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Well, it's been awhile. I guess things have been a bit crazy. Still struggling with my roller coaster, but it seems to be stabilizing. Sort of anyways. Settling lower than it should be, much lower than it used to be. I have realized just how little people think of me. I am nothing but a backup, something to entertain them when they have nothing else. My so-called friend treats me differently than any of his other friends. I do not exist in his public life. I am kept on the outside, never to be known to his other life.

I see how he acts around every one else, every one else he also calls his friends. I am forced to sit here and watch him be involved in their lives, to openly interact with them, while he hides me in the background. God forbid anyone else knew he still talked to me, or actually likes me still.

I considered him my best friend, still do, I suppose. For a long time he was all I had. To have him do this to me is worse than if he had completely abandoned me. It's like he is ashamed of me. I don't know what I did to cause this, why he does this to me. I have enough problems with my self without this weighing on me. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Maybe it would be easier if I cut all ties with him. If I did I would be completely alone, except for my boyfriend. I wouldn't have anyone else that is just a friend, someone a little more objective. I don't know if I could handle that. My boyfriend is a little hard to deal with as it is. I don't know how much harder it would be without someone to talk to about it. I don't know what to do.