Ever wonder why Vampire Rave often lags?
There is a perfectly logical explanation to this very frustrating occurrence -- Cancer cannot keep his monkey-loving hands out of his nerdy pants.
Their lusty looks are irresistible to this monkey-loving-freak. How can he ever practice self control when taunted by the seductively red ass of a baboon? It's much too enticing. Those bubbly lips, robust body, callused hands, and unrefined sexuality just take our resident baldy over the edge. The mere thought sends him into a banana-stroking frenzy. His passion consumes him and the next thing you know, Vampire Rave is severely lagging for hours on end.
Do not fret, animal lovers, he treats all primates with the utmost love and care. So much so, in fact, that it sometimes translates into a more physical expression of his affinity. No, keep the cringes to a minimum -- after all, the man has some morals left.
When Animal Plant is no longer enough to sate his sexual prowess, he is forced to go out into the wild and search for a suitable mate-- primate, that is. All he needs is a romantic candle-lit dinner to subdue his prize softly and slowly. A true gentleman at heart, Cancer is a firm believer in consent.
The next time you experience lag on Vampire Rave, send a little shout out to Cancer and his little hairy friend. After all, who are we to interrupt such a magnetic pairing?
Many thank yous to MooniePie for the exceptional depictions of this animal affair.
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Page last updated: Apr 30 2023
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COMMENTS
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Morrigon
03:50 Jun 24 2011
I am so afraid for you right now.
LadyKrystalynDarkstar
03:53 Jun 24 2011
Holy RUN FOR THE HILLS Batman!!!!
LMAO!!
NocturnalMistress
03:55 Jun 24 2011
THAT is amazing. He asked for it. :)
NocturnalMistress
03:58 Jun 24 2011
Cancer really shouldn't surprise the monkeys... Look at that poor bastard in bed with him...
I feel it's pain.
TheArtistRose
04:05 Jun 24 2011
Rofl.. XD
Eloquent
04:06 Jun 24 2011
Oh lord. o___o
Deity, you'll be missed. ♥
Morrigon
04:12 Jun 24 2011
Well Cancer should know, if you are going to pose for these pictures, they WILL end up on the internet.
Deity
04:15 Jun 24 2011
Neener Neener.
xRobin3x
04:23 Jun 24 2011
Lol
Just when you thought you seen it all on VR
Then here comes one more. LOL
NocturnalMistress
04:44 Jun 24 2011
Hahahah... That's Cancer's special song for his Monkey Lovin'...
slipknotbabe356
04:57 Jun 24 2011
LMAO
LordRazr
05:09 Jun 24 2011
wow oh shit I can't stop laughing I guess the war is on lol
Isis101
07:12 Jun 24 2011
This is just too damn funny...kudos!
And yes - the 'war' is on - LMAO!
XLostAngelX
08:10 Jun 24 2011
Lol....love it..
MasterMel2
08:26 Jun 24 2011
Deity you're TOO MUCH! I love you!
Cancer
09:21 Jun 24 2011
What the hell is that audio?
xTIAMATx
10:34 Jun 24 2011
This has to be the best members page. I'm so glad Cancer has a great sense of humor and can get into with us. Goooo Cancer!
ButterflyKisses
10:41 Jun 24 2011
LMAO, Great page.
Randall
11:36 Jun 24 2011
LMAO! The audio is so damn funny on top of everything else.
NocturnalMistress
12:10 Jun 24 2011
Cancer- That is your new official "Monkey Lovin' Theme Song".
Other than that, you're going to have to figure the rest out for yourself, LOL!
xTIAMATx
12:28 Jun 24 2011
Another for his collection?
xTIAMATx
12:31 Jun 24 2011
Sorry the picture didn't work so I put it in my journal :\
tr1n1ty01
14:12 Jun 24 2011
LMAO!!! This is what I wake up to!!!
PAGAN
16:00 Jun 24 2011
ROTFFLMFAO!
I'm laughing too hard to type coherently. You're awesome!
hahahahahaha!
Requiem
16:55 Jun 24 2011
After this and all he can say is, "What the hell is that audio?" ... Hahahahahah!
Oh cripes, I am glad I haven't ... encouraged any kind of page mess.
This is funny stuff. :)
Sulks
17:12 Jun 24 2011
This has to be the best page ever. Hate that song by the way :P
ivyshadows
17:52 Jun 24 2011
xD LoL Creepy
Deity
21:46 Jun 24 2011
That's MooniePie serenading you with a monkey song. You like?
Angelus
21:57 Jun 24 2011
Damn... I want to start singing ... "Hey, hey we're the monkees Now"... Sheesh.
Sylivia
22:48 Jun 24 2011
giggles
MooniePie
23:31 Jun 24 2011
I was bribed I tell you! Bribed! How could I say no to chicken and watermelon. :(
Deity- You totally suck for saying who sung that song. :P
radu
00:15 Jun 25 2011
Now that is great.
KatherinexxxArdu
02:22 Jun 25 2011
OMG too funny!!!!
WinterRaven
02:43 Jun 25 2011
omg..I love it. I laughed tons.
DestroyingAngel
03:35 Jun 25 2011
ROFL! Holy shit....This was great!
Morrigon
06:12 Jun 25 2011
Well thank god that song is on loop...
Darkfairie
06:21 Jun 25 2011
Good Night!!!!! This is going to be an all out war... LMAO I can't wait to see how Cancer retaliates this one.
birra
14:26 Jun 25 2011
*dies*
xXMistressReznorXx
02:19 Jun 26 2011
OMG.. roflmfao.... WOW now that took some balls
DarknessBound
02:36 Jun 26 2011
ay dios mio. lol
LibidinousLuke
07:09 Jun 26 2011
Now we can see the true genius behind member web pages.
CryingMist
09:47 Jul 04 2011
I was wondering what would be the 'payback' for the boobies story ;) lol
deathnitegrl
17:10 Jul 13 2011
monkey love yay
xXDeaditeXx
21:34 Aug 05 2011
Lol This is awesome XD
BlackLullaby
09:15 May 22 2012
LMFAO
=D
AURORAEVE3
22:40 Jan 18 2013
lol
Neinmortlan
07:22 Aug 24 2016
Hahaha
This explains everything.
TheNameGame
18:30 Jan 23 2019
Still amazing in 2019.
SpiritualWings
14:20 Aug 04 2020
funny
HNTR
22:07 Aug 06 2020
LMAO so funny
Skarlett
03:47 Aug 09 2020
:'D
OccultRanger
21:49 Feb 05 2021
Nice Roast.
CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
07:15 Feb 22 2021
BAHAHAHAHA! I had totally forgotten about this until today! I miss some of these people so much! Good times!
LadyDancer
15:25 May 31 2023
nice
RedChilli
20:08 Jun 04 2023
is that cancer singing