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Each night I shudder a little, knowing that in a few days I will have no where to call home. My little girl, my dove, I worry for and weep. It won't be the first time I've been a vagabond, and perhaps it won't be the last. But where do we go to?



I am at a moment of truth. Tonight I am going to make an attempt, and I hope that it works, to contact a spirit guide. I feel that I will be pulled away from this area, but then again it may just be wishful thinking. Where do we go?



I feel that the same irking feeling I had to burn the dragon's blood incense was really a spirit guide. Perhaps it has come to be at this time because it is a crucial turning point.



Does anyone have recommendations for what else I can do in this situation? I don't know what else to do.



I only have visions. I see fields, passing them, tall green leaves of some sort. I see hay, and passing it. I see the country side. Is this a place or just a premonition of a journey?

Since I was a young girl I can remember slipping into long periods of strange imaginations. They were, at times, trance-like. I always imagined myself living as different people in different times. Whether I was an ancient Egyptian or a Native American or a Flemenco Queen was irrelevant at times, I just had to keep daydreaming these other lives. It became like an escape for me during childhood, but it was also something that I seemingly could not help.



As I got older I noticed that I was a very diverse soul. I listened to all kinds of music, was into all kinds of cultures and food, and really EVERYTHING interested me.



Eventually I decided to become a historian, and the study of the world only seemed to compliment my natural curiosities about EVERYTHING.



Only something strange began to happen to me when I began my Master's program. The intensified study of Civil Rights issues in the US, from the Salem Witch Trials to the common practice of lynching, grieved me in an intensely emotional way. Particularly with the lynchings, I felt depressed for long periods of time. Sometimes I would actually look at photographs and cry.



While this was going on I was still a Christian and going to church. I recall listening to the preacher speak about the "evil of this generation." I used to sit there and get nauseous, thinking to myself about the generations past and how evil those kinds of practices truly were, and how they did not compare in any way shape or form to the things that take place in the US today.



So needless to say, I feel very connected to some cultures and peoples that are not my own. In some ways, I feel more connected to those cultures than my own. Could these be signs of past lives?

It is hard to believe in anything anymore, since I have become so wary of superstition; the lunacy that caused death and accusation in the Salem Witch Trials, the idiocy that keeps people inside on Friday the 13th. But how do I reconcile this dichotomy: I refrain from superstition, but what I am, a vampire, is to most a superstition...but it is true. It is real. It is as real as the cup of tea in front of me. No, not the mythic creature, but the woman disguising her darkness, her secret. But the secret is real.



If superstitions and most religious beliefs cannot be measured being supernatural, how can they ever be proven? Or perhaps they do not want to be proven, just as I have no inclination to prove to anyone that I am a vampire. Perhaps we, the vampire and the truth, are to be forever shrouded in shadows and mystery!



What is truth, anyway?



What is a vampire?



What am I? What is the truth? How can I ever know it? Every time I thought I knew, the future always showed that it was not so.



Can I ever really know anything at all?



I know what I am, somehow. A vampire. That's all.

COMMENTS

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TheVampyreNico
04:35 Aug 07 2012

The world fears what it does not understand! We are forever we are the rulers of the nightlife and guardians of eternal darkness. Blood is the life force we take into us beauty and knowledge holds us close to each other. We all might choose a path that leads to wisdom an enlightenment.

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Uzziel
20:42 Aug 20 2012

No light from the dark

No hope from despair

No learning from ignorance

No control from worry



Here lies true darkness

From where the light can be seen

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