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My mid-term practical exam is in two days! And my prep exam is tomorrow! I'm going to have a panic attack... I can feel it. There's so many bags & so many procedures. I'll be happy when it's all over with. I'm taking a small break right now, fore the organizing is rather overwhelming. I feel as if my head is going to burst.

I thought I was stronger than this. Better than this, wiser than this. To not let the heart be fooled so easily. The past keeps catching up, the faster I attempt to run. My own demons catching me by the ankle and dragging me down. Only to make me see the failures that I've come by and the falls that I've taken. The heartaches that never seemed to go away, as everything remains. There's nothing but empty shadows in this room now. The writings on the wall are so blindly written. Scribbled with the anger, jotted with the pain. I only wish I could catch my breathe to scream again...

COMMENTS

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1SilentNoise1
23:28 Oct 25 2011

That is exactly how I have been feeling!

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He came back just to say he was sorry.. And asked if he could still stick around because he was unsure of what he wanted. What the hell. Shattered by his words and yet I held a strong face and a stern tone, and he wants back in because.. he decided, he's confused? He doesn't make sense. I'm giving up on him considering he lied about so much already. It never fails.. does it. The truth hurts, lies sting.

I hate that I allowed myself to get close to someone whom I thought would actually be there and may for once, actually care for me. How foolish...My world is dark and grey, beautiful in a sense but still so very torn. My heart is pouring out and flowing with the tears of pain and regret. The harshness I felt from him, the abandonment when he said he'd no longer be around.. It hurt the most. "Vanish" is the word he used.. he's now vanished from sight, from everything.. No where near. He's left me all alone to fend for myself without so much as slight hesitation to stop his tracks. I hurt.. I hate it so much. And there hasn't been anyone around this god forsaken place to go to. My home is destroyed. My mind is scrambled and tormented. I want it to go away. I wish it would go away. v.v

Always alone. Always in the dark. Always left out and Always last. Second best, not good enough, not worth the time nor effort...I feel like screaming, Already crying, Feel like breaking, verge of taking out everything on everyone around, even if I don't mean to. Trying everything to hold myself together and to keep from falling apart. Everything around is crashing on my shoulders and pushing me under. Down, down, down. Why am I so repulsive? ....

Why do I have to be alone for what feels like forever and ever...Dark Angel, Save me. Help. Something. Just anything to take this lingering pain that only seems to grow.

Decayed and wasted, I lived a life of the lonely. To never be seen in the day but to always remain in the shadows. Ignored and abused. Forgotten and Forsaken. Yet I never allowed to be pushed under so far that I would never be able to rise again. My bite is fierce, my movements seductive, my voice melodic and my flesh like porcelain. No beauty lies in these eyes. No hope lays in this mind. No love waits in this heart.