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8 entries this month
03:48 Sep 20 2019
Times Read: 733
Getting back into the swing of things and finding those little bits of regular normalcy is getting easier.
Like right now. He is in there swearing at the cat to get his ass off his pillows and that he doesn't want to pet him because he has to go to bed. I yell at him to pet the cat, he yells back no. Those are moments that I will cherish after this whole thing. Those small moments that are just funny and wholesome.
Last night was a little bit rougher for him. He got a lil nervous about sleeping. I think it was everything (being home, everything happening and the adjustment) getting to him. Tonight he is calmer and more relaxed.
Tuesday night was a rough night for me. Went to bed at 1:30. Was up by 4:30. Dozed for a bit on the couch, then went back to bed. That worried part of me was just in high gear that night. That 'mother hen' gene was in full tilt mode and I was primed.
If he heard them correctly, because of the quickness of the 911 call, the arrival by ambulance to the hospital and the process of removing the clot and placing the stint there doesn't seem to be any heart damage. He is going to start Cardiac Rehab in a few weeks. He's, and I by default, are doing the low carb thing. Which isn't all that hard because I don't cook really carby food anyways. Portion control is a necessary evil now. lol My family line has never had petite people in it. It isn't going to happen now, but that doesn't mean we can't do things a bit better.
To look at him today, you wouldn't know this happened a week ago. Well, minus the fact he looks homeless because he needs a haircut and shave. lol.
It's just so... wow.
21:00 Sep 17 2019
Times Read: 784
He's home.
He looks really good.
I cried.
He told me he's lucky to be alive.
I cried, again.
I threatened him. lol
He's sleeping.
I am so thankful for so many things. My family has always been important to me and even more so now. Life is a whirlwind. Cherish it.
17:42 Sep 15 2019
Times Read: 818
This has been all so surreal. It really just feels like it was a bad dream from days ago.
Friday I spent all day cleaning. I had to do something and that's what I do when I'm in a state.
My dad is out of ICU. He sounds really good, just really tired. They have him on some new medication. It was a massive heart attack due to a clot that broke off. They can't tell if there is any muscle damage, but his stint will stay in for the rest of his life. He's now on two different types of blood thinners. His heart is clear- no clogs or anything. He had a couple irregularities, which is a reason they didn't move him out of ICU when they were going to on Friday. The nurse thinks it was just a blip because of his blood. There isn't any speaking damage or things like that. His memory is good. He really just sounds like nothing happened. Only a bit on the tired side. He's in good spirits. He says he feels great, he just needs recoup when he comes home. Get some sleep and take it easy. No heavy lifting. They are thinking of releasing him either tomorrow or Tuesday.
My cousin stopped by today. I haven't seen him in a bit. With him being busy and me putting myself into an isolative state, it just seemed that time slipped by. He got after me a bit for letting my pride get in the way and telling me that he will help me if I need it. I need to work on being okay with asking for help from those that I know love me and care about me. I think when things get back on track I am going to look into some therapy. Between my mom's death, my dad's car accident, my own disabilities and now this experience, I think it's time to look into it.
When he gets home we are going to have some serious talks and have some serious life changes.
Thank you everyone who has sent well wishes, your kindness and your friendship. Your positive vibes and thoughts are very appreciated. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.
05:13 Sep 12 2019
Times Read: 907
4 hours ago..my dad had a massive heart attack.
I had to call 911. I had to remain calm. I had to give them the information. I sat here and watched my dad have a heart attack. I felt helpless. I felt scared. I felt mad at my own handicap situation that I couldn't do more. The sheriffs came and then the ambulance got here. I couldn't go to the hospital. They called me half an hour ago to tell me that they had to put a stint in his heart. Because he had to be off blood thinners, he's on them for factor 5- a clotting disorder, due to a procedure yesterday, he threw a clot and it went to his heart.
He called me. He sounds great and he said he was feeling better. He told me he was scared when it was happening.
I was terrified. I kept his responsive by calling to him and making him look at me.
I can't process it all. I know he's going to be fine. I know he is in great hands.
I just can't process. My Dad. The only one I have. They told him if he went to bed, he wouldn't of woke up in the morning.
He's in ICU.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I feel so helpless.
I can't go there.
I can't get there.
I know he's in great hands and they will keep me updated.
I know they know the situation.
I want to scream.
I want to rage at the world.
I want to be mad at the things.
I'm not broken, but I feel fractured.
So fucking fractured.
22:50 Sep 11 2019
Times Read: 918
Huzzah! Laptop is back. Now I just gotta set up all my stuff again. Brand new Samsung hard drive and I'm good to go. w00t.
17:34 Sep 08 2019
Times Read: 947
Well, the old 10 year old laptop died today. Won't boot up. 'Ol Dino had a good run. So, until they upgrade the hard drive on my alien, it'll be tablet usage for me. I decided to just upgrade the first hard drive to a bigger size since it was tiny. The boot drive was just way too small for the type of laptop and power of the second drive.
If things are needed I'll do what I can, but extensive things will take longer.
01:11 Sep 05 2019
Times Read: 983
20:03 Sep 04 2019
Times Read: 1,015
How lovely. I've just barely had my laptop back for a week and I'm getting an error that my hard drive is going to fail. So much for them looking into everything when they had it. Thank goodness I've got 3 months left of my extended warranty.
I can't get my second external hard drive to open because it has the same name as my second internal drive. So, changing the path on my external drive isn't going to happen and I don't want to risk screwing up the path on my internal one. So a full backup isn't going to happen.
So much bullshit. Gah.. Just So. Much.
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