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Retail therepy really does make things better. I bought some Harry Potter/Ravenclaw stuff from Hot Topic. Not normally my place to shop, but they have a buy two get one free thing going one with Harry Potter merchandise, so I couldn't resist reppin' my House just a bit. Next paycheck I may get some Slytherin things.
I stayed home frome work today, for reasons. I wasn't doing very well last night, but I think I'm okay. Advice from awesome people made me see just how silly I was being letting something like what happened have such an impact on me. It shouldn't. There are a lot of things I need to fix with myself, my constant to need for validation, my acceptance of shitty behavior, believing the things I put up with are what I deserve... And that's what I need to really focus on. I was talking to John's friend Raine last night and this morning, and she gets it, she used to be just like me. But she grew, she changed things, she worked on herself. And I am going to try to do that. I need to do it, actually. I can't keep looking for validation from others to make me feel worthwhile, I can't keep accepting bullshit behavior and excuses because I think I can't get anything better. It's not healthy behavior. So, yeah... I'll go back to work tomorrow, I'll go to the gym with my mom tonight, I'll focus on me. Because I need to at this point.
I think I'm going to treat myself to my favorite Korean restaurant tonight, because dammit, I deserve to spoil myself a little. I will probably go buy Pepero at the Asian market right across the street because I've been craving something sweet all day today. It's essentially just Pocky, but Korean. And I like it better.
Got confirmation that my nail polishes from Orly shipped today, so I should have those by the end of the week. There was a 30% off coupon I had, so I figured I'd get some of the colors I've been eyeing. I'm eager for that delivery.
My mother got me my AAA membership, because that's what I wanted for my birthday. You know you've really hit adulthood when a AAA membership sounds like the best thing ever. Plus, considering my car is a little on the older end and has a lot of miles on it, it's safe to have it incase something happens.
Stressful days. So many stressful days. Things at work are a little hectic since the owner is taking off for 3 weeks to Europe with his wife on Wednesday. So, we've all been trying to manage things on our as he's going to be out of communication for that entire time. And, Amanda will be working two and a half days a week now, so it's all on Liz, David, and I. And as much as we've been learning and trying to handle things on our own, it's still a pretty scary thing. Things have a habit of getting a little overwhelming. I'm going to have to book a massage at some point because the stress is really having an effect on me physically. But... If we can get through this next month or so on our own, we'll be golden. I'm terrified to be given all this responsibility, I'm always so afraid I'm going to fuck things up. And now that I'm handling the contracts, it's on me if something goes wrong. But, I'm going to do my best, because anything less is for losers. Hopefully things will run smoothly while Dustyn is gone.
We all have that one "friend" from high school who puts in a friend request on Facebook so they can try and recruit you for their silly MLM. I just added one of those... I don't even remember who this person is, but she has all the people I still associate with added so I figured why not? There's the why not.
It hit hard tonight, that darkness. Embracing me like a lover. Consuming me. Sometimes I think I'm okay, that I am in such a better place than I was before. Then nights like this come along, where the thoughts just overwhelm. I can't focus on anything, all external stimuli can't entertain me, can't keep me occupied. So I just lie here in the dark, sinking farther and farther down. My musical choices don't help matters either. The tears become annoying after a time, my total inability to keep myself from crying. Am I really this weak? All I ever wanted was for someone to care, to give a damn. But I suppose that's asking for too much from people. That psychic's words have just been repeating in my head. I'm damaged, I'm broken, I attract the wrong kind of people, I don't get to be happy. Maybe she was right? What kind of psychic really throws that at a client, knowing how much such things could affect a person? I try and try and try and it gets me nowhere. When I think things are finally starting to look up, like with work, I just start having to deal with more and more stressful situations. It's affecting me physically, the tension in my neck and back is horrible. When I think I've met someone worthwhile, well... My luck with men is pretty bad. I'm just so tired. Life shouldn't be this difficult.
Wanting someone to care isn't expecting too much from people. I think the issue is that you don't expect enough from people, you accept these men who are clear about putting you low on their priority list because you think no one else will have you, and that's not the truth. There's nothing damaged or broken about you, everyone has bad habits they have to break, this is one of yours: seeking validation through others.
I know because I've been there and nothing went right until I understood my own worth outside of the opinion of others, set boundaries, and realized that my needs are valid.
You seem to be seeking answers that defeat you. That woman is right, you won't get to be happy continuing on this path and change is difficult, so you have to make a choice: Stay this way and continue through an endless cycle of asshole men who find women disposable (because it's not just you, they would do this to any woman if they could) or raise your expectations and enjoy spending time with the people who meet them.
She has a point, my dear. Your trouble is that you have a bad tendency to settle for idiots who think of you like a passing fad, distraction, or plaything. And you are SO MUCH MORE. Don’t let this crap get to you. You can feel free to call or text any time. I’m here for you. =^.^=
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00:59 Aug 15 2019 Times Read: 2,170
It's been a seriously long week and it's only Wednesday.
I dealt with some stuff at work yesterday that had me in a bit of a mess mentally, kicking my own butt. But today has been considerably better. And I talked to Amanda about things. She told me that they want me to be the "voice" of the company. That I would be the liaison between the company and the customers due to my outstanding customer service skills. They want me to take over all the phone calls, handle the issues that might arise with our customers. She also wants me to start handling the contracts, which is a big responsibility. So, I mean, that's good news for me. And it cements my position here, which, after yesterday's issue, I was a little unsure about. But, they like me a lot and they want to keep me so long as I want to be here. Next week I'll be working with Amanda pretty closely, doing training everyday with her. I'm looking forward to this. I need it. Dustyn, the owner, told me he wants me to be his new Amanda, since she's transitioning to part time. I wonder if I can get that with a pay increase when the trial period is up. Not that they don't pay me well here, but if I could make the same amount Liz does, that would be awesome. She only makes like $2.50 more than I do, but that's $2.50 extra an hour, and I'm all for that.
One more hour and then I can go home. I've been dealing with a headache most of the day, so I kinda just want to crawl into bed and sleep.
-hugs- job well done it sounds like. Proud of you. :)
09:02 Aug 14 2019 Times Read: 2,224
Not gonna lie, it always scares me a bit when I see the boss man in my last 10. It's one of those intimidating things, to have the owner looking in on your little slice of VR.
VNV is awesome! I did have "Illusion" on my opening song before I changed it. Their lyrics is what made me really listen to their songs. I like the lyrics of "Nova" from the Automatic album, as that depicts me in a lot of ways. I only wished I had known about that song when I had my Supernova profile, it would have been a perfect song for the theme I had back then:) This made my day thank you!
I want to say thank you to all of you who sent me messages wishing me a happy birthday yesterday. It made me smile.
As far as birthdays go, it was probably one of my best. My mom took me out to lunch at my favorite Korean restaurant, and that was great, as always. We ran a few errands before coming back home. Around 4:30 Liz, my mom, Lucas, and I all got in the car and headed off to the psychic. Now, I'm not really one to believe in psychics, and I don't necessarily believe everything this one said, but holy cow, she was spot on. She was spot on with a lot of things. She nailed my mom for her Russian Jewish heritage, which is hard because you wouldn't know that just by looking at her. She also made my mom cry. And me cry. And Liz cry. We all cried. But, I think she told my mother a lot of things she needed to hear. As for me, well, she pointed out my depression, my attempt at suicide two years ago, my romantic troubles. She says I attract the wrong men, which I don't deny, I tend to be a magnet for the fucked up ones. She said I'll get married, though, and have two kids. We'll see about that. She also said my mother was cursed. That kinda pissed me off a little. To imply that someone on my father's side of the family was so against my mother that they would curse her, well, it's silly. And for only $700 dollars, she could get a cleansing and have all the bad juju removed. Yeah, okay... Maybe I'll have Tommy come out here and give her a reading with his runes, and, if she needs a cleansing, he is more than capable of doing it. And he'd do it for her for free because he loves my mom. I should probably talk to him about that. She did say I have some psychic abilities of my own, and I've actually been told that before eby other people. Most recently, that time I did hang out with Tommy. He wanted to help me open that side of me up, but I'm not really into that. My life is difficult enough.
After the psychic we all went out to dinner at a nice Chinese place I actually found when I went with Franz and his parents. After that we dropped my mom and Lucas off at home and headed out to pick up Liz's best friend, Rose. I love Rose, she's so fun. We went to a speakeasy over in Downtown Covina. It was great. It was built into the back of this regular bar, to look like a legit speakeasy from the 20's. The door was this huge electrical panel. It was amazing. And so much fun. We were the only group in there for the majority of the time, so we got a lot of conversation and banter in with our bartender, Bryce. He was great. And his drinks, oh my God, they were so good! My last drink there was this delicious blood orange number with an absinth finish and I swear it was the best drink I've ever had. An absinth base with gin, and I don't usually touch gin due to my family history, but oh man, it was so good. And the decor was awesome, very old timey. And he had the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack playing through the mechanical piano. Overall, it was such a fun experience. I'm going to have to go back soon. After that we went for karaoke. The thing I hated about the place was that they charge by song. $2 per song. I've never been to a place where you had to pay to sing. But, we had fun. Rose sang a few, I sang one, Liz nearly fell asleep. Good times. My brother had to come pick us up at the end of the night.
I had fun. I had a lot of fun. I've hung out with Liz and Rose and stuff, but nothing like last night. And I loved it. Liz is amazing, and as I said, Rose is just so much fun. So yeah, it was a fantastic birthday. 20/10, throughly enjoyed.
Even if my dad and his family didn't wish me a happy birthday...
Happy late birthday, I was having issues with logging in VR so I didn't get the notice until I just logged in.
02:56 Aug 10 2019 Times Read: 2,422
So, there is a lot more that goes into dying your hair silver/gray than I initially thought. It would start at $200 a session, and I'd have to do multiple sessions. Each session would be about 6 to 8 hours. I have to go blonde and that requires some upkeep. Plus, all the products I'd have to buy to maintain the color and ensure that my hair stays healthy... It's a lot of money. But, I'm really interested in doing it. I need to think about it. Maybe I can start it next weekend, after I get paid again.
If you're ballsy enough to do it on your own then you'll save a ton of money. It's not hard, I've never let a salon do mine. Getting to blonde isn't as hard as it sounds either, it just takes working at it, bleaching it, toning it is especially key. Now there are people who have horror stories from bleaching their own hair, but that's because they didn't do it right/didn't use the right stuff. It does take some upkeep though, like you said, and good purple shampoo to keep your hair from going yellow is expensive. But it's worth it if it's something you're invested it.
I do my own, but if you want it done professionally, find a salon that uses Olaplex. Additional costs, but so worth it, as it will stop your hair feeling like ramen noodles or crispy straw. I also recommend Olaplex No. 3, for at-home treatment use. Like Bunny above said, purple toner shampoo will help, too.
22:53 Aug 09 2019 Times Read: 2,442
Gonna hit the salon on my way home from work and see how much it'll cost me to do the black/silver job on my hair. I'm thinking at least $200, considering the length of my hair. And, at least the stylist will be able to give me an idea of how much damage it'll do to my hair as a whole. I'm going to do it, regardless, but I may have to wait another week before I can do it without having to worry about the cost.
I love when Sofia comes into the office to work in her studio. She plays some really great Spanish and Reggaeton music, and it makes the whole work environment far more fun. I catch myself dancing in my chair every so often.
After talking to people, I guess everyone pretty much likes these two styles. And, I really like them, so I can't pick.
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2
I think I'm leaning towards the first one more, considering it won't involve having to bleach the everloving shit out of my hair like the silver would. But, man, I really love that black and silver look. Ugh.
You’d have to bleach your hair with the darker colors too to get it that rich. So may as well go with what you love best. That silver would be stunning.
I'm going to be 32 on Saturday and I've decided that I kinda want to do something a little crazy with my hair. I just can't decide on what colors I should go for, since I like the way a few of these look. People of VR, would you be willing to help me decide? I've never done anything crazy with my hair, I've only ever gone natural shades or red and black. But I've wanted to do a multicolor job for a number of years now.
My birthday is this Saturday. Liz wants to take me out to do something, since I've never really gone out on my birthday, save for like, family dinners and stuff. So, she asked what I wanted to do. We're going to a psychic. We were talking about things last Sunday when we were driving to and from the metaphysical shop. Crystals, works stress, she told me about the psychic she went to that was apparently really spot on for her. So, since I'm going to be turning 32 and I don't really have the desire to do much else like go out and drink, that seemed like a fun option.
I want to try and contact Tommy and see if he can come out and hang out at some point. I also really want him to meet Liz, maybe give her a reading, since he reads runes and is amazing at it. Plus, he pulls no punches with things, he is brutally honest about everything. Which I actually prefer in a reading. Don't give me pretty lies, I want the honest, painful truth of the matter. So, yeah, I want to see if he'll be able to come out for my birthday, or really any other weekend. I miss my friend.
Well, it took me about 3 and a half hours, but I got my stupid traffic school finished. I could have gotten it done faster but I kept getting distracted by texts. It's due to the court on the 8th, so I reaaaalllly pushed it to the last minute. I had to pay extra to make sure the notification of completion was sent immediately to the court and the DMV. That's the last time I'm getting myself a speeding ticket. Traffic school is lame. Even doing it on my own, I was damn near falling asleep. It's just boring information I already know written out in long, verbose paragraphs. That was the first and it will be the last time I deal with that nonsense.
We had a girls' day out, my mother, Liz, myself and Lucas. I treated everyone to the movies, we went and saw The Lion King. Liz and I loved it, but we grew up with the cartoon. Lucas I think enjoyed it. He got scared at some parts, which was really cute. And my mom, well, she was indifferent. But, it was a good day.
I love living with my sister-in-law. I know right now my living situation isn't the best, but honestly, if I was going to be stuck somewhere temporarily, I'm glad it's here. Liz told me she wanted to cleanse the house with sage. Personally, I hate sage, it smells like pot and gives me a headache when I burn it. So, instead, I told her I'd buy some sticks of Palo Santo, since I need to get them anyway. It's got a much better scent when it's being burned, in my humble opinion. And, it's just like sage, used to cleanse. So, tomorrow we're going to head out to the local witchy/crystal shop down the street and load up on goodies. I didn't realize Liz was into this side of things, though I should have knows when she told me she collects crystals. I think, after I get some cash saved up, I'm going to get her the same crystal subscription box I'm getting. I think she'd really like it.
I'm having way too much fun getting items to put into this gift for Images. What just started as me getting her a Tarot deck that she wanted, has now spiraled into me just getting awesome little things I think she might like. I want to stop by the local metaphysical shop and see about getting some things to make a little cleansing kit for the deck I got her. I want to pick up some clear quartz and black tourmaline, some sage and Palo santo, which I actually prefer to sage. I also want to see if I can find a nice cloth or bag for her to put the deck in if she so chooses.
With all of this, I probably won't be able to mail it out until next week, depending on how quickly I get the art prints from Voltair's shop and the necklace I got her from Etsy. I want to send it to her now, since it's been a month since I initially ordered the deck, but I also want to keep, getting awesome little things. I need to reign myself in and send out what I've already ordered when it all arrives. No more buying stuff after the cleansing kit.
To the awesome people who helped me out on Victorum: Thank you. Truly, thank you. I wasn't too bothered by the attack, I rather expected something like that to happen eventually with my journals and publically leaving of negative honor for one person. So, it didn't bother me. It really speaks more volumes about them than it really does about me. But, again, thank you. You guys and gals are the best.
I'm sure a number of people would disagree with that, but I there are a number of people who deserve to be on that list more than I do.
Like is said, I wasn't bitching about being put on the list, I wasn't complain about all the negative. I may not have been the most deserving of such an "attack," and I am loath to call it that, but people will do what they do. At least I didn't go changing my name to have my negative honor reset like some people.
Very true and I know it doesn't bother you the way it does others. I am glad to see people giving honor to get you off that list.
06:21 Aug 02 2019 Times Read: 3,028
Dude, no. You do not get to guilt trip me because we haven't gone out. Sorry I've been busy and sorry I've had other plans set. We're not dating. We went out a few times, but that does not make you my keeper. And, if you keep that shit up, I'll cut you out altogether. I'm not going to put up with shit like that. I'm a single woman, I'm free to do as I please without having to explain myself.
Don’t you love it when they get all possessive and demanding? The kind of partner every woman should want... (/sarcasm)
00:15 Aug 02 2019 Times Read: 3,052
Ordered a few small things to send along to Images with that Tarot deck. A few little art prints from one of my favorite musicians, Voltaire. He is also an artist and I've always liked his work. As well as some other small things. I've never had a real opportunity to send a gift to someone I admire and respect before, so I want to include things I think she'd like.
I LOVE VOLTAIRE! I saw him live at the Lestat Vampire Ball here in New Orleans with Sahahria the week before she died- pretty close proximity, it was like a club setting. She bought one of his CDs directly from him.
Oh yay! I saw him live years and years ago at a little club I used to go to in LA. He's amazing. So, I think you'll really like the prints then. I love his art almost as much as I love his music. I have two of his books, a collection of his comics, and a shirt autographed by him.
20:44 Aug 01 2019 Times Read: 3,069
There is very little I like about LA as a whole, but hot damn, I love calling them. It took me all of two minutes to reschedule two inspections we had set for tomorrow to next Monday. That's how it should always be. Always. Quick and efficient. I'm looking at you, Long Beach.
For every one city I call that goes by quick, there are like three others that I'll sit on hold for twenty minutes or more. I was on hold with Long Beach a few weeks ago for an hour. An hour just to have a quick two minute conversation with a real person.
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02:48 Aug 01 2019 Times Read: 2,652
I finally got the Golden Thread Tarot I bought for Images in the mail today! It's been in shipping Purgatory for a few weeks now and I was so afraid it was lost or that it would have to be sent back to the store only to be shipped out to me again, but no, it finally came! I'm hopefully going to be able to mail it out this weekend, I want to include a card and stuff along with it. I'm super excited for her to get it.
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COMMENTS
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NITEOWL47
12:15 Aug 30 2019
Nice to see you’ve gotten more self confidence in that regard, dearest. You’re gorgeous, and don’t you forget it! :D
LORDMOGY
15:15 Aug 30 2019
Dakotah
19:33 Aug 30 2019
You are cute as a button!