14:54 May 12 2012
Times Read: 1,066
I wrote the following after a conversation with a friend who feels this entire poker run is "too much" and "not who Garry was to her"... and I have to say I'm not surprised. But the only way I can make it resemble who he was to her, is for her to SPEAK UP.
The "battle" (it isn't going to be really, is starting as I knew it would... yet I don't really care) over what should/shouldn't be will still be expressed in one manner or another. I keep asking and opening to people who want to put in, and when they don't- all I can say is, "it is YOUR fault, that YOUR touch is not on this project as our door for input has been open the entire time".
I'm still on the fence as to if it is even worth posting this, but this is what I wrote. I want there to be more clarity with the "why" and I hope this does some of that. Plus I do think if I'm going to ask for something, it should be something I'm willing to give....
Something became abundantly clear to me today. In order to truly have people understand what I ask for, I must first post. The reason is not because I am the most important, nor is it because I am the least. It is because we all have different memories, conversations and love for Garry. Not one of these is more important than another, nor are any lesser; each gives a insight as to who this man was, and why we still care.
That is the crux of doing a fundraiser in his name. Who was Garry to us, and why did/do we still care.
It would be easy to make this event just about us and our individual thoughts and memories. We could even focus on just how we lost him. But if we were to do that, we would lose him. He was more than all of us, just like us, and different for each of us. Part of why I wanted to even be associated with a fundraiser in Garry’s name is simple, because of what he meant to me. That personal friendship we share created a momentum that only those who have known me years, would understand my “why”.
Garry came into my life somewhere in 2007, I honestly don’t remember when. We didn’t start a friendship until 2008, and then it wasn’t until 2009 that it could be considered when we became close friends. To me, Garry was an energy, a force for me to move to the dreams and hopes I had always held close and cherished. That he was able to get me to talk about them, and express them in such detail I often still wonder, “How did he do that?” Through the development of our friendship, he became the voice that reminded me not to take things for granted, and keep moving forward.
I can best summarize it as a conversation where I was challenging him on his reasoning for even becoming a friend. I was angry at a situation that had arisen, and was ready to make some serious changes in my life. His response stopped me.
“You seemed to be living in what you had done. Not what you could do.”
Game on. Now I wasn’t just angry, I was livid and propelled to act. Not at Garry, nor his choice of words, but in the truth that I was unwilling to see up until that moment. That was not who I was, nor was it how I intended to live my life. Absolutely not! In my mind I was going to take this feedback, and make certain that it never became my life.
This is just one instance of where our friendship, as unusual as it was; was a major component of me becoming more fully who I wanted to be. Not what he expected, or wanted; there was a freedom that no matter what choice I would make, his friendship would be there to support me as fully as he could so that I could be more.
Then there are the good times. What can I say, Garry loved to laugh, he love people having the time of their lives, and he would often try to perpetuate momentum into creating such events. One such time was the day I got my new “smart phone”. Garry made a point of teaching me how not to butt dial, and then as we drove to a shopping center was discussing the various buttons and what they could do. I remember taking my eyes off the road to look over at him for a second. He of course, was filming this. What the video was,
“Do not be using my phone to film your crotch!” Followed by Garry’s giggle.
That was the end of that video, just 10 seconds of film (all of Garry’s legs) and our quick interchange. It wasn’t much, but it was so telling of the mischief and humour he intermingled as much as possible.
Garry and I often talked of our dreams, our insecurities, and what we wanted to make our futures like. So much of that found us at times in odds with one another, but once we talked face to face, there was no friction; just support and a belief in the other’s ability. Our friendship was not about what was, but who we wanted to be, and how we wanted to get there. It was laughter, it held sorrow and hurt. It was a perfectly flawed interaction between two people who wanted nothing more than to see the other succeed and achieve their dreams.
It is also why this event is such a dear project to me. It is why, to some I will fail in what I seek to do. Not for not trying, but because as I stated before, this man was dear to us each for a different reason. If I can succeed at one thing, it would be to live up to the three R’s.
Remember- what has happened
Revel- take our memory and not just live, thrive vivaciously
Ride- come together to celebrate and create a new reason to remember.
Life is a cycle, and my choice in moving forward is to start from where I’ve been. I wish to honor my friend who in conversations expressed a need for his illness to benefit others if he couldn’t make it. This is how I have chosen to do it. I know some of you will not agree with or understand some of the choices myself and some of Garry's friends have made. Unfortunately in all large events, there will be compromise, and the desire to create "mass appeal". In this, there is a potential that we lose that distinctive voice that was Garry. This is why each of you are needed. Each one of you holds a very needed and sought after expression of him. Because he is not here, we and our experiences must be "his voice" to the general public. We are the ones that can create the buzz, and have others step up with us in creating a legacy.
I hope you will join with me not just in remembering our loss, but remembering WHY, why we all loved this man named Garry.
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