The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Well, I guess it's been a while, huh? So much has happened in so little time. I don't know how everything got this way so quickly. It seems like I'm getting lost and left behind. I'm stuck, and everything keeps racing past me. I have nothing to hold onto, I don't know how to catch up. I wish I could start over, or that someone would help me, tell me what to do. I wish someone would do something, instead of leaving everything to me, assuming I'll take care of everything, like I always have to.



I don't know how to. I don't know what I'm doing. There's so much I need to do, so much I have to deal with. I don't know even where to begin. I don't have anyone to talk to, to go to for help. I am left with nothing to lean on except this screen full of text, yet I have my own along with everyone else's problems bearing down on me. It's gotten to the point where I am barely able to take care of myself, let alone anyone else.



I am never happy, except for the extremely rare occasions in which I am with Kris and when I spend time with Jeremiah. Jeremiah is my escape, I do not have to worry about anything when I'm with him. He just makes me happy. At the same time he is another burden, however. Trying to establish a new relationship is no easy task, especially on top of everything else. And balancing him and Kris is another paragraph all on its own. I don't want to lose Kris, I need him more than he knows. He is my only friend, and I love talking to him, but I also realize that it might hurt Jere or make him feel uncomfortable. I don't want either relationship to hurt the other, but trying to keep them separate while they are both such integral parts of my life is tearing me apart. I don't want to lose either of them, but they compete for my attention, and I only have so much. I'm not sure how much longer I can balance them before it all comes crashing down on me. Everything around me always goes to shit eventually. Usually every six months or so.



On top of this, they've started cutting hours at work. I barely make enough to cover rent, let alone my other bills or food or gas. Plus the new house I was forced to move into is horrible; dirty, unfinished, and full of bugs and a rodent. And by rodent I don't mean my guinea pig, I mean a mouse or something in the kitchen eating and chewing and pooing. I could deal with the rodent though. Its the bugs that get me. I rarely take showers here, because the bathtub is always full of ants and beetles. And roaches in the kitchen and den-thingy, and flies everywhere. I hate it. The walls are disgusting, the entire house needs to be doused in bleach. I washed the entire front room, doors and all. I just haven't had time for any of the rest of it, and Thomas doesn't help at all. He barely even does his own dishes, let alone take care of any other part of the house. I hate this place.