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Today and last night was rough in terms of magic and meditations. I've been studying wicca and how to unite wiccan energy with the seven chakras . I tapped into various forms of sexual energy as a result and used masturbation as an outlet for it's expression. I could visualize the object of my sexual desires so clear and feel the sexual energy pulsing, breathing, and throbbing in whatever chakra I was connecting to wiccan energy . I could pursue the path of being a wiccan priest but it's not my path and I have an intimate knowledge of the (( Goddess)) of wicca and she's someone I do not want to serve . The energy is still tempting and I may use it for sex spells in the future .

I have been performing my ajna chakra exercises since sunday morning yesterday. They have been effective in helping deal with the Lilith energies in my natal chart. The psychic influence of Lilith didn't nag at my subconscious all day and my sexual thoughts didn't have that evil tinge they have when Lilith energies are influencing them. I worked with some masonic formulas and got all hot , bothered and horny last night . I used masturbation to release the psychic and intense sexual energies evoked by the masonic formulas . As a occultist I have to get better at handling and controlling the psychic energies summoned when working with my gematria formulas . Today I invoked the Holy spirit at three o' clock in the afternoon , the planetary hour of Jupiter and invoked the Holy Archangel Gabriel into my soul. I still can feel her inspiration working in my intelligence and emotions . Her guidance is happy, filled with a type of lunar joy , like the cool light of a full moon shining my third eye region . Ideas and solutions flow into my mind easy and clear like a mirror reflecting the image of a peaceful pond . I feel good about the direction I'm taking with my magic and my mission to heal and help my mother God willing.

I have assembled all the things necessary for my ajna chakra formulas . Once assembled these formulas will help me cope with the Lilith energies in my natal chart. The formulas will consist of this saying by Jesus Christ (( I am the light of the world )) because this saying corresponds to the sixth chakra , the ajna chakra . I will also include Sanskrit/ Hindu formulas for the control of sexual energy through mantras and breathing exercises. Daily invocation of my holy guardian angel and my patron saint Gabriel will also be part my ajna chakra regiment .

Summon Lilith energies again and masturbated . My imagination was flooded with fantasies . The energies of Lilith soared through my brain and sent unholy electricity through my soul ! The temptations of Lilith have captured me once again .

I 'm preparing a series of spiritual / meditative exercises to help me with my addiction to the energies of Lilith . These exercises will be focused on the Ajna chakra because this chakra corresponds astrologically to the moon and it is the dark side of the moon where Lilith has her influence . The purpose of these exercises will be to purify my lunar energies and give me conscious control over my ajna chakra and it's direction of attention . The assistance of my guardian angel and my patron saint Gabriel the archangel will be vital in this endeavor . Also working on magical skills/powers , healing magic for my mother and father , and other things I hope to share with you in future entries.

Today I embraced the energies of Lilith again in my masturbation rituals. Her energy is able to summon all that is evil in my sexuality. To me she seems to represent the expression of sexual energy without moral conscience. Lilith herself would probably tell you it's the expression of sexual energy in total freedom . However , to me freedom is not being compelled by your darker nature without regard for the consequences . When the heroin or cocaine addict indulges his addiction can it truly be said that he's doing it in total freedom? Being compelled by and surrendering to your darker impulses isn't freedom ; it's enslavement.

I am a student of magic , astrology , the kabala and other esoteric subjects . I was raised Baptist and became catholic in the year 2007. My patron saint is Gabriel the archangel and I find myself at times caught between his inspiration and the inspiration of his counterpart Lilith . I try to resist Lilith but her lunar sex energies feel so good when they flood my soul during masturbation. I am able to go some days without her influence but it gets to a point where I must release and when I do it is her energy that I summon in my natal chart to give me that dark but all so erotic bliss!