Honor: 25 [ Give / Take ]
35 entries this month
09:24 Jul 30 2011
Times Read: 1,022
I wonder if people know when you can see through their deceitful bullshit.
If they do know, I wonder if they care. Probably not if they continue to do it anyway.
What is the point in lying?
=/
18:43 Jul 29 2011
Times Read: 1,035
I want to spend more time around the house, and less time in the workplace.
Unfortunately I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. If ever.
17:44 Jul 28 2011
Times Read: 1,062
This is the part where I was going to write about personal stuff. However, I'm not entitled to share my thoughts without being judged, or having others speculate over them. So, I'll write about other stuff instead.
It seems that people have varied opinions on Amy Winehouse's death. It's no secret that I'm a very opinionated person, and that I can at times be very vocal about my opinions.
I joke about almost everything. That's just my sense of humor. Yes I even find humor, and irony in some deaths. For instance, I am a fan of the Darwin Awards. Let's face it, the people that get them have earned them.
Back to Whinehouse. As someone who has one in their family, I have absolutely no respect, nor sympathy at all for drug addicts. We all have difficult times in our lives, and shit to deal with. Drugs aren't an excuse, they're a choice. I tolerate pot smokers and cigarette smokers because a lot of the people I care about do one or the other. Do I wish they didn't? Sure. But it's their personal choice. If I'm not placed in danger, and I don't have to breathe it, to each their own.
Most people who make the choice to poison theirselves one way or the other are adults and can be held accountable for their actions. It's been my experience that drug users are very selfish, deceitful people who bring those closest to them more stress than anything else. They get what they get, some of them just get it sooner than others.
I may be a heartless bitch on the matter, but it's not unprovoked.
10:31 Jul 28 2011
Times Read: 1,071
Nine days of torture are finally over. I want to close my eyes for a couple of weeks and rest. That's not going to happen.
I get to choke down some cereal, take a 4 hour nap, and then deal with some bullshit that should have been taken care of 6 weeks ago.
11:38 Jul 27 2011
Times Read: 1,083
I'm depressed.
Very much so.
It sucks having no one around, and no medication to take the edge off.
09:48 Jul 26 2011
Times Read: 1,100
Omg my belly.
I had a stabbing pain in my side earlier. Luckily it went away.
Then I had a stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. It was so much worse. It hurt like hell. I was doubled over grabbing my stomach thankful that my appendix is on the other side of my body... then I farted.
All better.
Wth? Fucking pregnancy.
11:08 Jul 24 2011
Times Read: 1,118
I wake up.
I eat something.
I pick out my work clothes.
I shower, get dressed, get ready for work.
I spend 11-14 hours at work.
I come home.
I eat something.
I have a conversation with Thundercat.
I go to sleep.
I repeat.
If this is how my life is going to continue... I may as well give the baby up for adoption. I'll never see it anyway.
12:31 Jul 23 2011
Times Read: 1,134
After another fourteen and a half hour shift, all I want to do is pass the fuck out.
I forced myself to stay awake and eat something because it's not just myself I punish these days. Poor gremlin.
09:51 Jul 22 2011
Times Read: 1,152
Oh man, taking the bra off at the end of a long day is one of the best feelings. I think the only thing that could top it right now is a back rub too.
I l♥ve my mom. She sent me a sweatsuit that's a couple of sizes too big so my fat pregnant ass could grow into them eventually. She's the best. =)
18:52 Jul 20 2011
Times Read: 1,162
My first evening running the shit show, and it was a long one. I hope they're not all 14 hour shifts. Or at least that the long ones get out of the way before the baby comes.
05:11 Jul 17 2011
Times Read: 1,189
Thundercat was laying down, and he just stood up and growled angrily at the front door.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't spook me a little bit.
sleep, lack of, and horrible dreams
02:40 Jul 17 2011
Times Read: 1,197
Wide awake after four hours of sleep. Joy. Well at least tonight is my last official graveyard shift. I still get screwed if one of my overnight people takes a sick day. I wont be looking forward to when that happens. Especially while pregnant. 17 hour workdays never sound appealing. The fact that I have to do it without caffeine makes it hell.
At least I don't remember dreaming today. That's the only upside to getting very little sleep. I'm still sickened from yesterdays dream. Those of you who are animal lovers probably shouldn't read the rest of this. I'm an animal lover. I like animals more than most people. As a matter of fact, now that I'm pregnant I cry at those animal abuse commercials. =/ hooray hormones. I have no idea why my dream was so fucked up, but it disgusts me and makes me sad.
It started out with me not really being me. I was a male working at either some modern pet store or animal mill. All I remember (because it's so hazy now) is that there was a problem, and the animals weren't going to sell, so I had to dispose of them, because it was better than watching them all starve to death. (And this is where you stop reading because it gets really graphic.) So the plan was to get a hammer and whack them in the head. (Totally not humane =( I don't know why euthanasia wasn't an option.) I/he went into this room full of happy little puppies and kittens who were all running around all happy playing, and started whacking them. Killing them off one at a time. It was odd because they didn't scatter after the killing started. The rest of them were all running around playing still. I'll save you the gore that I had to watch play out, but despite the effort to make it as quick and painless as possible, some of them didn't die right away.
I think that dream was too much for me to handle, because I transitioned into another dream where I was back at my parentts house. I was admiring the improvements my parents were making on their house. Which included an enormous wooden deck that covered over half of their back yard. My parents ended up dying in that dream, and so did one of my friends. At that point I couldn't take anymore and woke up. I've had an ill feeling about the dreams ever since, but especially about the puppies and kitty's. That was the one day of decent sleep I've had in the last week and a half.
I much prefer the sleep deprivation than the subconscious torment. I can't make sense of any of it, it just sickens me too much to even try to figure it out.
fuck today
20:06 Jul 16 2011
Times Read: 1,214
I've had a very long day.
It started with me throwing up three times, and has ended with me dry heaving and crying.
I'm over this shit.
Fuck it.
02:19 Jul 16 2011
Times Read: 1,227
Well, THAT was a horrible fucking dream. =(
I hope I don't dream about that much killing and death again anytime soon.
01:07 Jul 15 2011
Times Read: 1,249
I think the gremlin is big enough to wiggle around a little bit. Sometimes it makes me feel.. uncomfortable. Like I'm walking around with a lime shoved in my crotch. I think eventually the brat repositions itself, because the discomfort goes away. It's a very odd feeling.
Last night I woke up and ate a pickle in the middle of the night. Then 2 hours later I went back for ice cream. What the hell? Well at least I'm not a sick enough monkey to eat them together.
pregnancy glow? wtf
10:16 Jul 14 2011
Times Read: 1,274
I'm still waiting for this 'glow' thing to kick in.
I feel like one giant horking, peeing, farting, burping, pimple. Isn't that attractive. Now I get crappy sleep on top of it too, so I'm sure I look like shit. Come on glow! =/
15:12 Jul 12 2011
Times Read: 1,297
Success!
I cut the elastic out of one of my pairs of sweats! :D Now it's more comfortable for my slightly expanded belly.
I had a dream last night that the kids foot was poking my stomach out. O.O I don't know if I'm ready for this.
damn
23:52 Jul 10 2011
Times Read: 1,309
It would be nice to get more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep at a time again. =/
F U stress.
PRIVATE ENTRY
10:16 Jul 10 2011
Times Read: 1,314
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
23:23 Jul 09 2011
Times Read: 1,344
I've been having a really hard time eating meat in general. I guess I should get some nuts or something so I'm taking some protein in. I'm sure the baby needs it.
I couldn't eat at work for several hours last night. I had good food, I just couldn't stomach it. I did manage to drink a whole pitcher of lemonade by myself. I finally ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich late into my shift, but I'm sure my lacking ability to eat is not a good thing.
I finally outted the pregnancy at work, and on facebook for the rest of my friends and extended family. It's weird having everyone around me be so excited when I'm not yet. I want to be, I really do. I just have 'roadblocks' that are still making me feel miserable. Not that I don't love the little bugger, I do. It's just hard to explain. =/
Too much going on, I guess.
12:48 Jul 09 2011
Times Read: 1,362
Holy ignorance batman.
*facepalm*
*facepalm*
*facepalm*
This security guard needs to stfu. And now the other one is piping in too. I want to stab my eyes and ears out. This is worse than two retards fucking (as Danny used to say).
01:35 Jul 08 2011
Times Read: 1,374
I'm not in a very good place right now.
21:43 Jul 06 2011
Times Read: 1,391
Yay I kept some scrambled eggs down, but it was a fight to do so. I had to force myself to sleep through digesting it. Luckily it worked.
18:05 Jul 06 2011
Times Read: 1,397
My sister, the bookworm. Apparently went a little apeshit when picking up books for me. I guess she's excited. O.o
16:37 Jul 06 2011
Times Read: 1,407
I'm tired, hungry, and cranky.
I managed to eat a piece of pie last night after my mashed potatoes, but it didn't stay down. So, I horked before bed, and went to bed without eating anything else because I was too nauseous. I woke up hungry, but still nauseous. Even water upsets my stomach right now.
I'm also seriously considering cutting the elastic out of my sweatpants and putting in a drawstring. At this point they'd be more comfortable.
Now taking book suggestions.
05:05 Jul 06 2011
Times Read: 1,431
Leave suggestions in the comments. Please. =)
>.<
04:20 Jul 06 2011
Times Read: 1,434
Oh man. It's getting harder and harder to not hork. All I managed to eat tonight was a small pile of mashed potatoes. WC made me a big tasty ribeye for dinner. I couldn't stand to even look at it. I kind of felt bad, until I saw a commercial with steak in it and I had the same reaction. Now I see the need for the daily vitamins. I hope this passes soon.
22:20 Jul 05 2011
Times Read: 1,443
Television is such a crock. No one gets out of bed with perfect hair and perfect make up.
Real people get out of bed looking tore the fuck up. With messy bed head, and if they do go to sleep wearing make up it certainly looks less than perfect when you crawl out of bed. Eat shit hollywood. :p
14:14 Jul 05 2011
Times Read: 1,455
I had a dream last night that I found a house I wanted, but I couldn't afford it. It was perfect for so many reasons. Yet way beyond my reach.
Why am I bound to my fate? I guess it's fear. Everything is happening the opposite of how I wanted.
It's been a long time since I've felt this resigned, this stuck. Too late now I guess.
Just sayin'
05:12 Jul 05 2011
Times Read: 1,467
There are some very damaged people on here.
Some of them seem oblivious to the fact they're damaged.
How about that.
breakfast13:55 Jul 03 2011
Times Read: 1,488
To answer Ducky's question, I chopped fresh peaches and put them in the batter. I also doctored a peach pie filling for the topping.
Yum!
mmmmmmmm waffles
12:10 Jul 03 2011
Times Read: 1,495
WC knows I'm stressed, and feeling like crap. I've slept a lot the last couple of days. He's been letting me sleep and not giving me shit about it, well other than when I fall asleep sitting up. I feel almost narcoleptic, here one minute, out the next. The crappiest part about it is that I wake up at like 4 am, starving. I'm going to drag my ass out to the kitchen and make peach waffles and sausage. Mmmmmmm waffles.
04:33 Jul 03 2011
Times Read: 1,511
I wouldn't mind owning this some day. :)
11:04 Jul 02 2011
Times Read: 1,528
Yesterday was a crap day. Too much stress and too much uncertainty, but mostly too much stress.
I don't know if the stress is having ill effects on the gremlin, or if there's just something wrong with me. I can't go to the doctor until Tuesday (if I can get in), or I can go to the hospital if it gets bad, but that's always expensive.
People ask me if I'm excited when they find out. No, I'm still detached, and this isn't helping. So many things aren't helping. I want to be excited, I really do. It's just difficult to be happy about it when no one else is. Well, with the exception of my sister. I think she went out and bought me 6 or 8 books she's sending to me.
My best friend is still having a really rough time. Shitty things keep happening to her. =/ Poor bizzle.
Today.. I could curl into a ball and die..
21:38 Jul 01 2011
Times Read: 1,553
and that would be an improvement on the way things have gone.
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