I am seriously on the verge of some sort of nervouse break down!
Between my failing eyes, the pain and dizziness they're causing me; my spinal pain, caused by twisted vertebrae and disconnected ribs; and the bullshit I deal with day to day, like my inability to get any breakfast today; being late for work because I overslept; and the dog in my training class who won't obey commands because the only thing her owner practiced for the past week is "roll over"...
I'm seriously in the mood to go home, eat every pill in the house, and go to bed with the hopes I never wake back up.
And THIS type of thought is nothing like me at all. I'm not the "Let Them Win" type, but that's exactly how I feel right now...
The night air is so light, breathing requires no effort at all.
The sounds of the crickets fill me with an even greater sense of peace.
Walking through the room no longer feels like an effort akin to trekking through waist deep water.
As I sit here and listen to Tarja Turunen belt out "Deep Silent Complete", I can only reflect on the events of the past three hours with great wonder...
Tonight, I assisted my older brother with his first candle magik.
To put things in perspective; he has undeniably been under spiritual attack. From the malfunctions of multiple alarm clocks, to his company car suffering several mechanical failures, to more direct approaches, such as near traffic accidents three times in one week, a tree nearly falling on him while at work, as well as unexplained strife and conflict with our parents. There is definitely an outside interloper affecting my brother's life.
He was certain of one person's influence, which I also managed to confirm via an outside party (psychic researcher with the MOPI team) She was able to give me details that my brother had previously confirmed.
However, he also suspected a few other people were attempting to affect and control his life.
Until tonight, we'd had no idea how bad it was. Or who was the strongest of the "round" of suspects.
I taught him a technique of candle magik I like to call "white scrying", essentially visualising the candle as his foe's influence and control over his life, and then destroying said candle in a fire, thereby destroying that person's ability to affect his life.
I sat by and watched, praying with him as he concentrated on his visualisations--his scry, and watched as he crushed the first candle in his hands before hurling it into the fire.
The second went the same, and that candle also fed the fire. Likewise with the third.
Then, when he destroyed the fourth, hurling it into the fire, I saw something completely unexpected...
The fire roared out of the stove unlike anything I've ever experienced (and I've used a lot in that stove: grain alcohol, lamp oil, charcoal light). The flames crackled like someone had dumped left over sparkler dust into the fire. And then abruptly, the flames settled down, as though someone had turned the knob down on a gas range.
Within a moment, the crickets started chattering, and I'd realised I hadn't heard a peep from them for the past hour.
Over the next several minutes, it gradually became easier to breathe: like an unwanted weight being lifted from one's chest.
After we'd discussed these events, and I'd instructed him on what to do next, he left to go home, and I went into my house. At that point, I'd realised the atmosphere in my own house had lightened as well.
At that point, two and two suddenly went together, (here's where I use one of my favourite self-invented wordies) and I epiphanated! Think of all the conflict between my brother and our parents, sometimes my brother and me. Then think of the changing, lightening atmosphere both in and around my house.
Tom's Epiphany=my brother's whole family is under attack. Him, our folks, myself. Four targets, three different locations, one spiritual assault.
And what's more: it wasn't "person #1", as he'd originally suspected. It seems "person #4" is who is causing most of the damage.
Interesting chain of events, yes?
Normally, I have a creative way of ending one of these entries, but not this time; I'm very hungry now, and I'm ready to go "plank" my bed.
Too many cravings, to be sure.
I spend each evening craving the harsh, cold weather.
I spend each night craving someone in my arms.
Each morning, I wake up craving sex.
Every day, I crave the taste of blood.
Where does all of this come from? Most of it just isn't me.
Too many cravings, and too many holes in my life. Things I need are missing. (Do they count as missing if I've never possessed them in the first place?)
If I woke up tomorrow, and knew there was something or someone worth waking up for, worth working towards, worth living for, what would that feel like?
Late night, disjointed musings. I'm sure none of what I just wrote will make much sense after I sleep...
COMMENTS
Perhaps none of what you just wrote will make sense to you but it makes perfect sense to me my friend...I too crave the feeling of a lover in my arms, I crave the sound of my lover's heartbeat as I rest my head on his chest after a night filled with passion, I crave to taste of the many pleasures that only someone who has the other half of my soul can give...
No more dependency on my desktop computer which doesn't work right half of the time.
No more dealing with a non-functioning internet connection because the person who I'm borrowing the service from took my payment and pocketed it without paying the bill for seven months.
Instead, I can now use my newest Blackberry, combined with Opera Mini (because Blackberry's default browser keeps changing IP address, causing the VR server to log me out for security purposes) to browse VR, and start getting caught up on everything that's been going on.
Drop me a message if you want; now I'll actually be able to check them before they get deleted...
COMMENTS
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Isis101
02:45 Sep 30 2012
This horrible day should not be the testament of your entire life.
May tomorrow be a better day.