(Under Construction, more to come)
(last modified January 3, 2008 new pics added!)
I'm a kind and gentle soul with flair for the arts. But don't let that fool you. I do have a dark side. I don't precisely know what it is that I am, but I am here in the hopes of finding out, and to make as many friends as I can along the way.
Whatever it is that I am began to force its way out about four years ago. I have always been fascinated by the occult and anything dealing with the world of "magic". Unfortunately my parents are both devout Catholics and I was even sent to a christian school for my highschool years. Baptist actually. As you can no doubt surmise, my efforts to look into my interests were rather hampered. It was about a year after my release from that school that I began to notice things.
At first I thought I was a therianthrope, a were-tiger to be more precise. Many of the traits I was beginning to show had a feline flair to them, and I always had been drawn to large cats, especially the siberian white tiger. But then as time went on, I realized that that description still fell a bit short of what I was. My mentor at the time that was helping me understand what was going on with me informed me that dragons tend to have feline characteristics as well. This made more sense to me, mostly because I had already developed a breathing pattern like I was trying to breathe out from a part of me that wasn't there, and, what do you know, all my shirts happen to have dragons on them. I began to think that I was a hybrid, were-tiger and dark dragon. For a short spell I entertained the idea of having two dragons within me, one of light and one of darkness, though I later realized that I was mistaking an elemental trait for what I was for my moral dilemmas throughout life. I eventually sought the help of a psychic. I asked if she could tell me what was so different about me, what set me apart from the rest of the world. She told me that I was posessed by a demon. That reminded me of a time back in the 9th grade just before I got transferred to the Baptist school, that one of my classmates in my art class just came up to me out of the blue one day and flat out asked me if I was Lucifer himself. I just laughed at him. I didn't really know if I should have been flattered or insulted at the remark. As time went on, I started having people telling me that I was a psy vamp, that I tend to drain energy off of people and things around me. I never even realized I was doing it till they pointed it out to me. Come to think of it, blood has always been a confusing stimulant to me as well, making my mouth water at the sight of it and and my heart beginning to race. But the comparrison to a demon doesn't seem to match up to my character at all. I will sacrifice everything I have to give to help out my friends. I am and have always been drawn to the role of a guardian and protector. I will come to the help of those I care for even if it means risking both life and limb to do so, and I will do it without a second thought. Seems to me that the description of a daemon, not a demon, is more accurate. A guardian spirit bred of darkness to fight off the evils that dwell in darkness. Fighting fire with fire so to speak.
My own spiritual form is an interesting one at that too. Tall and athletic build. Serpentine face. Long white hair and silver scales. Complete with fangs and obsidian claws. Add a barely discernable tigerstripe pattern into the mix and cover it all up with a black cloak. And that is my true form.
Actually, I just recently had an experience where my ex-girlfriend saw me as a full fleged dragon with silver and black scales wearing armor, and that she looked into my eyes she could have sworn she actually saw a phoenix in them. Unfortunately I was unable to get a more detailed description out of her when I asked her about it.
Now, as I began to embrace my true self, different aspects of me slowly became individual entities of their own. The name I had once used for myself when fully awakened, I broke apart and assigned to each one of these new entities. Phoenix was the name I chose to represent my philosophy and outlook on life. Throughout your entire life, many different challenges and expiriences await you, and through each and every new expirience we come out of, we gain in knowledge. And it is through that knowledge we may change how we look upon our lives and the world in which we live. It is this change in perspective that we are in a sense reborn as a new person, seeing everything in a new light. We are ever being reborn, and so we shall continue to do so until we come to know who we truly are and know all the truths of the world in which we strive. I eventually gave this name to my draconic side, whose abilities, physical, mental and spiritual, are all superior to my own and worthy of the imortality that is the Phoenix.
Blade was the name I gave to myself to represent my own code of honor and sense of nobility. If I give you my word, I will do what I can to keep it, and evidently that means risking my life driving across icy roads just because I said I would see you one day and we had freak weather durnig the middle of spring. I am loyal and honorable to the extreme. I refuse to tell a lie, and will not go anywhere or make any kind of request unless I am invited to. It is just who I am. And I will protect any who need it or ask for it, with my life if necesary. I will always try the diplomatic approach first, but if that is to ever fail, then there will be hell to pay for those that threaten me and mine. The blade also serves to represent my fascination with steel, and the martial arts. I gave this title to my therianthropic side. The beast within me. For while I may not be able to bring myself to speak in this state, my emotions burn strong and my heart runs pure. And I will do what feels right, following my instincts, which have so far never failed me when I am like this, with total conviction. So I stay true to my virtues and follow my heart.
And as for the name Nightengale. This is representative of my value of emotions, especially love, and my love of the arts... all arts. I took the name Nightengale not only from the bird who is well known for its beautiful song, but from its role in the poem, The Nightingale and the Rose by Oscar Wilde (which you can find in my journal under poetry). The Nightingale sacrificed its life and gave all of it's heart into singing its final song so that a young boy may find love. Music means alot to me, and I've been told that I have a beautiful singing voice. To convey one's emotions through the harmonious sounds of music is one of the most wonderful things this world has to offer. I almost always have some sort of melody in my head, usually one of my own creation, and the tune makes me feel at peace with myself. Also, I consider all other forms of art to be means of conveying one's emotions. I put my entire heart into everything I do. Everything I create I put a piece of myself within it's making. It conveys the essence of my soul as it was duringing it's creation, whether it be a song, a drawing, a piece of jewelry, a sculpture, or whatever other form of art there is out there that I may decide to convey my heart with. It's all about emotion, and letting others expirience it for themselves through my work. I keep this name for myself as I am, for this side of me is always present. No matter what side of me comes to surface, it is this part of me that will always be there along side the other, in harmony with it, for if there isn't harmony, I begin to crumble and lose myself as I plunge headfirst into the darkness with nothing to guide my fall.
A message from Phoenix:
We are a creature of darkness. Spiritually, a nigh indestructible force. For those seeking power, do not come to me for assistance, for mine is a power not given to me by deed, by born unto me by my own blood. However, I will give you this. In order to bring forth one's true potential, you must both embrace the primitive and spiritual sides of one's self, and bring them forth into harmony with your entire being as one entity, transforming yourself into something more....and less, than human. Being a vampire or a lycan or any other creature of the night meerly means you have barely begun to scratch the surface of your true potential. You can be so much more than you are now, but the road to becoming complete can lead to madness, as it is doing to us, for we continually struggle to remain ourself. Walk the fine line between life and death. Either you will gain control of the power you can obtain, or it will control you.
Phoenix
Oh, and just so you know, if you go on Dnash's fang site, that's my mouth you're looking at when you look at the full mouth set (my actual set) as well as the medium size bottom laterals, bowery, growler, predator, ripper, ripper duluxe, I think the long size rogue is me, super DL vamp, super DL wolf, the thirst, and the long size wolf set. They're all me.
Note my disposition in the military photo. As you can see, I'm none too pleased to be there.
As for the last pic, that is what I would like to have come true. Myself being the draconic entity embracing his love, an angel of the night. I am still searching for that angel and if any of you ladies out there think you might be what I'm looking for, feel free to send me a line. Wait.....I think I may have found her.
