The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I'm thinking of doing something kind of foolish on my account on my browser game. I'm thinking of sending a crapload of resources a day I can arrange to be online most of the day or checking on it like clockwork. I need to get my troops up to 2:1 before I message her again. I want to get in this time. It'll be my second time messaging. If I don't get in this time, I'm sure they'll start attacking me.



All or nothing. It's all or nothing.



So come the next few days, I'm going to arrange it. I'll be auto-completing some things to have an advantage and get those men a flowing.



I'm currently at 1.6:1



It's not that bad. I'm not that far off. But damn it, I'm getting quite pissed off with the leadership of them. Ugh!



Maybe I should consider becoming the trio with Liz and Shawn more.



I really like Liz loads and Shawn seems pretty cool too. I know I need to figure out something with my dial up or just set up times for me to call them.



Eh... I'm sleeping on it all.



I can't wait for some yummy fish later today! =) Thank you, Step-daddy! ♥ Beer-batter fish. Yumm. I know Aurora will be helping him with the batter but at least she doesn't like the taste of beer. LMAO!



NIGHT! ... If I can sleep, hopefully I can without too many problems. *sighs* I shouldn't have watched those movies. Damn anxiety is up!

*grumbles* Today is just not my day!



Aurora is fighting me on everything. She wants cheese, nothing but cheese to eat. Not happening. She's had SIX slices. No more freakin' cheese! She's mad at me because there's no GREEN Huggies in the box we just got. I don't know why they changed it again. And I'm not allowed talking to Brett. He's supposed to be mad at me too.



On top of that, my therapy appointment that I've been looking forward to was canceled. I'm calling on Monday to reschedule it. But dang it, it's the one between Brett and me and I was very much looking forward to starting to open up doors of communication in a neutral setting again.



Today just bites. Once I eat some cereal to calm my stomach of the angry child tantrums... I'm going to get back to some other things.

I thought I would add that I have a little bit of a tension headache. I think it's from being stressed about other things lately. I'm really worried about the allergy test I need to reschedule for a week in a few more days. I'm worried if they tell me I'm allergic to my cats. I have two... Mama Cat and Shadow Dancer. I'm not willing to get rid of either one of them. My stepdad keeps picking on me about it.



Gosh, I wish I would quit starting to cry. The tears keep swelling up in my eyes... but from there, I'm controlling it.



Aurora ate a pork chop, drank a little more of the Powerade, and two gummy worms. The bribes worked. Now she's tucked into bed.



Brett should be getting home within the next hour. I'm hoping to possibly cuddle up with him and watch a movie tonight. Heh, that bastard wants to watch a movie that he KNOWS I don't care to watch with him tonight. Maybe I should protest and declare it a comedy night instead of the other movie. Heh. Butthead.



Guys can be asses at times. *nods*

This evening my mom had to go to a wake for someone I can't place their name but remember the person when we would go to the post office in our small little town.



I have a feeling that if Brett wouldn't have had class this evening, my mom would have had me go with her.



I would of had to tell her no.



I would have felt bad too.



I have been blessed with not having to go to any wakes or funerals since Courtney's memorial service.



That was the hardest one of my life, other than my own dad's.



I don't know how to process it.



Tomorrow I have therapy... I'm anxious and excited about it being one dedicated to my relationship with Brett.



After that, I'm deciding on whether I want to work through my grief issues or sexual abuse.



I haven't worked through the death of my dad. It's like I've gotten stuck and just can't bear to work through it anymore by myself. I've tried with all I can and I hate to admit it but I've ended up relapsing each time. I haven't tried to cope with his death in a long time. I focus on my daughter.



It hurts. He met my sister's child yet I'm his own daughter. She's not even his biological child and yet, he never got to hold my daughter for a second.



Breathe.



I can't cry. Not now.



But the other issues around the sexual abuse are heavy. When I start to work through that, I'll be in therapy weekly and not biweekly like I am currently. She wants to monitor my progress, make sure I don't have any harmful thoughts, and make sure I don't relapse into past habits of self harm.



It's hard to make a choice. Either way, they both effect me daily. My daughter looks like me and I look like my dad... so every time I look at her, I often see my dad looking at me in that loving way and it makes me want to burst into tears. The nightmares from the past abuse rule my sleep. I still have flash backs. I've worried about having one and screamingg, waking Aurora up... how do we begin to explain to her that everything is fine, mommy is having a nightmare? I've swung at Brett when he's woken me up from a nightmare and Aurora does it often. I'm worried about it. I wouldn't be able to deal with striking her coming out of sleep. I don't know how my dad dealt with it and he was a Vietnam Veteran with more demons to tend to than I can imagine. He hit me a few times and he had never meant to. I remember the look of horror on his face when he realized what he had done.



I need to relax. I need to calm down. I need to breath. Aurora isn't in bed yet. She's been fighting me on eating anything. I'm debating about giving her some chocolate milk just to get something in her. Anything would be better than nothing. I got a couple of glasses of Powerade in her. She's not feeling too well but she has no fever. Her bowels have been moving so that's not the problem. I'm trying to bribe her with a gummy worm. A single gummy worm to eat some of supper. Maybe it'll work. Just maybe. I'm desperate to get her to eat tonight.



And that migraine medication made me feel like shit. Absolute SHIT! But I still have no migraine. I'm not sure if it was worth the dizziness to the extreme and nausea that I couldn't make it to the bathroom and couldn't get a bucket. Poor sink. Yuck. I couldn't even get Brett up that night and almost barfed on the laptop I use because I couldn't lift it to put it by the fish tank like I usually do. I can't sleep flat most nights... I'll wake up with problems breathing. Reason why I sleep in the living room in a Lazy boy chair that my Aunt Betty died in. That comforts me. It makes me feel close to her. Probably would freak other people out.



I need to shut up and stop typing.

I started a new migraine medication. I'm really really dizzy and nauseous right now. I'm starting to cry from it. I'm going to try to get some sleep. The [pain is weird like though. I can't explain it though. It's been since 2 since I topk it. I don't want to move.



Yuck..

COMMENTS

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LadyDarkRayne
08:14 Jan 25 2012

Aww sorry to hear that. Migraines are no fun at all. Bac when I used to get them all the time they had me on shots and topamax. I hated them both.

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POST COMMENT

I'm debating about staying up and enjoying these early morning hours by myself... or heading back to bed for a couple of hours before Aurora wakes up.



I would love to write some in my journals but I'm pretty sure Aurora would wake up. She's not feeling well so she'll be a lighter sleeper. Plus I don't want to turn the light on because Brett's sleeping and I don't want to disturb him.



Sleep would be a great thing. I've only gotten about four hours, maybe a little bit more. Although about six or so hours after Aurora came home sick, I started feeling ill and took to the bathroom.



Maybe I'll make me some Powerade and see where that leaves me. Hopefully if I do head back to bed with some and a couple of Ibuprofen, I'll wake up feeling a bit better.



=)



Oh and Aurora and I started playing Dragon Cave together. It's more her account than mine. She even picked our account's name. 2Monkeys. ♥ She loves dragons. She's really liking the game too even when looking at other people's dragons.



She's my princess, and I'm blessed.

My baby is home! ♥ I've missed her bunches! Watching Kai-lan with her and Brett now. She's happy to be home and made cards with Mama for me and daddy both.



♥♥♥



I plan on finishing what I was doing in her room and then putting her princess tent up for her to play in.



She's starting to get sick so this is going to be a rough week for her. But goshers, I'm happy she's home after three nights of no Pretty, Pretty Princess!



=)



Laters. I'm out.

"Mommy, mommy, that snow is really mean."



=)



I talked to Aurora a little bit ago. She's doing good. My mom and her went into the backyard to get the ice off of the walkway and porch steps. They also took a little bit of a walk, very short with the ice being everywhere.



She's not coming home today. I miss my child.



This morning she was trying to chase Nala, the black kitty that claimed me after my dad passed. That was his cat and I always teased him that she was just like another daughter to him. ♥ Anyway, she tried to get Nala beat this morning. She chases my black cat from room to room every single morning here. I make sure she doesn't actually catch my poor Shadow Dancer.



Well, she chased Nala. The kitty wasn't going to deal with it anymore since she's at least 13 years old if not older. She turned and went after Aurora.



It's the FIRST time that cat has gone after her. My cats won't defend themselves because they are both from abused backgrounds. She was terrified of Nala this morning after it happened. She wanted Mama and Papa to beat that bad kitty and got furious when they wouldn't.



I hope my mom and stepdad see where I'm coming from. I hope she doesn't get horribly mean like she can with me but I want them to see a little of what I deal with from my child. She has a temper, a very bad one. I get lectured by them for putting her in the corner for TWO minutes and raising my voice a little higher to her to get her to listen and calm down.



She knows how to manipulate. I swear, all little girls do. She's good at it. I asked her about the cat... all she tells me is "Mommy, I miss you. I miss you a lot... all of the time." And she proceeded to hand the phone over to my mom.



Hopefully township decides to come out here and get the ice off of our road. They haven't treated it at all. There's at least a quarter inch of ice on top of a very thin layer of snow. It was a challenge for Brett to get up the hill to see if they did anything to it. 0.o Hopefully my daughter isn't too much on them. She loves staying with them overnight. Although, I am hoping she understands that Mama, Papa, Uncle Tommy, and even the cat are going to need a long rest after this. LMAO!



I still feel bad for my kitty. Poor Nala. She knows better. I have to stop her after a while with Shadow or she'll run into the wall or something watching only the cat and not where she's going. At least Shadow can get under the queen size bed and hide there from her. =)

Aurora is still at my mom's house. At least I know she's well taken care of and not to worry about her. We're under a Lvl 1 now. The roads are hazardous and I'm not sure whether my mom and stepdad are going to be able to bring Aurora back home. I'm hoping she's going to sleep without any problems. Her two day stay may be turning into a three day one. =| I'm just worried about whether or not my mom's knee is hurting her... the one she got replaced. On Sunday, it's supposed to all melt. Weirdness. It's supposed to get up to almost 40 degrees after this ice/sleet/snow combination is done. I'm tired of the harsh as heck weekends and the mild Mondays. I'm starting to get sick from the weather being so indecisive. I just hope I don't get too bad and that Aurora doesn't get it.

Oh my gosh! I've been hit! 0.o That's a surprise!



Hahaha!



Thank you, Kay! =) That was awesomely sweet of you!

I'm actually drinking for once. Zombie with popsicles in it. Yum.



So not taking my medications tonight. I can't imagine my Dulera with any amount of alcohol. 0.o Damn asthma.



I love the taste. It's so amazing when I haven't had any in so long. ♥



On a different note, I plan on taking pictures sometime soon to redo my profile. I want to possibly get a premium for my birthday. I don't know for sure. I miss being able to lurk among other things.



=)



I had tons of fun tonight. *daydreams* Yeppers. I'll be imagining loads of things that are mine to imagine.



Going to dance while cleaning... something I haven't done in forever!



Aurora is so not here for the night. I love the few breaks I get. I love my time with my daughter more though.

Warning: Mature/X-rated topics



I have an aunt that I love and admire greatly. She's had almost every man in the town and then some and she'll admit it too. Some of them twice or more. She's confident and damn, she likes her men. She can knock someone, even a guy, flat on their ass if she needs to.



I love how embarrassed my mother gets when we're hanging out together and talking about past guys and sex. LMAO! My mother gets so embarrassed and we just know it's nothing big.



She's not a slut, a whore, or anything of the like. She's my aunt. I love her unconditionally.



Hell, if I didn't have a child... and guilt of feeling filthy and shameful after sex at times...



I would be more like her right now and previous years.



I would love to go to the bars a few times with her by ourselves to do karaoke, have some drinks, and dance together.



We had a blast at the Miner's picnic dancing together. I was on a sprained ankle and no alcohol whatsoever.



At least here, we're walking distance from the bar. I would hate to see me walk the unfinished one on my stepdad's property while drunk... LMAO! But that would only be if the one was flooded.



But yes, her and I need to go drink. =)



I've never beat around the bush about my sexual appetite on this site. I told my mom, if she wants to know something, ask me. I'll be truthful about what I've done.



I've always been like an open book. There's no shame in the things I've tried, done, or want to do. I'm not hurting anyone in the process, including myself.



Heck, my sexual appetite is more in check than in was a few years ago. I crave it just as much but I don't get so angry at myself to cause bleeding when masturbating.



One of the things on the top of my list of wanting to complete is simple. I want to be fucked mindlessly in a skirt and fishnets. ♥



Some of my things on my list are simple and some would qualify me as a slut in a lot of the minds of people around here.



It's my life. It's my body. I always talk things over with my boyfriend and the other person involved if there is one even when I feel uncomfortable talking about something but when it effects safety or knowing what is okay or not during sexual interactions, it's important.



The only thing that makes me really uncomfortable is when I've had a flashback and can't remember, when talking about my past, and when talking about a couple of my limits... such as I don't like receiving oral on most occasions.



Oh and a long while back, I wrote in my journal about my fear of blow jobs. Well, I've mostly gotten over that but it's definitely not an everyday or every week thing. LMAO!



Sidenote: I hate the smell of a guy's cum. It makes me barf if it gets on my face, hair, or neck.



0.o



Current song: Get Naked - Britney Spears

"But I'm gonna love you like I've never been hurt before

I'm gonna love you like I'm indestructible."



-Robyn Indestructible



^.^ I ♥ Robyn's music. I have two of her CDs so far. I want more of them.



The song below is from TPT aka The Peeping Toms. It was a local band that performed at my graduation party but have since went their separate ways. I don't know the name of the song. The singer, I believe it was, wrote it for a girl they all knew that died in a car crash that was close to most of the band members. It reminds me of Courtney and how she struggled with her battle with Cancer. I love this song dearly. I typed the song out over the past twenty minutes so there may be mistakes but I'm crying and I don't really care at the moment. It's as close as I could get it with listening to the song and typing it out firsthand.



Cars lined up in single file,

On our way to Spring Hill,

Where we went to say our last goodbyes,

To the one we loved,

Who now moved on,

Our hearts hand in hand then.



Well I've got the memory of how things used to be,

Before the car crash and the funeral.

If I would have knew, the last time I saw you,

Would have been my last, I would have never let go!

Now make believe this didn't happen,

We know it's not your fault,

I'm trying hard to deal with this one second at a time.

How can you be there a couple of times to remind me,

It was your life and it's your choice to take away your life,

And I think before tonight,

It's like the heavens opened up and took a girl that we all loved.

I remember when we sang mark a shade of change the last time that I saw you.

It was like you were saying goodbye to me... to me.



I don't see easy words to help see past the calendar still hanging in your room,

Marked the things to do,

But you're with God and I'm still here.

From the one I knew, couldn't spend a better 18 years.





Well I've got the memory of how things used to be,

Before the car crash and the funeral.

If I would have knew, the last time I saw you,

Would have been my last, I would have never let go!

Now make believe this didn't happen,

We know it's not your fault,

I'm trying hard to deal with this one second at a time.

How can you be there a couple of times to remind me,

It was your life and it's your choice to take away your life,

And I think before tonight,

It's like the heavens opened up and took a girl that we all loved.

I remember when we sang mark a shade of change the last time that I saw you.

It was like you were saying goodbye to me...



Help me, Jesus,

I lay this in your hands.

I've never had to deal with this...



Help me, Jesus

I lay this in your hands.

I've never had to deal with this before.



So close your eyes and take my hand,

I'll say a prayer for you, you say a prayer for me.



So close your eyes and take my hand,

I'll say a prayer for you, you say a prayer for me.



Now make believe this didn't happen,

We know it's not your fault,

I'm trying hard to deal with this one second at a time.

How can you be there a couple of times to remind me,

It was your life and it's your choice to take away your life,

And I think before tonight,

It's like the heavens opened up and took a girl that we all loved.

I remember when we sang mark a shade of change the last time that I saw you.

It was like you were saying goodbye to me...

Hmmm. Oddness.



I'm sitting here in a top with lace and lace undies and Brett walks out to smoke.



Heh! Oh well. Sleep for me, I guess. =)



I got a palace upgrade in about an hour. LMAO! Signs of a true ******* addict. I think Liz would fully agree. *nods*



No use trying to force a situation that's probably not happening tonight.



And there still isn't any more news from the paid internships available to him. Job losses suck. The stresses suck more, I think.



I am nervous about my appointment in therapy coming up. It's centered on my relationship with Brett. I want to know where we stand. It's not fair to either of us to question the footing we have and we have problems confronting it. My therapist is absolutely awesome in the realm of confrontation. But when it comes down to it, I am looking forward to the appointment. ♥

Today has been long in more sense then one. =) It's all good though. Aurora has helped me put the Christmas village away into two containers. We have to figure a place to put them yet.



*Gosh, I can't wait for my stepdad to get his stuff out of the upstairs. It's one big, huge room. But some long pieces of fabric can fix that. It's like a loft. I hope to make it into a spare room up there so Brett and I can go up there to get away for a bit when we can't escape otherwise. It would be a GREAT space for writing. I love the open feeling up there. I can't wait until we can't the option of having that area open. The steps leading up to it are narrow though. When we were moving his things up there, I almost fell. That's when they decided Brett got to venture up those steps without help. It's locked, of course. He trusts me. He doesn't trust Brett to remember to lock it if we would need to go up there. If his baby girl would get hurt on those steps or playing with something of his because of her father's forgetfulness... there would be quite a fight. I'm honestly happy it's locked. We don't have to worry about it.*



But today, I've been wrapping up the rest of the Christmas stuff I've gotten in the two boxes I have designated for them. Great, big boxes. 0.o I still need to figure a place to put the one since it has some stuff for next year (makeup set, body wash, glitter spray, lip gloss, etc.) for Aurora. I definitely need it up out of her reach since she likes to get into everything.



My Pretty, Pretty, Princess is tickled pink because I had hidden a box on top of the cabinet in the bathroom we keep cans in full of Valentine's Day stuff. Nine boxes of cards in it... I paid about fifty cents for each last year after the holiday was over. =) I also have foamy Valentine's Day cards for us to make that were marked down 75% from $4 at Big Lots last year... two sets of them. We're going to have some fun decorating.



We may be struggling money wise but dang it, I always find things to do with my daughter. We're going to make cookies and colored cupcakes. Hehe! We're decorating her Christmas tree for Valentine's Day tonight or tomorrow, depending on her attention span of course. We already moved it where the big tree was and she really feels like the big poo in the household. ^.^ Her tree is the only one still up with the New Year rang in. Pretty pastel pink small 4.5 foot tree. It's just perfect for decorating for Valentine's Day and even Easter if she wants to put eggs on it and make some bunnies to put underneath of it.



We're having fun! That's what matters.



Screw being blue. My Princess needs some cheer.



Brett took my car to get aligned so that's done now. I won't feel so horrible if I have to take Aurora somewhere. It only took getting the tie rod and strut replaced, the two front tires and passenger side rim replaced, and my car aligned. *sighs* We can do this. I know we can. We have a child to think about and I won't let us get so far behind on everything that it affects her in any way. It's just tight right now.

I just sent that message. Tia, tia, tiamat. Come on, please tell me you're the one working with me this time. I have nothing against Bear but dang it, I really, really want in. I almost have a 2:1 troop:pop ratio. It's actually 192%. I'm improving on that tomorrow. My second town hall is going up. I am expanding on my farm list. I changed my capital. I have four freakin' villages and two of which are croppers... 9c and 15c gotten in the time since I talked to Bear last. I've gotten attacked once. Once. I've built crannies. I'm upgrading wheat fields so I can hold the troops I want to send over. I'm building more as I do send over. I want this... badly.



Please Tiamat. Please work with me. I can't believe someone else from my alliance that I and my friend think shouldn't have gotten in... did. We're wondering if his fiancee will. Then I will be upset.



I'm not upset for taking the hit of being called small.



I didn't take it personal since I had been attacked, defended myself well, and was building resources up instead of more troops.



But I want this. If I don't get in... it's not the end of the world.



After all... I can just go join their mortal enemy! ♥

I feel like crap. Utter crap. I wish I could honestly say why I feel the way I do. Right now, I have no clue. My breathing has been a little worse this past week. Leave it to me to start having asthma attacks the week or so after my appointment with that doctor.



But I have a lot to get done in the next few days. It's so bitterly cold outside. Last night our water pipe busted in the basement. It's a dugout basement so there's no water damage. But it was such a pain for Brett and I to fix it last night.



The weather was horrid on Friday. My alignment on my car so needs done. It will be done Monday afternoon. Thank goodness! But we had to get the strut fixed that day or wait until the end of this week. We drove for over an hour at 20 mph to get to my mother's house. 0.o Insaneness! We got there safely though. But they kept Aurora for the night... on our way home, with the roads still bad and my alignment horrid, the car start squealing under the hood on the interstate. I had to throw my hazards on and pull over. My power steering was really low. Badly low. We're hoping there's no leak or the pump isn't going bad. It's sucking though. I found out that exhaust from diesel engines cause me problems breathing. The person had time and room to get over and just didn't do so while I was coming around my car. I had to actually use my inhaler from the coughing I was doing from it but I managed to get in the car first. We got to the Advanced Auto Parts by going less than 40 mph on the interstate with the hazards on all the way. My steering wheel had been acting funny before we pulled over. It would pull away from my grip and at other times would feel like I didn't have much control over the car's movement. It would turn easily but the car wouldn't go over. =| We got power steering fluid and it's fixed the problem. We're checking it though to see if it happens again. And then the pipe. Oh my gosh, that was a pain in the ass, I would play around or lie about that. We were both freezing and so happy that Aurora wasn't home or with us on the interstate. But the pipe, it was in an inconvenient spot considering where we could get to while staying dry. The basement was FULL of water. The sump pump froze. We were getting frustrated but an hour outside together in low teens weather with the wind chill in single to below zero temperatures, and we were done. It's finished.



Brett got the basement drained this morning. On Monday the high temperature is supposed to be above freezing... in the higher 40s to be more specific. I feel like if this keeps up with warm temperatures and rain early in the week and at the end of the week, blustery temps and snow... we're going to all get sick... AGAIN.



Aurora just got over being sick. I can honestly say that with keeping up with my inhaler, I'm not staying sick for long when I do get sick. I'm happy about it. I got sick this last time with Aurora but I was sick for about four days. She was sick for about a week with vomiting. 0.o I felt sorry for her but I'm glad not to be getting sick all the time.



Ugh. I need to take Melatonin in a bit. I slept most of the day today since Aurora wasn't home. I was just depressed. Really down.



I want to finish what I'm doing though. *sighs* Then I'll go to bed. I need to send a message to a recruitment person on the browser game I play before I do head to bed.

Tonight is going to be a cold pain in the ass for us and the coal.



I'm hoping we don't have to buy another 2 tones. We've got 4 tones for now. *sighs*



We have a weather advisory and schools are starting to go on two hour delays.



I was supposed to go to my mother's house tomorrow to get my car fixed but we might not be doing that even though we need my car running. This not being able to go to the store even is really starting to pay a toll on me.



40 mph wind gusts tonight. Aurora's room is completely insulated. Damn, I wish we had more money to put into this house. =[ We would have already replaced the outer walls and put insulation in.



*breathes* At least if the power goes out, we're going to be nice and toasty. =) Positives.



... There will be no way for my mom and stepdad to get us though if needed unless someone else comes to get us. Let's hope this doesn't get horribly bad and at most 4-5 inches, if that. It means my car wouldn't get fixed but hell, I'll build a snowman with Aurora! =D

I officially have bragging rights on something... even though I'm not sharing. ^.^`



It honestly caught me out of the blue and dang him, next time I hope there's warning. Although, there's no saying there's going to be a next time on that. *smirks* I don't take things for granted. I'll remember it. Hehe! Definitely!



*sighs* I hate to ask my friend this but damn, I'm low on my gold. I bought her and her friend gold for Christmas since we did have a little extra money and there was a deal going on. She's been wanting to return the favor. Maybe on the 16th, I'll let her. I'm down to 41 now. It saddens me. If a major attack would come through, I would be so screwed. =| Seriously true.



As for VR... Wow, I'm thinking about limiting my time here but there's some people I like talking to and one I absolutely adore talking to.



I've been a little bit depressed lately. It's hard to stay positive when so many people are so dramatic on this site. It's just stupid. I don't care to read the journals. Although, I admit some of them I do... whether it's out of curiosity or some other motivation at hand, I read them. But I don't want to mope around day in and day out and I refuse to. I want to be hopeful. I have faith in things changing for me. And I need to stay positive for myself and to see a better outlook of the day. It makes everything seem a little less harsh.



The news... gosh, what to say. I watched it the other night. Eight solid minutes of nothing but violence, scandals, robberies, and other crimes. I only tuned in to see if there was an update on the case I heard about from a friend on Facebook about a 14 month old boy being hit and killed a county over. That's the story I'm interested in. The parents were laying carpet and didn't even notice the child wandered off. I feel so sorry for the driver. The child crawled onto the road and stood up... the man didn't have enough time to stop his car. I feel sorry for everyone involved.



But I'm just down. I'm not horribly depressed. I'm not overly anxious, although it's up some. I'm just down and lacking a lot of motivation it seems.



I need to kick my own butt and get it into gear.



Going to get stuff done now. I need to start with calling my mom about my strut that needs replaced. I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow.

Got an ever-so-slight injury from a nipple clamp tonight. =| It hurts like a son of a bitch. Seriously.



It's covered with a Hello Kitty bandaid. ♥



It this hurts this bad. I can seriously handle getting my nips pierced.



0.o



Accidents happen. The nipple clamp slipped out of his grip and snapped harshly. It's not bad. It bled for a while. A long while but considering the situation, hehe, it's kind of understandable.



But gosh, did it have to happen at precisely this night. I enjoyed myself probably a little too much. Haha!



=)



Oh to sleep for a few hours and then get up and figure other things out. Yayness! I feel loads better from tonight for sure... even with the injured tit.



^.^ At least I didn't get skinned completely by me clamps.

Hmm. I just messaged Cancer with my other concerns continued from my question about the Honor system and dial up. I had a theory, Brett and I tested it, got the results, and I messaged him. I just didn't feel right putting it on the main forum with some of the questionable acts people do on this site. I don't keep up with most of the people or their actions anymore, but I know if there's anything someone can exploit in any system, they will. It's human nature to try to get ahead. It's probably nothing or just some weird instance of gray that is there. I don't know. I'm happy I sent the message instead of posting in the forum though. It makes me feel better in my actions. =)

So I just gave fyre honor even though we live together. He hasn't logged in from here since the honor system was put in action. I wonder if that affects it. Hmmm. Anyway, I'm awaiting some sort of answer in the forum on the issue of dial up.



=)



For future reference:



"Vampire Rave Honor

Posted: 01:04:16 - Jan 08 2012

Times viewed: 16



Okay, I think I have a valid question. =) I'm on dial up. I get kicked often because of phone calls from our switch and when I go to update, it says I've been logged out from my IP address changing.



With the honor system... how does it work with dial up?



We use several different access numbers since we have free long distance and I'm sure they have mirrors in place since we don't have one for Canton, OH on our list but it shows when I look at my facebook along with other places in Ohio and West Virginia.



But considering I do live in a house with another VR member, I was wondering if it does work the same since our IP address does seem to change a lot.



*Side note of no concern: We can't get high speed or wireless. I miss it. Don't take it for granted! Haha!*"



I would really like to know the answer since there is a possibility of another member from here visiting us later on and I would love to give the member honor as the months progress. Same goes for Brett... He's the father of my child, he's one of my best friends even though we've been arguing a lot over the past couple of years, and we've lived together for five years.



Come to think of it, this has to be since the honor system has started. =) Brett and I had high speed or used a neighbor's wireless since we first lived together in Nashville, TN. Since we met on this site, it's completely obvious we've used the same computer multiple times to log our accounts over the years.



But, yes, I would love to get my answer back because I would love to leave my hubs some honor. =)

I have to get up at six am to get ready to go. =| However, I'm having problems getting to sleep. I need to get things done. My thoughts are with the latest situations.



Long story short... my sleep has been avoiding me.



I'm tired. I've been yawning. I've tired to sleep. I've just been getting frustrated with it.



However, I got news that the village was zero popped for me. I sent out my settlers! I will have another village at 4:12 pm today! Yay!



Now, I need to get to bed. Seriously, need to.



My car needs fixed and clothes need done in the morning. To get anything accomplished, I must get sleep. =| Must. Later. Goodnight.

"Mommy, that's my Dora sock, that's my favorite sock. My favorite sock I've ever seen."



Priceless moments. ♥♥♥



=)

COMMENTS

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FatalAttraction
20:55 Jan 06 2012

Kids are great. They are funny and have amazing imaginations and sense of humor.

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Vampirewitch39
03:12 Jan 07 2012

:)

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After taking care of my own account and my friend's account for 11 days on the browser game as his sitter... I'm in need for a days rest. Thank gosh he's back from South America. =)



Once he works today at his job and gets some sleep... I'll probably make him my sitter for tomorrow evening with some instructions. =)



I've got to go to my mother's house tomorrow so my car can get looked at and hopefully fixed. It depends on what exactly is wrong and how much it costs, if we have the money or if it's going to be a small IOU to my mom and stepdad for half the money or something. =( I hate when I owe money. That's never changed over the years.



But I can't keep an eye on the cropper my other friend is catting just for me to settle when at my mother's house. It's just not possible. I have my settlers ready. The population is at 47 now. She's just got to zero pop it. =)



It may be longer than we talked about because of her daughter coming down with an odd rash type thing. It doesn't bother me. Family comes before the game... ALWAYS.



Aurora always comes before my account and before an incoming attack. If I think I can't be on when there's something happening, I'll set someone up I trust as my sitter or something. It's as simple as that. My daughter comes before my hobby... time spending... browser game thingy.



My alliance even understands that. And if I get into the other one I just recently got turned down for... =( I'm a little upset by it. But, I'll make sure they know what's up before they take me on. My daughter helps me with my account and the accounts I sit for. If they have a problem with it... that's on them and that's just the way it is. I won't strive to be in their alliance. =) I'll stay and fight in my own and make them stay up there somehow. *kicks their rumps*



Brett and I stayed up WAY too late last night. We were spending time together watching a movie. We totally lost track of time before we knew it and I stayed up even longer than him. =| I stayed up past 5 in the morning.



At least everyone here slept in quite a bit. Until almost 10 am. It made things a little easier.



However, Brett woke up on the cranky side of things. I expected it but damn... harsh. 0.o



I need to go get things started and other things done. Pork loin, mashed potatoes, and corn and green beans for supper. Yummm.



Aurora's currently unzipping her sleeper to put Diego stickers on her belly. =) She's being cute.



I told her not to put them on the sleeper since the one went through the wash and dryer with stickers on it and I can't get them off of it now. So since I told her a couple of days ago not to put any sticker on any sleepers or blankets, she's found the loophole.



Smart child. She definitely finds ways around everything. Every rule. She'll find some way to get her way. Trust me on that. =)



... Somehow I don't think I should be proud of that "talent." But I very much am. She doesn't just go with what she's told from people. That I like. I just wish she would listen to her mommy and daddy a bit more. =)

Some unforeseen situations have arisen on top of my car needing an alternator.



There's going to be some struggles ahead of us in the next month. But I know we're going to work this out. I'm sure of it.



We just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward.



That's all we can do.



=)



First thing is first...



1. Brett's getting his schedule straightened out this week.

2. Getting the whole bent tie rod behind my right front side tire figured out and replaced; plus my car needs aligned.

3. Two new tires on the front of my car from Rick's or Woody's. =)

4. Buy the new chainsaw.

5. Brett's going to be cutting wood, digging the last bit of the ditch, and getting things sorted and finished up outside.

6. Brett calling cooperate to see when he can reapply.



What happened? My car stalled. Brett was late this morning. He was let go of this afternoon before the work day ended. It sucks. He likes the job and the place. He has friends there. Actual friends. He wants to go back. None of the managers wanted to fire him. I've met two of them in person at Wal-mart and Kroger Co. and they were happy to have him. Even though it was factory work, he liked it. Toner cartridges... just anything to do with computers, seriously.



He's going to call. If it had been before the new year, they wouldn't had to of fired him. He couldn't call them like the new policy states. I accidentally brought the jumper cables in with the groceries the other day when my mom had Aurora. It's my fault.



It isn't my fault the car stalled but completely my fault for the cables not being in the car like they seriously needed to be.



Brett was upset with me when he made it home. I'm more upset with myself than anyone can possibly be though.



He should be coming home from his class soon. I miss him. It's been a long while since I've looked forward to him coming home.



We've been getting better. I can definitely say that without any forcing of the words. It's been a lot better between us. There's not so much anger (for many reasons I won't mention online) and we've been starting to care about the other again. It's been weird in a sense. The past couple of years I've doubted his actions and whether he cares about me. I know he does on a lot of different levels. Now on to discover if its the levels I need for him to care/love me on for our relationship to continue.



If those feelings are gone for him, I'm not like a lot of people around me. I won't stay together for the sake of my child. For the sake of my child, I'll end the relationship as a romantic thing and continue it as a friendship that's healthy and can remain healthy because of our effort to save things.



I love my daughter. I would do anything for her.



My daughter will come first before anyone ever does. Yes, to a certain degree.



Like my dad said, if the parents are together for the sake of the child, what kind of fucked up messaged is that child going to get seeing two miserable people trapped together tied down by a child they probably resent.



I agree with him. I would rather my daughter be mad at me and even tell me she hates me than her see me in a miserable state for the next 14 years of her life when she's old enough to move out.



I love Brett. Next therapy appointment I have next week, I'm hoping he can make it with me. =) I want to work on some things with him.



We're still not communicating as well as we need to. We both know that. We're having off days as well as better days. But we're getting through them together.



That's what matters, right?



I'm going to go put Aurora back in bed, put away the clothes on our bed, cut and paint my fingernails, and do my browser game.



Brett should be home within the next 30 minutes. Maybe sooner. I don't know the new schedule at all. He's supposed to change it anyway. =) Later.

There are certain people in my life that are closer to me than others. Some of them, I'll go a few months without talking to them but that bond is always strong. Always.



I would walk across gravel with bits of broken glass in bare feet for those select few.



That's just the way it is.



That's also how I feel about what I believe in.



If what I believe in doesn't hurt myself or others, what is the harm in it.



And last but not least, there are friends that have been through so much with me. I wouldn't trade them for anything.



I value my life.

I value my daughter.

I'm grateful for the things I do have.



We don't have extra money.

We struggle to pay bills some months.



My car is having some issues at the moment.

We have to by a new chainsaw or we're not going to be able to make it through winter. As in, this house would be freezing.



We have what we need. We make sure of that.



I believe in God. I also believe my dad watches over me and my daughter.



I know it.



I don't know if the God I believe in is the Christian God or another branch of religion. But I'm sure I believe there is a higher being other than humanity. I don't believe they control us to the degree most churches try to portray. I believe sin is left to be interrupted as to what its definition is. After all, we would all go to Hell for impure thoughts. Wouldn't we? There's so many things that are considered sinful by most churches. =\



But back to the subject of my friends, I hope to meet the two main friends I've kept over the years on this site in the next couple of years.



Maybe sooner.



=D



I love them both dearly and I hope they know what they mean to me.

COMMENTS

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DireConsequences
22:27 Jan 01 2012

I wanted to make this comment real quick.



Yes, I am grateful for my relationship with Brett. Although we have been having some problems and issues and we don't always see eye to eye.



We are trying to work things out. We can't always be level headed, that goes for both of us. But we are trying.



*sighs* I wanted to put that before I got out of here. =)



I was upgrading building on my browser game and did not catch that I had not type that when I meant to. =\

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