The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I was sick today so I had to skip going to class today. I don't mind because if I hadn't been sick and online a friend would of killed herself. Life is a sick game at times. I hope my friend is alright. She was going to try to get into a mental facility but I don't know if she was able to. She said she couldn't afford it and they wouldn't take her unless she actually attempted. I haven't gotten an E-mail from her so I'm still concerned. I don't care if when I go back to class my teacher yells at me. I'll just smile and give her the finger and say I may have skipped out on learning but I did teach someone to keep on living. Because, I know my teacher is the type not to care about being there's for others. I don't care about my hell since in my hell people need me to give them strength when nobody else will. I wonder why people come to me when they get bad off. Maybe, it's cause I'm always way down. I'm always down because I don't know if I can truly help everyone that comes to me for it. I just hope I can get as many to cheer up as possible when they're hurt. I hope I do a good deed. Not sure if it is one though. :(

My fiance's phone is back on. But, now it has no internet. Dang. Well, at least she can still text and call. Um, Yesterday I found out my math class got a whole lot harder. My teacher is now saying we have to show our work even though when class first began he said we'd never have to show our work just put the answers. I've never been able to right out the formula on solving a math equation so I'm screwed. I got this weekend to learn how to do it before we have our first exam next week. Dang, he just had to change the rules at the last minute. Um, in one art class my teacher says I'm getting a lot better while the other one says nothing at all and kind of avoids me. I guess it's cause I'm the poorest student in class. Poor as in money wise not poor as in poor at art. I kind of feel out of place in that class cause him and all the other students always spend about 30 minutes bragging about apple products and their iphones. I kind of feel like I shouldn't have taken art because the only people there are in the class are those from privileged families. I'm from a poor family. My clothes growing up were from thrift stores, the dollar store and Wal-Mart. Now days it's just Wal-Mart because thrift stores and dollar stores never have clothes in my size. I feel like this weird little dude amongst all these normal people. Everyone tries to avoid talking to me and sits away from and doesn't even really talk to me. I guess you'd say I'm and outcast against my own choice. That's life.

I'm torn apart inside and it hurts. My past haunts me like a trillion screams making wonder who and what I am. I know not my reason to keep going in life. I feel like a corpse being forced to live against it's own will. Like my future is no longer my choice but the one others chose because they wanted me to keep living even though I died. I'm sitting here crying. Believe it or not I do that a lot. I can't call or text my fiance cause her phone's of and I can't go see her cause how far away she lives. I hurt inside daily needing her touch knowing that it no longer became a want when I started thinking of suicide non-stop. A part of me wants all the pain to go away through death. While a part of me wants to live just cause 2 people I care about and that understand me a lot tell me to. One being my fiance. I worry about my heart and how it affects others and how I hurt inside daily non-stop. I want to not hurt but it's not a choice unfortunately. I don't like how my sadness hurts them and how I can't stop it when i've been hurt a lot. I guess I'm just not strong at all. I'm just pathetic and weak hurting and torn apart inside in a way nobody knows how to fix or heal. I want it to end so bad. I don't think I can do it alone. Actually, I know I can't.

For some reason today was weird. I woke up sad and talked to my ex since I can't talk to my fiance. I had bad nightmares last night and she helped cheer me up. I took the bus to college and I was downtown and saw a building I'd never seen before so i took a pic of it. I asked a fellow student if she'd seen it before and she said it's always been there and then says it might have just appeared over night cause she didn't remember it either. I always look where that building is cause the building next to it. Anyways after talking about it I got hyper and joked most the day when I wasn't in class like during break or during the fire drill. It was weird drill too. The firemen went in shortly before the drill started and started going up the stairs and after the drill started we went outside and the cops were blocking both sides of the road. After about 30 minutes they let us back in and I joked on the elevator about it being cramped so the drill is nobody fart.During class I was going slow cause my eyes are weird so I asked the art teacher if I could tie a tie around my head and cover my left eye with it. She said I could do it and so I drew using my right eye to see and quickly drew a lot better and got congratulated for the first time ever. After school I took a few 25 second vids of pigeons before my bus arrived.

Well, my fiancee's phone got turned of so we can't talk till it's back on. Dang. I'm already missing her since we were texting last night and didn't even get to say goodnight to each other before it shut off without warning. I've been talking to my online sister's. One's in Scotland and the other is in Italy. Both are younger than me and make fun conversation. Me and the oldest of the 2 are joking about teddy bears and ours getting stolen by a friend of mine. Then there's me and the younger joking about how on my pro I have a hidden pic of Gaara from Naruto giving the finger and how I make ninja finger jokes off of it when people make me really made and I want to get under their skin for trying to hurt me or someone I care about which is rare now days. But, yeah we're a bunch of jokers and I love it. Helps me cope with missing my love. Oh, and now me and the older are talking about jacking my friend's sword he always role play shines online and playing games with it. Like Camelot or Harry Potter and the sorcerer's stones cause if he has stones near his house we're jacking them and our teddies back. Lolz. Well, that's all for now.

I went to my mate's pro several times while she's off and bit her several times. Like I said I'm a pain. Lolz. I wonder what she's going to think. I kind of miss her bite quite a bit in real life. She knows how to bite me. Of course I gave her tips on biting procedure. And yes there is a procedure for biting. I don't mean the blood drawing bite. Just a hard bite that doesn't hurt but feels really good on the neck, wrists and a feew other places. I hope to see her again soon. i know it'll be awhile do to college but there's always hope.

Today, I was supposed to feed Pablo's dog. Instead ran in kitchen made myself a sandwich and ate it in the bathroom. Angry little dog got none. I hid there because he is quite a vicious little devil of a mutt. Ring bell and the little turd eats all your food. Must break dog of training. As, day progressed dog wet carpet. I hit dog with rolled up newspaper. Dog became infuriated and bit my butt. I slammed dog in wall forcing it to let go. Dog got more vicious and bit my nuts. I hit dog till it fainted. Locked dog in cage with monkey rang bell. Dog at monkey. I thought is was so funny I put a lion in cage with dog. Rang bell and much to my surprise dog ate lion and then threw up it's fur in a giant hair ball. Continued to watch delighted as dog passed out. I smiled and was happy knowing dog had his food for day. So, I drank tea and then my pants exploded. I have loose stools. I think it had to do with the sandwich meat gone bad.

Lolz. It's still taking me forever to figure this place out. I want my fiancee teaching me. O.O She knows things I don't and I know things she don't so I guess we can trade info. XP I wonder what she's doing right now. I know I'm watching my sister's kids and IMing her picking on her for fun hoping she's having a great day. I want to check on a lot of my friends but they're not around. Oh, and I feel bad for a friend cause his girlfriend keeps turning him on and then logging off. I feel sorry for him since they're in different coutries and she teases him like that. Poor little guy. Oh, well I know she's always mad at him over something. I hope my fiancee never uses the no no as a torture device. That's just cruelty. Major major cruelty. BY THE POWER OF BLUEBALLS!!! o.o my testies shrivel up and die. x.x Poor little guys. No, love. No, affection and most importantly no attention. O.O And yes I might type in this a lot. Cause I'm lame like that. I am lame there for I am. :)

I'm getting the site slowly. Kind of weird. I miss my Ims. ~opens a second window on pc~ Hehehe now I can talk to mah friends and learn about this site. :p I think I'll check in on everyone and make sure they're alright. :)

This site in a pain in my butt so far. I hope it gets better because so far it's been a pain. It took several tries for it to take my pw to change my info. I'll tell more later. peace yo. :p