Hehehe... I LOVE quotes, if you have any good ones, I'd love to read 'em, so send 'em my way.
Quote of the Week:
"If you are in difficulties with a book, try the element of surprise: attack it at an hour when it isn't expecting it." -- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
Forgive me Father, for I will sin…. (isn’t that a great quote?) Found it somewhere on this site…
Here are some I picked up from http://www.quotationspage.com/
It's a long list, so if you don't want to bother reading them, then don't.
Quotes
Douglas Adams
You might know him as the author of “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”
• He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
• I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
• I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
• In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
• It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
• Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
• The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
• There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
• Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
• You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
• Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
• He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
• The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
• Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
• Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.
Germaine Greer
• Human beings have an inalienable right to invent themselves.
Tommy Cooper
• Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
Victor Hugo
• A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor.
• Emergencies have always been necessary to progress. It was darkness which produced the lamp. It was fog that produced the compass. It was hunger that drove us to exploration. And it took a depression to teach us the real value of a job.
• Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. (me: hehe, I’m sure he is.)
• He who every morning plans the transaction of the day and follows out that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the maze of the most busy life. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incidence, chaos will soon reign.
• If a writer wrote merely for his time, I would have to break my pen and throw it away.
• I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
• Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
• An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.
• Nothing discernable to the eye of the spirit is more brilliant or obscure than man; nothing is more formidable, complex, mysterious, and infinite. There is a prospect greater than the sea, and it is the sky; there is a prospect greater than the sky, and it is the human soul.
• Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.
• There is nothing like dream to create the future. Utopia to-day, flesh and blood tomorrow.
William Dement
• Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
Woody Allen
• His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
• I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
• I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
• I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
• I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
• I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
• If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
• If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. (me: Hell yeah, maybe then I’d believe.)
• Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. (me: yeah, I’m one of those people.)
• It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
• Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
• Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. (me: pretty morbid thought…)
• More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
• Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
• My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
• My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
• Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
• On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
• Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Sy Rosen and Christian Williams
• Joel: Ed, are you hallucinating?
Ed: Oh, yeah, but not right now.
Joseph Baretti
• I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.
Thornton Wilder
There is a land of the living and the land of the dead, and the bridge is love.
And now for my favorite Quote-Master!!
Oscar Wilde
• A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
• A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
• Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
• America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
• America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
• Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
• Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
• At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets.
• Biography lends to death a new terror.
• Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
• Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.
• Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
• Genius is born--not paid.
• I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.
• I am not young enough to know everything.
• I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
• I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.
• If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
• Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
• It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
• Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
• Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
• Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.
• Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
• One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation.
• One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
• Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
• Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.
• The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.
MY QUOTES, as in, I thought of them. So don't plagiarize!!
"If you were as smart as me, you'd be stupid."
"I'm not fond of guns, but I suppose they get the job done."
"If being different is a bad thing, then I'm in trouble."
"If you can walk through the darkness, you can stand in the light."
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Well, you know from my list of websites that I like funnyjunk.com. Well here's a story I like from it...
Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
The Teacher fainted.
{The End.}
heh, I like this one too.
Mc Donalds Job Application
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
Ah, another one...
Stuff that Annoys Me!
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Screw off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dick nose, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the frigging ceiling up there. What did you come here for?
When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you frigging pulled me over.
When people say "Life is short." What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are they going to do something that's longer?
When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favor! It's one god damn piece of paper!
When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here asshole!
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?
Damn, who comes up with these?!
Funny Instructions
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
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Funny Videos
For something so small...
I update every time I get on, which is every day, unless for some strange reason I cannot find a nearby computer... ( *_* ) heh.
Recent updates: my Journal and this page you are eyeing.
Thanks for the rates, and someday, when I have a lot of time on my hands, I will rate everyone back. I try to do as many as I can, given the time I have.
hahaha, I've just been reading my rates... I can't stop laughing, well, actually, I could, but I'm not stopping myself. I've already been up for over 24 hours, so I'm a bit out of it, but hey! What people say is really fascinating. I like reading them. I really like the long ones. And even better are the random ones.
I rate every profile I come across, and generally my message is the same (I'll just tell you how great your profile is :). Sorry. I also always rate 10, because I find a reason to like it, even if I don't. I'll make up excuses if I have to. I'm a nice person, I want what’s best for others. But that's just the air infiltrating my brain speaking.
Name: Daz
Age: 22
Favorite Food: Hawaiian Pizza
Favorite Hobby: Kissing and cuddling
Adopt your very own monster today!
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If you have not already been to Leave Me Here To Bleed then I demand that you go there immediately. Look at the pictures and read the stories. They are just great :)
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Я изучаю русский язык, таким образом любой, кто знает язык, если ваш заинтересованный, хотели бы Выпомогать?
Get Your Sexy Name
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Ok, and now for what the pictures below are:
1) Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails
-I am (was) in love with him (until recently), because he's just so god-damn hot (but then he cut his hair, and it's like 2cm long, and so fucking ugly... I hate short hair... I'll kill the person who cut it)…
-I lie. I still Love him :)
LISTEN TO NINE INCH NAILS, or you suck.
2) Stuart Townsend and Aaliyah from Queen of the Damned
3) Kadaj from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
4) Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick from The Omen (2006)
5) Obviously it's Cancer
6) A Grey Wolf, they're simply the best
7) An African Black Mamba, if you've ever seen the Kill Bill movies, you know they're very dangerous
8) The Winged Goddess Enigma (this went with it: With long raven wings stretched to the heavens, Enigma, the dark
winged goddess of mystery, sits next to a pillar where her raven familiar is perched. Her hair, like the darkest spun silk, flows gently behind her.)
9) And finally, Stuart Townsend again, only this time from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
