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So I don't cry much in real life... but in movies and in the case of sad animal stories I do. Last night I cried over this story as Gunner is a Springer Spaniel much like my two doggies... today

good news!



http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/6420AP_WA_Wrong_way_Crash.html

Since it is Thanksgiving here in the states, I thought I’d share 10 things I’m thankful for.



1. Best-friends who, after months of your dreading to share your plans, call you courageous for following your gut instinct and agree that things will work out for you upon your next adventure.

2. The support and understanding of everyone I hold dear, with my choice of plans.

3. The dream that will come to pass, not matter how much it may change in shape.

4. My dogs and kitties… with them to come home to, I still come home :)

5. Family who while they are split within their support, understand that I must walk my own path.

6. Being open to the *signs, that are placed in my path. Of which, corny as it sounds, Vampire Rave has been a major one. Many thanks for all the hours of work on this site, as it has been a catalyst for my realizations of many aspects within my life that I had put blinders up to.

7. The Adventure I am starting… I can’t wait to see what happens next.

8. The potential job in Seattle that in the short term will allow me to do my move later than I’d like, but with little to no financial stress.

9. That things are starting to fall into place as they usually do, and I can feel the momentum building… wheee!

10. A special friend, who knows what is in store in the future?! I sure as hell don’t- but the fact that I consider you eye-candy, is just an added bonus to the fun I’ve had conversing with you, and the fact that you have reawakened something that I had tried to hide even from myself.

Ok, I had known that it had been a while since I have gone to clubs.... but it's been SEVEN years! What the hell have I been doing? Crap, need to move now... need life... need to socialize... GAH!



Seven years, found this out from a friend who's still in the scene, when we were talking about how the clubs were today. She was teasing me about this site ("look at you little ms. goth"- haha v. funny) since she never seems to remember that I'd been "around", then she mentioned that one club was no longer where I remember it being. And it MOVED SEVEN YEARS ago.... Damn I'm old....



New Mantra:

I will move, and have a social life, I will go DANCING and make up for lost time.... GAH 7 years.... Mean while... I should see if there are any events I can go to...

So yet again... PortlandBarFly has "missed" his train home... so instead of going to a Sonics game which I had free tickets to, I get to drive 7 hours round trip tonight.



Unfortunately this means that I don't get to finish making things for a show that I have to be at by 10am TOMORROW, plus I have a full day of patients... *sigh* I just know that I am going to spend Thanksgiving sick again, as I've been fighting off a sore throat for the past 2 days now...



GAH! Brothers... *shakes fist*



Maybe I'm just too nice.

I am used to having and being able to create what and where I should be. Normally this is an almost effortless transition since I usually know well in advance that a change is going to occur.



Broadsided. That’s how it’s going this time. I have been numb for so long, that I thought that I would stay that way. Feelings were dealt with and placed out of the way. I’m now seeing that I have a whole big mess on my plate. And it’s my doing.



Everything for a reason, and now I find myself at a new juncture with no reasons except the ones I am about to create. This has me more scared than anything I’ve ever dealt with. I know this is my juncture; this is where I make things happen. I even see the goal; can taste the hints of success.



So why do I want to curl up and hide. Why am I loathe to feel, wanting that horrid numbness back. Have I taken to long and actually gotten accustomed to something that I never should have? Or am I truly afraid to stand and see myself for what I am, nothing more nor less?

4 hours of driving down to Portland, in bad friday traffic. Several hours on line hoping PortlandBarFly will log on... Hanging out with friends... Finally a phone call... arrange to meet Sun... then OOPS I'm gonna be late... hmmm big surprise.... looks like I'll get home very late tonight... brothers are such turds.

In talking with someone I am quickly considering a dear friend. I find I am not alone my strange sense of wonder and that the past is telling me something. I wonder, is this the gem I have been searching and longing for. Is this one mine?



I have had so many times where there is a spark, only to have it fizzle, or have had everything I’ve wanted only to know it is not mine. The hope the dwells inside is so hard to keep at bay. I want to cry out to the gods begging, PLEASE!



Complicating things is this world where people can get to know each other and yet never meet. Things go smoothly, you are taking it slowly, this is not bad until: MSN DUMPS YOUR SORRY ASS and you don’t get to ask the question you’re dying to know… *sigh that’s what you get, until the next time you run into each other online. Who knows, maybe it’s all just another sad joke.



Damn computers…