03:25 Aug 23 2011
Times Read: 910
Thank you, Emmett, my most favorite Klingon, you.
"May the Gods stand between you and harm in all of the empty places you must walk." - Old Egyptian blessing
Sometimes I think I have the shittiest interpersonal relationship skills ... and then, I sit down, or I sat down this evening, and I tried to list all of the people it would hurt me to lose.
Christ on toast, I have a great many emotional hostages. I love so many people. Is it getting easier for me? Am I getting better at it? Or have I really been letting people in more easily for a few years now?
A surprising number of people are on this list whom I have never even met. O.o I don't even know where to begin with that. Ducky, Rose, LuAnn, Sweet Katie, so many others who have touched me.
My walls have fissures, some of them big enough for a truck to drive through. Or a turtle crawl. I don't seem to truly be walking in empty places, Emmett. When did that happen?
Why did Emmett start this whole thought train? I don't know, but ever since I met him by accidentally whacking him on the head with a great staff ... nineteen years ago? on the Trinity campus, he's been a damned good friend.
He sent me the above quotation when I was traveling to Oslo in March.
Am I capable of falling in love? And not hiding? And not running? And not second-guessing myself into obscurity?
Emmett would tell me I can do anything I put my "fantastic oddity" of a brain to. He has told me this about other things, when I told him I wanted to try and face my fear of planes and crowds - and began traveling to meet so many of you guys, what, six? years ago. I got my best friend in the entire universe because I un-assed and flew out to Richmond to say, "Heydie." I have no idea what I'd do without her shine in my life.
Almost all of you whom I have met - you've broadened me. The few who have not, well, you're easily passed over. How many from VR have I met ... I think, roughly, 60. There are several others I'd love to meet also. :) Some live amazingly close - only a 10 hour drive. I think that may call for a weekend road trip and involve the Cafe du Monde (I probably completely boogered the spelling there) sometime after it stops being so fucking hot outside. Joli and Stabb - I want to buy you coffee and beignettes. I want to sit down again with Images and Christopher and talk with ALL of you.
The most recent meeting - this one ... This one is definitely helping me to open some (mental) doors, turn some (mental) locks, chuck out a few unwanted (mental) bricks ... pick a euphemism.
I'm a goner, I think.
I don't mind, I think.
COMMENTS
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meeper
00:10 Aug 31 2011
When that happens, it's best to start looking for something that might better suite you. Though I wouldn't be public about it and go with the option of "can contact employer after conditional offer" when it comes to filling out applications. We spend so much of our lives at work and if it is at all possible we should find a good match. Easier said than done though in this economy. Keep your chin up :)
Vampirewitch39
00:18 Aug 31 2011
Same job for 29 years so... I understand. Reason to enjoy the weekends, and those in your life that bring you joy. ;)