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So I've been visiting with one of my best friends, and found out that her and her husband have put their house on the market for 4 million. It's too bad, as I love where they are now, but I have to say I'm impressed with her and her reasons for doing this (personal story).
I honestly never saw what has occurred to her and her family. It is interesting to see the "break" between the couple that happened years ago, has grown in the past two years. They still are very partnered, but it has had a major cost on both of them. Only time, and what growth happens in the next ten years will determine if this will stay the course or if they will go separate ways.
Unfortunate? No, they both are conscious of their current choices, and taking the path that feels right/good to them both. That's just it, we have this expectation of "happy ever after" which is fallacy. I think content with choice, and life path... perhaps happy with growth and compassion... but plain happy ever after? Not after a decade. Life happens, and all couples are two people, which means there are three basic potentials, or more.
It's funny how you hit a certain age and suddenly boundaries become so much more important.
That and how so many of us have similar, but not the same. If we all approached each other from this small perception shift, I think the changes we could create would be amazing.
So I have a date tomorrow morning. I am not too thrilled. Not at the idea, but that it is tomorrow. I wanted to have the time to talk to a friend about business, and now this? *sigh* I will try to play nice.
Who the hell am I kidding. I don't flipping care.
Today sucked monkey balls. I had everything get done that needed, but any plans for it going smoothly were shot out of the water.
2 patients thought they had appointments and didn't. 1 of which was AFTER I was booked to be out to help my friend move.
Our pay is not being done till tomorrow which does NOT help me pay my bills by the 1st, and makes my rent check bounce. Thank you F* accountant who had the balls last time to say "save more". Yeah, you wouldn't make it one year with my schedule/finances. I'm doing pretty damn good all things considered.
Mike's move only myself and one other person showed. He was ready for us thankfully. But he lives in a place with 3 floors and NO ELEVATOR. :-/ So after getting everything into the truck we had an hour and half left of the rental to get it unloaded.
Even better, the new apartment technically we aren't allowed to move in after 9pm, and it's 8:40. So I had three guys unload the truck, one sit in elevator and load/unload and Cristina and myself on the apartment floor unload elevator to hall and then walk to the apartment. Thankfully they let us use the elevator for an extra 20 min... and we unloaded everything in 40 total WOOOO we rock.
Because my client showed when I was supposed to leave... I'm coming home to "angry" pups as they have been in kennel since I left for work. Now I have to stay up with them so they can be out. Also I had three hard boiled eggs this am.... but missed my lunch as client was there when I should have been eating.
And I have to leave at 6:30 am so I can fucking do hot yoga and then go on a date before I visit my friend.
I haven't worked out all week. But I am starting my solicitations of larger corporations for donation.
It could be said that I'm Pimpin' my night away.
I also have a nifty new email address, and a friend who is in charge of social media and the largest group here in London is going to feature us on Linked In.
So I woke in a foul mood. But Egon is being a cuddle bug, there goes the cranky pants...
Anyways, last few days were hard, as I have posted below. More so because there are so many more that aren't posted. At the same point, strangely it gives me strength. Remembering and knowing it will one day be you.
I think that is what is missing from this technological world. We get so wrapped up in the moment, we forget. Or we spend so much time in future, we forget. Then there is an aspect just as detrimental, we live in the past, and forget. All of these aspects make us complete, yet so often we get stuck in various states.
Really, what is important?
Love
Joy
Accomplishment (feeling of)
Connection
Compassion
Those five I think are paramount to living a full life. All the other emotions add too, but these are building blocks. They leave you stronger. The rest can destroy this foundation, so these must be honored. Still we manage to get too busy, too this or that... and well... then we loose.
Breath.
Know your control is limited, and then have a fucking blast.
It was great to see a mutual friend come to this conclusion very early this morning. Yesterday seems to have been a day for remembering the passed, not just for me- but I saw many instances of it on FB.
2006-Shaver, no obit - Although a mutual friend posted a link to a theatre board that mentioned it.
This is just since I`ve moved. I haven`t included clients who have died (4) or others that were not as close (like my aunt in Dec- Mom knew her best). Nor have I mentioned the pets who spent over a decade with me.
Since 1997 it`s been a rough go of things. Probably rougher than I want to realize. Why do I put this here... because, one quarter or more were cancer. And even for those that are not, all were in pursuit of a better life. Most needed some financial assistance at one point or if they didn`t were wanting to help those in need.
I woke at 4 am. It's now 4:35. I think I'll wake the pups now so I ca sleep till 8... Perhaps this means the oversleep is done?
What woke me was an unease of a dream involving two friends who have parted- but what is going on with them. I don't like what I see, and realize one is using the other, along with manipulating many things. I don't want to be a part of, nor do I want to even dream it. Last nights dream "set me off" enough, but these are people who are kind enough- but not of the same values I hold as important.
And seriously if you come, they have sorbets too. Pineapple, coconut, apple, lime, orange and Pina colada- all served in the shell of the fruit it is from (pina colada is coconut and pineapple in the pineapple). SOOOO tasty
So this is what has caused the "issues" of the past week, that we now can sell but not "online" *cough, shifty eyes* but is approved for family and friends...
Anyways, it's rather silly how much we have to watch what we do. But once we remove the finger from behind the censor, the image is approved provided we don't link it to the event or to the charity. Easy enough to do... just a pain.
I however still must wait for another few days for our sponsor letter so that I can move this forward. It's amazing how sometimes little things become these giant deal breakers. At least in this instance we have a compromise.
And one that I personally find funnier, truth be told.
So we sent a censored version of the "rude" logo to the charity this am. I am hoping it is approved, as in someways having the censored stamp over the image is funny.
That stated I'm not "holding" my breath. This is a very conservative group, heck they are rewriting a letter that was already good, simply because we were "too transparent". Ah, love that smell of bureaucracy, it's enough to drive me crazy. Especially when it isn't logic driven, but more perception.
It really has shown me how "out there" I am. Interestingly I mix and mingle well with others, but right now I realize how "odd" I must seem to them. I don't play to other people's sensibilities, but I am respectful of them. It was something that Garry and I talked about because he was learning how doing this was not a compromise, but merely a way to get what you want and go where you want to.
It's funny how people in the "scene" are quick to label you a "sell out" when they can't pay their bills and do what they want when they want. How is making money selling out? It's something I was "trained in" both from my social crowd but also my academic ones. We are taught to accept things as they are, but why?
Why if we are so alternative, can we not see that we are playing into the same game, but from the poverty stand point? If we truly want to "show them", then we need to do it by being ourselves and being successful in that. Not conforming to what we think will make us successful. And not being ashamed of the changes and compromises we have to take.
Integrity is more than a descriptor, it is a way of living.
Majorly frustrated today. Got an adjusted picture from artist sans "the bird"- meh.
Had client email me AFTER I had left to do the work, and when I got there ask, "can you come back in a few hours?" Umm, no. This is NOT my normal job and you waited until 11:12 am to message me when I had told you last Wed my window would be between 11-2pm. Just because I'm standing in, does not mean I will let myself be walked over.
Then went to hammer our things with sponsor- only to have him be out of town till this afternoon. :-/ REALLY? And I was told he thought I'd be there in the afternoon... when every other afternoon he's skipped out on me? Um, no. It was set for late am. BAH. For them however I will go back, because they are easy to deal with and profanity isn't even an issue. YAY I can fucking cuss this afternoon!
Plus I'm hoping to have some of this fundraiser more under control. ACK.
Yes it is a lot. But damnit, I'm able- right now though, is one of those low points that happens, and you just have to let it slide so you:
1. don't commit homicide.
2. so you actually follow through with the event
3. you have a better layout than expected.
I know it will happen, it's just right now it all seems uphill. Meh.
So my insurance agent also sells life insurance. I used to have life insurance until I moved and had to cash out (my move I cashed out retirement, life insurance, everything I could as it was more than expected. Any international move is really).
It seems they have a new type of insurance, on that if you are given a life threatening diagnosis, it will cash out for you to live off of. Well, damn. It was a very hard meeting going through all the struggles Garry went through and seeing this and going: Oh look for 40 a month, EVERYTHING would have been covered for Garry. He could have even gone overseas, as he had hoped he could (it was something he wanted to do instead of the chemo).
But it appears that this opportunity was to just be mine, and only because of this car fiasco. I honestly had no idea that they have changed insurance policies so much. I am for certain doing the life insurance, as the bills I have would be covered by it (small business' that put their necks out for me- I will be CERTAIN they get paid) and it's 11.90 a month. Really? That is nothing, so I will sign up for it this week. The other, is 30.10 a month and while it is low dollar amount, stretches the budget beyond what I was expecting.
It's time for me to start working harder with work, get my plans rolling there and then I can afford both. Simply put- it's a good idea in this day and age. Plus it removes some worry I've had with seeing everything that happened these past two years.
I don't know if I'm going to yoga. I was ok until I ate tonight, now I'm exhausted. Yes I over ate. But man it was GOOOOD. But now I'm just plain tired.
Meh. Hopefully a bit on the couch and I can still make 8pm yoga.
Also, our artist had a humorous potential for the axed logo... putting a censor block over it. Would be rather fitting... but we aren't counting on it.
We have another design possibility that I actually think will be best... but that just shows you- you have to think outside the box. Sometimes you don't even know you're in a box, until a challenge like this comes up.
*phew* back to my "other" work. You know, the one that pays my bills?! o.O
We branded so well with the gummy, that all gummy must be "polite". While it is huge compliment to artist and what we've done... It is major pain.
However, it means we can go "harder" with what we do- just can't link to it on website or offical places. Tis ok... I think we'll find a way to "Rock it" none the less.
Bureaucracy in the morning! Wooo! um, yeah, that would be a lie.
I just got off the phone with the charity we are supporting. They are negatory with the image of Garry as a gummy giving the bird. Understandable, we figured as much- and also understandable that if we do it as a private shirt that they don't want it "associated" with the ride. Fair enough, Rocky's Harley is OK with the image for their logo.
BUT, this lead to the conversation:
Me: "What about the area of the web site, and pictures of Facebook where Garry is giving the bird? You do realize that probably 50% of them have him doing this."
Her: "Oh GARRY. *sigh* I'll have to take it to our communications department."
Me: "LOL, Well he was full of attitude... and this is in his honor."
And that is where we are at. I'm also having a bitch of a time getting T-shirt quotes, and I can't get the info to our web person (GRIN- ♥ our web person) without having that. Simple reason: we are trying to pre-sell EVERYTHING. I don't want one extra shirt/patch or anything with this event. That is why I need to know cost to get the shirts, so I can charge that + donation for them.
I've tried to hard to keep everything from funneling, but it seems like it is bound and determined to happen irregardless of how hard I work on the prevention.
I have a meeting again on Monday for Harley to "hammer out" numbers, etc as at this point, I need solid quotes so I can start getting sponsors. ACK.
Don't worry, if you're one of the people who want a rude shirt, I will have the information posted here as to how to get them. Small steps... but man if it doesn't feel like a mountain at times.
Oh and I'm doing my protein shake for dinner (three frozen fruits, whey protein with greek yogurt, plus water, and a handful of almonds). I'm REALLY digging the plain yogurt in the shake... it makes it really creamy like I'm having ice cream for dinner.
I am really frustrated and disappointed. The insurance thing is really getting to me.
I need all the positive thoughts to get through this. I need to write that letter, but it is so hard when you were told it would do nothing for your case.
Loves me my George Foreman grill! Just cooked several pounds of cod, and ate it with homemade tartar sauce :) Had to finish with gluten free brownie bread... so I'm over full and happy.
OMGAWD. I was mauled this morning. I got up at 6 to let the puppies out and potty. Normally we go back to bed, and for the last hour I let them stay with me instead of in their kennel.
Today's plan was morning yoga, but damn if I wasn't exhausted. So back to bed with pups. About four hours later (yes that is right- four) Egon has my hand in is mouth and Winston is licking my face and neck. No matter how I squirm they go for another body part.
^.^ But I'm bigger, so I got up :P
I'm really wondering why I slept so long. Typically 8-9 hours and I'm golden. Today I needed to stay in bed. And to be clear, I'm only doing yoga 3-4x per week, I'm not doing weights right now, and I have just cut back my work hours. WTF? If I had not gone through periods of this in the past, I would be like- just extra rest, no biggie. But with everything else it is really starting to annoy me.
Not to mention, get in the way of my doing things.
I think part of my anxiety is due to stress at work. Not me, but it seems yet again my boss is letting our front desk staff go. I don't know why this time, and honestly am truly sad to see this pattern happen again.
It fucks with my business. I get that it is her centre, but man I just want some stability. Really. Hasn't there been enough over the past several years? I know change is the only constant- but this much change is exhausting.
So the puppies shredded one of my favorite all time children's books. Lamont the Lonely Monster... it was a pop up. So after putting them in their kennel for being bad (I had just gone to put laundry in the dryer), I went on amazon as often used books can be bought there.
$83.95 for the same quality of book I had. :(
I guess I get to just remember how much I loved that book. Damn.
So a bunch of things were found yesterday. It was good to go through them. But my mood is similar to the weather right now: blustery.
I simply don't know how to completely process all of this. I really don't. I knew about so much of it, the confirmation is heartbreaking really. There are so many negative influences around all of it.
Not around all the people, but select few. And truthfully I'm afraid to face it all. Not because I don't think I can, but there is a part that I don't want to remember how much this all meant. It is far easier to say, "well kinda sort, not really," than to face what happened, and what that means.
To face the aspect of loss, that will not return, that needs to be acknowledged. To understand this will not happen, and you must go on. I've known for some time, but this is truly the aspect that I fear.
How do you miss someone and move away without it feeling empty?
I'm truly bone tired still. All of the things I "saw" before they happened, have happened in the typical not exact but close enough I wasn't wrong. What's worse, is there is still more to those same dreams that has not played out yet.
THAT is my fear. I don't want what I saw, but I don't see anyway around it. Because if I am right, it is going to find me no matter what. I pray that this part is just the over dramatic, and morose of me. But it would explain so much...
Damn damn damn. I really didn't want that information from last night. Damnit.
So my aversion to wheat has turned into true intolerance. Last night my housemate, her boyfriend and myself went to the BBQ place where most things do not have breading on them. However, I wanted the New Orleans platter
which has gator and seafood. All of which are breaded.
Now keep in mind I eat the potatoes and they do not bother me (light breading is on them). Well we ate mass amounts (in past I've eating the entire New Orleans platter on my own). When we finished we stopped by a DQ for a mini blizzard. YUM (total sugar overload and horrid additives, but it was first time in months). So all should be good to go home and chill, right?
Oh no, so very wrong. I spent about an hour trying to stay awake (typical reaction to wheat/sugar), then I laid down and fell asleep, only to wake up an hour later. With a flipping BOULDER in my intestines. So I started with mass amounts of water. I joked around on FB, and finally around 3am I had enough water to get some of the crud moving and was able to finally go to sleep.
Looks like no "cheat" with wheat for me. That is an experience I do not want to repeat.
A saying was posted that I had to repost on my Facebook.
Basically it is the aspect that if you truly want something bad enough, you will find a way.
If you don't you will find an excuse.
Wonder why we like underdog stories, look to the statement above. Most people are underdogs at one point or another. The question truly is: what are you willing to settle for?
Last night was a great example of what was, and what is now. I was out for a coworker's birthday, and two girls we used to work with showed up. It was WONDERFUL to see them, and even better to see how great they are doing.
What was, is that before I would have felt out of place and uncomfortable (mostly due to everything that was going on in my life) yet last night was a breeze. It showed me how much more ease I have with who I'm working with, and how much further I want to go.
Earlier I was having a WONDERFUL day and I say that with no sarcasm. Then:
WAM
POW
SMACK
right in the kisser. I got a kick in the privates, my brother got one... and now I'm plain angry. Got some more news that is shitty on my financial front, but at least this person is more than happy to work with me.
Really? I want a break. However I also realize if I am to truly take responsibility, I need to understand it may not come and simply work harder.
This is why I think the tides are turning. I *finally* am fully starting to feel my strength again. It's been since about 2004, but slowly it is returning. There is a point of damn I wish I could have shared this side of me with some people, but such is life?
Mechanic boy has done a major whopper. I had a feeling last night and then found out that from being silent he's now "chatting up a storm". I feel so bad for my co-worker who I placed in this, thankfully she's still talking to me.
It just goes to show how completely blind we are to self-sabotage when we are in cycles of it. Amazing.
And I say that not fully in relationship to mechanic boy, but to my own situation and how I've been living. I'm aware, that is the first step. I have a coach who will call me on my shit, which is the second. I'm doing something, even something small each day to make it better.
Interesting how this makes me feel lighter, and more free.
One thing that is becoming more and more clear, is my desire to live exactly where I am. With everything that has happened, esp in the last few months I was really doubting where I am supposed to be.
Funny how time off sometimes offers us a clarity that we didn't see before. I honestly am happy here. Not with everything, I still have some big life changes to work on, but mostly. And enough in that I know I can do very well here once I no longer have restrictions.
I've also gotten closer to coming to grips with a dead person that I often "hear" at the most in opportune times. In the same breath, I have to say there is a comfort in knowing the presence when it is around. Yet I can honestly say I am moving on. One thing Mechanic boy did do for me was to show me quite plainly that I am not choosing someone because they remind me of Garry (which was a real concern) but based off of what they show me. That he then turned into a major douche, well I'm not having an issue with letting the connection go. If it is "right" then he will have some serious ass kissing to do for the complete break in trust and general acting with no balls.
I'm not expecting that, but I am expecting to hear from him at some point. Don't ask, I can't explain it but I just seem to have that feeling. And that could mean years from now lol.
It's exciting because it has shown me that if the right person were to *poof* be there, I would be ready to move on. That there isn't someone is where it is hard. Am I not over it? Honestly I don't know that I ever will be. When you have a connection like that, it simply is something that you cherish. When it is gone, it simply seems like you've lost a limb. How can you not miss something that was such a major part of your life.
I know I fucking drive myself nuts as half my stories now, all include Garry, simply because he was there. It's hard to try to relate to people and not bring him up. At the same point others get the impression that I'm still hurting (which is correct but not to the extent they think). It's a hard line, and one that I don't think others who haven't experienced this type of loss would understand. For myself I used to have compassion, but what I imagined was NOTHING like what it is really like.
Brutal comes to mind. Fragile, and misunderstood. It would be one thing if I were bringing up stories from childhood as 90% of those have Claudia. Or the theatre as 90% of those have Wendy or when I went to Acupuncture school as they had Marie and Rick... but in the past 5 years... it is Garry. And I don't know that I care to make others try to get it. It is easier to let them assume, even if it means they don't want to know me because of it.
So artwork has been sent to my contact for the charity for approval from them.
What this means? Not a whole lot really. At least I hope not! Worst case is that we may not use their logo on the T-shirts with profanity (which we expect really). I doubt there will be more more to it.
However, anytime I do something "official" all nervous and wobbly in my tummy.
Maybe I should just eat and not worry, yeah like I'll really do that. o.O
I found out some information, but I don't know where I found it out.
It was recent, and I know the dates are right, but I'm just not certain as for what. Something tells me it was a dream. Why can't I remember.
I hate this part of my brain. I know things, but my memory simply is not working like it used to. I have huge gaps. What is worse, is that I know the gap is there, and I know the information is there if I can only find the missing piece.
That's right, if you want to maintain a friendship, you can come to me. After all the bull that you have said about me, and how badly you treat your "friends", I really don't have time or space in my life for you.
I'm keeping those who don't use half truth and impressions to paint a different picture than reality. I choosing those who, while not perfect, attempt to better themselves. More importantly, I'm keeping those who help me better myself.
And we all know that can't be done through poison.
OMG I'm still laughing at this. I put this here for Joli and Imagesinwords. Both of these ladies will "get" the references put into this video that some friends posted this week.
And in my defense it is one specific person who did this where it never annoyed me. Mostly because you could tell he knew how to spell and did it for the humour and challenge. If anything it impressed upon me his intelligence. No one has done that prior or since.
But I miss text speak.
There I said it, and I know it is so very wrong. :(
Yay sleep! I did have to yell one more time at 4 am and since then blissful sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I do care deeply. But right now we're at a phase where they whine for plain attention. There was no accident this morning. They simply didn't want to sleep in the kennel. Not going to happen, they are too destructive and not fully trained yet.
I'm just glad for unbroken sleep of more than two hours.
I went to bed around 1:30. They woke me up at 2:15 to go out. They just woke me at 2:45. Nope not doing this. Shit in your kennel all night, but I am NOT getting up to let you out every 30 min so you can play. I'm sorry you were sick last night. I know it has been better today, and is still happening to a lesser extent.
I need sleep and this is NOT what is going to happen. Nor am I letting you sleep with me when you jump from the bed and destroy things in the apartment. You are not old enough, now go to bed and we'll clean you up tomorrow if there is another accident. But for now, go the fuck asleep.
Really? I know I over think, over speak and then act.
Remember, I act on what I work out. Get over it. I have to process and really look this in the face if I am to truly get over it.
You and I were similar, but never the same. Do not forget that. I need this. Each time I over do it (in your mind) I process and understand a little more, which makes moving away a little more easy.
Besides, I have to move past this if I am to do what I need to. You know that. You knew that before. Some hurts you must relive over again so you never go back. Yes it still makes somethings seem so close. But in truth it brings the realization of separations foremost to my mind.
It seems like a lifetime ago. I need for it to be that, or I would wait. It is not that I am that strong, it is that I remember. And as I said to a friend tonight, I will not settle for anything less.
I'm still moving forward, even if it seems I talk about the past. It is just so I understand and do not repeat the lessons that should be left behind. I am ready to find new ones.
In looking at his channel I have to add these two songs. The first is one of my favorite dance songs from my teen years....
And then there is this song. Hauntingly sad, and at the same point so very dark. Don't believe me, look up the translation of the lyrics. I spent hours listening to this song. I guess I've always had a macabre heart.
I spent all day loading CD's onto my computer so I can play them on my phone and iPods.
It's been kind of cool to have the music playing and then feeling the physicals sensations that they cause in me (I feel music- as in physical sensations like rubbing my hand against fabric). Funny how some of the songs it has been years, but I hear it and I FEEL my teen body and the emotions, thoughts I was going through then. Wild really.
But this song... just makes me want to dance.
Then there is this song... a part of me gets sad that we lost him as he's one of those artists that even if not popular, you know the music would have been interesting.
So the debate continues with my brother's FB page. Our cousin the troll is now equating birth control to abortion. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer... Here is my response:
First off Thomas, would you yes or no, agree that birth control can and is often used for women with hormonal issues relating to their menstrual cycle?
Because I would argue that YES is it. Having been diagnosed with fibroids and most likely endometriosis (was never confirmed but all the symptoms were present) at the age of 15 I was put on "birth control" to stop me from having 7 days of bleeding followed by 7 days off and then repeating the cycle.
If the religious right is to be believed I was a whore and deserved this horrible state. Yet I have documentation that my hymen was surgically removed by my doctor when I was 27 as not being able to use tampons was getting in the way of my athletics. I did not loose my virginity for another few years. But the religious right deems that when I was 15 I was a "whore" and they were "funding my abortions, yadda yadda yadda".
I will VEHEMENTLY stand up for a woman's rights to hormonal health, and keep in mind I have my masters degree in alternative medicine but I must acknowledge that for some women, including myself, medications were the short term solution and I continued to find other more effectual ways of controlling my hormonal health.
I AM THE FACE OF THE WOMEN YOU WOULD DENY BASIC HEALTH CARE TO.
To think it is just about preventing pregnancy and abortions, is ridiculous. It is about, in some instances keeping a woman healthy so that when she is READY she can have children. Unfortunately for me I have not found a partner whom I wish to raise children with. Hence why I have never had an abortion and why I do not have children. But that is not something you want to consider. Instead you wish to think 15 year olds like myself are immoral and just out for sex.
Wake up, some women have more ambition than men, and wish to stand on their own as a contributing person in our society. Just because I have XX chromosomes does not mean I am stupid, timid or subservient. Nor does it mean that I will let bullies like you, use my OWN religion against my personal health and well being.
I promise you if this conversation were to be had at the family Christmas, your stance would not only be shot down, it would be obviated.
So today is my nothing but cleaning day... and OMG I need it. The pups (Winston) has gotten into something that gave him the shits last night. Today I will be introducing him Pepto. Yes it is safe for dogs, Holmes used to have similar stomach issues as Winston seems to have.
Ironic that Egon has his attitude of "I am doing this". But back to my story. Last night 12:30 am pups started going off. I ignored them until 1:30. Went in, let them out and put them back... and me back to warm bed.
2:30, pups are going off again. This time I smell poo as I open the kennel and Egons back is COVERED in it :( I go get a washcloth to wipe him clean and let them out again. This time they go to bed with me (I prefer it when sick so I can get up and attend, etc).
3:30 Winston is whining at end of bed. Get up put him out- blow out again. 5:30 repeat of 3:30.
7:15 one more round only this time Egon goes with him. HOLY HELL. I guess no yoga as while broken sleep it's been deep each time... and all I want is more than 2 hours broken. FINALLY the pups let me sleep till 10:30.
I get up, make my coffee and clean their kennel fully. Change the blankets for them. Now I have to do the puppy laundry (toys, beds, blankets and clean up towels), do my sheets (I know the pups were wiped off but still EWWW). Do the rest of my laundry and vacuum and steam the living room and hall way with white vinegar (is GREAT for removing urine from carpets and disinfecting.)
So yes, my house will smell like douche. Tomorrow I leave for Buffalo after Yoga (YAY on both accounts!) and I don't plan on anything else.
Except putting my laundry away (I honestly don't understand it. I like DOING my laundry- but it can take me WEEKS to just put it away. And I know where everything goes/belongs- I'm weird).
So tonight ended up a bit more brutal than I was expecting. 12 clients in 3 hours. Only 3 of them were scheduled WRONG, or even worse I wasn't informed of the changes.
Rolled with it. Worked over by 15min. But made it- barely.
Now I have meeting over breakfast tomorrow that I'm looking forward to. One home visit with my post partum Mother, and YOGA... then NOTHING. YOU HEAR ME.... NOTHING else tomorrow :)
YAY ♥ although I need to clean. Perhaps carpets tomorrow and then cleaning mess of cleaning carpets Sat.... we shall see.
My brother has been having a debate that keeps going on and on - in Facebook with one of his cousins that is doing nothing but religious fear mongering and hate. His response deserves to be read and remembered.
Thomas from everything you have said here and on other posts I am fairly certain (about 99.9% ) that you are a hate monger who uses religion as some sort of shield to do and say whatever the fuck you want. It is funny that of all the commandments that your Jesus put forward the ones that you people tend to forget the most are the two most important ones according to Jesus... Love God (Which you uber- judgmental Christians spend too much time judging and hating other people to do) and love your neighbor as yourself (and we all know that you love your neighbors... if they are White, Christians or Catholics, Not Gay and Not Women). That is the problem with the nature of all your arguments, it is the fact that you believe that not being religious means you hate religion, that is completely and utterly false. What most non-religious do have a problem with is the fact that people like you love to shove the red white and blue cross covered dildo of your dogmatic bullshit down their throats and the throats of their children. Then to top it off, you try to elect people who will make those beliefs into governmental LAW, forcing everyone to follow your stupid rules that don't apply to them.
Wooo! Busy night, I have 8 people in three hours. O.o
Good thing I have more needles on the way, or I'd have NONE for next week. After today- NO WORK TILL TUESDAY! WOOOOOOO!
I need the mini break. Am going to start by doing house work and then finish with a little jaunt over to Buffalo. Yes I will still do some work... but I have determined it will only be the FUN work! RAWR!
Let's see if I can keep the "GO" today. Last night the weenies had an accident in the kennel. So this am I cleaned it up, and what they don't know is tonight... tonight is BATH! Mwahahaha!
I also am printing out the sponsor letters, and starting the calls. July 1st- it's just around the corner and I need to get GOING if this is going to be awesome success (by awesome I'd be thrilled if we simply raise a few thousand, but I'm setting the bar high). If nothing else I want it to be a great day of memories and looking forward to the future.
Tomorrow starts my four day weekend, so I have time to clean, do a bit here and there with the organizing... and more online searching.
Grief is a funny thing. It has several stages, and often times it cycles through them over and over again. It never seems to hit you when you're ready for it, instead it comes when you think you're just past it.
I am so sick and tired of being tired, having this up then down type of response to life.
I should not be too upset. I'm certain part of this is that I got up at 5:45am to run the pups then did yoga at 7, came home showered, ran pups more then made food for work and worked until 3pm.
It was a full day.
But I'm used to doing so much more. And it wasn't that long ago.
Yes I'm not eating as well as I normally do, but I do eat exceedingly well (ignore the menstural reese's pieces overload).
I have had some disturbed sleep from the recent stress- but not that much, last night I slept well again.
I am working out. Not the heavy duty that I'm DYING to do again, but my regular yoga/walking etc... and even those exhaust me.
I just feel OFF. I don't know why... I have a few days where I'm really good- then BAM right in the kisser.
I know the last two years I've experienced more stress than some people encounter in their lives. I know that I still do not have ANY country or place to truly call home. I know that I need to recover.
But damnit, if life must go on, I just want to GO. none of this limiting BS. I'm sorry I know I'm whining, but it is NOT Me. And even with me fighting it, I know a part of me is loosing it. GAH. It is frustrating.
I'm off to an early start, yoga at 7 followed by work at 9... But I'm off at 3! Wooo! Please be sunny, I want a nap in a sun beam. That and to finish laundry... Heh ^.^
I'm excited, my last client tipped me with a Cuban cigar. It is a Romeo and Juliet, and it is neato simply because it is wrapped in cedar. It also has an amazing aroma. I'm thinking after yoga, cigars and port!
So Egon still has some funky eyes. Now that the pups are close to six months he is fully green but with an outter rim of golden brown that matches the golden fawn of his coat. He is truly turning into a "camo" dog.
I had an appt this am, and when I left it started to rain and hail. Got home, went to let pups out and was greeted by ANGRY kitty that had been outside the entire time. Well really? It's not like I knew you snuck out there earlier, perhaps next time you'll think twice.
Well that's final. Apparently after the 30th of this month I will no longer be able to afford car insurance and drive. Flipping shitty way to have it hammered in that you need to be proactive.
Lesson learned. And boy it fucking hurts, as I was so close to truly moving forward. Damn.
Just when I thought I was finally getting things fully in order, it all falls apart. Now I don't know how I'm going to maneuver out of this. It could be a complete game over.
If you don't know what that is, ask and I'll tell you sometime. Was a very good time at a Stag and Doe for two great people I know. I'm looking forward to hearing and seeing the pictures from last night.
Today I treat one of my postpartum mom's at her house. She had a difficult labor, and I'm working to get her back to feeling "up on it". From there I take two friends to the airport in Toronto and then a BBQ with friends on the way home.
It's a full day, I'm starting out tired... and now, it's time to FLY!
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