it will be the same with my name change. The judge will deny it saying I havent been on hormones long enough or lived full time as a woman long enough. I will never lose enough weight for SRS, so I will always have that junk between my legs. So why go on living? Why cant God just grant my wish and let me just die in my sleep? I dont want to be around anymore. I am in to much pain and I am sick of all the crap. Being trans isnt fun, being trans SUCKS!! I am going to cry myself to sleep and hope I dont wake up tomorrow.

I am tired. Tired of being considered a pervert, rapist and sub human piece of filth because I am trans. I am tired of not even being considered a second class citizen. I am tired of being a freak. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of not being able to lose the weight no matter what I do. I am tired of being in pain. I am tired of being my mothers primary caregiver. I am tired of school. And I am sick of living. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I hope tonight I will get lucky and my wish will be granted.

I know can be a downer at times, but one thing I am is real. I dont sugarcoat crap and I always say what I really feel. I am no phony. I really am a transexual. I really do want to lose weight and get SRS. I sometimes lose my shit and sometimes I am dysphoric. Some may say that all I do is whine. Well let me tell you, being trans is not easy. Cis people just have no idea of what trans people face and there is no way they ever could. That doesnt mean they cant be allies and supporters, but it does mean they need to have a bit more patience with us than if they were dealing with another cis person. This is not a choice. I was born this way. I knew I was different at the age of five and I cant change it either. At the age of 45, I realized I had to transition and now I know I eventually have to get SRS. I will not feel complete until I do. I am a woman, I am trans. Those who love me and support me, you have my thanks. Everyone else can go pound salt!!

I am wondering if maybe it would have been better if I had waited to transition until my family was all gone so I wouldn't affect them with the consequences of my transition. Maybe it might be better if I de-transitioned and went back in the closet. I can just say the pressure of taking care of mom made me flip out or something. I dont want the people who I love to be hurt by my being trans. I know it would be hell for me, but my parents sacrificed for me, shouldn't I sacrifice for them? Am I being selfish by having come out of the closet and started transitioning? I just dont know anymore. I am really depressed with all of this. I want to be be me, but being me is hurting the ones I love.

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SimpleMan
10:57 Feb 20 2017

Be who you are and never apologize for it.

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One thing is bothering me now that I have time to think about it and its something that I regret that my transition has done. My father lost a friend because of me, because I am trans. This is 100% my fault and this is not something I wanted. No one, let alone my family should lose friends because of who I am and this upsets me very much. I dont know what I can do to correct this, but I cannot be something I am not.

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XbluesandX
04:23 Feb 19 2017

That's not YOUR fault, it's your father's friends fault.



Doesn't sound like a real friend anyway.

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cr8054
05:15 Feb 19 2017

I feel it is. If I hadn't come out as transgender and started transitioning, my father would still have his friend. I am thinking that maybe I should de transition and go back into the closet until all my family is gone so they dont have to deal with any further pain.

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SimpleMan
10:10 Feb 19 2017

You have to think about your needs as well.

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Here it is!! Well a screen shot of the online version of this ad. Funny, you would think a newspaper would know how to write a a notice...... Got spacing errors all over the place. As for the fee of $12.38, It was more like 47 and change.Got to go out and get an actual hard copy later!!

I have been looking at my latest labs from the hospital. My BUN (blood urea nitrogen) is still high at 25, 18 is supposed to be highest number in normal range. My creatinine is good at 1.0 which is improved from December which was 1.2 and that was at the limit for Creatinine. My eGFR is normal, 60 or under which means my kidneys are functioning fine. Well, 2 out of 3 numbers in normal range aint bad. I do wish all 3 were. My white blood count is still high at 15 but is improved from the 17 it was in December. Now I have to set up an appointment with the kidney doctor and I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the clinic next week. I know the nurse practitioner wont do anything but I do hope the kidney doctor DOES NOT take me off the spironolactone as that CAN cause a high BUN, other causes could be the Torsemide which I HAVE to be on, or the congestive heart failure which I still have. It also could be dehydration, well duh, I am on a water pill and you dont allow me to eat or drink all night. At any rate, if they take me off Spiro, I will definitely be pushing to get an orhidectomy so this way I can never again produce testosterone as I dont really want to order cyprpterone from overseas as that can cause an increased risk of liver damage. I think the only other way to keep my T nuked is a higher dose of estrogen. I do not EVER want to be off estrogen, no way no how. I dont think I could handle having to de-transition. I have come so far to really being me to have it all taken away. My name change is coming up. I know I tend to think the worst and worry, I always have. Since I am not in kidney failure, as my creatinine and eGFR levels are fine, I wouldn't be a bit surprised that they will adopt a wait and see strategy, keep an eye on things and run labs every few months or so to make sure that my creatinine and eGFR remain normal and that my BUN doesnt go to the moon. Sorry about the long post, but I have been worrying about this and needed to get it off my chest.

I am thinking of going stealth after my name change. This is not set in stone but is something I am seriously thinking about. Given the dangers of being trans in this country these days. It might just be a good idea. Besides, most trans people do so at some point when they get sick of being trans and just want to live their lives as men or women. All do so because they are tired of the fight and want to simply be left alone. I have never been a fighter so maybe this is the best choice for me. Yes, this means that first, I will have to talk to my friends and family to not mention that I am trans. Then of course, this page would either have to become a shell or simply be deleted along with the other account and a new account created from scratch. There are many benefits to going stealth such as not having to deal with violence, chasers and bigots, but I would also have to sacrifice a lot in the process. I would not be able to participate in trans support groups and I would lose the friends I have made there. I would miss you all very much. It would be a very painful time afterwords. I would probably cry for days. I would not be able to vent as I would have to keep all my transition troubles to myself (some people might actually prefer that) which means I would have to find a new way to cope. I might have to withdraw form social media altogether which is something I am reluctant to do as I keep in touch with so many people and through Facebook I can be more a part of their lives and they can be a part of mine. Not being friends with people means not being in contact with them and not being able to see their walls or comment on stuff posted. I might have to give up one of my favorite sites, Vampire Rave because I am known as being trans there. I would miss the people I have met there. I would also have to scrap my Twitter account and my Tumblr and I have met people there too. Essentially, I would be isolating myself from the world. I would have to delete a large chapter of my life, 46 years in all from my own history. I wouldn't be able to help fellow trans people at all as I could not be part of the community in any way, shape or form. I would be stepping out of one closet and hopping into another. I would be in constant fear of being found out. Could I live like that again? Do I want to live like that again? Would simply living as a woman be enough to make those sacrifices? Would going stealth really make me safe? The government keeps all records. I could delete everything but I have put out so much out there that is someone really wants to find out what I am, they could do a ton of digging and find every picture and every post I have ever made. I know 99% of people cant do that but employers and the government sure can. So in the end, would going stealth be worth it? I dont know. Can I even do it? I dont know. I have a big mouth and I tend to wear my feelings and problems on my sleeves. I couldnt do that going stealth. This is a big decision and one I need to think through thouroughly. Like I said, this is not yet set in stone and feel free to comment good or bad, just be gentle ok? Friends, family and my fellow trans brothers and sisters, I love you all!!!

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cr8054
05:25 Feb 17 2017

Looking at the whole picture I have decided that I am not going to go stealth after all, at least not right now. I just have too many friendships online that I would have to terminate too many support groups I would have to quit and I would have to erase 46 years of my life, and I dont want to do that. So here I am out and proud. I am proud to be a transexual woman.

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VampricLove
16:36 Feb 17 2017

hugs as it is you're right dear.

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I HATE MY BODY!! I really do. I have been doing everything right. I am eating right, I am eating less and I am excersising more. I am still as big a fat cow as I have ever been. Now I am just grumpy, tired and achy. The rate I am going, I will NEVER get SRS and I will NEVER be happy. I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. I hate my body and my life.

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Aliens
02:42 Feb 16 2017

oh for peats sakes......



i ain't no beauty either. and my life isn't no ways perfect.



Take one step at a time. deal with one day at a time. if you need to lose weight for your srs...... go for a short walk. even if it is just around the yard to start with. takes your hand and walks wif you. and seriously, i know you don't honestly mean on the no wake up apart.



hugs you.

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cr8054
02:45 Feb 16 2017

I am trying and I am making zero progress. Walked THREE times today.

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Aliens
02:47 Feb 16 2017

nothing is ever as quick as we want sweety. never. but you got soooo many people with you in spirit. you be fine. believe me when i say this. you will get there.

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BeautifulEnlightenment
02:47 Feb 16 2017

You won't lose it right away hunny. You have to walk EVERY single day. Just like you did today. Do that EVERY DAY for a MONTH. You will see a HUGE difference. Don't leave before the miracle happens. :D

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cr8054
02:50 Feb 16 2017

Mary, I have been walking. And walking and walking and walking. No results. Been eating a proper diet and less of it. This body just doesnt want to lose weight. I hate it!! I thank you both for your love though.

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MordrakusxMortalitas
10:21 Feb 16 2017

It takes months to lose weight, try walking and exercising for at least five hours a day, and drink water to prevent water retention. Do not eat at night either as you will put on weight.

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Ok, I really can't wait for my name change. I went to the hospital to get blood work done. I signed in as Elena. I got called to be registered as Elena. Then of course I have to show my legal documents which say dead name. I get the hospital bracelet that has dead name on it. Then the tech calls me dead name with an old man in the waiting room with me. He gives me a dirty look. I tell the tech I prefer to be called Elena. "What's on your bracelet " she asks in a nasty tone of voice. I embarrassingly show her my bracelet. John she asks. I prefer Elena I tell her. "But you ARE John right?" She asks quite bluntly. Yes I tell her but I prefer to be called Elena. She then quietly does what she has to do. Then says ok you're done. Hands the standard hospital thank you card and never said thank you or goodbye. I can't wait for March 7 and then April 7 when the name change supposedly takes effect. I have faxed the newspaper the forms to have the legal notice published in the paper for Feb 20. I cant believe that my court date is less than a month away. On a more sour note, I guess I shouldnt have had bologna for lunch today. I havent had it in ages and I was craving it. Now my chest hurts. Time to lay down for a bit.

Yes, I will be alone today. I will be forever alone. There is no one out there for me. With that said.....





Hearts, roses and kisses galore,

What the hell is all that crap for?

People get mushy and start acting queer,

It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.

This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,

Before I shove a dozen roses up cupids ass.

I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak

And wear black for the rest of the week.

Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade,

For all they are doing is trying to get laid.

The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit.

Because I think love is a crock of shit.

So, here's my story... what else can I say?

Love bites my ass... fuck Valentines Day!!

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CelticRose
05:42 Feb 14 2017

Lol! Epic, Elena!

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Ok, a little good news. I finally talked to my father and he remains supportive. He says there is no way he would ever leave me or withdraw his support. While I do not like the fact he is friends with that asshole former friend of mine, my father says there is no way asshole can ever sway him to stop supporting me. I apologize for my craziness, I know a lot of this was hormones. They make me batty at times. At least the phone call put my mind at ease and I am calming down. Now if I could only stop stressing about my college work.........

Feeling more insecure than ever. I know an ex friend hates me and wants to destroy me by taking away my family and my friends. I also cant go out to PA to be with my father because if he sees me anywhere in NS territory he will turn me in as a trespasser. Being a transexual, I dont need dealings with the NS police. The Lehigh Line is off limits as well. So all you will see from me now is photos of CSX. Have to to a road trip north once things warm up out there a little. Upstate New York is too damned cold right now.

I just dont know where I stand with my father. He says he is supportive, yet he is hanging with my ex friend who treated me like crap. I tried calling him, but he hasn't answered. Now I am confused, afraid and upset. I feel like I have been through a ringer.

Today was a rough day. If were not for my friends here online and in real life, I would have felt totally alone. It may have been a rough day, but I know it will get better. The pain I feel will become less and less as I write my father off and out of my life. If he cant support me, then I dont need him in my life any further. I have to look out for myself and my sanity. I have enough to worry about between my transition, school, taking care of my mother and just life in general.

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LadyFogWreathedMoon
09:42 Feb 12 2017

I'm sorry to hear you've had a painful time. It sounds as if you're on the right path, and I wish you well. x

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Right now the hate Elena fest is going on in Bethlehem. Many people I know are there. I think I am hated more than I thought. I am sure they are all talking plenty of trash about me. I am really depressed. I wish I wasn't trans.

I am still angry, upset and depressed from losing the support of my father. This is really hard for me. He and I were close despite not saying much in words. He is the reason I love trains and to lose him has been so very hard. I am getting up and going out despite the fact I want to just lay and bed and hope the world disappears. I feel like my whole world is coming apart. People think somehow that being trans is some sort of choice. Why would I chose this?? To lose friends and family?? To be seen as some sort of freak? This isnt a choice. This is the way I was born. If I could be a straight cis male, I would be. But I am not. I am a woman trapped in a mans body and I hate it. Thats why I want SRS so badly. To be complete to really be a woman.

I just found out that my father is no longer supportive of me. He is once agin friends with a former friend of mine that was not only NOT supportive, but ended his friendship with me in the most hurtful way. I am really depressed and upset right now. I cannot stop crying. My father is alive, but I am dead to him. I now wish I could change my last name when I go for name change in March as its quite clear, I am no longer a member of the Durant family. I may just find a way to do it. I guess from now on I am Elena Marie Doherty, that is until the Doherty clan decides they dont want me either. All I want to do right now is just lay in bed and disappear. I wish I was never born.

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Anaksha
01:01 Feb 11 2017

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cr8054
01:02 Feb 11 2017

Thank you Mary.

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BetseyDarling
09:48 Feb 12 2017

I'm so sorry to hear this sweetie,its hard and sad that your father isnt support you that hurts deep and break your heart and trust,but i'm here also your other vr friends,love you,hugs








Myspace Comments | Dancewear Sale

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Not sure if I am depressed and stressed or if something else is going on. Its like I am almost emotionless. I cant think of the last time I really laughed hard or had a good cry. Its like I dont feel anything. What happened to my emotions???

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MordrakusxMortalitas
18:30 Feb 10 2017

Here is a joke to cheer you up.



There was once a granny who fell down down the stairs, and then got flattened by some bears...who says bad things doesn't come in pairs?



Ok that is not really a joke but its funny. lol

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I feel like I am heading into a major funk.. I have no energy. I dont feel like doing anything. Today felt like I was just going through the motions. The only thing keeping me going is my transition and thoughts of hopefully enjoying the weekend. All my goals seem to be so far off right now. Even my name change seems like its so far into the future, like its decades off. Meanwhile I have to deal with my dead name staring me in the face on a daily basis. Its like fingernails on a chalkboard.I still have to write at least a page and a half on my essay for English and I need to finish it tomorrow otherwise it screws up my weekend. Sometimes its hard to keep my chin up. I am trying but I feel like I am on the verge of falling apart.

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VvvLilithaVainvvV
06:43 Feb 10 2017

You can DO IT E!!!! ^_^

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Thanks to all the kind people who helped me out today. I am back up to sire. I really appreciate it very much. It proves that there are some nice people on this site after all. It has humbled me. I am crying tears of joy as I type this. I know I get emotional, I cant help it. Thanks once again!! XOXO.

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VvvLilithaVainvvV
06:43 Feb 10 2017

No worries :D

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First off I want to thank those who gave me positive rates in the last 12 hours. It's appreciated. Well early this morning ended a streak of about seven days where I was feeling pretty good. Then came the loss of my sire due to a rating of a 1 from Citizen X. All the work I put into that achievement gone. Now its very obvious that this profile could be rated back to a whelp if enough people rate this profile a 1. This has sent me spiraling. No matter how hard I work, I dont think I will ever achieve what I want in life. Not sire, not college, not weight loss, and not SRS. Whatever achievements I make will be taken away. Right now I am so fucking depressed and dysphoric that I dont know why I continue living. I just wish the big heart attack would just take me already. Oh and if you dont like my incessant crying, dont read any fucking journal. Its that simple.

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xxSEXYxx
21:29 Feb 07 2017

I don't know if you got the list of all 18 accounts yet that I sent here via inbox, but if you really want your Sire fixed, you should message me back regarding that list and getting you added.

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TheArtistRose
21:52 Feb 07 2017

I'm sorry you're depressed. I wish you nothing but good will. If someone bothers you, it's best to ignore them.

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MordrakusxMortalitas
22:40 Feb 07 2017

At least you are not a coward who would cry and beg like a little bitch like those anons would, Citizenx for reasons unknown has issues with you but at least he is not hiding unlike some others who are too scared to show themselves on a mere website. They must be scared of your wrath lol



Funny thing, while they are busy wasting their time dishonoring you everyday, they can't honor anyone else who may be on their friends list....assuming they have any. I have plenty of time to spare so I can happily give all five honors everyday to make them work for their trolling. So chill out because you have more friends than enemies thus the counter will be in your favor.



Also you cannot be downrated more than once by the same member (as far as I recall) once they have downrated you, the damage is done so you won't lose anymore levels.



Also even if they knock your level down, they can't keep you below sire indefinitely, time spent and mere page viewing will take care of that.



Also if you believe you are being "flamed" or being discriminated against, then you can do something about that.

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cr8054
00:35 Feb 08 2017

Thank you all for your support, especially you MordrakusxMortalitas for givng me honor as much as you have. It is more than I can possibly repay. I love you all XOXO

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Anaksha
01:03 Feb 11 2017

And of course the best part... While they are doing THAT bullshit ME and E are having fun in the cam. Right E!? Remember... having fun! FuCK the haterz girl! They are just jealous that you are accepted. ;)

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cr8054
01:05 Feb 11 2017

Yeap. Thanks Mary.

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I was online tonight and someone posted in one of the support groups I am a member of that they wanted to kill themself. I of course posted for them not to do it. They then requested a chat. I accepted it and did my very best to be supportive and to try and get this person to change their mind. They have gone off line. They claim to be going to bed I have told them I expect them to be online and posting tomorrow. I have not received any further communication. I cannot help but feel that I may have failed. If this person does wind up committing suicide, I know i will blame myself. That I wasnt a good enough help to this person. That my failure resulted in the loss of a life. I am so afraid right now. What if I had said the wrong things? What if instead of helping him, I hurt him? I just dont know what to do here. I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist and thats what this person needs. Dear God, I hope I havent failed at this. If I did, his blood will be on my hands. I dont think I can handle that.

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Asgardareid
11:41 Feb 05 2017

Hey dear...



from my own experience (family) i can tell you that there is nothing you could have done wrong... alone offering your help was already great.

But unfortunately i can say people who really committing suicide made this decison long time ago and honestly nearly nobody can change their mind... that is a very personal decision.



Most of the time talking about it is more a cry for help or attention... so you did good to talk to this person.



There is nothing to blame on yourself...

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Morrigon
15:06 Feb 05 2017

If a person has decided that they are going to commit suicide, there is not much that can be done to stop them. They WILL make their own decisions, that is part of free will. It is a form of arrogance to think that you can solve the problems of a suicidal person. I suggest that if you are worried about someone in the future, you direct them to professional help or suicide prevention (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/)

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xxSEXYxx
21:31 Feb 07 2017

Usually it's just a cry for attention. I doubt they will be killing themselves. I can't tell you how many people threatened that shit here and not ONE has done it yet. lol Hang in there girl!

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LadyFogWreathedMoon
09:46 Feb 12 2017

Honestly, I don't think it's your fault. It's a tragic fact of life that everyone doesn't always know the right words to give to a person to help. Most especially, if they're a stranger. And sometimes, words themselves don't help. Or sympathy. Or support. Because something deeper than the need for outer help is going on in the person.

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Using slurs against trans people or in our presence is NOT cool and its NOT ok. I am sure all of you out there do not wish to see or be called a slur against your race, color, creed or gender, so why do it to us? Terms like man-girl, he-she, tranny, pole-to-hole, shemale, ladyboy, "a transgender", man in a dress, it, hermaphrodte or freak are not acceptable. BTW, I prefer to be referred to as a transexual. Transgender is a blanket term used to cover all persons not identifying with their birth gender. This includes many non binary people as well as male to female and female to male transexuals.

Feeling dysphoric. I feel that without SRS, I am less of a woman, like I am some cheap imitation. I fear that I will never lose enough weight to get SRS and will die without ever being whole. I hate my junk so much and want it gone, but I may never ever get rid of it. I am really in a funk right now. Just hating life. Why the fuck did I have to be born this way??

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QueenZombiee
23:35 Feb 03 2017

It's so damn easy to lose weight.I really don't understand people who can't do it. Just don't eat caloric good. Don't eat late at night and no sugar. Or any juice. So you will lose weight. Also.... Be careful with fruits too because some fruits can be bad for weight.

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QueenZombiee
23:35 Feb 03 2017

Food ***

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xxSEXYxx
21:34 Feb 07 2017

You HAVE to EXERCISE. There can be no excuses. You HAVE to do it or you're never going to lose the weight hunny. You CAN do this! YOU CAN!!!!!!!!

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I hate being alone, but I have accepted that love will never happen for me. I have the triple whammy of being fat, ugly and now transgender. I will die an angry old spinster. At 46, there is no other possible outcome now. I am just too old to find someone and too old to fall in love. That stuff is for kids and my childhood is long past. I never had a childhood sweetheart, I never had a girlfriend in high school. I never got married, and will never have kids. Who the hell would want me? Not any woman. Even if she were a lesbian, she would want the real thing. I dont want a man. So what does that leave me? Another trans woman? There too, she would want the real thing. Bottom line is, there is no one for me. Maybe I should have become a priest.....Oh wait, they dont allow transgender priests. Oh well. I am fucked. Oh and as for Valensuck day. FUCK IT!!