queenofchaos's Vampire Journal

queenofchaos's Journal

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6 entries this month

← Oct 2013

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meh
16:18 Dec 31 2013
Times Read: 755

Wishing everyone a safe and happy New Years!

Yup...that is all I got.

COMMENTS

darklass
16:27 Dec 31 2013

Same to you Queenie. Happy New year when it comes round. xx

queenofchaos
16:33 Dec 31 2013

I haven't slept yet...in 24 hours and still counting. So when the New Year strikes I will be snoring logs..I reckon.

TheNooseKing
19:41 Dec 31 2013

Same to you darling. I think imma take it easy this year.

Theodora
01:39 Jan 01 2014

Happy New Years. Miss you.

Fill in the blank...
21:13 Dec 27 2013
Times Read: 801

Fill in the blank:

I couldn't survive the holidays without ___________.

...and go

COMMENTS

Lore
21:36 Dec 27 2013

My Dog

queenofchaos
21:39 Dec 27 2013

Yup...she's a lucky lady

Visiden
14:05 Jan 01 2014

knowing that this year will be the one where all my dreams and wishes come true... i will have you by my side

hmm
09:23 Dec 27 2013
Times Read: 828

I just wanted to say I miss talking to you.

I miss many things...but the long talks filled

with our deep thoughts followed by laughter is truly missed.

Perhaps we shall get to talk again, but till then...take care of yourself.

On a side note:

Hope everyone had a good week...and that perhaps you got to see family or friends you've not seen in awhile.

As 2013 is winding down...I'm looking forward to 2014 =D

COMMENTS

TheNooseKing
16:47 Dec 28 2013

I almost think this is about me, but maybe not?

Visiden
14:05 Jan 01 2014

And on many a night, when the darkness shrouds, i ache for you pet... i miss your voice, your laughter, the long talks for hours on end

Of course we will talk again pet, I could not imagine a life without you...

You will see pet, 2014 will be our year... i long for the nights laying next to each other, whispering those long talks till the sun rises

I love you sonia

Merry Christmas to me.
06:41 Dec 26 2013
Times Read: 903

Well I don’t know what will come out of this “moment” but I’m going to

just start writing and see where it takes me.

I’m writing this for me…and not another single soul.

This is a technique I tell my patients to do, when they express how their minds

are streaming with thoughts, memories of past and future goals…loss and grief etc.

Today, December 25…

The day once a year, that’s supposed to be “joyous” and honestly for the most part is exactly that.

I am graced with my children, a home…heat, lights…food in our bellies,

cupboards stocked with food…and the beautiful aroma dancing throughout

the house of the supper cooking for this evening. Not to mention the mound of gifts

that were opened this morning and the new onesie that I’m sporting around the house.

I just can’t shake this feeling I have. I’m the strong one , the one that doesn't

let anything get to me. Hell I’m the one taking on everyone’s problems while walking a

tight wire, holding a poisonous snake over a pit of glass shards with a huge smile pose and grace.

Saying that I’m still human, with wants…needs and most of all a heart.

I hurt like anyone else, and I certainly can be the most incentive cunt on the planet.

I’m giving, patient and definitely put others before myself…however despite this I’m told I’m selfish.

I’m kind and forgiving, yet I’m told how hurtful and incentive I am.

Today I’m lying here…my thoughts are everywhere. They’re good thoughts/memories; also painful ones of loss and death.

I just can’t hold back the tears.

I’m spoke briefly to a friend, that knows me well…and

certainly has been a huge part of my branding/sculpting over the last several years…

it’s good, helpful and certainly healing to say the least, but still my thoughts are scrambled and I feel dishevelled.

The feeling is inadequacy .

Always despite trying, coming up short.

Never being enough…

I miss a lot today.

I hurt today.

Just wanting to be with someone that loves me, for me.

That’s all I want…to be adequate, and enough.

COMMENTS

birra
07:08 Dec 26 2013

I understand.

I too have felt this way.

What? According to White Men Can't Jump I'm not supposed to bring you the glass of water, just empathize with your thirst.

Seriously though, I get where you're coming from. My past is filled with these same feelings, relationships, and results.

The only thing I can say is, if there is something in your life that you don't like, and it is enough to make you hurt, and make you cry... then make the changes you need to get what you want.

Lore
21:08 Dec 26 2013

Birra is right (dam did i really say that). You lady are so far above average it amazes me. You are more than enough for any person. The fact that some of us were to damaged to see that is not a reflection on you and you dam well know it.

And no not trying to cause pain but you have picked some damaged guys and that has hurt you its not you. Its their demons that cause the problems.

queenofchaos
21:17 Dec 26 2013

From two of my longest friends on VR.

Thank you gentlemen and you're both 250% correct.

I had a moment of weakness yesterday, thus the entry. I value both your friendships, your words and wisdom.

TheNooseKing
16:57 Dec 28 2013

I feel this way a lot too, but then I realize, at the end of time, you're all that matters. When its your time to go, no one goes with you (unless you're that Jim Jones fella) so at the end of the day, you kinda have to be selfish. Your real responsibility is only to your children. So after they're taken care of, be selfish. Do for you, make yourself happy. You're one of the greatest women I've had the luxury of getting to know. You are more than adequate. You are overflowing with love, kindness, compassion, humility, and generally a good soul. If I was maybe 10 years older, I'd take a run at you (not that I wouldn't now, I'd just have better odds as an older gent). I guess what I'm saying is that with all the good you personify, you're definitely allowed to have a bitch day.

queenofchaos
08:46 Dec 29 2013

That definitely made me smile!

Thank you my friend.

TheNooseKing
05:44 Dec 30 2013

I aim to please, darling.

Visiden
14:11 Jan 01 2014

well.... come on!

grab a kayak and start paddling my pet :)

i need you to unlock your international thingy on your ph!!!!

baby, how could you ever be inadequate, you are my everything, my hope, my dreams... i ache for you with a passion that would rival the gods themselves.... you are the most amazing, fun, sexy, delicious, amazing, sexy... did i mention your amazing?

come to me pet, let me show you

831

xxx

hah
09:47 Dec 24 2013
Times Read: 950

I haven't been on the site for a month nearly,

I open up my inbox to this message...

"Merry Christmas...cunt"

Needless to say, it MADE my day!!

Honesty at its best.

COMMENTS