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I almost ended up back in the hospital, again. This time it would have been for a broken leg/foot!

So I'm at work working on one of my carts. I go to grab a box so I can see if it needs to put out on the shelf or up in the overhead. As I start sliding the box off the cart I see a heavy ass spool of wiring start to fall! I let go of my box and quickly grab the wiring before it can crash down on my leg! I slide it off and let it drop to the ground next to me. I take the bucket it was on off the cart and that's when I notice that both of them were sitting on a SMALL BOX OF COUPLINGS!!! Some DUMB ASS on the unload team decided it was a good idea to put a HEAVY ITEM ON TOP OF A LIGHT ITEM! I'm surprised the damn thing hadn't fallen while they bring out the carts!

I did let my boss know during my break and he said he'd tell the unload team's manager. He asked if I had taken a photo of it and that's when I realized I totally forgot to! I was too busy saving my leg from being crushed! In the future, I'll definitely be taking pictures of stuff like this.

Yesterday, Bear and I went to go see his uncle. I thought we were going to his uncle's house so Bear could visit with him and chat. Oh how wrong I was. We went to his uncle's jewelry store (need I mention I never met his uncle before and never knew he was a jeweler)! From the snippets of the conversation I overheard them having, Bear is planning on proposing at some point. He wanted me to customize the ring how I wanted it. It'll be a dual gold/white gold band with a medium sized fake diamond. It's a relatively cheap ring. It's originally priced at over 1,000 but his uncle is letting Bear buy it for 850. Eventually we may change the center stone to a real diamond when we have the money. Bear tried to apologize for how cheap the ring is when we left but I told him I don't care how much the ring the costs. People who care about having a super expensive, huge multi karat diamond engagement ring are shallow and self absorbed. You can't put a price on love, and while we do have our issues I do love Bear.

Lately, I've been making some drawings and posting them on Instagram. I have a couple of Pokémon done as humans in my art style and last night I posted an OC. Well, someone commented on my OC drawing asking to buy one of my drawings. I let him know I don't make my art to sell. That I'm just doing it for fun and hoping to get some feedback from more talented artists. Luckily, I told him no because Cat (my co worker) took a look at his profile and saw that he's a NFT art collector. After looking it up I found out that NFT art collectors buy digital copies to then resell them. Not only that but they'll get exclusive ownership rights. Yeah, the only one that's gonna have any ownership rights over MY artwork is ME!

This morning I was attempting to put in my contacts. Ya know how I said my right eye wasn't give me a whole lot of trouble? Well, I jinxed myself... While trying to put in my right contact, it jumped out of my hand and landed on the floor. I spent the longest time trying to find it. I even asked Bear for help! But neither of us could find it! It's like it just disappeared into thin air! Now I have to wear my glasses until my other contacts come in. I swear, eventually I'm going to switch to colored contacts.

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Vampirewitch39
23:16 May 24 2023

Hope your drawings work out. :)

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rav3nb1rd
16:20 May 25 2023

Thank you :)

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I finally got contacts! It is so weird being able to see without having to wear glasses. I only use my contacts when I go to work, though. So far I like them but they are a pain in the ass to put in. My left eye likes to be a pain and shuts when the contact get nears but my right eye isn't so bad. I'm holding off on getting a new pair of glasses until next month though.

A bit of concerning info came up during my exam though. The doctor took pictures of my eyes and he there could possibly some early signs of glaucoma in my right eye but we can't be sure until my next exam. There's also some deterioration of my peripheral vision in my left eye. I asked my dad if anyone on his side of the family had glaucoma and he said no. We'll see what happens when I have my next exam.

On another totally unrelated note, I have my very first vacation from working coming up this Saturday! Woohoo! I'll be going out of town for a few days for Bear's son's birthday party and the rest of my vacation will be spent at home playing games, reading books and Vampire Rave journals, playing with my pets, making content, and watching TikTok/anime/Disney. Oh, I can't wait! It's gonna be so great to relax and not have to worry about work!

Ya'll it's been well over a DECADE since I last had my eyes checked and got a new pair of glasses. Just so ya know, yes, I am near sighted. It's definitely shows that it's been a minute since my last eye exam. I've been having the hardest time seeing and that's WITH MY GLASSES ON! I finally made an appointment to go see an eye doctor to get a new prescription for some glasses and maybe even some contacts since I do make content for social media and it's a pain in the ass when there's a reflection or glare in my glasses. I would also love to be able to use colored contacts! I would love to have a different eye color and switch out my contacts to what color I want.

The only bad thing about eye exams is that damn puff machine! You know what I'm talking about. That damn machine that blows a puff air right into your eye to dry it out. I fucking hate that fucking machine! But, ooooooh, I can't wait!

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Vampirewitch39
20:03 May 18 2023

I hate the puff too.

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rav3nb1rd
13:50 May 22 2023

It sucks!

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I've gone back to learning Navajo on Duolingo. So far I've only missed one day, yesterday, but that's okay since it froze my streak so I won't have to restart it.

It's a somewhat difficult language learn, especially the written since there are so many accent marks. But that's okay I have notebook that I use to help me. I write the word with it's English translation at the top of the page and then write both out on the front and back. When I get to back I like to write them in cursive. I just love how the words look in cursive.

The only problem I have is when I was learning the different foods (fruits, vegetables, meat) it didn't say the words in Navajo so I don't know if I'm saying them right. Like, ya know I'm learning these words for the first time so why aren't teaching me how to pronounce them correctly? It's just... I don't know...

Anyway, on a totally unrelated note, Bear and I were walking home from the train station after work (the bus we take drops off us at a different train station that's the same walking distance as the one we usually take to work) and we saw that we live literally right next to a dance studio. Bear suggested I try out for a team they have there and I'll admit I was curious so I looked them up. They do have a dance team for adults 19+ and everyone who tries out for gets placed on a team.

I do want to join but I'm waiting until next year when the shit that's going on with feet clears up (not gonna say what it is because it's unimportant). Bear suggested because he says it would be nice for me to have a hobby. I looked at him and told him I have hobbies. I love to sing (especially while working which he's heard me do). I like to read (he sees me reading journal entries on this site). I play games (he literally helped me get My Sims on my laptop). I make art that I post to Instagram (which I've shown him). I also create content for TikTok and Clapper while I go check the mail. I've also told him about my recent Clapper live (which I'm close to 200 followers so I'm gonna try doing the live again. Hopefully it doesn't flop). So, yeah, I have hobbies. I just don't spend all day on my hobbies. It's good to take breaks from your hobbies because if you don't you might get bored with them.

Anyway, I might just try out for that dance studio next year since I do like to dance.

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Vampirewitch39
17:09 May 15 2023

Hope the dancing works out for you.

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rav3nb1rd
12:16 May 16 2023

Thanks Vampirewitch!

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While reading journals here on Vampire Rave I like to have three other tabs open (all chat sites). One of them is Wireclub where I am a part of their Goth Chat room.

Anyway, as I was reading journal entries this dude starts pm-ing me on Wireclub (this happens every time I'm on but it's usually a different guy). So this guy messages me trying to start off with some small talk and if you read one of my previous journals you know I HATE small talk. I ask him if he needs something and he tells me he needs two things. I ask what it is and then he replies "maybe one". I ask him, again, what is it and he keeps saying the same two things over and over again. I start losing my patience and say "either tell me what you want or leave me alone. I don't have time for these stupid little games." He then messages "you wanna fuck me"

I'm not surprised he messaged this since I get similar messages all the time but it's still annoying. I tell him I'm engaged (keep in mind on my other social media Bear is either my fiancee or my husband) and then he tries to ask me how I want him to marry me. I reiterate that I'm already engaged to someone that isn't him and call him an idiot. He asks why I would want to be engaged to an idiot and I say, "YOU'RE THE IDIOT, DUMB ASS!"

Frankly, I don't care how this makes me sound since it shows in ALL my social media profiles I am NOT single. Like you really have to be a fucking dumb ass to not look through someone's profile before messaging them, wanting to fuck.

Satan, I wish these fucking pig men would leave me alone.

Bear and I have been together for over 2 years and for the past year I've been wanting him to ask me to marry him. Well, today we were talking while clocking out for lunch at work and he pointed to the two rings on my left hand, one on my index finger that I made and the other my wedding finger that he bought me when I first moved in with him, and asked me what size they were. I told him and asked why he wanted know. At first he said it was unimportant but then he showed me what he was looking at. It was a black diamond engagement ring from Zale's!

Is he planning to propose to me? If so I hope he gets my father's blessing beforehand. My family is fairly traditional and I wouldn't want to reject his proposal because he didn't ask for my father's blessing.

Oh, I don't know what to think right now.

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Vampirewitch39
22:15 May 11 2023

:)

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So a few days ago, one of mine and Bear's coworkers (we'll call him Bat) texts me saying he's gonna need Bear and I to pay him $45 weekly. The reason Bat's asking for this is because him and his girlfriend (Cat) give us rides to and from work so the $45 is gas money. Bear didn't like having a weekly payment so he negotiated with Bat until they both agreed on $100 monthly.

Well last night Bat came to pick up Bear and I for work. As soon as we get to parking lot at work and park, Bear lets him know we will have the money for this month when our next paycheck hits since we don't have money right now. Bat says he can't do I. O. U's and Bear tells him that we don't have money. Bat's reply? "That's not my fault!"

I'm sorry? Not your fault? Dude, you literally texted me days after we got paid and knowing we wouldn't have the money. Like, what? Any actually responsible adult that knows they're gonna be asking people to help pay for something would have the math done and talked to them BEFORE they got paid so they could budget it when their check hits.

Keep in mind, Bat and Cat make more combined than Bear and I. Bear has child support taken out every paycheck and I am about to pay over $1400 for my rent since we upgraded our internet. Neither Bat nor Cat have to worry about child support and they live with Bat's grandparents so their rent is not that much.

"NoT mY fAuLt!" Pfft! Bullshit!

I've been trying to learn Navajo (the language of my ancestors) for about a year, maybe longer, on Duolingo. I would go for maybe a few days or weeks then stop and never go back. The time that I could be spending on Duolingo is spent on TikTok. I swear I must have undiagnosed ADHD and TikTok is my hyperfixation. Why do I think this? My younger brother has ADHD and the only thing that keeps him entertained are video games.

It could also be undiagnosed autism. Bear is on the spectrum and he hyperfixates on black holes. But, honestly, who knows? Maybe I should get tested for ADHD....

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
23:22 May 10 2023

Hope it works out.

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So I went Live at 7pm last night on Clapper and...it totally flopped. I was on for about 12 minutes when I decided to end it. When I ended it the screen said I had 189 viewers but they were ALL come and go. They would come in and either instantly leave before I could even greet them or leave after I greeted them. Two people interacted for a tiny bit but they, too, eventually left. I was so disappointed, especially since for the past week I've been mentally and emotionally preparing myself for this live since it's the first one I've ever done. I had made a video that stated the time and date the live would be on and even made a video yesterday morning before going to bed confirming that I will still be hosting the live. Who knows? Maybe the next live will go better, just need to hit 200 followers.

In other news, it's happened again. Another mass shooting. At this point I'm not even shocked even more just very pissed off. What will it take for the US to finally realize we actually need stricter gun control laws that are actually being enforced. People think by passing stricter gun control laws it will take away guns from all citizens and that's not the case. It would only take guns away from people that should not be owning them (i.e. people with serious mental health problems) and making it so civilians can only carry government approved handguns and NOT fucking ASSUALT RIFLES! Bear has young son and every day before I go to bed I have to hope and pray to Satan that Bear does not get a call saying his son was shot and killed, either at school or out doing some shopping with my mother in law. I fear what Bear could do if he loses his son that he loves so much. He could go back on drugs or even kill himself. Something must be done about this senseless violence BEFORE more lives are lost.

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Vampirewitch39
18:29 May 08 2023

Takes time to build a following, I guess.

And yes, something needs to be changed.

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rav3nb1rd
08:42 May 09 2023

I mean yeah I guess.

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I have a live tonight at 7 pm my time on Clapper. To be honest, I'm both nervous and excited. It's my first live ever so I want it to go smoothly. It'll be a live Q and A so it'll pretty much just be me answering my viewers' questions.

I hope the weather is good enough for me to host it on my balcony. It's been rainy and cold these past few days and we had a thunderstorm yesterday. If the weather is still shit I'll just have to stream from my desk in the living room. Ugh, I really hope everything goes well.

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Vampirewitch39
23:22 May 07 2023

Best wishes.

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I went to sleep fairly late last night. I was hoping to get a full 8 hours but, unfortunately, I was woken up by the sound of Bear's voice after 4 hours. Bear was on the phone with the police because apparently the guy in the apartment above ours was yelling at the top of his lungs, there were loud banging sounds and it sounded like someone was being slapped. I don't know if the cops did anything but Bear said the yelling and stuff stopped as soon as he went up and said he was calling the cops. Who knows.

I did try to take a nap after Bear went to sleep but I couldn't so I just got up, had some breakfast, took a shower and got ready for work. It took me half an hour to an hour to do my hair and it was just a simple ponytail! It would not go up right! It was either hanging to the side instead of the center, or not all of it go pulled through, or it was trying to break free of it's scrunchie. After a while I just said fuck it and tied it lower than normal because I still had to do my makeup, put in a pair of earrings and a bunch of other stuff.

Why do my hair and body hate me so much?!

Ya know, I always say I don't have any friends to talk to when I'm online but then I realize I'll disappear for weeks or months on end without warning. Oops, lol.

To be fair, the only messages I ever really get are always the generic, boring greetings. "Hi", "Hey", "HRU". Those are so boring and generic that I'm just going to ignore. Besides they are ALWAYS followed by useless small talk. Sorry ya'll but I don't do small talk. Between working, getting my full 8 hours of sleep so I don't have a seizure, taking care of numerous pets and social media I don't really come on to sites like Vampire Rave as much. So when I do I usually expect an actual, meaningful conversation. And if that makes me sound stuck up, oh well. I'm an adult. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life and don't have time for mindless chitchat.

Besides the generic greetings I also get the disgusting fuckboys trying to hit me up. "Send nudes?" "DTF?" Like, ew. No. I am married so fuck off. These are the messages that get auto-blocked cause blegh! Gross!

I almost forgot to mention that I will not speak to minors. Look, I'm 21 so if you're under 18 go find some other children your age to talk to, okay?

I had a dream last night that's been bothering me all day. It was a two part dream and it basically all centered around Bear cheating on me with someone who is underaged. Now I know Bear would never cheat on me, especially not with a minor. I think I had the dream because lately Bear and I have been getting into a lot of arguments that have almost ended our relationship. And I'll admit, while I do love Bear I have been thinking about leaving him. He just isn't the same man I fell in love with over two years ago. But I could never bring myself to actually do it.

I wrote about the dream in my journal but I know it's still going to bother me until my brain finally lets me forget it. I hate these kinds of dreams...