12:12 Aug 02 2009
Times Read: 599
Well, it’s been a year today since I lost my Mother, it doesn’t seem like it though, I mean, how can it possibly have been a year already?
I knew this week was coming and that it was going to be really hard, but I never dreamed that my own brother would cause it to be even harder, especially Albert, I can always expect things to be made harder by the other brother or my sister, but not Albert. Well, I guess I should have known, I mean he is so melancholic by nature.
When he called and said the things he did he meant no harm, he was just missing her too and wanted to share his memories of her that last day that he got alone with her. I am so glad he had that day; I was so worried about him at the time.
We had all been called in by the doctors and nursing staff to discuss Mother’s case and it had been decided to wait till the weekend was over, it was a Friday and the decision had been made that if there was no change in her condition by Monday that we would either move her to a hospice floor at the hospital or to a nursing home which all four of us had promised her we wouldn’t do, or move her home and have it set up with a hospice nurse coming in to help care for her in her last days and allow her to quietly pass away at home as she had wanted. We all had agreed that the later is what to do seeing it was what she wanted the most. That as I said was Friday, Aug 1st 2008.
After the meeting we all went into her room, we talked to her even though we knew she was in a coma and we each kissed her and held her hand. My older brother, the asshole and jerk of the family and my sister were the first to leave, it was almost like they couldn’t get out of there fast enough. My brother Albert and I stayed and he said he was going to have to go for a little bit, just long enough to run to the bank since he had forgotten his wallet at home and his son was going to join him for lunch there at the hospital. Albert had planned on staying the day there with her since he was the only one of us who hadn’t had time alone with her. I reached into my purse and gave him what cash I had on hand because I didn’t want him to lose one second of precious time with her he had left. As I left the hospital I saw his car and walked over and fed the meter till it was maxed out on time. Now he could stay and tell her all the things he needed to say without worrying about being able to pay for parking or lunch or anything else. He was there until early evening and then he kissed her goodbye for the last time.
Saturday Aug the 2nd at 9:37 AM Mother quietly slipped from this life she shared with us. Nothing has been the same since. I have tried my best to console myself using her words that she spoke to me as the doctor came into tell her as she laid in the emergency room that she had cancer all through her body and it was also in her brain…she heard me give out a small cry as I tried to choke the tears back and be as brave as I could for her, she looked up at me and held my hand and told me to shhhhhhh, she said “awwwwwwwwww, they’ll fix it, and if they can’t then I will get to be with your brother JR and your Daddy and I will finally get to be the Mommy to the babies I lost and never had the chance to see let alone raise like I did you other kids.”
The family is so completely divided, the very thing she feared the most. But it is not Albert's nor my doing, the other two have cut us from their lives, and even though I know how badly it hurts Albert, I knew in my heart and gutt that it would happen, just like I know in my heart and gutt that it’s for the best. The four of us have sort of been divided for years, it is almost like the other two thought of themselves as siblings to each other and Albert and I just never existed. Those two have not only forgotten their roots but they are embarrassed and ashamed of where they came from, and they have made that little fact well known. They simply cannot accept that we were all born into a family of blue collar workers, truck drivers, mechanics, coal miners and housewives. Humble and honest beginnings where love and hard work was taught daily.
My brother Roy and I have not spoken since the day of the funeral where he chose to physically shove me after Mother’s services were held. I have not spoken a single word to my sister, Mary since a very cold day in January when we attended the funeral of our Mother’s treasured sister. I am not at all upset about these changes, in fact I feel a lot more settled that my association with these two is just about over, as soon as Mother’s house sells and the contents divided, there will be no reason to know either of those two people or their spouses ever again. But what does bother me is that Albert is hurt by this estrangement. Family unity is something he cannot easily let go of, even with those two who have made it clear that they are ashamed to know their country living siblings. He is hurt and that hurts me, it is for him that I grieve their loss in his life.
Our Mother’s death was more than just one person’s life ending, it was the final end to a family that once shared holiday’s and friendships. Her death marked the end of the past and brought about a new beginning without each other. The last thing she asked for we cannot give her, and for that I am truly sorry, I would honor her wishes no matter what it took, but you can only do so much when the other’s in that request are so unwilling.
Mother loved with such fierceness and she had this habit of taking in people and making them extended family members. My Grandmother, Mother’s mother was the same way, Albert and I do it too, we tend to adopt people and try to care for them as we were raised, it is like a second nature to us. I gave birth to 3 children, but I claim to have a total of 9…a small amount compared to how many my Mother took in over the years. I remember being a little girl and answering that age old question that adults ask kids about what they want to be when they grow up. Many of my friends were quick to answer that they wanted to be firemen, cops, lawyers, doctors, nurses and teachers, but not me; no I wanted to grow up and be like my Mother, my Grandmother and my Aunt. I wanted to be a mom foremost and I always said if I could achieve even one tenth of who these remarkable women were, then I would be the richest woman in the world.
Aug. 2nd 2008 I lost more than my Mother, I lost one of my mentors, I lost my best friend. I miss her so terribly.
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