The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So....based on how I've been feeling what with the stomach cramps and all....I took a pregnancy test. I guess I actually WAS expecting, hoping, to be pregnant. But, like with every damned, fucking test I've taken in the past.....it came up negative. I've been to a health clinic, I don't have the money to go to a reproductive doctor. I've had a check up. They said everything looked and seemed fine down there. and yet I can't have kids.





I'm so freakin' tired of getting my hopes up, I could actually feel my blood pumping a little when I was about to take the test earlier....and then my heart stopped when I saw what the result was.



I'm so tired. I see all these women out here who have kids, and treat them like shit. I don't understand it, why? Why am I not allowed to have children? I've been trying for 8 fucking years. I haven't even had a false positive on a fucking test. I'm ready to just give up. I really am. I'm so fucking tired

So...my stomach's still crampin' up pretty bad. I'm gonna have to go to the doctor today, knowin my luck I've lost my job. This will be the first time I've lost a job for health reasons, hopefully it'll be the last. Still getting nauseous at times.

y'all ready for another glimpse in my head/heart? here you go lol.





So I had to move in with my boyfriend awhile back, back around early/mid October. I put in for a transfer to a closer Wal-Mart. Long story short, I didn't get it, so naturally started looking for a new job. Now I work at Target. I got paid 7.65 an hour at Wal-Mart with 40 hours a week from 4pm-1 am. Now at Target I make 8.50, but I don't get 40 hours a week. I honestly never know WHAT my days off are gonna be, whereas with Wal-Mart I knew what they were. At the store I worked at, yeah the supervisors could be assholes but they weren't always, especially after one in particular transferred to a different store. My supervisor I have makes me feel like I'm a Reject, from the Rejects, FROM the Reject Factory. She makes me feel like a 16 year old high school kid who's never had a job, hell never even lived on their own, RATHER than a full grown woman who's had a few jobs, and has been all over this freakin country. I have to be at work at 4 FUCKING AM tomorrow. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to go. For damn near a week my stomachs been cramping up, today was the first day I was actually able to start a sandwich and finish it without forcing it.



I've been bitchy lately, still feeling so. and honestly yeah kinda depressed, though I don't know why. I find myself more and more wishing I could just disappear, or just go Home. Unfortunately when I start thinking like that I think of my mom. She and my dad are the only things holding me in Oklahoma.

COMMENTS

-

---

LORDMOGY
08:57 Dec 27 2014

---

POST COMMENT