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I am often tormented at times about who I am and who people are wanting me to be. I never really let myself go in fear of consquences in the end. I haven't been quite myself for weeks . I can't seem to find myself or some part of myself . I use to be a totally different person, What happened to me? I ask myself. I walk in a daze at times. This life I am in , doesn't seem real at times. I mean I have a beautiful family, so why am I not happy?

I am sad and alone. I am looking for something and I can't find it . Is it wrong to want someone to really try to understand you. I miss him so much and he is here. At times like a stranger in my house. I just want some ------- affection. We are married and .... It's like he is afraid or something. My best friend is my husband and it like we aren't friends anymore. I know he Loves me but I wish he would show it more.

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xeSevirD
12:36 Jan 03 2009

I completely understand what your saying. I have been "that guy" in my relationship in the past. I have wised up and I hope for your family's sake, he does as well.

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Well to day is a sucky day. I just found out that my Great Aunt died yesterday. My mom is heartbroken. I can only be there for her. No one even called us. My mom just happened to call to see how she was doing and found out she was gone. That is another family member gone. Since 2007 5 people have died in my family. I don't even know how to feel or what to think right now. I think I feel numb. Shoudn't I be crying. My life feels unreal at times. Like am walking around in a dream or something. When someone dies I don't know what to say . I mean what can you say. ( NOTHING)

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xeSevirD
12:39 Jan 03 2009

Sorry to hear about your aunt.



Numb is no way to go through life. I went through that stage and I have finally programmed myself to live life to the fullest in all regards. I take the good and blow off the bad. I have realized that it is a good feeling to really live.

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