The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I feel it calling me, the way it used to do...
21:52 Oct 31 2008
Times Read: 935

It's Friday night. I've had a few beers. I'm feeling much better after a really, really hard and long week. I've been paid today.



I have the latest in Dutch trance loud on the stereo. Hearing new tunes and mixes. Some good stuff. Turned the bass up.



Fuck me, do I want to go out to a nightclub and dance my ass off.

One down, seven to go...
18:18 Oct 28 2008
Times Read: 1,000

Well, isn't that just fucking great. What is the world coming to? I ask you!? It's a crazy situation. To crazy to understand.



I actually passed an exam...

Equal Rights to proselytize?
22:12 Oct 21 2008
Times Read: 1,061


"There's probably no God"



A bold statement to make in a culture where religion is dominating the global political arena.



Conservative Christian beliefs underpinning the foreign policies of the US and we now know, the UK government in Tony Blair over the past decade, brought with them conflict with theocratic societies of Islam.



Do we call those views radical? Extremist?



Along with the heavy lobbying from AIPAC and the continual manipulations from the 'backroom' of Cheney and Rumsfeld, pushing Wolfowitz's 'master plan' for the middle east (and applied with the greatest ineptitude by Paul Bremer), would not this whole shebang of pre-emptive military action halfway across the world seem to be so?



On the other side of the fence, the same battles are being fought by Islamic moderates against their own conservative and extremist factions.



The result is a headlong course to war, and the voice of reason being labelled 'Dove' and 'Liberal'. Terms which have now become synonymous with insults.



While this article is intriguing for me, and poses some good questions to the establishment, it does not reflect my own views about God, Faith and Religion in any way.



Anyway, on with the article.





'No God' slogans for city's buses



Bendy-buses with the slogan "There's probably no God" could soon be running on the streets of London.



The atheist posters are the idea of the British Humanist Association (BHA) and have been supported by prominent atheist Professor Richard Dawkins.



The BHA planned only to raise £5,500, which was to be matched by Professor Dawkins, but it has now raised more than £36,000 of its own accord.

(looks like they've got some support...)



It aims to have two sets of 30 buses carrying the signs for four weeks.



The complete slogan reads: "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life."

(good advice either way really)



As the campaign has raised more than anticipated, it will also have posters on the inside of buses as well.



The BHA is also considering extending the campaign to cities including Birmingham, Manchester and Edinburgh.



Professor Dawkins said: "Religion is accustomed to getting a free ride - automatic tax breaks, unearned respect and the right not to be offended, the right to brainwash children.

(Indeed, everyone should have that right, even the Atheists)



Professor Richard Dawkins:

"Even on the buses, nobody thinks twice when they see a religious slogan plastered across the side.



"This campaign to put alternative slogans on London buses will make people think - and thinking is anathema to religion."

(To religion perhaps, but not necessarily to Faith. A critical difference)



Hanne Stinson, chief executive of the BHA, said: "We see so many posters advertising salvation through Jesus or threatening us with eternal damnation, that I feel sure that a bus advert like this will be welcomed as a breath of fresh air.



"If it raises a smile as well as making people think, so much the better."

(This is a much more apparent promotion in the US, but its a similar trend in the UK)



But Stephen Green of pressure group Christian Voice said: "Bendy-buses, like atheism, are a danger to the public at large.

(Really? How so? Is it dangerous to choose not believe in God? Please explain why)



"I should be surprised if a quasi-religious advertising campaign like this did not attract graffiti.



"People don't like being preached at. Sometimes it does them good, but they still don't like it."

(Does the hypocrisy stink so bad that they can't smell anything but their own sanctimony?)



However the Methodist Church said it thanked Professor Dawkins for encouraging a "continued interest in God".



Spirituality and discipleship officer Rev Jenny Ellis said: "This campaign will be a good thing if it gets people to engage with the deepest questions of life."



She added: "Christianity is for people who aren't afraid to think about life and meaning."

(Good old C of E... Cake anyone?)



The buses with the slogans will run in Westminster from January.

Words have power. (actually, symbols do, but hey, it's merely semantics)
00:36 Oct 19 2008
Times Read: 1,097

There is nothing within chaos magick in general, or sigilisation specifically which dictates that the object of desire cannot be used to infuence those in our societal groupings, and their subsequent actions.



Consider if you would, that if you know a person well enough and understand the buttons to push, then the non-concious is also aware of this and more.



As a result, if the intent is the manipulation of the action of others, then the necessary functions are already in place.



The problem with conciously affecting change in this manner, is that we are unable to hold more than five (or perhaps seven) actualities in place in order to manage them.



The non-concious is however, free of the restrictions which we (unknowingly) have upon ourselves. From morality, to distraction, there is always an external factor which precludes our ability to act to the best advantage in a group environment. We cannot predict accurately the behaviours of others, but we have hypotheses based on the best available information, which is memory of past behaviours and the influences upon those others' lives.



Non-conciously, we can piece all of this information together, for more than one individual and hence, affect external change if the correct sigil is invoked, commited to memory and forgotten.



In theory.

Ah, now I see.
00:13 Oct 19 2008
Times Read: 1,110

For the past year or so, it's been a pretty interesting ride, being me.



Online, I've not really been feeling as though I have a motivation, in terms of creative expression. I wasn't sure what it was that was off about myself.



Thats not to say that I've not had moments of exhiliration, usually shared and there is some wonderful input to my life online.



No, it was something else I'd been missing and although there has been a good reason for it, it hasn't really become apparent until this evening.



The weekends are precious to me. I spend the vast majority of my waking life working, so I rarely get 'me time'. And when that time comes, I try to share it with people whom I care about.



Which leaves not a lot of time for the self-reflective states that I used to find so often.



But tonight, I've had to time to just sit. And consider, and think a little. And then it hit me.



My laptop packed up a while back and all of my mp3's are on it. My stereo has been sat too far away from it for the cable to reach before that.



For the past year, I've not had music on while I've been online.



That may not sound like anything significant to you, dear reader, voyeur or peeping tom that you are.



But to me, it's as though I were a fish trying to swim on land, or a track athlete trying to run underwater.



Music has been a huge part of my life for more than a decade. From early teans with my old vinyl, through my club years, and then I started moving around and gradually, everything that I had built up, got lost, or broken, or given away.



An odd state of affairs, really. It's an evolution of character and desires, I suppose, but it's apparent that I respond well to sound, to music, to that reminiscent feeling.



And so I finally got around to rectifying some of that tonight. Copying over mp3's to the desktop now and adding them to my playlist as I find tracks I haven't listened to for years.



And there it is. A lift, an inspiriation. And clarity, but still lost, subsumed in the melody. A trance. Flowing, easy and real. And suddenly, it all comes back.



It's like standing under a waterfall after working in the dust and heat for a very long time.



Hello there, it's been a while. What say we have some...fun.

Seeing is believing...
13:34 Oct 18 2008
Times Read: 1,147

Something wonderful happened to me last night.



Another door opened, and it wasn't forced. It was unlocked and led to a place which gave a deeper understanding of who I am.



All the boxes ticked, all the lights are green. Euphemisms a many and smiles a plenty.



Six months seems like a long time, but when it comes, it will seem like there's still a lifetime to wait.

22:10 Oct 11 2008
Times Read: 1,174


Histrionic Personality Disorder



The word personality describes deeply ingrained patterns of behavior and the manner in which individuals perceive, relate to, and think about themselves and their world. Personality traits are conspicuous features of personality and are not necessarily pathological, although certain styles of personality may cause interpersonal problems.



Personality disorders, though, are rigid, inflexible and maladaptive, causing impairment in functioning or internal distress. A personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time and leads to distress or impairment.



Individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder exhibit excessive emotionalism--a tendency to regard things in an emotional manner--and are attention seekers. Behaviors may include constant seeking of approval or attention, self-dramatization, theatricality, and striking self-centeredness or sexual seductiveness in inappropriate situations, including social, occupational and professional relationships beyond what is appropriate for the social context. They may be lively and dramatic and initially charm new acquaintances by their enthusiasm, apparent openness, or flirtatiousness. They commandeer the role of "the life of the party". Personal interests and conversation will be self-focused. They use physical appearance to draw attention to themselves. Their style of speech is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail. They may do well with jobs that value and require imagination and creativity but will probably have difficulty with tasks that demand logical or analytical thinking. The disorder occurs more frequently in women though that may be because it is more often diagnosed in women.



Symptoms



* Constantly seeking reassurance or approval

* Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotion

* Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval

* Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior

* Overly concerned with physical appearance

* Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are

* Self-centeredness, uncomfortable when not the center of attention

* Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification

* Rapidly shifting emotional states that appear shallow to others

* Opinions are easily influenced by other people, but difficult to back up with details



Causes



The cause of this disorder is unknown, but childhood events and genetics may both be involved. It occurs more frequently in women than in men, although some feel it is simply more often diagnosed in women because attention seeking and sexual forwardness are less socially acceptable for women than for men. People with this disorder are usually able to function at a high level and can be successful socially and at work. They may seek treatment for depression when romantic relationships end. They often fail to see their own situation realistically, instead tending to overdramatize and exaggerate. Responsibility for failure or disappointment is usually blamed on others. Because they tend to crave novelty and excitement, they may place themselves in risky situations. All of these factors may lead to greater risk of developing depression.



Diagnostic Evaluation



A diagnosis can be made by knowing the patient's history and by doing a psychological examination.



Individual displays five or more of the following criteria:



* Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention

* Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior

* Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions

* Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self

* Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail

* Shows self-dramatization, theatricality and exaggerated expression of emotion

* Is suggestible, that is, easily influenced by others or circumstances

* Considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.



Treatment



Patients often seek treatment for depression associated with dissolved romantic relationships. Medication may be helpful with symptoms such as depression. Psychotherapy may also be of benefit.



Medication



Concomitant symptoms, such as depression, may be treated with medication but not for long durations because of the potential for abuse.



Prognosis



Histrionic personality disorder does not usually affect the person's ability to function adequately in a superficial work or social environment. However, problems often arise in more intimate relationships, where deeper involvements are required.



Sources:



* American Psychiatric Association

* Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Revised

* National Institutes of Health, National Library of Medicine

Moving on up...
22:25 Oct 05 2008
Times Read: 1,238

The last few weeks of being offline and away from VR have been good times in my life.



I've been able to make arrangements to get to New Orleans for next year. Got my vacation time at work booked and we've decided that we'll get a few weeks to start making more concrete plans for work and living arrangements.



To assist with this, I will get a small pay rise in November, after I take my Server 2k3 exam, which I think I'll pass with no trouble.



Work has been really easy, but I'm still waiting for my Security Clearance to come through. It's actually a little boring, but they pay me, so hey.



The gym is working out really, really well. I'm down at 186lbs now and starting the switch over to muscle build. I should be down to one 182lbs soon, then I'll really start seeing the definition coming out.



The only issue that's troubling me right now, is travel to work. I spend an hour and a half each way, every day. But that does give me time to read, or listen to E-books. I've just finished a 20 lecture course of Free Will and Determinism, which actually validates much of the position I held in a recent forum discussion.



Nearly finished Crime and Punishment, which is a very intense experience and sheds a lot of light on the nature of a man. It's very relevant even today and it speaks about some of the eternal and universal dilemmas which we deal with as self-concious people. Moral conscience and the ethical boundries which we and society set, are the main thrust of it and it is beautifully written.



I've also listened to Homer's Odyssey, but the readers were so bad, it kind of spolied it for me. Still, it was good to firm up that whole story in my mind.



Next for me, is a French course on audio. Should be worth a shot. Would be kinda cool to talk with someone in another language, and one so flowing too. Maybe we might even go Groundhog Day and get the 17th century French poetry out...



I've also started on the political history of Europe from 1500, and a Brief History of the World, which are both quite slow paced. I try to put them on when I go to bed, if there isn't someone special there to read me to sleep with some Eliot.



All in all, the future is a very bright and happy place for us. I'm looking forward to so many things and this next year will bring about a whole new meaning to life. I'm very glad to have someone to share that with.