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This has been bothering me.. But...



Don't expect a handout when you aren't trying.

Don't expect pity when you have made this for yourself.

Where will you be in the next 5 years?

Do you want to be known as that?

Don't expect help when you are trying to run away.

Don't expect me to feel sympathy for you when you couldn't do, when you were lazy.

Don't expect me to forgive easily after forgetting all of us.



But most importantly...Don't forget I love you. That you forgot all about me. But, expect a scolding. Just to show you, I was here all along.

I just want Christmas to come so i can see dad and get out of this hell hole for a week.

If there was a face to make and to show you how KSGDLHSGDLH I am...I would show you...It would take a collage of photos to show you my feelings...>.> I now have a sudden urge to take photos of my emotions and show them as my DP on like MSN to show my mood.



Oh that's genious.



Ok, not really....>.>



But really, I am just BLeh-y today. Just upset at everything. I snapped at a teacher today. She just kinda stood there...-_-



Why should I care? Why am I making a mountain out of a mole-hill? Because certain people shouldn't have to go through that. Because I don't deserve to be treated like this. Because I miss that feeling of what it's like to be "loved" and I remember how it was those two times we dated. So glad he can be recycled among us.



I have a problem. It's called: I work too damn hard to be treated like shit-itis.



And I want to be a goth/punk.

THERE I said it!



NO Tokio Hotel hasn't filled the void.



NO Twilight doesn't make me feel good, it makes me feel more like crap.

COMMENTS

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Prophecy
03:36 Dec 15 2009

"And I want to be a goth/punk."



- No you don't. It rather sucks being different sometimes.











TH sucks :P

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SNOW GODAMMIT SNOW! I want at the least a late start! D:

If you are seriously too lazy to read my profile and you start talking to me and ask me obvious questions that are ON my profile... Don't bother.



Also, use your damn grammar and spelling.

Two grades have become horrible...I lack motivation to do anything. Then again... One of them I just have missed so many classes due to being gone and the other one, I didn't take a test and it shot my grade to the pooper.



I know if I don't do anything about it soon, I will surely end up in intervention (watch, that's where I'll be tomorrow...) and my mother will forbid me to go to Sioux Falls for Christmas...



I mean, I don't try to fail. I studied very hard for both Anatomy and Government classes, yet I still seem to do horribly on them. But I think there's more to this than just horrible grades in school getting me in a funk.



I feel like I don't fit in. Seriously. When I'm in band, I don't have that section gossiping (I am my own section) or I say very little or nothing at all the whole time.



For choir I have one friend that keeps me amused and talks to me every single class period, but we have never really hung out much. It's always usually at choir or madrigals that we see each other.



There's the lunch table. Sure I'm friends with basically almost everyone who sits there, but there are many conversations I am not a part of. For many reasons. I don't read this manga or watch this anime. I don't have an X-Box or talk to the same person(s) everyone else does. I'd like to. I'd like to be able to chat with those friends from online that I don't know very well. I'd like to have that debate with someone about what melee weapon you are going to use in a Zombie Apocalypse.



Sadly that only happened twice to me. Once with my aunt and uncle because we all three have World War Z and the Zombie Survival Guide. (both of which are on my iPod and Z is also in book form.) The second time was when I was in Rothenburg, Germany when my friend and I sat at a table and two guys who I had not met yet sat with us. (We were on the Music Ambassadors of the Midwest trip).



I'm at that state where I just want to move away to college. To just go and never come back. To start over and find new people where I fit in just right. Like that oddly-shapen puzzle piece that you are always missing. Because I don't think they've noticed it, but I feel like I am no longer a wheel of this four-wheeled car we are driving together anymore. I am the flat and they moved on to be a tricycle.



I feel like I'm not appreciated at work. I come in and do my job plus parts of others, waste my time trying to teach my boss how to use facebook. Some one who hasn't even been working there for a year is already a farging leader after we open back up. I've been there for 2 years for god's sakes. I got a 25 cent raise JUST because minimum wage went up.



How fricking lame. I wasted all my paycheck on Christmas gifts for everyone. I am still going to be buying more because I didn't have enough in that last paycheck. My best friend took the liberty to buy me two new shirts and 5 pairs of shoes just because he knew I wanted them so much and didn't have the money.



I don't ever expect him to buy me stuff, I don't even expect him to be my friend after how horrible I've been. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve that pair of T.U.K.s that I have been wanting for God knows how many years...4 or 5. I don't deserve his friendship. But all he does is give me and I just want to run away and hide.



God, I want Shellie to move here so bad. I just want to go live with her for a long while so she can just beat this out of me. But she's already been through so much I would only be a burden on her. God help me.



I'm sorry if you read this... You've most likely wasted your time reading this stupid girl's problems.

Today for a school day is kinda bleh yet kinda good. I'm so excited I wore my new Converse today! My plain black new low-tops. My bestie got me such awesome crap from HT, I am so happy! Except my "women" sized converse are retarded looking, they are flats, basically. I have 3 new pairs of heels too! I am wearing the black T.U.K.s tomorrow at the seminar I am going to with my mom.



My mom recruits people for BeautiControl. Two new recruits and we get a Wii! WOOT! I am super excited!



Tomorrow I get to go bowling with a couple of friends after the seminar. I can't wait! I think games too.



But before that I have to work tonight. Bleh, not so much yoohoo yeehaw. And sunday I have to work, but ohwell, right? More money :D

It seems as of late I have been waking up at the exact time of 5:43 every morning. Blech. And today, waking up freezing underneath all my blankets, I have a headache. It sucks to go to band in the morning with a headache, all ya'll band geek freaks know...



More and more snow ends up on the ground lately. More and more fricken annoying it is to get the frost off my windshield with the piece of crap my mom calls a scraper. It's one of those funnel like ones for those of you who know what I am talking about...

It's already December and it hasn't even snowed yet here in SD! -knocks on wood- This is awesome! Sure the frost on the windsheild is really farging annoying, but hey! ;D



And my mom made this observation the other day...."You've been gaining weight!"



Great, I'm fat. Should I grow a white beard and be your Santa at Christmas? Oh wait, you might be at the hospital all fricken Christmas eve again this year. MEH

COMMENTS

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Prophecy
16:29 Dec 01 2009

We're going to have to suffer through blizzards in April, though, knowing our luck.

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xXxInsomniacRayxXx
16:01 Dec 03 2009

D: Sad but true!

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