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I can feel them forming

Around the edges of my heart

Black tendrils reaching out

Tightening with every beat

The feelings of numbness

Ever so slowly increasing

The knots building over

What was once light and love

Is now darkness and pain

The tears no longer flow

Dried up stains on my face

Slowly blinking against the day

Just survive

The motto that is repeated

Over and over in my head

But the scars keep ripping open

The blood keeps dripping

My body finding new sources

For the tears to fall

New tissue forms

Thicker and tighter

Beautiful scars

Wrapped around my heart

I'll live through another day

The doors shut tight

Not even a crack of light

The darkness unfolds

What a sight to behold

Thin tendrils start creeping

The blood barely seeping

Through the scars within

You love not even your kin

How does one survive

With no way to revive

The light forever dimmed

You know you have sinned

Love lost in the night

All because of your fright

Dig deep inside

Try once more to confide

Falling to the ground

Shattered to pieces without a sound

Pick them back up

Take another sip from your cup

Just another day in pain

As always in vain

The hand reaches out

Your body cold as ice

Your heart pounding in your chest

The thoughts race

Tears threaten to fall

This happens every time

The scars form again

Each time thicker than before

Somehow he manages

To cut right through them

Finally feeling understood and accepted

But so often misunderstood

Body signals crossed

Heart and soul bruised

The never ending bleeding

Pools at your feet

You know you won't leave

You know you won't say anything

You'll sit and wallow

Fighting back tears

As your stomach begins to churn

You'll spend another day

Sitting in silence

Pretending everything's ok

All the while falling apart inside

The blood pools

I want to scream

I want to cry

I want to let each and every one of these horrible fucking emotions out

I want to be seen

I to be noticed

I want to be remembered

I want to be loved

I want to be accepted

I want to be understood

I want to be alone

I want to be in the crowd

I want to sleep

I want to be awake

I want to know

I want to forget

I want to hurt

I want to be happy

I want to just fucking be ok

Fuck all this I just want one day fucking day where I don't feel like a horrible fucking person. Where my bad decisions aren't breathing down my neck. Where I'm not stepping back to make someone else happy. Where I'm fucking loved completely without a break. Without hiding. Just without the pain. I want numb.