The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So very tired
20:01 May 26 2009
Times Read: 561




I am both physically and emotionally exhausted.



Right now my mother who is 49 is lying in a bed in the ICU at Home Hospital.



She is really sick.

It started a couple of weeks ago.

We thought she just caught a flu no biggie.

2 weeks later she was still extremely ill.



Sunday we finally convinced her to go to the er.

She went in at 10 am, at 7 pm she was admitted in the

hospital and placed in the ICU.



They found out it wasn't the flu.

She has:



Lg amounts of Potassium in urine,

Kindney's messing up (urine going back up into the kidneys),

blood sugar way high (700),

amonia,

dehydrated to the point if she waited another day she could have died from it,

and they found multiple tumors in her lungs.



Then today we got the news she also has a infection in her blood.



I have been spending alot of time at the hospital.

When I am not in the room with her I am in the waiting area online

(I just have to be somewhere where I really don't have to think about whats going on).



She is fighting it.

I hope she wins.

I pray she wins.

If not....

I am unsure of what I may do.

Egyptian Zodiac
00:48 May 20 2009
Times Read: 570

Satis Peace-loving and tolerant, receptive to wealth, analytical and science-minded, tender towards those who are not ignorant, can sometimes be angry. Colors: male: deep red, female: deep blue Compatible Signs: Amon-Ra, Set Dates: Jan 1 - Jan 7, Jun 19 - Jun 28, Sep 1 - Sep 7, Nov 18 - Nov 26 Role: Goddess who protected the sources of the Nile and goddess of the cataract at the border of Egypt and Nubia Appearance: A woman wearing the white crown of Upper Egypt with antelope horns on the sides. Sacred animal: antelope What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign? Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

What is your spirit animal?
00:46 May 20 2009
Times Read: 572

What is your spirit animal?

Dragon Spirit Your spirit animal is the Dragon. Mystical, powerful, wise and strong-willed. The dragon spirit is one built of leadership, strong decision making skills, and wise judgment. A dragon is a natural born philosopher and grand leader. The dragon need only keep his superiority complex in check, lest he lose the respect of those he desires most.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What kind of Eyes do you have?
23:14 May 19 2009
Times Read: 593

What kind of Eyes do you have?

Eyes of Passion and Fire You have the eyes of passion and fire you can give one look and someone know exactly what you are feeling or what you want in most cases you are the party type you live for the moment and dont give a F**K what anyone thinks because in your world they dont exsist only the people you want to do

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What's your inner spirit?
23:12 May 19 2009
Times Read: 594

What's your inner spirit?

Wolf You are faithful and cautious. You tend to run with a group of others and like to have others around you. You are brave and also gentle.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What Tarot Card are You?
22:03 May 19 2009
Times Read: 599

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
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You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

And It's Not Even Halloween Yet
20:54 May 19 2009
Times Read: 608

Get me a clove of garlic, a wooden stake and a crucifix.



Sister's boyfriend was bitten by a bat yesterday.



Yup. A bat.



This is something that I have NEVER seen up here. But there they were. A few of them, hiding in a pile of wood at his work. He disturbed it by accident when he was moving the four-by-fours, and said it was kinda cute. Luckily, the tiny thing didn't puncture his skin.







But just to be on the safe side, I think I'll get a mirror and make sure he still projects a reflection...

I *Wish*
20:49 May 19 2009
Times Read: 609

I'm bored.



Really bored.



Really, REALLY bored.



So bored, I actually looked up my horoscope today. But rather than being swayed by the overly-generalized advice/warnings/predictions, my mouse hovered over a new feature ... "Celebrity Compatibility".



"Oooh" I thought. "This might be interesting."



I enter my Zodiac sign (Scorpio).



I enter the name of the celebrity I am curious about being "compatible" with....



What? Do I actually HAVE to say who? Don't you know me by now??



Yeah, well I did.



Johnny. Mr. Depp. Jack Sparrow himself.







*sigh*



.

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Sorry, kinda spaced out there for a moment. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Anyway, here are the results:



"The zodiac match of a Leo man and a Scorpio woman will have to face a lot of difficulties in the long-term. Different personalities, but similar temperaments, are what lead to all the problems. He looks for romance, which is full of adventure, fantasy and excitement. She, on the other hand, looks for intensity in a relationship. Public displays of affection, which he loves, are not her cup of tea at all. Their aggressive, strong-willed personalities are bound to clash every now and then, leading to more fights than romantic songs! "



Oooh. "Annoies and Irritates." I can see myself doing better than that....mmmmmm



Damn, I could have sworn astrology was dependable, highly scientific and accurate in every way.



I guess this shows me otherwise.

I Root For The Under-Coyote
19:47 May 19 2009
Times Read: 611

Today I came to the surprising realization that I root for the underdog...



Er...when it comes to one of my favorite forms of entertainment, that is.







Sylvester the Cat You see, when watching Looney Toons this evening, I WANTED Sylvester to get that Tweety Bird. I mean, I feel for the poor feline. He can't catch a break.



Like when that old man, in a misguided act of charity, lifts Sylvester up over a fence and into a yard full of bulldogs. Poor guy didn't have a chance.



Not that I actually WANT to see him eat Tweety... oh no. I would just love him to catch the damn thing and scare the little smirk off his face so he'll stop teasing and taunting Sylvester.



Maybe it's because I'm a cat person...







But then again, I would love to see Wile E. Coyote catch the Roadrunner one day too. You see, Wile is not stupid. Far from it, in fact. He is able to concoct extensive plans and diagrams to achieve his goals. He is determined and hard-working.



But even with all that intellect and an obvious unlimited credit line with the Acme Corporation, he continually falls short of the prize.



So I would love to finally see him rewarded.







Maybe it's not that I'm a "Cat Person" OR a "Coyote Person".



Maybe I just don't like birds.









And maybe, just maybe I watch WAY too many cartoons...

There's a Remote Chance
19:41 May 19 2009
Times Read: 612






We have a titch too many remote controls.



Yes, "titch" is too a word.



Okay, maybe not.



This heap are just those I grabbed in a few minutes this morning from our living room and my bedroom upstairs.



Given time, I am sure I can unearth even more from old VCRs and video cameras (that no longer work for some reason) still buried, forgotten and collecting dust in drawers and closets somewhere.



Yesterday my sister added yet another one to our already impressive arsenal: a remote control for the new air conditioner.



Brilliant. Something else to waste batteries on.



And here I was snickering at my ex mother in law's remote-controlled tower fan on the weekend. That bugger was so complex, it kept turning itself off at irregular time intervals. It had no less than six different options you programmed by pressing the buttons a certain number of times in a particular sequence, depending on the number of green and/or red LEDs on the tower [High, Medium, Low, Auto Shut-Off, Sleep Timer with multiple time settings and "Random"]. Instructions in the User Manual (yes, a User Manual for a frickin' FAN) were indecipherable. So now she simply presses the On/Off button on it's stand.



Ironically it makes a mockery of the "control" part of Remote Control if you think about it (without causing your head to explode).



Let me make this clear; we don't have large rooms, nor are we incapacitated in any way. We are fully capable of walking (or leaning) the short distance to the item(s) in question. Instead, we engage in the highly entertaining game of "Where's the Damn Remote?".



Sadly, I think I have just solved the long-lost mystery as to the origin of my Big Fat Butt™.

Thank you Morpheus
18:26 May 19 2009
Times Read: 615

Sometimes you just have to accept what happens and not question the reasons. Still, I can't help but wonder if my latest dream was somehow inspired by the latestest johnny film fest I have sat through. With my friend Jay.



Or perhaps it was from staring at this calendar on my wall for the past month:







Mmmmmm Captain Jack

Then again, maybe it was the wallpaper on my monitor:







Mmmmm More Captain Jack

Whatever.



If it was the film fest, thank you Jay. For having me sit through it with you.







Yummy Johnny And thank you Morpheus, the God of Dreams for finally bestowing upon me the best imaginary experience I have ever had.



(Err, don't tell everyone, K? Thanx.)



Now, I am not giving out any juicy details; suffice to say, it was a very romantic encounter with Mr. Depp.





Very.





Romantic....







Yes, even more Johnny

Huh? Oh, sorry. Just recalling, is all.



Don't beg me for details; I won't reveal them...



Go ahead, try



... for fear of atrracting Internet Pervs or Mr. Depp's solicitors (who, as far as I know, aren't Internet Pervs, but are probably far more relentless).



It's my blog, I can post as many Johnny photos as I wishAnyway, it's pretty rare that my dreams turn out the way I would like them to. Most of the time if I DO remember them, they end with some kind of plunge in an out-of-control elevator. All alone.



Oh, I KNOW there is some Freudian psychoanalytic theory for that one...



So, why the heck am I sharing this?



To brag?



Or to simply have a blatant and unabashed excuse to decorate my journal with post some delish Johnny Depp photos?







Well, duh...

The Devil Made Me Do It
17:40 May 19 2009
Times Read: 618

It's The Devil himself.



Lucifer.



Gak!



Even though I profess to never, ever wanting to see a face in my food (especially if said food originally came with a face) I have now succumbed to this malady. As proof, here is what I saw when I tore open my low fat cranberry muffin:







If you're like I USED to be (I mean, I could never do those "Magic Eye" thingys either), and have trouble seeing anything there, here's some help for ya:







Hell, er, I mean "Heck", he's even RED!



Holy crap.



I devoured him right after having a friend take a bajillion photos... I mean, that just freaked me out way too much; those teenie tiny Satanic eyes glaring at me from his crumby dwelling.



Damn Prince of Darkness just better STAY down.

The Un-Appetizer
17:35 May 19 2009
Times Read: 620

If the Internet can customize commercials as you surf, why can't television?







For instance, I loove watching The Food Network.



Yes I AM a Foodie Junkie.



We even own a few celebrity cookbooks. (Okay, I have as yet to actually *ahem* USE them, but that's not important right now...)



Nevertheless, I can't think of anything better than a huge weekend brunch in front of the TV watching show after show from Ricardo, Giada, Nigella ...









... and especially Jamie. Talk about tasty.



Saucy, fresh and full of rich body.



Yummy.



And his recipes look good too.



Mmmmmmmm.....









Whaaaa?



Err, sorry about that.



But what grinds my gears are the commericals that run at each break. They leave a LOT to be desired:



* McDonald's

* Quaker Weight Control Oatmeal

* Gravol (WTF???)



But the absolute worst?



After watching chef after chef deftly grate huge blocks of hard parmesean, fresh mozerella and aged sharp cheddars all dripping from super sharp metal rasps, THIS is not the next thing I want to see:







Eww, Eww, EWW! After literally grating down the foot, they disassemble the human skin scraper and tap out THE MOST disgusting pile of greyish crap!!!!



Gaaaaaag!



I just lost my appetite.



I cannot fathom how the hell this is appropriate advertising.



No matter how cute Jamie is.

This Is Just Plain Wrong
17:26 May 19 2009
Times Read: 623






So I'm driving around with a friend yesterday and I notice this truck pulling a trailer going past us in the next lane...no big deal, right? Well, what caught my eye was what he had on the BACK of his trailer. I had my friend quickly whip out her camera and we caught up with him to snap this:







Ahhh!!! These poor plushies!!! How tempted was I to save them, wash them up and give them a good home, but alas, he sped off down Main Street to who knows where, taking his captives with him....

What kind of wolf are you at heart?
15:52 May 19 2009
Times Read: 625

What kind of wolf are you at heart?

Elder/Older wolf You have an intellectual mind and know how to control your emotions and powers and can do many things. The pups and adults look up to you in a high respect even if they dont show it.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Are you Vampire or Werewolf?
15:49 May 19 2009
Times Read: 626

Are you Vampire or Werewolf?

Shapeshifter You are a shapeshifter. You are lucky sence these are rare, Vampires hate you For the fact you can live in both worlds, Werewolfves accept you sence most shapeshifters take the shape of animals/wolf you are much like werewolfves but you change into many shapes, and certain things cannot trigger your transformation (full moons, anger). You are whatever you want to be. Usaully taking sides with werewolfves and live in the human world with them,But Your kind has been known to live with Vampires, but Vampires are hard to trust. You can usaully tell a shapshifter by there eyes they change colors but you can never be sure....

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Spirit Of Wolf
15:46 May 19 2009
Times Read: 627

Spirit Of Wolf

Wolf - Shadow Not to be underestimated. That shadow over there could be a wolf waitiing to strike... You are suspicious and untrusting. Everyone thinks you are strange and a bit weird. Perhaps you should trust a little more...

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Which werewolf are you
15:40 May 19 2009
Times Read: 628

Which werewolf are you

normal werewolf you help people alot. you put there problem before your. you would give your life to help people. you only give people your help if they deserve it.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Which vampire novel are you?
15:32 May 19 2009
Times Read: 629

Which vampire novel are you?

Vampire Kisses You one tough cookie. Everyone around you may not always agree but, hey, you dont mind. You have stoppable enemies who never give up. From all this your able to hide a part of you that loves some dear and special.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What do you look like as a Vampire?
15:28 May 19 2009
Times Read: 630

ok took this test out of curiosity. Funny how the results came out. Don't ya think.

What do you look like as a Vampire?

3

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Which famous vampire are you?
15:24 May 19 2009
Times Read: 631

Which famous vampire are you?

Selene You are Selene, you are an excellent gunsman, are very gaurded, but all in all, only wish you could find the love you used to know. You may feel that you need revenge to ever be whole again, but really all it takes is one person's love to change your world forever.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Which rank in the wolf pack do you belong to?
15:12 May 19 2009
Times Read: 633

Which rank in the wolf pack do you belong to?

Beta You are the eyes and ears of the leader and the pack. You help patrol territory with the Alphas, and make sure all rival packs are out of territory range. When you have nothing else to do you help out with the pups, and hunt down food for them. Your loyalty serves the pack well.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What Vampire race are you?
14:55 May 19 2009
Times Read: 634

What Vampire race are you?

Toreador You envision yourself as an artist and visionarie. You seek the best of refinements, belive in being on the cutting edge and wearing haute couture. You are very close to human society.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What Is your Demon?
14:48 May 19 2009
Times Read: 635

What Is your Demon?

Death Dealer Gambling Someones life is your game... if you loose you take their life anyway.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

I have noticed something
16:13 May 18 2009
Times Read: 641

Ok I have been a member here for quite awhile now. Lately when I have been going to peoples profiles to read them (yes I do read them even the ones only filled with quiz results.) I have seen more and more people commenting themselves.



I think this is a lil odd,

Now I have see some where notes to self, and others

are stamps and rating of selves.



Notes I get. Maybe. Ok a little.



But the others are well strange.

Men, Boil them in oil!
17:13 May 17 2009
Times Read: 655




Ok I say we boil men in oil!



or better yet tie them to a ant hill and throw little pickles at them.



Why do you ask am I ranting about torturing men?



Let's see



Went on a date last night.

Well at least I tried to go on a date.



You see I haven't went on a date in like a year.



There are reasons why I haven't and you will understand this after I tell you what happened on my non existant date.



Got a call last night from a guy I have been talking with over the phone for awhile now. He was given my number by a friend of mine who thought I may like him. He asked me to go out on a date and to meet him for the first time face to face.



I hesitated (did this due to the track record I have had with men) then finally agreed to.



Got ready.

Went to the restraunt where we were supposed to meet.

Went to the table , introduced myself, and then he said , "You are a fat ass and a ugly bitch. I have better things to do with my time then to spend it with you." he then left and I ate dinner alone. had a few drinks, then went home and slept alone again.



This seems to be a growing trend I have been in with men. Now of course I called my friend and chewed her out yet again for giving my number out to such a ass. She is now mad at me.



I know I am not a skinny girl.

I have real curves.



What is it with men wanting these skinny ass women who can blow away on a mild breeze?



I say we shoot them all!

Rhyme, Reason and Being
01:35 May 17 2009
Times Read: 660

I have been told on more than one occasion, for several years and by several different people that I overthink things. Recently, I shared that with a friend of mine and she laughed. Hard. I guess she agreed. It’s not that it surprises me when I hear it, or that she agrees completely. It’s just that I am struggling with the whole concept. On the one hand I have an analytical mind how could I do so without being very thoughtful and contemplative. Add curiosity, introspection and perfectionism to that and you have me.



I’m not completely unhappy with that, it is the way I’ve been as long as I can remember, and frankly it’s saved my ass many more times than I care to count. As in all areas of my life I hit a dichotomy there You would think with those qualities that I would be quiet with my thoughts until thinking things through. However, I am not that way, partially because the thinking takes not only thoughtfulness, but writing and talking out loud, and sometimes (frequently) even sleeping.



Yes, my brain still works things out while I am sleeping. Some of the biggest work problems I have get solved in my sleep. Some of the deepest insights I have had into emotional work I’m doing are in the mornings. So turning my brain off is not a simple task, since it works hard even when I am asleep. I have never been able to even start to comprehend the possibility of not having thought - when people claim they are not thinking of anything at all.



However, on the other side of this is the fact that analysing things has brought me a great deal of stress and unhappiness. I certainly ran intellectual circles around all the bad that happened in my life growing up so I never felt it.



I try to see all points of view, and understand all that happens to me, and always have to ask the “WHY” of things, when even intellectually on a conceptual level I understand that for most things there is no why. But I’ve based my life, my faith, my worth, everything on rational thought out reasons. I am comfortable there. So when interacting with others, when there is so much that really has no answer in a why?, I keep coming at the question in different ways trying to work it out like a puzzle. Like an experiment that has a conclusion one way or another. When I can’t figure it out from one angle, I try another. As I get more information I change my reasoning based on new data. Sometimes, I even change myself to fit more of the picture I see emerging so that I can fit in, be who I need to be. I give up my identity to allow myself a rational answer to things that are not rational. Yep, fuck myself up and over…



Self knowlege is only a good thing if you can put it to use by changing what you don’t want. I don’t want the stress of having to figure everything out anymore. But I don’t know how to turn off my brain from needing that information. After all, when someone asks me why I want to study physics I answer that I want to understand the universe. I think most people think I am joking, but I’m not. I truly do. And yes, I have that much ego given enough room to let it out. But I can’t even really give answers to the “whys” in my own life… And trying hurts me. It keeps me from being grateful for all that I have.



Ok, even this is overthought out. But I’m working on it…

one day
14:05 May 16 2009
Times Read: 668

and one day all will pass, swiftly by. like the times we sink confusedly into sleep and surface seconds later in the shallows. breathe, and release. repeat, risk, rise cresting chest sharply and…



it is still possible to detect the sense, your distilled essence, in cells merged with cottons. and breathing deeply in, replaying over and over. this is what happens when. when the edges between our clouds start to blur, and halves confuse over the side to which they belong.



a stranger’s strange stare, looped into infinite repeat.

Catching a Passing Thought
13:39 May 16 2009
Times Read: 669

Emotion is energy, and in order to cause change, it must move.



Where does it move first? Through you.



Hate, like fear and anger and love and sorrow, is an emotion, and emotion is energy, so in order to be expressed, it must first move through you. So when you feel hatred toward another person, you're casting hate upon yourself first.



The same is true of love, and peace, and joy.



It's not a matter of "what you send out you get back times three." What you send out doesn't just come back to you--it starts with you.



Any emotion you try to horde will turn stagnant and fester inside you--to help it grow, to help it heal, to share it with others, you have to let it flow.



We can make the conscious choice to direct our energies. We can raise the ones we want to encourage and ground the ones we want to be free of. We can work to transform energy from negative into positive and channel it into a kinder world, and in doing so transform ourselves...or we can hex ourselves with every heartbeat.



This is magic.

Words, Words, Words
13:37 May 16 2009
Times Read: 670

Recently I was inspired to create an oracle-sort-of-thing for myself.



On the front desk at my theripsts there's a vase full of words--I believe they're Angel Affirmation Cards or something like that. Each card, perhaps two inches by half an inch, has a single word and a little illustration of an angel doing something to demonstrate that concept.



Every appoiontment I draw words from the vase. Giving myself a focus till the next weeks appointment. I've found that the little slips of cardstock are pretty reliable in pointing out to me what I should keep in mind or focus on in the near future.



Since this has been working well for me. I decided to make my own set to have at home. I printed out around 100 words culled from various sources, cut them out, and put them all in one of my many empty jars, this one a recycled jam jar that's wide enough for me to get my hand in without taking up a lot of space on my desk. (Anything without a lid was just an invitation for Owen to knock it over and eat my affirmations.)



I try to remember to draw a word every day when I'm at my desk, which will apply to the following day. They're pretty scary at times--for example, Wednesday's word was "transformation," and Wednesday I was in bed sick at the time.



It's a useful tool, easy to make and costs just about nothing, and I thought I'd share the idea. Enjoy!

My Romance ad
22:02 May 14 2009
Times Read: 709

I’ve imagined how it would read if I should take out an ad in a local paper in the romance section. Here’s a rough copy…



Crazy psycho woman seeks psychotic schizophrenic male for long walks through broken glass, couples bonding through bomb-building classes, and long romantic talks about vampires. You must be a non smoker, have at least 10 teeth, a penis, and will go away and leave me alone until I tell you to come back. You can stay longer if you are willing to clean my apartment and do my laundry.

"Who are you?" said the caterpillar.
21:48 May 14 2009
Times Read: 715










"Who are you?" said the caterpillar. This was not an encouraging

opening for a conversation. Alice replied rather shyly, "I-I hardly

know, sir, just at present-at least I know who I was when I got up this

morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.What

do you mean by that? said the caterpillar sternly. "Explain yourself!"

I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice,"because I'm not

myself , you see" I don't see said the Caterpillar. I'm afraid I can't

put it more clearly. Alice repled very politely, "for I can't

understand it myself to begin with, and being so many different sizes

in a day is very confusing."

"It isn't," said the Caterpillar. "well, perhaps you haven't found it

so yet," said Alice."but when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you

will someday, you know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should

think you'll feel a little , won't you? "Not a bit said the

Caterpillar. "Well, perhaps your feelings may be different" said Alice,

"all I know is, it would feel very to ME." "YOU! said the Caterpillar

contemptuously. "Who are YOU?" Which brought them back to the beginning

of the conversation. Alice felt a little iritated at the Caterpillar

making such very short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very

gravely, I think, you ought to tell me who YOU are, first." "Why?" said

the Caterpillar. Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could

not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a

VERY unpleasent state of mind, she turned away. "Come back!" the

Caterpillar called after her. "I've something important to say!" This

sounded promising, certainly; Alice turned and came back again."keep

your temper,"said the Caterpillar.......

Part of Alice in Wonderland, Chapter 5, by Lewis Carrol.

I

really feel like this touches me in what bipolar feels like.We can

change from day to day, or minute by minute. Never reaching a middle

ground sometimes.Not understanding. I think the Caterpiller sounds like

our psychitrists. Not understanding us either...Not knowing us no

matter how hard they try. Unless they have been in our shoes, walking

our path, they will never know.I wonder if Lewis Carrol was bipolar in

being able to write such a story???

The Damned
21:33 May 14 2009
Times Read: 724

In today's society the strange are not very accepted, and often

complain about it despite the fact that the worst they get are stares

and maybe an otherwise avoidable traffic ticket or two. I personally

find it ridiculous, because these people choose to be different

unlike people with the misfortune of being born with deformities, just

like I've chosen, but refuse to accept the consequences of their

decision. It is for this reason that I've decided to post about people

who chose to be different back in the old days, and sometimes were just

accused of being different, and the price they had to pay in the end.

Maybe this will shut those emo kids up for a while...

Accused witchesWitches

and those like them have been around sense the dawn of time, though it

was only during the introduction of Judo-Christianity that they were

deemed evil and spawns of Satan. According to recorded history it

became a common practice around the early 1400's. It is unfortunate

that the gospel itself brought them no harm, but as it always goes when

you present a complicated idea to a mass of stupid people something

always goes horribly wrong.

The people targeted with the accusation of witchcraft were on occasion practitioners or

unrelenting pagans, but far more often than not they were just the

mentally ill, the misunderstood or the poor. What is currently known as

schizophrenia was first viewed as prophetic ability, whereas the person

could converse with spirits and the deceased. Upon the introduction of

Christianity, they were believed to hold the power of Discernia, which

is the ability to detect and communicate with angels or demons, and

sometimes both. Over time, as often happens with oral tradition and old

works of religious documentation, Discernia was somehow either

forgotten or scewed into the belief that these people were possessed by

demons. The sufferers were first taken to a holy man for exorcism

either once or a few times, depending on the importance or wealth of

the person, and when this yielded no results the individual was either

run off from the village or killed.

The impoverished rarely

followed the common etiquette of the towns people, and this was

generally because they couldn't afford to. The women couldn't by the

clothes to cover themselves, had little opportunity to properly wash,

and in desperate times even engaged in prostitution in a last effort to

feed themselves. It is for these reasons that when it came to the poor

the women were almost always the ones accused. Methods for doing away

with accused witches of all kinds include the following:

Throwing them into the river:

If they floated they were witches and were burned at the stake and if

they sank they were dead anyway from drowning. The conviction in the

case of witchcraft was almost always the death penalty as well.

Burning:

Either at the stake or thrown onto a pile, this was a popular method.

Many believed destroying the body in this manner eliminated the

possibility for them to return from the dead. Also, when burned on a

pile the towns people would often throw their belongings into the pile

with them, in a effort to rid themselves of potentially cursed items.

Stoning:

Back in the ancient days a stoning would involve throwing rocks at

someone until someone made a fatal blow. However, by the time the witch

hunts began the people would just assume dig a shallow hole in the

ground and pile rocks on top of the unfortunate victim. This led to the

crushing of the ribcage and eventual suffocation.

The Left-handedAccording

to statistics today, only 3 out of every 100 people are left-handed.

Scientists believe it is not hereditary. Once considered

little more than an interesting trait,

the left-handed were eventually considered children of the devil

somewhere through the course of history, and were treated as such. The

term left is actually Latin for sinister, which tells

you for just how long the left side has been associated with the evil

and just plain bad. In the early middle ages children were beaten and

sometimes killed for using their left hand. Believe it or not,

left-handed children were being encouraged and even forced to use their

right hand as recently as fifty years ago. I personally knew an old

woman who told me herself that as a child in school they would tie her

left hand to her desk so she was forced to write with her right one.

She was ambidextrous as a result.The DeformedIn

today's society those burdened with deformities suffer the incessant

gawking of the public every time they have to go out on common

endeavors that we participate in without incident every day. Believe it

or not, it has been worse. Back in the fifties was

around the time the government started to help the deformed rather than

just hide them, by offering funded income and medical insurance to aid

them in any complications they might face due to their illness.

However, as recently as the early 1700s infants born deformed were

severely neglected and often left to die. Further before that almost

every culture would abandon them entirely and races like the Vikings

would actually leave a sick infant naked in the snow over night. If the

child survived it was allowed to live. If not, well, you get the idea.

To

those lost to the ignorance and unsettling violence innate to human

beings, I'd like say something you've been needing to hear for all of

these years: We miss you, we love you, and on behalf of mankind - we

are sorry. And for those of us both chastised and chastising, the moral

of the story is stop complaining - It could always be worse.

The Tarot Bar
21:28 May 14 2009
Times Read: 725

I got bored one day and came up with this.

0 The Fool - Your shout! for the whole bar! Hooray!!

1 The Magician - Shot of Absinthe

2 The High Priestess - Bloody Mary

3 The Empress - Golden Dream cocktail

4 The Emperor - Whiskey with a little bit of ice

5 The Hierophant -French Brandy

6 The Lovers - Pina Colada for yourself and your ’special friend’ - replete with improvised love poem

7 The Chariot - a six pack for the road

8 Strength - Pint of Guinness

9 The Hermit - shot of Frangelico

10 The Wheel of Fortune - Tequila Slammer

11 Justice - Gin & Tonic

12 The Hanged Man - Margherita

13 Death - Ouzo through a straw

14 Temperance - Vodka, lime and soda

15 The Devil - Shot of the most expensive whiskey in the bar followed by a chilli beer

16 The Tower - Jaeger bomb

17 The Star - Champagne cocktail supernova

18 The Moon - White Russian

19 The Sun - Tequila Sunrise

20 Judgment -Bourbon and Coke

21 The World - Cosmopolitan

Living Between Many Worlds
20:49 May 14 2009
Times Read: 732

I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder nine years ago, and also suffer from panic attacks. My mind is confusing, interesting, and always unquiet. My perception isn’t what one might consider normal, and I’ve been told my views can be distorted. Picture Seinfeld with a chemical imbalance.





The Voind within...



My mind is back in the place where it really isn't me in there... it's filled with static noise and uncertainty... there's a fuzziness to it, I can't quite grasp a hold of myself... a void is moving in and pushing me out... I can't see clearly and I am feeling detached from myself... even when I am not depressed I sit alone and think and my

mind... it isn't quite there... I'm reaching out for it and grasping only thin air...there's a sense of panic and fear... not knowing where it's coming from but I can feel the impending doom sweeping across the horizon...



The Eyes of your Mood....

It’s amazing how different life becomes depending on what mood you are in. You don’t realize the influence either mood has on you until it levels out and you realize how different everything is with or without the high or low. This is when you become aware that the solid objective world that you once thought existed out there in its completeness, is really just a reflection of what is going on in here - inside your mind. You make decisions and choices in what you thought was your best judgment and at the time you were probably convinced the choices were in your best judgment, but you

soon realize how altered your mind must have been once you return to temporary stability

and you see how truly different everything now appears. Becaues of bipolar I feel like I am living trapped between many worlds....



Some constructed of the everyday world and some constructed of mind’s intuition, imagination and inquiry. The reality ‘out there’ appears to be so dependent on our perception that it changes depending on how we look at it. I find myself at times seeing the same world in a multitude of masks each revealing a different possible truth of what in fact it is. Perspective seems to be king and all understanding is a product of a specific perspective. Our meaning, purpose, morality, appreciation, sanity, disdain, fears, ambitions, passions, friendships, etc. are not constants that exist in their own right, but conditions or possibilities of our mind’s relationship to the world because they can and do change depending on that relationship. It’s a feedback system of controlled prediction where we see what we want

to see because we want to see it. I’m not trying to suggest that some things are more or

less real because they appear to be products of our mind’s powerful projection system,

but rather that this system seems to be inescapable for the human being and the

objective true answer to what is real and what is not is less important than the influence of what is subjectively real to the individual and the influence this subjective truth has on the individual. The mind lives in a world of derived meaning and

these perspective paradigms are what build our understanding of reality and shape our

behavior accordingly. These perspective paradigms form our sense of identity and

ultimately answer or fail to answer the question of ‘Who am I?’ or ‘Why am I?’



The closest we’ve come to objective truth is through science, which tells us what things

are composed of and how they function and physics, which tells us how things interact,

move and relate physically. Both can tell us a sort of truth as long as they can understand the workings of the system that they are predicting. What they can’t tell us is the ultimate ‘why’ question that seems to be so fundamental and necessary to our understanding of ourselves and reality. Philosophy, religion and psychology try to

bridge the gaps between the proposed empirical objective truth and the humans ability to

understand empirical objective truth in a meaningful way, but all these systems have

contradictions, paradoxes and their own gaps that need answers. It seems like truth is

such a personal thing that it can’t be shared through a system of thought, measured by a

prediction system or fully understood through a story that is passed down through

generations, but must be lived directly and understood personally. I’m sure all of us

are certain that our existence is true and that we do exist by our personal experience

of existing. You don’t have to convince yourself that you are aware, you just are. That

truth feels certain, but everything else that extends from that basic truth is less

certain and more a matter of perspective.

Like an ever changing mirage, our many worlds are composed of varying real microcosms

that exist within the larger context of varying real macrocosms that each have their own

set of rules, measurements and truths. To help illustrate my point, think of the many

answers that exist for what constitutes a human being? There are many answers to this

question and all of them are true within their own perspective. To a biologist, human

beings are living organisms. To a chemist, human beings are groupings of molecules

formed from atoms. To a physicist, a human being is a composition of protons, neutrons

and electrons that make up an atom. To a particle physicist, the answer needs to be even

more fundamental and indivisible. To a psychologist or psychiatrist, a human being is

focused around the workings of the mind and brain. To society, a human being is a

friend, a foe or a stranger. To family, a human being is a husband, a wife, a son,

daughter, a brother or sister. To capitalism, a human being is a consumer. To

government, a human being is a number or vote. To the universe if that is possible, the

human being is probably a combination of all the above, including gravity,

electromagnetic force, oxygen, water, carbon, atoms etc. What is our true identity and



where does one identity end and the other begin? The answer I’m afraid is a matter of perspective.

The evolution of the universe changed the rules surrounding what the ‘real’ world is by

giving matter the opportunity to become aware of itself and in doing so allowed the very

source and substance of consciousness to project its own interpretation and influence on

what ‘real’ really means. The many worlds I live between are all real in their own way

and at the same time not real at all. I am certain that my perception of these many

worlds have a measurable physical effect, which affirms their subjective influence on me

regardless of their empirical objective ultimate truth. The worlds I see influence my

behavior, choices and decisions, which ripple out of my organism in a butterfly effect

and touch the world that surrounds me. I am not certain that the worlds I see ultimately

exist, but I am certain of my mind’s intuition, imagination and inquiry that bend my

everyday understanding of the world in ways that allow these many worlds to exist for

me, in my mind. The key I guess is finding a perspective that is flexible enough to

understand that in the end everything is simply a matter of perspective anyway.





Famous bipolar people and genius creativity!



Take a look at some of the



famous/successful people who are bipolar.





It is seldom recognized that having bipolar comes with the gifts of genius level



creativity and problem solving abilities. Many important people throughout history were



bipolar, including:

- Ludwig Beethoven

- Vincent Van Gogh

- Jimi Hendrix

- Sylvia Plath

- Edgar Allen Poe

- Ted Turner

- Ben Stiller

- Axl Rose

- Alvin Ailey

- Francis Ford Coppola

-William Blake





When I came across this list, I was surprised to see some of the celebrities on it. I am



extremely impressed with Edgar Allen Poe, who knew? For more famous people, check out



Wikipedia’s Bipolar List.



“It is often suggested that genius (or, at least, creative talent) and mental disorder



are linked” - Wikipedia



Small Excerpt from Auguries of Innocence - William Blake

Every night and every morn

Some to misery are born,

Every morn and every night

Some are born to sweet delight.



Some are born to sweet delight,

Some are born to endless night.



We are led to believe a lie

When we see not thro’ the eye,

Which was born in a night to perish in a night,

When the soul slept in beams of light.



God appears, and God is light,

To those poor souls who dwell in night;

But does a human form display

To those who dwell in realms of day.

The land of Nuts
20:40 May 14 2009
Times Read: 736

Yes this is what I have decided to call this place where I live.

I guess you are all wondering why I have chosen to call it thus.

Well lets see..Where to begin...

I know let me tell you who all lives with me in this tiny 2 bdr apartment.



There is me,

My wacky and kinda lazy menopasul mother,

My moody sister,

Her Daughter the spoiled princess,

Her son the crier,

Her boyfriend the lush,

The dumbest dog in history Bell,

The cat who now has to fight to keep from being a chew toy Socks,

The 2 screaming cockatiels who one day may be barbuced if they don't shut up,

The 3 silent finches who wonder whats all the fuss about,

The 1 lonely parakeet who killed its friend,

And finally the 2 fish tanks full of fish who it seems to have it made.







So you see I live in the land of nuts.

And at times they can drive me insane.



And Beacuse of this..



"Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europe vincendarum. "

-Sometimes I get the urge to conquer large parts of Europe.





So maybe I can get a little peace and quiet.

100 nifty facts about me
20:36 May 14 2009
Times Read: 738

Here are 100 nifty facts about me that you never needed to know (but you clicked on the link so you are getting what you asked for!)



* I'm 5'6" tall

* Ilove calla lillies

* I have 4 children from age 3-13

* I hate being cold

* My favorite Christmas present growing up was a book of Grimm Fairytales

* I read everything (even instructions you get with toys)

* I have a sense of humor that very few people get (mostly just other geeky/odd people)

* I live in a mad house

* I played tuba in 6th grade

* I am diabetic

* I adore cats

* I waer glasses

* I am addicted to cheesecake

* I think that the most important things in life are to learn , love and laugh

* I am bipolar

* I collect tombstones

* My favorite place is the woods

* My favorite geographical feature are the forests

* I have 6 mirrors in my bedroom alone

* I am easily irritated by ppl pushing their religion/beleifs on me

* I listen to every type of music there is, and my favorite just depends on my mood

* I only dance when I am alone

* I sometimes enjoy embarressing my children/family

* I have been a pagan for 20 years, and have started 2 covens

* I really feel best when things are very neat and clean, but housecleaning can be a pain sometimes

* thing to go when I am busy (which is always!)

* I've been divorced once

* It would take more than anyone has to get me to ever marry again

* I have a strange dog

* My favorite thing to do is to ride on the back of a motorcycle that is going very fast with no helmet

* I crochet

* My mother is nutty

* We were very poor when I was a child

* I never knew my father

* I love to write poetry and short stories

* The places I want to travel to are Greece, Scotland and Ireland, the Romania and Carpathian Mountains, in that order

* I have strong opinions and am not afraid to express them

* My favorite city is New Orlens

* I speak plainly and honestly, and as a result tend to piss people off

* I don't smoke although I have in the past

* I have never been addicted to drugs or alchol

* I never graduated high school but do have GED

* I don't get enough sleep

* I spend too much time on the computer

* I love gory movies

* I am smart enough to get a 4 yr academic scholorship to norte Dame

* I love going to the zoo

* I am a coffee snob

* I make a mean peanutbutter fudge

* I am a Tia (aunt) to 4

* When I was young my Grandma and her best friend had an open house "cookie day" and everyone in my hometown came (no kidding)

* I named my children unusual names

* I wonder if people are actualy reading all this

* I am a fan of Gabriell Iglasis

* I love surprises

* I love astrophysics but am just not all that into astronomy

* I can really be a blonde

* My favorite sound is hearing one of my children (or more) laugh

* I am afraid of large crowds

* My biggest pet peeve is stupidity

* I think dummy labels on things should be removed

* My favorite game is poker

* I have houseplants, but only ones that survive well when forgotten for weeks on end

* I got a Christmas cactus to bloom once

* It still kind of hurts when I find out someone doesn't like me

* I love the smell of vanilla, honeysuckle, and lilacs

* I am a little evil at times

* I hate the color pink

* I made all my childrens' Christmas stockings

* I have horrific nightmares

* I was told I have a old soul

* I never threw the wildest parties in High School

* One day I would like to own a bar

* I have a really good sense of direction outside

* I would rather go barefoot everywhere

* Black is my favorite color

* I hate dating

* I like making people think

* I hate prejudice

* I talk ALOT

* I want to write a book

* I've had way more therapy then I want to think about

* I live in sweats

* I am a bit of a smartass

* I hate people telling me what to do

* I love doing genealogy

* I work out of my home

* I am a really bad actress except during job interviews

* I am lost without my computer

* My totem animals are the wolf and panther

* I sang in the choir as a child

* I intend to live forever

* My favorite movie is shawshank redemption

* I have too many animals at my home

* I am constantly amazed at the creativity and beauty in people

* I am constantly dismayed by the cruelty and stupidity in people

* Collect tons of diffrent things

* I still have and use a VCR

* I hate diamonds

* I hate shopping

* I hate the dead silence

* My grandma was the strongest/strangest woman I've ever known

* Writing this list took me a long time

Crest/Motto/Description of Self/Mission Statement
20:33 May 14 2009
Times Read: 739

be your own family.

By making a crest, motto, mission statement for yourself.





I thought I would share mine.

I also added a Descrition of Self.

Keep in mind that can change over the years as your grow and change.



Also I cannot draw if my life depended on it.

So I have to describe what I want it to look like.





Crest~



Backdrop- A full moon

Forground- A raven in flight with a blood red rose with thorns wrapped around the bird.

Top- a ribbon that says "Per aspera ad astra"









Motto~



Per aspera ad astra - "through the thorns to the stars"







Description of self~



I am a 31 yr old dorviced mother of 4. I suffer from bipolar disorder, anxiety, post tramatic stress disorder (PTSD), and severe low self esteem. I have been physically, sexually, and emotionaly abused in my life. My life has been a hard one. I have attemped suicide once in my life. I have never abused drus or alchol but am surrounded by those who do most of my life. I've always lived in constant struggle. I am learning through therpy and medication how to cope and function with my past and prestnet difficulties.







Mission Statement~





To enjoy every momnet in my journey through life. Finding laughter, love, and happiness with each day that passes. To take away the fear of living, by showing how to tap in to my wisest self and make my life happier and eaiser. To connect to the love that is eternal, that is the reason for all our existance. To work continuously on my personal development from basic values and virtues. To discover who I am and to inspire myself to reach my full potential. To rember where I have been and where I will go through maintaning positive relationships with family and friends. To find peacefulness within myself by looking inward while using my heart to guide my dreams and desires, and my mind to pursue knowledge, creating balance among all my obligations. Finaly to content myself in my surroundings. So I will always know where security lies within myself.

Are You Going To Hell?
20:27 May 14 2009
Times Read: 742

I am.

(I'm aware this entry may offend some, but I'm taking advantage of free-speech here and since I'm going to Hell anyway...)

I just came across this:

(Go ahead, I'll wait while you take the test)

Okay, now let's analyze this for a moment.

Question #1

- If you have ever told a lie, you are going to Hell. Now I don't know

a SINGLE person who has never told at least ONE lie in their whole

life. According to this, every person I know is going to Hell.

Now

I'm not the kind of person who likes to lie: in fact I'm terrible at it

and avoid it to an extreme, but I'm human and of course I've told a lie

in my lifetime!

Question #7 - If you have ever looked at someone and had lustful thoughts you are an adulterer and are going to Hell.

Now my question is this: if it is natural to have lustful feelings for

the purpose of wanting to have sex (which is natural because we are

meant to reproduce) than why we go to Hell for it? Even children can

have lustful thoughts for St. Peter's sake! And again, I don't know a

SINGLE person who has not had lustful thoughts.

Now, I'm not a virgin , but, I have only been with 8 people and I've had lustful thoughts, I'm going to Hell. Well if this

is the case, I might as well just get really slutty since I'm already

going to Hell, no?

Question #5 - If you have ever used "God" "Jesus" or "Christ" as curse words, you are going to Hell .

But I wonder, if the intent I use behind a curse word is the same no

matter if I say "God-damn" or "F-ck" shouldn't it be equally as sinful?

If you accidentally blurt out "Jesus Christ" in surprise - well good

luck to you.

Now,

I grew up in a Roman Catholic household/school and I find that I use

"God's name in vain" much more often than all the people I know who

didn't grow up Catholic - weird eh? Nonetheless, because of this, I'm

going to Hell.

Question #4 - If you have ever stolen anything (no matter how small) you're going to Hell . When I was a little girl, I stole a cookie from the cookie jar - I guess ever since then I've been doomed. It was a delicious cookie God-damnit!

Again,

I'm no thief. The very thought of stealing anything makes me

uncomfortable and I never ever do it. Still, that cookie did me in.

Question #8 - If you have ever had a God before God (?) you are going to Hell .

Not only this, but apparently EVERYONE has done this so if you say you

have not, you are a liar and are going to Hell. What this means is that

EVERYONE is going to Hell because no one has kept this commandment -

whether you're Christian, Pagan, Jewish - you're going to Hell so why

even try? Why even create this quiz if we're all going to come up with

the same answer.

Now,

this is one commandment that I'm extremely guilty of though of course I

have no guilt over it. There, I said it - I'm going to Hell.

Questions #2, 3, and 6

- If you have ever given money to charity, gone to church regularly, or

made it a practice to read the bible regularly, this pleases God, but

does not mean you're not going to Hell . That's right - no loop holes here.

Something I wonder about is why would God care if we read the bible at all? The bible is just a book and was not created by him... it doesn't make sense.There's also the church thing

- since there was no such thing as a Christian church before Christ's

life, does that mean that no one EVER went to heaven earlier than 2000

years ago? hmmmm. Hold on - if I remember correctly, there were no

Christian churches while Christ was alive --- wouldn't that mean he

wasn't allowed into heaven either? (oooh controversial)

Now,

I have given money to charity but the only times I go to church are

when there's a wedding or when I want to see the church because I

really love old churches. As for reading the bible, I have read it a

few times and once in a while I read some of it, but I LOVE to read so

if I were only to read the bible all the time I'd miss out on all the

great books in the world. Oh to Hell I go.

At

the end of this quiz, it asks you to choose whether you're guilty or

innocent of breaking God's commandments. I can't click innocent,

obviously (and according to #8 no one can). So I click guilty. Then it

asks if you think you're going to Heaven or Hell: I click Heaven,

remembering how forgiving God is supposed to be.

Wrong! I'm still going to Hell - no redemption for me. Then it asks if

the fact that I'm going Hell concerns me. I answered NO, because

frankly, I don't believe in Hell. Well it SHOULD CONCERN ME!

Apparently.

Therefore,

my brethren, the message is that every person should live their life

dreading death because no matter what, we're all going to hell and

there is nothing anyone can do to change that. A life of fear?

Well if that's the case, shouldn't we all just go on killing sprees and

sex-capades? Why not? We're going to Hell anyway...

P.S.

Hell is actually the name of a very old Goddess of the Underworld. Just

another example of commandment #8 (though shall not steal) being broken.

Isn't this the guy from Growing Pains?

(Yes, he's going to hell too).

Horror Bakery
20:26 May 14 2009
Times Read: 743

Bread. These photos are of breads.... read below for more information from InventorSpot

Imagine

running up to the bakery around the corner and coming across bread

shaped like body parts. Sound yummy? Artist Kittiwat Unarrom creates

just that; gruesome works of art out of bread.

Kittiwat Unarrom

has a master's degree in fine arts and creates bruised and battered

heads, feet and other internal organs at a bread shop in Thailand.

He

started using his skills and made sculptures out of bread. This came

naturally to him because his family runs a bakery. The bread is made

out of dough, raisins, cashews and chocolate. He just adds his own

touch to the finished product.

This makes me wonder how long the line wraps around the bakery in order to purchase this finely crafted delicious bread.

I would love to go over to a friends house with one of these.

Carefully setting the concealed bread on the table, I would wait until

all of the food was served and innocently ask if someone could pass

me the bread. Imagine their surprise when they lifts open the cover and

comes face to face with one of these gory delights. Okay, so I'd never

be invited over to dinner again, but I think the look on their face would

be so worth it.

I think this could be an excellent idea for

restaurants. They could use one of these heads as a bread bowl and

serve spaghetti in it. It would kind of be like eating brains, don't

you think?

The Silent Scream
20:19 May 14 2009
Times Read: 744

The eight of swords is one of my favourite cards. I guess because it

is so accessible in its imagery, so real and relevant. To me this card

epitomizes a particularly female phenomenon of feeling profoundly

powerless in a world dominated by swords energy. There is a very

parched feel here, with the dry land and barely any water to soften or

quench thirst- on either a physical or psychological level. There are

no trees around and the earth herself is pierced with the swords which

surround the woman in the red dress. An overwhelming sense of dominance

and control pervade the energy of the scene, even though, like the

woman herself, we cannot see the oppressor.

What woman at some point in her life has not felt like this? Indeed,

let’s just take it further and put it out there that this is what has

happened to women at large over the last few thousand years during the

patriarchal reign. Very few women have ever managed to be truly free.

Swords energy have dominated on a social level with fighting and wars

and the mutilation of nature and animals, while the more feminine Cups

energy of love and emotions, are seen to have little value in the

‘real’ world- indeed are often seen as impediments to achievement.

Detachment and force, control over others and dominant ideals that

permeate every aspect of our public and personal lives- these are what

we are used to and what most of us believe to be normal.

Restriction. Powerlessness. Binding. Silencing. Torturing. Blindfolding. Oppression.

Sometimes i get so angry. The withheld scream inside, pushed down in

so many ways over so many years in regard to so many things….

Many, many of us have been locked away as madwomen when we could

hold it in no longer. Many of us now are suffering from depression and

anxiety.

The thing is, when you’re all bound up like this you are not looking

at the truth directly and you are used to being powerless to change

anything or to fight for what you value. It is the card of the victim,

the repressed and the captured - and in this way it is extremely

relevant to most of us at some point in our lives, if not as an

undercurrent to our lives all the time. It’s the card we hand to the

doctor who exchanges it for anti-depressants. Unfortunately, the drugs

don’t really set us free. They just stop us panicking about the fact

that we’re all tied up and help us refrain from struggling to get out

of our bondage.

There is great danger in taking off the blindfold, for once you see

the truth, you cannot go back to believing the lies. You are called on

to move. Take action of some sort. And because you have been inert for

so long, silent and suffering for so long, it doesn’t come naturally or

easily to speak, act out and act up. Like Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes

about in her wonderful book “Women who run with the Wolves”, when we

have been trapped and tortured, we have injured instincts. If we have

not been shown how to survive and how to live in our power, we have a

lot to learn and we remain vulnerable for some time.

But look at her red dress and wild black hair, her bare feet. Mmmmm.

To me, she epitomizes the passionate spirit who is just pure energy

waiting to be released. She is so potentially powerful, way more so

than some of the Rider-Waite queens, who sit on their thrones and seem

stuck in a totally different way. I guess i see in her the wild girl of

the forest, the one who runs away from the castle behind her and finds

her freedom amongst the trees and other wild things.

I see truth in this card in a way other cards lack. It is so

confronting in its obvious imagery of this being something done to her

by another (or others); quite sinister in a faery-tale kind of way. As

the swords relate to the mind and thoughts, there is a very real

implication that she has been trapped mentally, that her beliefs about

herself have been manipulated by an outside force and that her sense of

powerlessness has been a gradual process that has left her unable to

’see’ the truth of who she is or where she belongs.

There is a lack of fight about her which would suggest she’s been in

this position for some time now and so believes it’s almost normal. Who

amongst us has not been in the same place? Where confusion reigns and

the truth seems so far away, so lost, that we just give up the struggle

and accept our restriction, even though it’s slowly winding us down

into madness. Sometimes we even begin to believe that it is for our own

good that we can’t move, that someone cares about us so much that they

have made sure we never, ever get lost again in those dark woods, that

wild forest. We remain in sight of the grey castle under the grey sky

and eventually forget we ever knew what life was like beyond this place.

Yes, there is much i love about the truth of this card. What i also

love about it is that it evokes such a wonderful sense of story. I look

at her and wonder, who did this to her ( i think of Bluebeard) ? Who is

she? (i think of me) Who is coming to rescue her? ( i think of the

funny dude from the seven of swords. somehow i see them as connected,

in a brother/sister kind of way or friends kind of way) or even, will

she be able to rescue herself? Maybe the birds will come and peck off

her blindfold? There are just endless possibilities to the way this

story could go.

Most of all though, i love imagining what she’s like when she’s free

at last. She must be amazing. Imagine her face, the depth of experience

and pain in her eyes, combined with the euphoria of freedom found. Her

ecstasy at being able to see colours again, and run and move her arms.

To touch again, to feel the trees and caress her lover and stroke the

little animals a-la-snow white. (Well! it’s my faerytale and i’ll do

what i like with it okay!) Imagine her laughing. Running through the

forest in her red dress. Maybe learning how to swordfight so she will

never be so vulnerable again.

Magickal card, this one. I thought of it before i went to bed one night and it flowered into one of the darkest, most profound

dreams i’ve had in ages. Sleep with

it under your pillow. I dare you.

My totems
20:14 May 14 2009
Times Read: 747


I have always had many dreams of different animals that influenced my life, my great grand mother was also a cherokee medicine woman. In my dreams I have shapeshifted into these 3 animals the most. At times it even feels as though they walks within my body while I am awake. Sometimes one is even stronger than the other and feels like it wants to break through my skin.





Panther ~ Rejar

The panther animal totem is a very powerful and protective presence. If you have this creature as your totem, you are blessed to have such a fierce and aggressive guardian with you.The panther is a symbol of courage, valor and power. The panther has also sometimes associated with the sun, and solar vibrancy in some cultures (South American, & Central American).Individuals with panther totem s are usually people who come into this world with a spiritual knowing - a deeper understanding of spiritual things. These people often are very intuitive, psychic, and many are artistically inclined.Of all the panthers, the black panther has the greatest mysticism associated with it. It is a symbol of the mother, the dark moon and the power of the night. The black panther encourages us to understand the shadow powers available to us all, to acknowledge these powers and to eliminate our fears of the darkness.When the black panther totem appears in your life, it is also a symbol of releasing your passions, and starting a new phase of your life. A phase in which you are discovering your desires, and living your dreams.





Wolf ~Mo Fáell

Recognized in many cultures especially the American Indian culture as an intelligent creature, alert to danger and as a guide to a spiritual teacher. Very useful as a familiar because it can teach you and help you learn how to outwit those who would hurt you. It is often associated with Shape shifting and the most common Shape shifting is from human to wolf and back. It will teach you how to use your cunning to become invisible to dangers and to read signs in everything to add to your cunning.Shape shifting quality: Cunning, intelligent and knows how to avoid danger. Excellent for Shape shifting.





Raven ~Munin

An important bird to the Celts. Often associated and accompanied by many Gods and Goddesses. Associated with life and death and lifes.. crisis. This bird is to be used with caution because it..s reputation is dubious. It is useful for prophecies and oracles.Shape shifting quality: Intelligent. Dark, Death,Silent. Does not like to be disturbed, but when it is , it will be noisy.