The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

aighty well i just had a smoke after talking to my ex. that smoke break made me think. and that cant be good. but all my life i have worked my ass of to please EVERYONE. look where its got me. i have lost the 2 guys i have truly givin my heart fully to. everyone has told me that to be able to plesae other people i have to please myself first. sooo now i'm sayin f**k everyone esle. F**k the world. F**k even tryin to please anyone. Everyone i have ever dated has told me that i'm perfect. i guess i am. i'm perfct in what i do sexually. i'm perfect emotionally, i would never cheat on anyone, i'm not a jelous person. i have been perfect body wise for everyone i have dated. no one wants perfect tho. they say they do, but thats why i'm alone.

i figure i need to make the dream's i havent messed up come true. i need to find my parents, i need to get to the ideal weight i wanna be... i'll write more later... i need another smoke

every one says they would be happy with a perfect person. i had someone who i thought was perfect. he treated me in every way i wanted to be treated. he told me everything that would make my heart melt. when he touched me, any kinda touch, felt like the first touch. when he kissed me everytime it was the first foot poping kiss. when he held me nothing could harm me.me having a prefect guy? thats was a dream come true. but that cant happen. dreams dont come true. all dreams are, are wishfull thinking. you have to wake up sometime from dream land right? so all in all of course he left me to be with someone who needed him more than i did.(God) then and there my "perfect" guy was gone, forever. never to be mine again.

I will always love my perfect guy.

ok if anyone reads this, this is me going rabble rabble rabble. i'm sorry



how do you make someone want you?

how do you show someone how you feel about them, with out acting like a nut case?

sometimes i wish i could read minds. i would know what he is thinking, feeling,and wanting. i would know what kind of feeling, if any he has for me.

am i a nut case for wanting him back so bad ?

i dont even know if he was really happy with me. he tells me and other people how he isnt happy with what he has right now. will i ever be happy with anyone other than him?

i cant even hook up with a guy without getting a sick feeling like i'm cheating on him(even tho we arent together)

he used to be shy around me(hes a big badass guy, with lots of confadence when it comes to girls)i put butterflys in his tummy. i made this big badass turn into a little boy shy sitting in the corrner of a dance.



i miss feeling safe sleeping with my head on his chest, and just plain sleeping with him.

i miss feeling safe with him holding me in his arms.

i miss him telling me to look at him when i got upset and looked away.

i miss working with him(tee hee).

i miss him painting me.

i miss him kissing me on my forehead.

i still have the pants he riped open.(i bet you couldnt do it to my new ones(yea you know thats a dare))

i miss the emails and little notes he would send me. i miss him poking me.

i miss giving him massages.

i miss him telling me how pretty i was everyday.

i miss him touching me.

i miss the way his head felt after he would bic it.

i miss him calling me baby doll, baby, sexy, sweet heart, and just cute shit like that.

i miss the way he always knew when something was wrong.

i miss how he would sing to the songs and mess up and get all flustered.

i miss the faces he makes all the time.

i miss looking into his eyes. ~I miss him~

I miss smelling your cologne. I miss the way you would look at me when you wanted to kiss me. I miss everything about you in every kind of way. I miss wearing your clothes, and anything of yours and you telling me I look better in it than you do.

you have sat there and told me to go for my dreams. not to take"NO" for an answer.

all my dreams i have messed up in some way. all but one,

you.

i cant live my life with out you. yea i'm shy. i'm not like you. you said if not for J it would be you and i till the end of time. why cant that still be?

i know what the looks you give me mean.i know you wanna touch me, i can see it in your eyes. you have changed. you use to glow. there where times you where actually shy around me.

i have heard you talk about when you where around some girland what you have said to them. it was no where near anything you have said to me. you say your an ass hole and a prick. NO!!!! when we where together i NEVER saw any of that towards me. i see is now that we arent together somewhat. it seems more like your tryin to make me hate you by being an ass towards me.

one of the things i remember you saying when we first met was that you couldnt take your eyes off of me, and that if you had a girl like me in your bed even in your arms you would never let me go.

why did you?