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I am so tired of the lies and the backstabbers ... these people are the one i called my friends and loved ones ...... fucking assholes the lot of them ... i cant take the bullshit the deal out everyday.... fuck em .... im so over this life i wish i could just erase my exsistance from this shitty fucking place. fuck it im outta here

Ok you know all the new drugs they have on the market now that the side - effects sound worse than the original illness …. Like the new anti-depressant that may actually increase thoughts of suicide ….. Well love is the worst one of all of them…. We are creature that thrives on love …. Its in our blood … we cant help it …. Yet this the strongest of all human emotional states is nothing but a drug ,a cure for being alone… I am not saying that being in love is a bad thing …… just be aware of the side-effects ….. I myself deal with the most disgusting and spiteful side-effect of love on a daily basis …… this is jealousy and it’s a motherfucker to deal with….. I love my girl with all of my heart and yet I find myself battling to find faith and trust in our relationship and its not fair to her at all….. And the worst part of it that I am afraid to talk to her about it for fear of loosing because of it…. And I feel as if I am putting distance between her and I because of it…. Which sucks because we already live over 100 miles apart …. I am pretty sure that she shows full trust in me that I am not going to fuck around on her but yet I get jealous when she is out with friends (well 2 of her friends in particular )… how fair is that to her … I wish I could express how horrible I feel and how I feel like the worlds worst boyfriend because of the feelings that I keep locked inside of me …… and it also gets me all nervous that she work in a male dominated kitchen in a male dominated field….. I keep these feelings from her and its killing me because I feel like I am lying to her ….. But it is out of love and fear that I hold them so close …. And I hope that when she finally reads this , because I am very sure she will that she does not leave me over this my inner darkness … and I hope she knows that despite all of this I still love her more than anything or anyone on this planet or any other…. And T my love when you do read this remember that I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!





Please if anyone can help me message me or leave a comment on what you think I can do to try to fix myself before I lose the most important and most cherished part of my life ….. She is my best friend, my girlfriend and hopefully one day my wife…… any assistance will be appreciated