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OMG! I think I have done something so terrible without even realizing that i was doing it. Ok...here's the story: I am completely fascinated with finding out about my past lives. Well, on the vampirefreaks website a long time ago, I was invited to join one of their cults (similar to the rave's houses/covens) that involved the paranormal. we discussed many things like spells, past lives, spirits, demons, vampires, etc....one thing that was posted by the ruler of the cult had to do with a technique to view a past life. Mirror scrying. I do remember it saying that i needed to put up a protective shield.....but im not experienced in any type of spells, magic, or energy work, so i never did. i did everything else i was supposed to though and it creeped me out. my face became distorted and looked dead, so i stopped trying. well, this past weekend, i was sitting in front of my closet door mirror, debating how i should do my makeup that day and what i should wear....when i caught myself staring thru the mirror like i had tried b4...so i did it again and still the same thing happened but not to the extreme that it did before. I also remember reading somewhere else about it and having to do it in the dark using some candles....well i didnt use any candles, but i did it in the dark. my face went black and all i could see were my eyes.....and then the rest of my face went black and it all went back to normal......until i noticed later on that just looking in the mirror at the reflection of my room...something seemed like it was different somehow.....but i couldnt put a finger on it.....on wednesday, i noticed that the colors in my room that were being reflected in the two side by side sliding doors.....they were slightly off....THE COLORS DIDNT FUCKING MATCH!!!!....only later on when talking to a friend on the phone did she tell me that i could have possibly opened a portal.....while i was on the phone with her, i noticed a design that was drawn near the top of the door....it was drawn in the dust that was on the mirror. drawn by my friend months before this happened....it was an inverse pentagram....when i told my other friends this....they flipped. they are so worried about what i have done. basically opening a gateway to hell in my fucking bedroom....i was also told by them that because of the incubus problems i had had for so many years....my mind is prone to demonic possession.....and when i told him about what i experienced on wednesday nite as i was going to sleep.....he tols me that i might possibly already possessed. this is just fucking wonderful....but it goes to prove that curiosity killed the cat....

i have some new dreams recently....i hope that these ones come true because they have to deal with the love of my life....it was strange though, he told me yesterday when i was telling him about my dreams that he had the same dream that i did, the same exact night.....also that night, i felt a presence in my bed next to me and got this distinct feeling it was him.....he later told me that he was tampering with astral projection and its possible that i really felt him there.

well thats all for now.

I have been told by the first love of my life that he is a psy-vamp. I had no problem with it, it was quite intrigueing(sp) and still is....hes shared with me his abilities and stuff like that....he also has told me that his soul is very very old...ancient in fact.....so he has much knowledge of things that have happened throughout vampiric times....he will not share much more with me because of a promise he made a long time ago....anyways, he noticed some qualities in me and my personality that pointed to a form of otherkin.....he could sense there was something different about me, but these qualitites that he came to find assured him that i was in fact different.....ive been told that i am a pixie in need of awakening....he said he cant help me do that, that my path will become clear once it is my time....but i have been told by someone else that is also different....he wouldnt tell me what he was (I have a feeling he was either a vampire or a demon of some sort).....he said he could read my mind and he told me that i was awakened, just not ready to accept it i guess....thing is, i did not tell him what i was.....which wierds me out....anyways....i have been looking for more information about my kind and havent really found much. i have asked a few people and all that i have gotten from them is that i have the ability to tamper with energies (whatever that means) and sometimes it comes along with clairvoyance....i have had a few precognitive dreams and it was very strange and new to me. I liked it though.



anyways...to whomever reads this.....if you know anyone that may have information for me or you yourself have information for me.....please i would love to hear from you.

"Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)"

-Concrete Blonde





There's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on the bed-

there's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on the bed-

O you were a vampire and baby I'm walking dead

O you were a vampire and baby I'm walking dead





Chorus:

I got the ways and means to New Orleans

I'm going down by the river where it's warm and green

I'm gonna have a drink, and walk around

I got a lot to think about oh yeah





There's a rocking chair by the window down the hall

I hear something in the shadow down the hall

O you where a vampire and now I am nothing at all

O you where a vampire and now I am nothing at all





(Chorus)





They used to dance in the garden in the middle of the night

They used to dance in the garden in the middle of the night

They were naked as the day they were born skin all bone-china white

O you were a vampire and I may never see the light





(Chorus)

666, affection, alive, always, angel, beautiful, beauty, beginning, belonging, black, blood, bloody, breath, breathe, broken, bursting, caring, casket, coffin, cold, crimson, crypt, cutting, darkness, dawn, dead, death, demonic, dirty, dream, dusk, dying, empty, end, entity, eternal, eternity, evil, failing, fairytale, fallen, fog, forever, forgiveness, fork, forsaken, freezing, frost, frozen, fuck, fulfilling, future, ghost, good, gothic, grave, graveyard, happy, heart, heartache, heartless, heaven, heavenly, Hell, hurtful, ice, immortal, innocence, innocent, joy, kisses, kissing, life, light, longing, love, lurking, lust, lustful, magic, midnight, missing, mist, Mistress, moon, naughty, nice, nightmare, obsession, orgy, pain, phantom, piercing, pitiful, playmate, prince, quirky, Raven, redemption, rescue, roses, salvation, sanctuary, satan, satanic, save, self-mutilation, sex, sexual, shadow, sinful, smile, sorrow, soul, spirit, stalking, starlight, stars, temptation, tomb, tombstone, torment, torture, twilight, undead, undying, vampire, vampiress, vicious, vixen, warm, whisper, whole, wicked, wife, wish, witch, x, yearning, zero

"Lying is the Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"

-Panic! At the Disco



Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Am I who you think about in bed?

When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?

Then think of what you did

And how I hope to God he was worth it.

When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as you're fingers touch your skin.

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck

Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me

Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of

Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?

No, no, no you know it will always just be, me



Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?



So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus

In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?

(Let's pick up, pick up)



Oh now I do recall, we just were getting to the part

Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.

I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.

Now let's not get selfish

Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?



Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?



Dance to this beat

Dance to this beat

Dance to this beat



Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster



I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck

Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me

Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of

Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?

No, no, no you know it will always just be, me



Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?



So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Dance to this beat

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls

Dance to this beat

And hold a lover close

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster











"Build God, Then We'll Talk"



It's these substandard motels,

On the on the corner of 4th and Freemont Street.

Appealing, only because they're just that un-appealing.

Any practiced catholic would cross themselves upon entering.



The rooms have a hint of asbestos,

And maybe just a dash of formaldehyde.

And the habit of decomposing right before your very eyes.

(Along with the people inside.)



What a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.



Tonight tenants range from:

A lawyer and a virgin.



She's arriving with a rosary,

Tucked inside her lingerie.

(She's getting a job at the firm come Monday.)

The Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney,

Moonlighting aside, she really needs his money.

A wonderful caricature of intimacy. (Yeah)



And, and not to mention, the constable,

And his proposition, for that "virgin."



Yes, the one the lawyer met with on "strictly business."

As he said to the Mrs. Well only hours before.

Well after he had left,

She was fixing her face in a compact.

There was a terrible crash,

(There was a terrible... CRASH!)

Between her and the badge.

She spilled her purse and her bag,

And held her purse of a different kind

(Along with the people inside.)



What a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.



There are no raindrops on roses,

And girls in white dresses.

It's sleeping with roaches,

And taking bad chances



At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains

And a few more of your least favorite things.



Raindrops on roses,

And girls in white dresses.

It's sleeping with roaches,

And taking best guesses



At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains

And a few more of your least favorite things.



Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.



Raindrops on roses,

And girls in white dresses.

It's sleeping with roaches,

And taking bad guesses



At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains

And a few more of your least favorite things.