VERY FIRST THING! AND IT'S STARTING TO PISS ME OFF! PLEASE PEOPLE STOP TREATING ME AS IF I HAVE JUST JOINED VAMPIRERAVE! I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW, I THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!!!!!! I'M NOT A CHILD THANK YOU.
There is so much going on here that no one knows about save for possibly members of the Family, and even they are divided in opinion over all that has become my nightly surroundings. Loves, and fledglings, people I thought really that I'd never be involved with, and yet here they are. Well, the entire mortal world will be able to know about that soon enough, and probably be as surprised as I am from time to time.
Once, it seemed a simpler thing... this awakening, for lack of a better term. It seemed like I would just sit and let it lead to where it went, or where it didn't lead for all I might come to know. Now, I guess it's a bit more complicated at least on the surface, though when you break it down into pieces, like most things, there are really basic choices at the end of the road. Only with this, I don't know that I will have choices. Sure, I want to have them maybe, but be granted that luxury, I can't know. What I do know is that it is coming, and it is right and that I believe, blindly. I don't know that I've ever been able to say that before but when that feeling is strong, when that faith doesn't succumb to my vain demanding and age old questioning, it feels so good I almost can't endure. That isn't to say that faith comes without a healthy dose of fear. There is every reason to fear, I believe. Even as I might be moving toward an unseen destination, I still am what I am, n'est ce pas?
What reason do I have to think it may not be more of the past? The Thing that once came for me, come again to make a better offer, or capture me once and for all against my will and demand my service so that there might just be a little less of the essence.
I sit and I debate with myself whether I should even put down what's in my head. If a thing exists, and no real amount of ranting or raking of it will change it, is it worth speaking of? There are a number of realistic structures in the world that would argue yes to that question, and probably an equal number thinking along metaphysical lines, that would argue oppositely. I guess I can write about it. If I wind up making a few people roll their eyes or shake their heads, become angry with me, or infuriated even, well that won't be anything unfamiliar, will it?
The Online World: Isn't it a fascinating realm? The Internet has changed the world both corporately and privately. People can get information, sex, fantasy, merchandise, scandal, and friendships almost instantaneously. How marvelous a revolution this technology, and of all the modern amenities I enjoy after my two plus centuries, I would have to say the instant gratification of the Internet is right up there near number one! I've been online, doing what I do, for almost eight years. Granted, in consideration of how long I've comparably been around doing everything else, that's a minuscule amount of time, but in those eight years, I've seen a lot as I'm sure all of you have. In this technology, I've found friends, lovers, those I've cared for beyond reason at times, those I've met offline even and know to this day as my friends, and I'm amazed by how a screen, and typed words can bring tears, laughter, warmth, cruelty, love and learning. That is precisely why I've stayed in it with any interest of the years. You know I'm sure, that I have so much else I could be doing, and that I'm driven at times by and to distraction. I have stayed because there are many who I would think of if I left, many who have become something beyond the screen and words. There is another side of the coin however, as there usually tends to be. That side is a thorn in my side lately, or actually has been for years, and now, in an effort to set it aside and pursue a preferable sentience, I address it without divulging too much of what must be kept.
I've come out of what was the best and the strongest Vampire-mortal site, and seen other factions of that place come together again to be what is now our home known as Minuo. To me, prejudicially, Minuo is therefore the best active site in operation at this time. There has been a lot of hard work put into the idea that it be a place primarily for mortals to visit, to have what they want while they interact with us, assuming vainly perhaps, that is what they want in the first place. Many people have come through Minuo's doors, and many have stayed, some even coming from the other, original places and following all the way to what it is now. That is precious when those of us in the know see names we've known for years, like loyal, wonderful friends, following us from house to house patiently. There are those who come and post for a few days, nights, weeks, and are gone. Our home serves a purpose for them for a short time, and then they're gone, or maybe our decor or manner or crowd doesn't suit them at all, and they look elsewhere for sustenance.
Now however, and for many months past, I've seen so many… well, for lack of a better term, "knock-offs" spring up that I don't know whether I should be sickened or flattered, but I have to tell you, I'm leaning toward the former. Oh, I tell myself you all are products of a competitive, instant society where if one store doesn't have what you want, you can get it online, or in a catalog, or if one fast food place introduces super mega combo meal #2, then the fast food place down the street introduces ultra supreme combo meal #5, you know. That's how it is, isn't it? Why should online forums and websites be so different or exempt from that, right? Then I shake my head and say no, it should be different, or maybe, to use my own analogy of fast food, it is merely the fact that just because there are 100 different places to go, doesn't mean they're worthy of patronizing, or that you'll leave there satisfied.
What's worse, some of these places have blatantly stolen format, code, lines and so on right from the pages of Minuo. Isn't it said that imitation the best form of flattery? I don't think so. I think it's unoriginal and contemptible. I should mention in this whole post, that I'm not just speaking of those who are posing as other versions of family members, and so on and so on. Some of us have had to go so far as to threaten legal action offline because of such matters, and really it shouldn't have to be like that.
I think what bothers me most, and I know it bothers Louis and Armand as well, is when we see people going to other places and saying almost the same things they say to us. Whether it is a question thrown out here and there or whether it is a breathless claim of love and devotion. I see people who come to Minuo saying that you haven't been around because of this tragedy or that circumstance, and yet, there they are other places, happy as can be, and if they're not happy at any of these places, well then the next logical step seems to be to start their own forum.
Look over the posts that I've left on Minuo's pages over the last 4 months. I didn't leave one or two lines when I answered people, usually I left paragraphs. I took time to actually think of what was said to me, to investigate it if need be and formulate an intelligent, witty reply. Then it happens that I see and know some of the very people who come to me saying how they love me, how I'm this or that to them, how I matter so much… over at these other places, and I think … doesn't that somehow lessen the importance of anything I've said? I've talked to Gabriel about this and she feels the exact same way, so please don't try to say that it is merely my notorious vanity at work. Why should she be the beautiful one, with her mysteries and sweet pain in those eyes, if there are a hundred other virtual blue eyes lined up to do the same thing? If you don't believe me, ask her. That is why, I think, for the most part, I've stopped posting replies to people at the forum. Will I start again some night? I don't know. I mean, when there are a hundred other versions of me to take care it, whether it's to a lesser degree or not in anyone's opinion, why should I bother? Like Louis has said, I, we that is, cannot tell people where they can go, or what they can or cannot do online, of course we can't, but here anyhow, I can and have expressed my opinion on the matter as I'm more than entitled to do. All I can ask anyone reading this is to think of the invalidation that might make any of us feel, and how it might, after all this time seem ironic and sad to us. As I said in the beginning of this post, some might say that we should consider it flattering. Isn't it testimony to everything we've worked to create, that our establishment is copied in new construction along the cyber highway? Well possibly, but we're not laughing all the way to the bank like your McDonalds is, and for the most part it leaves many of us feeling like there isn't much reason for all we've done or are doing.
