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I have calmed down most of the way. I still will worry because i love him so much. I am afraid of losing him to another. But i realize that he has chosen me. Not some other person, but me. I dont know why i cant make up my mind. Why my moods change so swiftly as if the wind blwing over the sea. All i know is that i cannot bare to be without his arms around me for the longest time. My heart belongs to me no more, but to the man i love. I am poet and when i feel the way i do, i must write what i feel. No matter what i say, no one knows the real me.



And i plan to keep it that way. All the doors, all the locks, all the ways to get past into the inside are barred and blocked. There is no key, there is no map, there is no way through the maze. I like to keep it that way. I dont care who knows, and i dont care if they dare try the traps i have laid out inside.



My family is going through a hard time. And i have no idea how i can help. Getting busted at school with smokes in my bag, court and a ticket. I seem to do more harm than good. I am a daughter of fate. I bring with me more than hate. Some of my words are more than poetic yet I can do nothing to stop it. I feel so much pain and I am told it is wrong to write the way that i do.



I'd rather not know what lays ahead in life if i must go without my poetry. Yes i do admit that i am afraid of the world. Yes i Agree with otheres that i am insane. But that my readers is in a different way. I am insane about the dark, i love it so much, insane about the writing, the reading and more. I cant think of life with out these things and more.



My life would be empty if i could not write. Afraid that some one might find out who i am. I lock up the hurt i feel, i bar away he pain. I do this and nothing i Gain.



Any way i gotta go i got some company. So more later.



~Myth

COMMENTS

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SuicideDoll
21:35 Feb 27 2008

I'm glad things are better. I completely understand how writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you, as I am the same way; I don't think expressing your feelings is wrong at all.



Best wishes, as always : )

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to do. My head is spinning, my mind is full of rage. I dont know what to do. A lie is worth more than words can tell. They hurt and sting. No one knows why i close up. But some are about to know. To save myself from being hurt.



Its been awhile since i last wrote i am crrently grounded but at school now. But my heart is breaking. I want to die. To cause myself pain. To take a life, my own if i must. I love him so much my heart is not mine. But i dont know if him that i must forgive. Is it myself? Or the ones who tell me the lies or truths? I dont know what to do. Gotta go class time. Bye!!!



~Myth