The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Bored and depressed.
03:30 Nov 30 2016
Times Read: 315

I am sitting here bored and depressed. I am 45 and I should be self sufficient. I dont want to be on disability anymore. I want to do something with my life. I want to get a good job with good pay and that means college. Problem is, I dont know if I can. I may be too old. I was never proficient at math or English. I never learned algebra and I have lost some of the math skills I did learn. Multiplying and dividing fractions? Forget it. I dont know what can I do. I cannot go back to warehousing and with my health problems, I cannot do manual labor. I was hoping to do something with IT or electronics but I dont know if its possible. I am wondering if I get physical therapy I might be able to at least walk longer distances and get somewhat healthier again. I know if I do nothing, I will just continue to deteriorate and will be up a creek once my mother passes. Yes, there is an inheritance, but how long can that last if I have to live on it. I need to do something meaningful with my life. I want to be self sufficient enough to not only make a living, but to save for SRS if need be. I am beginning to think that I wasted my life and destined to be a pauper. Really depressed now and I am beginning to cry.

Levelled up!!
01:09 Nov 29 2016
Times Read: 325

Now at Level 90!! 5 more slots in my mentorship YAY!!

Black Friday.
12:28 Nov 25 2016
Times Read: 359

Black Friday. The day people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have..... No thank you. I dont want to deal with homocidal, crazed people who would run me off the road to get that deal on a big screen tv. I am just going to stay at home and veg out. The only problem with that is, I will start worrying about my latest blood work that showed and elevated white count and deceased kidney function. I will keep worrying that this may cause me to have to de-transtion and I DONT want to do that. I dont think I could handle it. I like the changes the hormones have made so far and I cant wait to see what more the4 hormones can do. Oh well, enough of this rant before I REALY get depressed.

Happy Thanksgiving
19:01 Nov 24 2016
Times Read: 411

Wishing everyone who celebrates a Happy Thanksgiving. It will be a subdued holiday for me. Its just me and my mom. Her aide cooked a bird and cut it up. All I have to do is warm things up and serve later.

Transgender Day of Remembrance
09:14 Nov 20 2016
Times Read: 452

For all those who either took their own lives or had their lives taken from them.

Feeling better.
23:38 Nov 16 2016
Times Read: 519

A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. My father, the person I thought would not accept my transition has contacted me and is being supportive. Many here from the VR community have also been supportive. I am blessed to have some of the best friends and Coven Masters on VR in my corner. I appreciate every one of you



Elena

I HAVE to do this.
13:47 Nov 16 2016
Times Read: 571

To all,



This is most difficult for me to write, let alone say in person. There is a certain aspect of my life that I have kept hidden for fear of rejection. I’ve been wanting to talk to you all about this for some time. For many years now I’ve been questioning my gender. And by that, I mean I am transgender. And I know that probably seems massive, and it is big, but it shouldn’t change your view of me.

I am still the same person I always was. Please hear me out, read the whole post. I may be biologically a male, but I am truly a female. Ok, so there, I said it. I'm shaking right now, because just saying that on the one hand terrifies me immensely, yet simultaneously screams "ABOUT TIME!!



Please understand this is a MEDICAL condition It was found there are differences in brains of women and men so a mismatch is possible. There are even substances known to cause a higher rate of that mismatch. The differences are fixed before birth. People with this mismatch have a condition called Gender Dysphoria, which makes them unhappy with their bodies. They are internally a girl and want to live this way.



Please listen to me when I say that this is not a choice, and it's not something I can change. It is not a phase; it will not go away; it will only get worst if ignored; it will eventually kill me if I keep it in.



I know now that I have been different all my life. Perhaps it started when i put on a pair of moms stockings and liked them. Maybe it was when I would look at the girls in their dresses and wondered what it would be like to be a girl? I know now that not only did I like girls and what they wore, I wanted to BE them and wear what they were wearing and so many of the things they do. I know on the outside I appeared male and was happy to be male. That was not the case. I really wanted to be a girlI think thats why I hadn't taken care of myself for so many years. I just wasnt happy with my body. I wasnt happy with the clothes I had to wear, nor was I happy with my role in society. I finally realized all this after a long reflection of my life. My understanding of my life grew large enough for me to be able to see this pattern and come to the conclusion that

I am transgender. And of course having access to resources about transgenderism, mainly websites by older and more experienced people who have been through it themselves, as well as brochures by doctors and medical professionals, helped in this process. There are websites out there with very friendly people who are also

willing to answer all your questions, there are many people going there and asking.



So what do you do about a transgender person? Just as you cannot "cure" a person if they are gay, you cannot "cure" a transgender person and make them happy living as their biological gender. Doing so will not end well.



So the real solution, however difficult it may be, is to let them express themselves as their true gender, for life (let me stress that this does not go away). This entails a lot of things, some of which are purely social while others are physical. The checklist varies depending on the person but usually will include for

Male-to-Female (MtF) transgenders:



Therapy

Voice training

Buying new clothes and changing their appearance

Choosing a new name

Taking T-blockers to limit testosterone levels (this is a must)

Taking supplementary estrogen

Various corrective surgeries, these are usually only done after 1+ years of living as a female, if they are done at all



I know this is a lot to take in, especially since up maybe until now you were unaware of this issue.



As of right now I am on hormones and T blockers. Voice training will come later. I have already chosen my new name, Elena. I have already been buying new clothes and makeup. I need to get my endocrinologist to write a letter for medical necessity for electrolysis as my facial and body hair drives me NUTS!! As for the surgeries, Its too soon in this process to know if I will seek them or not. I would have to lose A LOT of weight to do that anyway.



If you still want to be my friend, you need not do anything but communicate with me the same way you always have. If you do not wish to associate with me, simply unfriend me and remove my journal from your favorites. If you do not wish for me to be in your coven, please trade me to a coven that wants a good active member that does not mind me being transgender.



For those of you who wish to know more about transgenderism, I recommend you read :



http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/downloads/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf



http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/





Thanks so much for reading this, and know with the exception of my appearance and dress, that I am still the same person that I always was.



Sincerely,



John aka Elena

Trans Awareness week 2016
17:40 Nov 15 2016
Times Read: 613

I know this picture is going to raise some eyebrows and I know trans people are not popular with some of you out there, but trans people are human beings and they are Americans. They deserve the same rights to life, liberty and prosperity and the same rights under the constitution as everyone else.

Anxious
13:48 Nov 15 2016
Times Read: 625

I need to say something, but I dont know if I can.

Bad time of year
16:49 Nov 14 2016
Times Read: 643

I know everyone looks forward to this time of year with the holidays coming. I simply cannot. I know that once again, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years will be spent alone with my mother. I once looked forward to decorating the house for Christmas, no more. My mother and I used to be invited to my uncle's house for dinner. No more. It SUCKS to be alone and not be surrounded by family. Every year I become more and more like Ebeneezer Scrooge. So forgive me if I get grumpy or just plain dont participate in any holiday cheer. For me Christmas has become a humbug. Thanksgiving is just another Thursday in November. I may even post some anti holiday rants. I know I will be more myself once the Holidays are over but for now. BAH! HUMBUG!!

CALM DOWN!!
11:40 Nov 10 2016
Times Read: 671

I admit that I initially drank the Kool Aid and succumbed to the all the fear mongering out there. We all need to calm the fuck down. This is not the end of the world. We will survive. LGBT rights advanced under W Bush and they will under Trump. The ACA will not be repealed over night and democrats in the senate will use the filibuster to check the power of the majority party. I know republicans will scream and shout and threaten to use the nuclear option, but they wont because they know full well that one day THEY will be the minority party and THEY will want to use the filibuster. Trust me, Trump will have a harder time passing his agenda than he thinks.

Ugh
22:39 Nov 09 2016
Times Read: 682

Still very upset and afraid. It doesnt help that I have been feeding on all of the negative energy. I didnt sleep a wink last night. I am quite frankly out of it physically and emotionally. Not looking forward to the future right now.

A bit scared.
12:57 Nov 09 2016
Times Read: 705

Let me be clear, I didnt like Hillary, but I dislike Trump more. I fear what he is going to do to this country and to people like me. I fear dark days are coming. Its 1933 all over again, instead its here in America and not Germany.

Photobucket is down
15:49 Nov 04 2016
Times Read: 731

If you see missing photos on my profile and elsewhere on VR, its most like due to the fact the images are hosted on photo bucket and they are down for maintenance.

My friend Victoria Smith Kaminski.
10:48 Nov 01 2016
Times Read: 742












I found out Sunday afternoon that my childhood friend Victoria Smith Kaminski had passed away from complications of Polymyositis. She was diagnosed with this autoimmune disease after she nearly died from double pneumonia. The disease basically attacks the muscles and the lungs. She had got it into remission but had relapsed a number of times resulting in being in the hospital for days or weeks. This past Saturday, she was admitted to the hospital for another relapse and by Sunday morning, she was gone. Her passing has shaken me to my core. This was so sudden and she was so young. She was my age, 45 and thats WAY too young to die. I have been very upset. Crying and not wanting to do anything but lay in bed. I cannot help but think of her passing and think of the husband and two sons she has left behind. Its so unfair to them and so unfair to her. I know she would have wanted to live and watch her sons grow up. What makes this even worse is that she lost her father when she was only 7 to a massive heart attack. She lost her mother to colon cancer in her mid twenties. Now she is gone at 45. I cannot help but wonder if all of this is related to the Chromium contamination that has been found in my old neighborhood and many others in my former home town. No funeral arrangements have been made yet. The memorial services and funeral will be held in PA and she will be buried there as well. There is supposed to be a memorial of some sort in my Hometown as well at some point. I am not sure if I will attend the services and funeral in PA but I will attend the memorial in my hometown when it happens. Here are some photos of her and I in happier times.