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Everyone I've met is toxic to some degree. Some more than others, some, not so much. But I don't judge someone based on their own shortcomings just because they're having a hard time. What I do judge, however, is when those hard times directly involve me, or bring shit to my doorstep. I will admit though, I do have a mean streak, and sometimes, I just like to be a dick when I believe it's deserved.



So that happened today. Things have been brewing for a while. I did everything that I could physically, emotionally, and psychologically do, and it wasn't enough. I admit, I do have my faults, but so do other people. While what has transpired may not be rock bottom, I know it's pointless to try and continually bail out the titanic as it's sinking, or to go back to the middle of an already burning bridge. That's life. Shit happens.



But I'm old enough to know how this works. I've known for quite some time, and in this case, have been utterly powerless to really do anything about it. So I catch crap for the actions of someone else, cool beans.



How's that working out for you now? As long as painting me out to be the antagonist helps you sleep at night, go right ahead. You're still a fucking moron. That's also something I won't be sticking around for. Simply put, I have my limits, and when I'm done, I'm done.



As for Cocksucker McGurn, as I walked out to the car to start the (I think it's) 4th Great Purgening of things that I don't want to throw away, he actually made eye contact with me and asked, "How's it goin," with the cousin fucking speech impediment that can turn a rainy day into a rain of salt.



What I didn't realize was that he wasn't talking to me, but instead, someone else. He just made the mistake of making eye contact, knowing full well I was waiting for him to say one word, one phrase, one anything. It didn't matter, though, fucker deserved the trashed ego he was about to be the recipient of. What's he gonna do, hit me? I don't think so.



I don't remember everything that I said, honestly, because I'd spent the entire morning having to deal with childish bullshit that really, I shouldn't have to be dealing with at all. Either way, time to pack, despite the assurance that I wasn't being kicked out and didn't have to leave. I'm still a burden whether anyone wants to admit it or not. I get that. Life itself is a burden, and then everyone dies.



The look in his eyes said it all, and he probably should have worn the brown pants. A fast-spoken, 45 second pre-buttal was what I delivered before he started going on about a plate of pork chops.



"Like you need more pork chops you fat sack of crap. In fact, did you know you can season them with..."



I was about to say he could season them by lodging the entire plate of pork chops into his anus, and subsequently pre-chew them with his rectum before giving the buttslurry a mighty swish. Which would be the kinda thing he's into anyway, but only because he's piece of shit.



"He was talking to me."



I didn't see who it was, and I was way too angry to really care. But that second person wasn't the target. "Sorry about that," I responded, "But I really hate that motherfucker," I continued, pointing at the neighbor that literally tries to fuck with anyone. Today he asked the wrong question at the wrong time, while making eye contact with the wrong person.



Even though he tried to look away, he wasn't able to. "Yeah, I'm talking to you. You wanna pretend to know how my day is, better yet, why don't you go get pegged you fucking faggot."



Turned out that he was talking to the dude I'm living with, who had been one of two witnesses to what happened earlier. When we talked later, he even mentioned how initially, he thought I was blasting him, until he heard, "I hate that motherfucker."



In short order, I got some of the car cleaned out, but not as much as I need to. The point I'm making is that we all have our problems, and we all have our battles. If you want to hamfist, gaslight, and talk shit, that's your business, but I will call someone out on their crap if I think it needs to be done.

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TheArtistRose
10:59 Apr 30 2016

Damn straight.

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The actual answer is no, but it doesn't matter. People will judge anyways. That's why functionally, for the most part, I've pretty much stopped talking. There's no point.



Seriously. There isn't.

Free will is probably the most indispensable tool that one can have at their expense to better a situation. Unfortunately, that tool is invariably, a double edged sword.



Parts of speech (words) are a separate design, but can be equally destructive. If you don't believe this, then really, you're just naive, and there's not a nice way of saying it.



I could sit here and type, both categorically and chronologically, about things I've experienced at great depth. It doesn't really matter, however, when the other person that is involved refuses to listen, even when their own well-being is the quintessential sacrificial lamb.



My suggestion is that you take note of this. It's not a ploy, it's not a play on words, it's not a game.



It's simply what is.

It's one of those things you simply choose to ignore. Unfortunately, it also makes some damn good arguments. You can hear it, taste it, see it. Name your sense, and that's the poison you'll choose, every time. But that's the point, isn't it?



I used to enjoy socializing. Now, I really don't. It's not the fear of uncertainty, or any spoken words that may have been lost in translation. I get that, and it really doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. What bothered me more was that I although I enjoyed being there, I felt no different than when I left.



I'd rather stay inside. It's not what I want to do, it's not what I'm necessarily needing to do. It's what I've always done.



This is what it is. This is what it boils down to. Apathy.



Eventually, apathy becomes absence.



That's why it's gone.

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Amenthewick
10:31 Apr 17 2016

Your profile pick looks like your own version of the greek disk of phastos....the greastest mediterian archological mystery of the 21 century....are you sure your not pleiadian?lol.

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Things never really get any better, you just get used to it.



Yet, the movie keeps on playing. Call it what you will, I'm not interested in validating or arguing the end result of interpersonal misconceptions. I don't bother deluding myself with unrealistic positivity. Instead, I recognize and categorize things as I see them, right, wrong, or otherwise.



That sea of grey that I refer to, it applies to just about everything, which is what categorically classifies life itself as little more than a series of poorly written scripts. I'm comfortable with this, because I don't lie to myself and say that things will get better, when I know they probably won't.



I get that you despise me, that much is clear. Just stop trying to lie about it, hoping that somehow, I lack the cognizance know the difference.

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Isis101
22:21 Apr 10 2016

Makes sense to me!

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