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I wake and he is here, I am drained as he is kissing on my neck can't move just lay there as he subdues me in whichever he wants. I a alone and lost , my heart is dieing and my soul is going to wonder the earth alone. I have prayed to god , no answer, I have prayed to all of heaven and earth for help to free me, no help, I have tried to kill myself to be free, obviously it didn't work.

Am I being punished by something or being possessed by something, I am so weak. I can't fight anymore he is away but he is keeping me awake haunting me.



I am so alone, why?

My heart is worn my soul is torn apart by the sadness that surrounds me. I feel and taste nothing verything is bitter, my thoughts are cloudy, The pain won't go it just burns and aches to no end.

Where shall I go from here, will I die or is death to easy, I feel like I'm dieing I feel cold and worn as a elderly person that is dieing.

Will the sadness overcome me?

Today the overcast never faulted, it raines it was dreary but my thoughts were all positive and dedicated to work and how my life will get better as the sun shines in on me through absence, it was in my heart today. I am the light, I am the path, I heard this somewhere but it is still foggy as I draw a blank.

That phrase has been said repeatedly the last week. I am so tired of hearing that,please stop, Okay I get it but the pang in my heart won't ever go away it will always remnd me why I won't let no-one close enough to feel my love again.

COMMENTS

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chrysanthemia
00:45 Apr 08 2009

Tears fall and smear the page,

What I wouldn't give to have you again.

It's said that things improve with age,

But this gaping void will never fade.



I wrote that. I know how you feel. . . . It's indescribable.

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Lordpeace
13:28 Apr 12 2009

i have to say this because i have been there



the searing agony of love foresworn

is terrible it's like a volcanic dawn

and the only cure for this i have ever found

allow love to find me and again be bound

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My heart has been shredded, In a million plus pieces a lost cause, never to be fixed again. I left it open for a chance and was devasted, be warned for those who think they can fix me, I DON'T WANT TO BE FIXED I WILLHEAL IN MY OWN TIME. EVEN THEN I WON'T TRUST I EXPECT. Now that we understand each other, I am a lost soul and don't care. Tah Tah for now.

A hollow and blank void that never will be filled again. A pain that strikes radomly when you least expect it. It hits you hard and brings you down even if your up. Your all alone and no-one, I mean no-one can feel what you feel no matter how much they say they know how you feel. Its all confusing when you give your heart have it ripped out through your asshole and tenderized with a meat mallet and shoved back in through ass and tilted sideways. Then you see the thing you wanted or at least you thought you wanted and it starts all over and won't quit hurting.