Man, life gets good, then kinda bad again, then good. Recently I have written that I have been at my wits end with my Lupus. Last week I had been at the emergency room four times and the stupid ass doctors (oh, wait, they're not even doctors here, they are Nurse Practioners playing doctors) just gave me a few shots, several precriptions I couldn't even afford and then they would discharge me telling me"Now, if you dont feel better within 24-48hrs return to the Emergency Room.."
Which was exactley what I did this last time around. Geeezus it was a headache. I had to call an ambulance where they rushed me to the same E.R......except this time my joints were so swollen and so inflamed visably that they immediatley started an I.V., gave me pain medicine every 3hrs and even put me on I.V. antibiotics. Just when I thought they would let me get discharged again (and I was feeling pretty damn sick too) A head doctor pulls a curtain back and tells me that they are going to be keeping me. I was a bit scared. Alone. But relieved I'd get the care I needed for so damn long. It was still a damn nightmare though...
It was sometime past 10:30pm by the time they got me upstairs to the hospital ROOMS and though they tried to sedate me (yeah, i was in an AMAZING ammount of pain), I was still at a 9 on the painscale level. Pain meds every 3hrs, and the worst part was I had no visitors. Alone, I let them treat me and let the I.V. medicines do their job. It was very painful. I guess I have these tiny baby veins that kept collapsing each time I needed a new I.V. started. I couldnt believe out of all the nurses qualified to start an I.V. not one of them got one that stayed for more than 10hrs at a time before they had to start a new one.
At one point they had to bring down a tech from Ultrasound to find a vein that wouldn't collapse! They did and that one went poof too. Right on the inside of my wrist. When they ripped out that fucker it felt like somebody took a blade and made a slice. I begged for a new one to be started. Well....my last day there was spent in some comfort and I did manage sleep in small doses...
I had the hospital's head doctor doing all he could for me and I was released sometime yesterday. Im still rather sore and I still have a huge variety of perscriptions I am waiting on to be filled so I dont have to end up back there anytime soon. *sighs*
I know there are way worse things to have than Lupus.....but this was the first time I was truly hospitalized for such a severe flare up. It scared me that the inflamation in my blood could effect so many things in my body. My tears are finally dried up. I have bruises all the way down each arm from everything and im so sore I can just barely walk normally. I need to get and meet with a specialist stat.......this cannot happen again!
I wanna thank all of you who sent me so much postive words, energy and prayers....you'll never know what it means and meant!
To that special friend who I like to refer to as 'my guardian angel'.......well.....I don't know where I would have been without you being there for me, putting an ear to ear smile on my face even when it was painful as hell! You are the best! You are awsome! You'll never know just how much you mean to me...
Well...on that note...I better take my anti inflamtory medicine, my antibiotic and whatever else they demand I take to keep the flare ups managable. That warm comfy bed call again. I need as much sleep as possible (when I can get it lol).
By the way....LUPUS SUCKS! *growls at Lupus or anyone else who has to battle it too*
My list for tonight....
A touch of sadness
extreme physical pain
hunger
anxiety
Lonliness
Longing for hugs in abundance
Hmmm. I sure miss hugs. Alot.
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