22:43 Jan 28 2025
Times Read: 124
Fun fact about me.....
I have insecurities. I have them from being my own worst enemy and from those who have played a part in those triggers over the years. We've all dealt with people who have tainted our lives in one way or another. They've been abusive, mean, hateful, controlling, bigots, and misogynist (to the point that they are so utterly terrified by a strong woman that they seek them out to tear them down in order to make themselves feel good. Thanks, VR, for introducing me to a few of those dumpster fires masquerading as flesh bags) and, my favorite, just some people who are miserable and want everyone to burn. Even with having dealt with those types, I still have said meaner things to myself than what those groups have. I do have some fantastic people in my life who have eased some of those insecurities a bit, but I still have them. They are intrusive and sometimes just there. I have become better at ignoring them, but that isn't always the case.
There always was a place in the back of my mind that doubted if I could do the whole school thing. I am my own worst critic. I always have been. I had a moment today where I realized that I am just so hard on myself. In my Photography and Manipulations class we worked on assignments of Adjustment Layers and Basic Compositing. In both of these, we would have a first draft due last week, and then this week would be the final draft to submit. The instructor would give us feedback to use in submitting our final draft. With both of these I received a comment of Fantastic work. Submit these as your final draft. It made me tear up. It made me tear up because even though I've been self taught, I do have some talent and skill in what I do. Instructors see that and go, 'Hey, look at that'. The horrible things that people have said may just not have been true. Invasive thoughts, but not true invasive thoughts.
It's also the same with my LC class. While I have always been excited to get certified, there was that little part of me that questioned if I could do it. Suppose I would be any good at it if people would just scoff at me and walk away. I still have it. It's not as strong, but I still have it.
It is my third week in my Graphics Design classes. I am pulling an A in both classes. I've first the the first assignment in my LC class, along with a quiz, and I'm pulling an A in that class as well.
So, yes, I can do it, and yes, there is still a bit of insecurity there, but they aren't as strong as they used to be. That gives me such a 'you can do this' feeling. It feels so good.
I still have insecurities despite my outward 'badass bitch' attitude. I'm still, and always will be, a work in progress on those. At least those insecurities about school and whether I can do it have lessened. I think that's a pretty good thing.
Oh, and to those who have tried to tear me down in the past or continue to do so in the present- You can take my proverbial lady balls deep in your throat and gargle on them. 😉
COMMENTS
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vXVampre
00:05 Jan 29 2025
I am happy that you are starting to see that your self-harshness is simply not the truth. I did not know you saw yourself in that sort of light. I have and will always think of you as a badass. Your wit, your talents, and your professional ferocity have always been something to admire. I hope you no longer doubt your abilities and I wish you luck and prosperity in your new career path. It is respectable that you are seeking to help others and It would seem that this path has led to your self-improvement accomplishments.
MooniePie
01:17 Jan 29 2025
Thank you :)
STABB666
03:22 Jan 29 2025
If any of us can ease some of those insecurities by reaffirming the evidence in front of your eyes, then we should. Because you are awesome. You've shown it in the adversity you face through your life and now you're showing it through the progress you're making in your own decisions to Define your path, not letting those who tried to pull you down have any further effect on you lifting yourself up.
LunarTides
05:11 Jan 29 2025
See I knew you could do it. Never doubted you for a minute.
So stinkin proud of you!
One of my favorite parts about you is how bad ass you are also your sense of humor. 🥰
MooniePie
02:17 Jan 30 2025
🥰🥰🥰 Awww, thanks everyone.