You are not a Premium Member and you are blocking ads. You are using Vampire Rave for free. Vampire Rave relies on ads in order to operate. Please disable your Ad Blocker. This can easily be done for Vampire Rave only.
If you are using Chrome, click the red hand button at the top right of the screen:
Then select: Don't run on pages on this site
If you do it correctly, the red hand will turn to green and you will no longer see this message.
What, I don't celebrate Christmas but some people do. Hope games are fun because I'm not losing. :P
-Giggle- Okay, I'm going to make a joke about myself, even. XD What am I going to do? Sit around eating chinese food on Christmas? Bahahaha! XD Classic joke. xP
Sweet heart you should feel guilty. Very guilty. I wouldn't be surprised if you started talking about me. You can't be honest. I gave my friend the honor of doing something. You talked shit by mentioning the word friends. Keyword meaning, you don't have the balls to talk to people and you shouldn't talk to me.
Go ask someone if I hate you? Nope, I just don't want to know you.
I don't like much of anything anymore. I don't like holidays or anything. I don't like spending time with anyone or anything. All I ever want to do is write or go to bed. I just don't know what's wrong with me.
People complain that I don't spend enough time with them. I think I just want to be left alone. Dead to the world. I used to be so social. I miss the old me. :|
Last year I was playing the part of the hero. The whole apt was falling apart and we needed to get out fast or become homeless. What did it look like there? It was a living hell. It wasn't our fault. After 18 years of childhood things are bound to break and with the land lord doing no repairs on the place things got worse untill it was crazy as fuck. There are things that I can't even begin to discribe.
So the story starts out with the bath tub backing up dirty water. We try our best to keep it under control but shit happens and they want to come inside. I tell my mother 'Fuck it, wake up, we can't live much longer in this place. We have to move and we have to move NOW!"
At that point everyone is freaked. I was just an 18 year old trying to graduate high school. Not showing all the fear eating away at me. So much panic. So much blame. Blamed all on me.. I used to sit aside somewhere and block it all out. I'd hear my mother calling me and I'd block everything out and tell myself that everything is going to be okay. I really don't know what kind of a fool I was to believe in such things. I don't know how I keept such a positive view.. all by myself. Even writing about this stings a little but I want to get it all written out before I forget.
So I was doing my best to try to pack up everything. A week before vacation we got some stuff together and the cats in the cage. Batty, my sister's cat was the hardest to get. She hated going outside. She'd throw a fit as if she were the devil. Well I got her and it cost me a few bad scratches but it was worth it to keep my sister happy.
The my mother ordered car service and we got in the car with some stuff the cats my mother, sister and I along with my mother's Ex who was helping.
We had to stay in this guy's apt. It was located in the projects; the hood; a place that isn't safe at all. A really bad part of the city. That guy was even a little nuts himself.
When we were there we felt a little safer. It wasn't hell but it wasn't heaven for us. It was our purgatory. An inbetween on our way up to heaven.
It wasn't even safe to go outside. I had to go with someone to the store. At the end there were a few times that I went outside. The trick is to keep your cool and not show fear. It kinda gets hard when people look at you as if they want to attack.
Every night when school was out I had to return back to the hell hole and bring back some stuff. That almost taking me days alone. I always told myself that it wasn't a one woman job but what could I do? They only person able to do such stuff was me. :/ So I did it. I'd risk everything whenever I went back and grab more stuff.
I remember on Christmas I walked all the way back from that location of the hood back to where we were moving from. It was a very, very long walk but I did it. Besides, I didn't have any T.V, or music or anything. I had nothing of material to love. Life was very much fucked. Idealy I should have given up but yet I told myself that I needed to do it. Not for myself but for them. That was one cold Christmas eve but hey I don't celebrate it. :P When it hit midnight it was snowing. I didn't even care about what happened to me at that point.
My mom was looking for places to live and talking about a shelter and I told her no. I'd rather become a bum than live at one of those. It's true because those places fuck people over and I'd never want to live like that. I'd rather risk myself in the streets. I never got the chance to do that though. :P
Luck was upon us. My uncle had looked up a place and my mother and I looked at two apt.s and we found one right away. A beatiful place. Not that big but much bigger than the hell hole we used to live at.
I had to do some paper work from there and get some more stuff together. Had to travel far to get the paperwork for the apt all by myself by train but I did that too. I remember freezing. It was ever so cold that night and I did a hell of alot of walking too.
Well the nights were long and I swear I might have gone a little crazy, hahaha. The only thing keeping me sane was a notebook that I wrote my thoughts in. A journal. I never would have thought that I'd ever keep a journal. Well it's ironic how I write all the time now. When I look back and read that journal sometimes I want to save that girl who needs help; the thing is how could I save myself.
A climax of this story was when my mom's ex was saying things that made my blood boil. It was around new years. I told myself that being 18 years old I need to confess something. To let the biggest skeleton out. I told her that new years day that... well about what her ex had tryed to do when I was 12. All those years of me holding it in. Why? Because I wanted her to be happy. I'm always trying to make people happy. They key thing to know is that i got away. I wasn't hurt but that had gotten to my emotions.
I hated him. I hated him Soo damn much. It's no wonder why I'd always beat the fuck out of him.
I could ramble on but alas, I want to cut this short. I've already said enough.
I'm a very happy woman right now. I just have to get my life back on track. ^_^ I have.. hope. :)
I can see that someone does bring me into a hard spot of my life. I should really get rid of bad influences but they need my help. Without me my sister would just cause hell.
I really hate to think that the amout of times gone:3 The amount of rotten thoutghts: too many. The amount of anything done: none.
"You're on there all day, you must be [Edit]"
Heh, it's because you take everything away from me. Only one to blame is myself. Sometimes I just want to be closed off from everything.
I should feel happy but something doesn't feel right.
Computer hates me tonight anyways so I might call it a night and get over it. It's way too cold anyway. Something tells me I will be having nightmares. o.o
Might be back in the morning as usual.
Reminder to self: September. I have got to remember that. x.x
"I should feel happy but something doesn't feel right. "
I get the same feeling. Something is missing. It's not like the calm before a storm, either.
It's just... odd.
Hear/See/Speak/ =Dead
21:43 Dec 14 2010 Times Read: 775
-Blasts music into ears.-
Not here right now. Not sharing. No venting. Just self needed peace. Don't even bother to read thing. Which reminds me, there are 2 kinds of people in this world, those that can count and those that can't.
MMMMMM Killswitch Engage, maybe with a side of Led Zeppelin ice cream with a hard core metal cherry on top. Sweetness.
A person on Face book messages me on chat. Told me about this girl who was trying to get her bacon boy. Then the girl in question messages me saying that she wanted to switch mentors. o.o Guess she did in the end.
Oh wait, this was dirt thrown in the eyes. Just saying.
So I'll end up writing about my past once more when I get a chance. I see that people are talking about a new crow coming out. Don't really seem like it will be good but I remember that after I had gotten out of hell, The Crow was the only movie I had to watch at one point. hahaha I remember whatching that movie when I was a little girl. Forgot what it was about but I watched it so many times last year that I can remember it all.
Last year I was all alone, with trying to get out of my own hell. I hid too much from others. My past haunts me more than anything. Sad part is that anything I write gets tracked by my old friends and read. They didn't know what I was going through last year and I'll be feeding it all to them. Might make them feel great that they can stalk me.
The thing about VR is that I can express my feelings. I can still hide my emotions while becoming even more human than anyone can comprehend. Well most. Some people really do get me and for the few that do I find that in itself a blessing to have.
I can't say how many times I love this movie but it has got to be my favorite. Everything in it is like some sort of life lession. Though I know that whoever views my journal will probably not watch this, I'll leave it up anyway. :)
Not going to be here for a while. Maybe lurking. Maybe not. Who knows. I need more sleep these days anyway. I am a robot. I can not feel. I can not do what I wish. I have no freedom. Big borhter, the man. This all means the same thing.
The rabbit in watership down. The one that freaks is saying get out while you still can. Don't become part of the blood shed. I want you safe but there is nothing more that I can do. It's all up to you.
My people are not bugs or pests. We are human just as you we are one and the same. Your wording makes it racist and I am offended.
So go ahead and agree with that. Just think about all of those that had died. If he ever did say 'sorry' plain words, then I wouldn't give a fuck, saying sorry doesn't make up for all who have died.
Babe ... i know you are upset ... calm down first.
Its just a kismet ... dont let it get to you.
Cosmic meant it to be a dialog from hitler ... that doesnt mean he agrees with the statement.
I think hitler was a bloody genius but he had no right to take away the lives of others. He should have been sorry and shamed. And very sure cosmic thinks alike ...
I am already calm but it's the holidays, man. I don't need to see that in my face. A time to believe in miracles a time to light the candles.
You.. you're just on their side. I have half the mind to delete your comments just cause I can.
You aren't making things any better. I can take a joke, believe me I can, but THAT, was bitchy. If that's what it comes down to then go play with the 'wolves' just watch out for head lights.
Was it 'smart' to throw such a fit at people because one didn't get into the art school that they wanted? Then having people killed and everything taken from them just to feel.. 'pure'? I think not.
awwe dont mind her hun she just a hater of her own kind why else would she disagree with the thought of hiter saying sorry,...i have learned that it is best to ignore some ppl because they only seek out to have negative attention by wrongfully pointing fingers and i dont see anywhere were she should point a finger at being a wolf or not.
As a Rabbi I am not happy with the way that was worded at all, BUT I think he genuinely didn't think it through when he wrote it. I for one, lost relatives to Hitlers horrors and would find it almost impossible to forgive Adolf because of this! However I will forgive Serpent Guru as I think this was a mistake on his part. Rose, I am most definitely in agreement about NOT having it in your face at this time of year (Or any time) Let us pit it aside now and go forward, and remember our lost ones and trust G-D to help us heal
nitewulf, thank you for commenting. As for Guru, I am not a hater of my own kind and you saying that just put salt in my wounds from even looking at your kimset.
You're right I don't need to see this, nitewulf but some people must think it's funny. You sounded great, sorry if I was a pain in the ass for standing up for my rights but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry for even giving Guru the day or time, some people don't know the meaning of what life is.
Sometimes I wonder how such people make it to sire. Guess it's so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm in agreement that this is not a Funny Comment. CosmicSerpentGuru should never of put that into his Kismet. Chanukah is going on right now, and that was just wrong. I don't really think it would of been funny at any other time of year ether. And for the other's that died as well not just the Jewish. Such as the Gay, Lex, and Gypsy's, and other. All that was not of Hitler's taste in German were killed, or put to work. You should be ashamed of your self man. Horrible taste in humor dood just horrible.
By the way Rose. Happy Chanukah. I hope that helps you feel better man.
I think that's shit. I'm not Jewish, but the uncle that I love dearly is. I have cousins in Israel. It's crap, especially during Channukah. Complete garbage.
Error on his part? He was innocent when he put it as the kismet? Let me quote him here.. "dats nice lul". If he was truly innocent of trying to offend, he wouldn't have replied in the manner he did. He meant to hurt, meant to offend. It's garbage. So far as I'm concerned, the person's a prick.
COMMENTS
-
Fale
11:12 Dec 24 2010
brb no life