The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

care takers or so called human parents,

if when your ill from not just one illness but many of them, and if you have a illness that you did not make yourself but was given to you out of nowhere just hit you one day and its like hitting a brick wall going 300mph and hitting the nitro button for the extra kick all that pain you will feel i get when i take a piss. i have a chronic porstate problem. a new illness to add to my list of illnesses and i had it for two months and the doctor said no cure and nothing they can do for the pain. when this pain hits and you go for help, they or whoever is caring for you, they do NOT understand or even know how much you hurt they say things such as "oh well we will see later if it comes back or okay well just wait till monday," and then they go and leave you standing there in pain with no help. this pain i feel, it feels like my penis is about to fall off and when i pee it feels as someone is putting a drill-bit into the hole where you pee from and they are drilling in deep and it really freaken hurts. i dont know how to come across to them to show the image i feel. sometimes i wish i can give this life of mine to them all in 30 seconds all at once all the 13 years of pain i went threw and if it did kill them then i would not feel sorry casue how they acted when i was on the floor in the restroom half nude grinding my teeth till the pain went away. i dont know how to react to this i mean, do i repay them back hows they treated me when they get old? like payback is hell when it does come around? how can i push away my hate for my own parent when it was it that gave me the illness cause if IT did not use what they got between their legs, i would of never been born and would not have to deal with this crap i go threw. i dont like to complain but when you have over three illnesses and they are all pain related, its kind of hard to enjoy life and when you been stuck in a room for 13 years and have not been out to love life like everyone else like go to clubs and meet people or date and able to love someone, all that is taken away from you cause of many illnesses, how am i to react in life? with joy, or hate or rage and anger? how can i channel this out so that it dont eat me up inside? is there a secret way to deal with issues like i have, is there a way to channel the pain when it does hit me hard? do i cry alone? do i die alone? i dont have any brothers or sisters and i have not met anyone cause i cant get out cause of my illness. the only time i can get outside is when it is dark. the light burns my skin cause of the muscle,blood and skin illness i have makes me weak. i never met anyone who goes with so much pain, i see people who are ill and stuck in a wheelchair and their body is all mix up and cant talk well and i try to compare that to myself, i say should i be lucky i am not like them but am i lucky? cause do they live with pain 24/7 on morphine all the time cause i have fake hips. i dont know, maybe i do wish i could be like them cause if they dont feel pain all the time then they are the lucky ones and not i. if i was given a choice to be stuck in a chair with no pain or be able to walk but you are limited to life like a jail cell, i think i would pick the chair. is this right thinking or am i vain? i dont know. its hard when you have no one to talk to as a friend to ask all this. being alone is worse than pain in the body i think......thank you for reading this it means alot to me, if someone does read this just let me know so i can rate you a 10 for your time. good night,

dvon eugene s.

well today i turn to level 4 which is "marplot." i miss being a shadow. i lied being that and now this level feels like well i am not sure but i dont like it. and the next level i dont think i am going to be happy cause i have a feeling someone is going to make me join their club and i know i am not going to be happy and thats something i am not going to enjoy on vr. i think it should be left to thouse who want to join and if they dont want to be part of a club they should have a right not to be in any club out there till they are ready. the way some things are in here feels like China and not the US of A. if we have to be made to join then i feel its wrong. maybe i am not seein the whole picture here, if you think there is a good thing about being made to join please let me know. i am still very new to this all but i dont know well i am going now take care who ever reads this and have a great week or weekend.

dvon and spooker