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VAMPARIAH's Journal



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7 entries this month
 

Vamess

23:33 Dec 19 2006
Times Read: 705


blurrighter: what is a no chip?

biker_babe20000: i knew you were going to ask that

biker_babe20000: i dont really know but i have a pretty good idea

blurrighter: maybe it is a girl thing?

biker_babe20000: i think its the abiltiy to control your wants and your needs better

blurrighter: oh

biker_babe20000: its not a girl thing

biker_babe20000: lol

blurrighter: well, so you are through being hypnotized?

biker_babe20000: thats a good way of putting it

blurrighter: uh huh

biker_babe20000: yes

blurrighter: start a thread on it

biker_babe20000: i didnt see it

blurrighter: it is a cool sounding concept

biker_babe20000: was in my dream

blurrighter: you start athread on it

biker_babe20000: do you think i should let them all know

biker_babe20000: i dont know

biker_babe20000: its kinda advanced

biker_babe20000: lol

blurrighter: well when one is ahead of the curve, you have to at least go back and put up a hazard sign for the ones entering the curve

biker_babe20000: true

biker_babe20000: i have never seen anything like this before

blurrighter: I learn to teach

blurrighter: why do you learn?

biker_babe20000: same

blurrighter: ok

biker_babe20000: thats why i told you

blurrighter: then say yes to the no chip in the forum

biker_babe20000: have you seen this before

blurrighter: it would bring you much acclaim

blurrighter: I have admitted to being hypnotised and it makes everything else I say more palatable

biker_babe20000: i am not looking for that

blurrighter: influence is the ability to make a difference in other people's lives

biker_babe20000: i have been working on the No thing for along time i didnt know you had to earn it

blurrighter: true savior faire is to trip as a world leader comes into the room so people can listen to all the seriousness of what he says after the fake fall

blurrighter: yes, it must be earned

blurrighter: and sometimes people if they know where they should go, then they do not get there

blurrighter: as when you look for things you do not ever get them

blurrighter: but

blurrighter: people should actually be aware of the different possibilities of life

biker_babe20000: close your eyes and they come to you

biker_babe20000: i have been releasing many of the things i know

blurrighter: yes

biker_babe20000: mostly i just get strang looks from people

blurrighter: but we are still ourselves

biker_babe20000: more our selfs i feel

biker_babe20000: because i really dont care what they think of me

blurrighter: maybe the soul is not full, just not empty

biker_babe20000: yes

blurrighter: filling

blurrighter: but anyways

blurrighter: I take myself down a notch to make myself rise

biker_babe20000: can i ask you a ?

blurrighter: admitting I was hynotized brought me much credibility

biker_babe20000: some take you down for you

blurrighter: for to control that is the next step

blurrighter: ask away

biker_babe20000: two things that have been bugging me

biker_babe20000: one the soul mate

biker_babe20000: i think we are our own soul mates

biker_babe20000: in this way

biker_babe20000: we need to love our selfs before loving anouther

biker_babe20000: so we or our own soul mate when the mind and the body meet

biker_babe20000: i hope i am making sense out of this

blurrighter: keep going

biker_babe20000: another thing is this woman keeps coming to me

biker_babe20000: ceila burn

biker_babe20000: her brother killed her and buryed her out back of there house

biker_babe20000: but i dont know where or in what time

biker_babe20000: so its very hard to help her

biker_babe20000: i am very diffrent hope i dont scare you

blurrighter: well, your fear of scaring others prevents you from finding the truth

biker_babe20000: its the no thing

biker_babe20000: i dont fear it like i said i dont care but some can take it some run in fear

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: you are not deep enough

blurrighter: go back to the first question

biker_babe20000: tell me the depth

blurrighter: you stopped the chase

blurrighter: you didn't get to the sentence

blurrighter: you stopped the flow

biker_babe20000: i know

biker_babe20000: the soul mate is ourselfs

biker_babe20000: this body dealing with our spirit

biker_babe20000: the all knowing part of us

biker_babe20000: living on earth and knowing that this body is not us

blurrighter: biker_babe20000: two things that have been bugging me biker_babe20000: one the soul mate biker_babe20000: i think we are our own soul mates biker_babe20000: in this way biker_babe20000: we need to love our selfs before loving anouther biker_babe20000: so we or our own soul mate when the mind and the body meet

blurrighter: run from there

blurrighter: ok

biker_babe20000: wow

blurrighter: yes spirit

blurrighter: there was more than body and soul

blurrighter: but there is more than spirit and body and soul

blurrighter: you have to keep going

blurrighter: running with it

blurrighter: I cannot tell you the answer

biker_babe20000: we are god

blurrighter: if we are good

biker_babe20000: everyone is part of it

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: many many sheep giving you starnge looks

blurrighter: strange

biker_babe20000: they just dont know

blurrighter: people who fear what others think are not gods

biker_babe20000: they are blind

blurrighter: they are nothing

blurrighter: therefore they are not gods

biker_babe20000: always always looking for another to make them happy

blurrighter: it is faith in self that makes us gods

blurrighter: that is the only faith you need

blurrighter: yes love of self

blurrighter: faith of self

blurrighter: same thing

biker_babe20000: yes

blurrighter: so what was your question

biker_babe20000: to be is to except

blurrighter: accept

blurrighter: now phrase that stream of consciousness into a question

biker_babe20000: lol right

biker_babe20000: english is my second

blurrighter: my soulmate used to spell it like that

biker_babe20000: what is your soul mate

blurrighter: tamara

blurrighter: I don't look up to her anymore

blurrighter: she means nothing to me two days back

blurrighter: she is nothing

blurrighter: motherhood has devalued her

blurrighter: made her a sheep

biker_babe20000: i have one of those but he wasnt my soul mate

biker_babe20000: i am my own soul mate

blurrighter: no

biker_babe20000: and maybe thats a loss

blurrighter: when the love for you from you, projected outwards is returned from the world, and you are accepted from the world

blurrighter: then you are your own soul mate

blurrighter: but who finds their niche?

blurrighter: who can be whole?

blurrighter: who can find their place?

blurrighter: who can walk in robes and make it seem so right?

biker_babe20000: can you be whole without the acceptance of another

blurrighter: the lack of concern from a leader is the quality that makes leadership more powerful, the fact that you know better than them and will go against their idea of what is right for them, when it seems a double cross to them, is the thing that makes a leader a leader

blurrighter: when you go against them

blurrighter: then they will be for you

blurrighter: you must sacrifice the role they want you to play

blurrighter: and play the role you must

blurrighter: and take the chance you get dethroned

blurrighter: but only a leader would spite himself and go against the better judgment of the people

biker_babe20000: i am a leo being dethroned would hurt

blurrighter: your place is not just about you

blurrighter: your place is to rise

blurrighter: fi you are a goddess

blurrighter: you must be that

biker_babe20000: i dont want to be a goddess

blurrighter: there is a sacrifice

biker_babe20000: i dont want everyone to love me

blurrighter: I walk in flip flops without shirts in the winter

blurrighter: and people walk with me and they are like listening

biker_babe20000: i love my flip flops

biker_babe20000: thats because you walk in them

blurrighter: and they are like why should I believe anything of what this guy says?

blurrighter: and then as I tell them about life

blurrighter: everyone walks by they say hey COACH

blurrighter: and then after the third person says that, and the friend you are with realises that life is not about trying to fit in to be accepted

blurrighter: to be truely accepted is to not to try to fit in

blurrighter: to be yourself

blurrighter: find yourself

biker_babe20000: yes

blurrighter: and then for the acceptence to come

biker_babe20000: to love your self

blurrighter: accept yourself

blurrighter: regardless

blurrighter: you will be a Pariah

biker_babe20000: whats that

blurrighter: but ultimately to be publically stned for a decade leads to messiah

blurrighter: a pariah is the lowest of the low of outcast

blurrighter: VAMPARIAH

biker_babe20000: ok

blurrighter: I guess I am VAMESSIAH now

blurrighter: I am totally accepted

biker_babe20000: they will come to you

biker_babe20000: i seen it long ago

blurrighter: only the bold

blurrighter: who are tired of being sheep

blurrighter: I have transformed my power

blurrighter: to an acceptible form

blurrighter: I have come back from the dead

blurrighter: I have met the higher power

blurrighter: I never believed n any of this

blurrighter: I don't need to call it god

biker_babe20000: never

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: I don't believe shit

biker_babe20000: when did it come

blurrighter: I feel it

blurrighter: or it doesn't exist

blurrighter: we hold these truths to be self evident

blurrighter: Declaration of INdependence

blurrighter: the trip is not survivable

blurrighter: I am one in a billion

blurrighter: messiahs come around every 600 years

blurrighter: Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, Martin Luther, Napoleon, and in 400 years more another messiah

blurrighter: it is not my time

blurrighter: I will lay low

blurrighter: and be happy

blurrighter: help people who want to be helped

blurrighter: you cannot frce the world to open up until the world is ready

biker_babe20000: they will come to you

blurrighter: 600 years

blurrighter: I have a je nais se pais

blurrighter: I have a way

blurrighter: I know how to be of service

biker_babe20000: are those pictures of you

blurrighter: but right now I am going to be a recluse for while

blurrighter: what pictures?

biker_babe20000: in your profile

blurrighter: yes

biker_babe20000: all of them

blurrighter: those are within the past season

blurrighter: 4 months

blurrighter: all of them

biker_babe20000: i see many diffrent people in those pics

blurrighter: a camera maybe able to capture other peoples souls but not mine

biker_babe20000: many diffrent sides

biker_babe20000: no they are you just diffrent parts of you

blurrighter: still, I am not happy being given a new body and still be me inside

biker_babe20000: they tell a story

blurrighter: that has brought me much sadness

blurrighter: even that I know more now and have found my place in life, acceptance of my power

biker_babe20000: you do not like the one you are in now?

blurrighter: I want to be less

blurrighter: not more

blurrighter: I want to be a simple man

blurrighter: I have always wanted to be nothing

biker_babe20000: your not

biker_babe20000: it would be easyer

blurrighter: I chose death and oblivion and I got immortality

biker_babe20000: but why do you want easyer

blurrighter: not easier

blurrighter: just free from responsibility

biker_babe20000: lol

biker_babe20000: ohh

blurrighter: I want to make the ones I love happy

blurrighter: I want to teach with the written word

blurrighter: but I do not want fame

biker_babe20000: you have that gift

blurrighter: I want to be left a lone

blurrighter: I want one woman

biker_babe20000: to do what

biker_babe20000: yes

blurrighter: and maybe a mistress to keep the marriage strong

biker_babe20000: i understand that

biker_babe20000: that would make it strong

biker_babe20000: ?

blurrighter: That is why I liked being poor and shoddy clothed

blurrighter: but anyways what else can I do for you

biker_babe20000: tell me why you feel a mistress would keep it strong

blurrighter: well

blurrighter: the French do it

blurrighter: and all rich men

biker_babe20000: so

biker_babe20000: they are fools

blurrighter: it is the unsaid in life

blurrighter: does the wife have the freak side of the rich man?

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: the mistress is the fuck buddy

biker_babe20000: you can not fill a void by creating another hole

blurrighter: he can still do his wife, lovingly, and make love to her because he loves her

blurrighter: one woman is not enough

blurrighter: I take ffrom one woman and give to the other and she thinks It came from me

biker_babe20000: should one man be enough

blurrighter: one woman does not fill me like two would

blurrighter: yes I would allow my women to have controlled relationships

blurrighter: but because I have the money I set the rules

blurrighter: I do not want AIDS

blurrighter: but I do want them to be happy

biker_babe20000: me either

blurrighter: there are limits to freedom

biker_babe20000: ill tell you another story

biker_babe20000: this guy wants me

biker_babe20000: calls me wants just sex maybe more he likes my head

biker_babe20000: cute guy i wouldnt mind

biker_babe20000: but

biker_babe20000: i told him no way

biker_babe20000: i am noit ready to open more doors

biker_babe20000: for everybody you let in another door opens

biker_babe20000: and its not about the sex

biker_babe20000: its about the head

blurrighter: people cannot be juggled

blurrighter: only a juggler could do it

biker_babe20000: which i am not

blurrighter: i could do it

biker_babe20000: not me

blurrighter: I have been the faithful type all my life

biker_babe20000: i am a one woman and one guy person

blurrighter: but now my wife will have to be pure

blurrighter: and the mistress will be the freak

biker_babe20000: but will love them with everything

blurrighter: I was the same

blurrighter: but I have changed

blurrighter: you don't require purity as much as I

biker_babe20000: i could change but you would not like the person you would see

biker_babe20000: for i wont care

biker_babe20000: yes i do i just cant find it

biker_babe20000: not in these people

biker_babe20000: they dont beleve

biker_babe20000: they are human

blurrighter: keep going

biker_babe20000: there is no place to go

biker_babe20000: i have said it all

blurrighter: no

biker_babe20000: i have look my whole life for it and have decide that i will just have to be happy with me

biker_babe20000: they can do it

blurrighter: have you r have you not found the universal in you?

biker_babe20000: i have never found one that could

biker_babe20000: i dont know

blurrighter: see

blurrighter: you have to find the universal

biker_babe20000: who gives me what i seek

blurrighter: it is in the way you receive life

blurrighter: the way you see

blurrighter: you are blinded partially

blurrighter: you see ten times better than the rrest

biker_babe20000: when i ask and it come who is it coming from

blurrighter: but still you see not all

blurrighter: when you receive the universal then you will know

biker_babe20000: no i dont

blurrighter: but it was where you were leading at in the begining of this

blurrighter: about finding the god inside

blurrighter: you are in the path

blurrighter: you have to run over yourself

biker_babe20000: i am alone here enough if that comes what is left here

blurrighter: destroy yourself

biker_babe20000: thats what i do best

biker_babe20000: i know whats left

blurrighter: just don't stick anything up your ass

biker_babe20000: everything is brighter

blurrighter: be pre and enlightened

blurrighter: pure

biker_babe20000: they cant touch me

biker_babe20000: i have also been dead

blurrighter: in everything you do you must be self effacing

blurrighter: tear down everything

blurrighter: leave where you live

blurrighter: for a vacation

blurrighter: get away

blurrighter: see how life is the same

biker_babe20000: i just put in all the gardens

blurrighter: how it is different

blurrighter: vacation

blurrighter: get away

biker_babe20000: by myself

blurrighter: where are you?

biker_babe20000: thats was one of the scarest things i did

biker_babe20000: in wisconsin

blurrighter: uh huh

biker_babe20000: i found that i didnt need anyone

blurrighter: I might be up in Montreal in January

blurrighter: that's not too far

biker_babe20000: where are you

blurrighter: nyc

biker_babe20000: thats far

biker_babe20000: thats closer

blurrighter: Montreal is up at your latitude

biker_babe20000: i am in south wisconsin

blurrighter: uh huh

blurrighter: have you been to NYC

biker_babe20000: i couldnt live that far north

biker_babe20000: nope

blurrighter: maybe you should come

blurrighter: you deserve to be here, you saved my life remember?

biker_babe20000: i dont know how i did that

blurrighter: change of habitat change of habit

blurrighter: rule of three

blurrighter: as simple as that

blurrighter: new you

blurrighter: anyways

biker_babe20000: after i told you to go for the 3rd i felt bad saying that not knowing who you were

blurrighter: new horizon new sunglasses

blurrighter: new look

blurrighter: new you

biker_babe20000: for all i knew you had to kill to get the 3rd

blurrighter: the offer is on the table

blurrighter: well

blurrighter: but you were right

blurrighter: numerology rules

biker_babe20000: yes

blurrighter: I wanted to pant a new jacket last night

blurrighter: BE NICE OR I WILL KILL YOU WITH KINDNESS

biker_babe20000: lol

biker_babe20000: they hate that

blurrighter: paint

blurrighter: I am on to them

blurrighter: fuck em

biker_babe20000: they are easy

blurrighter: show them how small they are

biker_babe20000: they already know it thats why they hate

blurrighter: if they are so powerless they have to grab power

blurrighter: to let them know they have a false power is to have put them on notice

biker_babe20000: thats why i told you i didnt need the power

blurrighter: true powe ris for the people whom don't want it

biker_babe20000: power is in knowing

blurrighter: power is also in doing

blurrighter: power is not power if you do not relaese it

biker_babe20000: i have been hated by my lovers my whole life

blurrighter: wield it

biker_babe20000: to be smarter then your man is death

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: weak men fear smart women

blurrighter: you just choose wrong men

blurrighter: again it is the control issue

blurrighter: people without ower try to control

blurrighter: power

biker_babe20000: and for what

blurrighter: so it is the weak who try to assume command but they can't

biker_babe20000: i dont get the control thing

blurrighter: control power

blurrighter: no chip

blurrighter: hypnotism

blurrighter: it is all related

biker_babe20000: yep

biker_babe20000: thats another reason my relationships have gone south

blurrighter: power hesitates, but ultimately it must act

blurrighter: we are all idiots

blurrighter: don't forget to breathe

biker_babe20000: we know but dont play by our own knowing

blurrighter: well, we must first control ourselves

blurrighter: and you are there with the no chip thing

biker_babe20000: its a new toy

blurrighter: you are closer than you think

blurrighter: if you can control you then you can control others

biker_babe20000: i dont want to

blurrighter: but we don't want to control them

blurrighter: yes

biker_babe20000: i want them to just live their lives

blurrighter: but at least they cannot control us

blurrighter: it is a middle ground

blurrighter: they no longer have control over us

blurrighter: and so everyone can just be

biker_babe20000: they cant control me

blurrighter: life then is the way it should be

biker_babe20000: and then you find them doing what i want just to be with me and then they are not happy

biker_babe20000: its kinda sick

blurrighter: if true power desires nothing, and no control, and the fake controllers stop doing their stupid games, then we have impacted reality to be as it should, best case scenario

biker_babe20000: so they give up their power

biker_babe20000: yep

blurrighter: yes life is not bout power

biker_babe20000: but they cant live without the leader

blurrighter: we just must be

blurrighter: that is why I don't want to be more

blurrighter: and want to be less

blurrighter: and just be

blurrighter: I write

blurrighter: that is all

blurrighter: I inspire with the universal in me

blurrighter: and they got their own lives to figure out

blurrighter: I didn't tell yuo what to think

biker_babe20000: i dream of this little house that has no power no running water no anything

blurrighter: for you to chage you must realise things

blurrighter: this is your conversation

biker_babe20000: do you like you?

blurrighter: I like the universal in me

blurrighter: I hate my beautiful soul

blurrighter: to be aprapos is passe

blurrighter: to be spntaneous is predictable

blurrighter: to be funny is obvious

blurrighter: to be intelligent is expected

blurrighter: to be charming makes me want to puke

biker_babe20000: lol

blurrighter: I am tired of being me

biker_babe20000: i like charming

blurrighter: I want something outside of myself

biker_babe20000: you can have anything you want

blurrighter: I have been me for 39 years

blurrighter: and now I have been given a new body and I am still fucken me

biker_babe20000: do you know how many people would love to be you

blurrighter: I guess even with the ones who have alot of soul, they still only got one soul, one way of looking on the world

blurrighter: and we better like it even with it's flaws and how beautiful it is, we cannot change personalities

biker_babe20000: i would be in horror if i knew what i knew but knew i didnt know

biker_babe20000: does that make sense

blurrighter: If people had been me they would have killed themselves 10 years ago

blurrighter: it is not easy

blurrighter: no it didn't make sense

blurrighter: rephrase

biker_babe20000: yes it did read it again

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: I read it wtice

blurrighter: twice

biker_babe20000: you have to do it in 3s

blurrighter: nope

blurrighter: make it clear

blurrighter: do you want to talk on the phone?

biker_babe20000: the thought was to be the higher soul but having a body here on earth that couldnt open up to the knowing of god

biker_babe20000: to be one of the sheep

blurrighter: I don't know you are confusing me with words

blurrighter: we should talk on the phone

blurrighter: I have free

biker_babe20000: i have never gone there

blurrighter: you are going places in your mind that is difficult for words to convey

biker_babe20000: i always do that

biker_babe20000: i could tell you some shit

blurrighter: give me your number

biker_babe20000: only sometimes does the really strange things come through

biker_babe20000: you will enter me if i do that

blurrighter: look woman, give me your damn phone number and shut the hell up

biker_babe20000: i kinda like that

biker_babe20000: i am shy

blurrighter: I am not

biker_babe20000: i am

blurrighter: shoot

biker_babe20000: one would never know by looking

blurrighter: but anyways you should save this IM and put it in your jpuranl convo wth Vampariah

blurrighter: I am not going to ssave this

blurrighter: this is about you

biker_babe20000: i dont want them to see

blurrighter: the universal i me trying to bring out the universal in you

blurrighter: alright be a woman

blurrighter: how could I expect otherwise

biker_babe20000: its not that

blurrighter: I know all about the femme nature

biker_babe20000: oh god

blurrighter: no

biker_babe20000: you know what you think you know

blurrighter: I love every woman I meet

blurrighter: I know all of you

blurrighter: the universal woman

blurrighter: let us get over your shyness

blurrighter: it is silly

biker_babe20000: it is

biker_babe20000: but it is true

blurrighter: No I know women

blurrighter: I could not be a great straight writer if I did not know women

blurrighter: and their shyness

biker_babe20000: and i dont want to find out that you wish me to be your mother i hate that

blurrighter: and how they like to keep their personal comquests to themself

blurrighter: conquests

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: I don't need amother

blurrighter: another mohter

biker_babe20000: good

blurrighter: I am right next to you in age

biker_babe20000: for i know men also

blurrighter: you are like 43?

blurrighter: 39

biker_babe20000: no

biker_babe20000: 42

blurrighter: oh big deal

biker_babe20000: how did you know that

blurrighter: what are some of your other digits?

blurrighter: phone numbers?

biker_babe20000: lol

biker_babe20000: we will

biker_babe20000: it takes me time to trust

blurrighter: alright then have a good day

biker_babe20000: thanks

biker_babe20000: and dont get pissy

blurrighter: I have to respect the sheep in you until the sheep is gone

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: I am balanced

biker_babe20000: sheep

blurrighter: it is your loss

blurrighter: I would have enjoyed it immesely

blurrighter: emmensely

biker_babe20000: i havent lost anything yet

blurrighter: immensely

biker_babe20000: plus i always know

blurrighter: well, tomorrow is tommorrow

blurrighter: but today is today

blurrighter: sweet black cherries rot

blurrighter: and powe ris not power unless it is weilded

biker_babe20000: it already has been

blurrighter: you torture youself if you think that makes you better person

biker_babe20000: dont even

blurrighter: obviously the no chip isn't working

biker_babe20000: play with my head

blurrighter: I am in your head

biker_babe20000: i know

blurrighter: I might as well have some fun

biker_babe20000: remember if you go there you will leave some of yourself behind

blurrighter: I am a man I am not scared

biker_babe20000: you cant be in my head without opening up yours to mine

blurrighter: all you got was the universal in me, and a little bit extra

blurrighter: you don't know who I was

biker_babe20000: i knew who you were when i seen your writting

blurrighter: uh huh that is true I do lay it all on the table

biker_babe20000: i knew the words behind the words

biker_babe20000: and they hate you for it

blurrighter: So you didn't know the forum existed until you contacted me?

biker_babe20000: nope

blurrighter: yeah

blurrighter: busted your cherry huh?

biker_babe20000: yep

blurrighter: ooooh

blurrighter: ooooooooooo

biker_babe20000: i find so few to enjoy

blurrighter: well instead of savoring the possibility of a phone call, you should just sink your teeth in my phone line

blurrighter: the best thing about me is my voice I will have you know

biker_babe20000: becareful what you wish for

biker_babe20000: i know if i open that line i will change again

blurrighter: look

blurrighter: listen

blurrighter: under the wool on your eyes is wolf fur

biker_babe20000: i know

biker_babe20000: i seen

blurrighter: you know the hobgoblins could come and decapitate me and then you'll enver have had the chance to atlk to Vampariah? Can you live with that?

biker_babe20000: they will not

blurrighter: they might

biker_babe20000: i have your back

blurrighter: I am not all the way back

blurrighter: I could go insane

biker_babe20000: they cant touch you

blurrighter: I could make a mistake

biker_babe20000: so could i

biker_babe20000: you wont

blurrighter: I am drifting between two worlds

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: you are stable

biker_babe20000: yes pretty much

blurrighter: I am not speaking metaphorically

blurrighter: I am talking actual

biker_babe20000: i know

biker_babe20000: i have seen it but i didnt play in it

biker_babe20000: they cant touch you anymore

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: I have to fuck myself over again

blurrighter: it is stuck in my heart

biker_babe20000: sometimes it stays for years

blurrighter: no

blurrighter: it is close but no cigar for a little while

blurrighter: all cliches are off

blurrighter: it is not a year thing

blurrighter: this is almost over

biker_babe20000: then you are stronger then most

blurrighter: yes I know, I don't think it is survivable

blurrighter: I am very fortunate to have played as much sports as I did this past summer to have my blood pressure down to 70/90

blurrighter: why did I play when I knew I was dying?

biker_babe20000: because you could

blurrighter: why did I finish a book when I knew I would not get paid for it

blurrighter: and then playing sports and having life a meaning is the things that ultimately kept me here

blurrighter: there were some of the forumlas

blurrighter: I have to lie down it is coming on

blurrighter: bye

blurrighter: sorry

biker_babe20000: not getting paid for that book let you off the hook of ever dealing with that person again

biker_babe20000: bye


COMMENTS

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Censor ship

17:14 Dec 19 2006
Times Read: 708




I think the forum rules for posting and starting threads take into account humanoid nature, but they do not reflect the need to change that nature.



I only looked at the forum posting rules once, and ffrom what I remember they do need to be revamped. For one I within the past couple of days really wanted out again, to leave, not because my color Goth thread was completely shut down without even a mention that it was completely erased, or that ity wasn't RIA'd or, well it just disappeared immediately. That doesn't bother me at all, I did mention the color of a particular endocrine fluid that get pumped around the body, and that was one of the rules to not to mention that. So, I was not angered.



What really infuriated me was twice my posting on the special abilities topic by CLIX was erased. Vampires have a tremendous fighting ability and I wanted to teach the secrets of how I have defended myself over the years, and in posting how to defend yourself, and demystifying it, I know some people must have thought, like who the hell does he think he is?



Yes taking in to account human nature that we fear other people's ability, is one thing, but protecting people's momentary security by erasing a post where it teaches you how not to be pummelled, if it is erased you get pummelled in the long run.



The whole lesson from the dude with the cross was no one could accept their savior, and this was their sin he had to die for, and this cross bearer, looked back at the world and said, hmmm, so that is human nature, that people cannot accept that someone cares more than them, and when bad is encouraged and good to be punished, this dude with the cross put down his cross and said human nature cannot change.



I think human nature can change, and the forum rules of posting should reflect the possibility to allow for humanoid nature change. Should we erase posts that bring other people power, but can't afford to take the power because in the exchange of power they feel less?



Should the thought police step in and erase truths of special abilities as in the case here? Or should humanoids face their fear and recognize that somewhere someoine out there knows more than them about something. We must face our fear to change ourselves, to change our nature, and protecting people from antiquated human nature flaws does more harm in the end.



I teach merely to learn, I like to be proven wrong, I know I am screwed up by it, but I have always desired to be told by the oppostie sex how truly wrong I am. I know that when I am proven wrong I step into a new world, and I have changed. If we are right, then we do not change.



Life is not about being right, life is about learning what is right, and the whole process of changing your nature is dependant upon admitting that we are not these strong beings that we think we are.



I want to grow tell me just how wrong I am.

COMMENTS

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Racism fake or real?

08:34 Dec 15 2006
Times Read: 717


I wrote this is probably went around the internet and you already seen it, it might be the best thing that I ever wrote. There are two part to the story, on is against the black man and the other is for the black man...





Where the white women at?

hey I am not racist or anything, in fact the following letter I wrote I can pretty much reverse the arguement on what I wrote because black people are superior in many different ways, but here is a good ice breaker just to make you laugh. Black people in africa have never accomplished much because they have it all and it is the discontents that change the world as everyone knows cheap dates are sometimes the best and the best things in life are free so like impoverishedment leads to people learning how to enjoy life with nothing.



but here goes don't be too harsh I am just angry for putting down like 30 dollars and then being romanced by like 30+ black guys. I am just calling them out, and then I will give them a rebuttal which will blow the first thesis out of the water. I will teach them that being black is a great thing and there is nothing wrong with their country, sometimes in life when comdey is based first on tragedy, it is the impoversihed countries that have it all.



I joined a date site and it is all black men posing as white women to get money out of USA men, so I wrote the "girl" this....





Uh huh Nigeria, my dad went there for a photo story, he collected some of the african figurines and then smuggled them out right out from under the guards noses. He even took an African witch doctor masque. I know it is wrong to steal culture from a people that have to claim responsibility for building the pyramids because there was no permanent structure in Africa up until the 20th century built by negroid peoples. They claim to be Kings and Queens of Egypt when today if you go walk the streets of Cairo or any city along the nile there are no black people, and anyways it was the Bible and the Babylonian captivity where the jews had to flee Egypt from the Pyramids they built as slaves, the exodus through the red sea and all, MOses didn't even have to part the Red Sea if you go swimming in it half your body is in it and half your body is out of it the water is so dense with salt. But I mean what are black people in general complaining about still? Slavery? Come on that lasted like 150 years, 98% of the white people in Europe and Russia were slaves for close to 2,000 years until Napoleon fought for their freedom and everyone thinks Napoleon was a Hitler! I have my theories on why black people do not accomplish much, they are some good theories, it goes back to Shaka Zulu changing things making Africa warlike. And for the people to allow themselves to be enslaved is pure stupidity, then to be brainwashed by whites that they are inferior, to treat them like animals, and feed them slop until today in America black people have terrible genetics, and busted kidneys and bad hearts, bad everything inside, but especially the rape of the brain, that is the worst part, but at least with white people keeping blacks down they do have a great desire to achieve something these days, that is why they are busy killing each other in drivebys when one of the black race makes a name for themself, it is almost impossible for anyone to step up the ladder of success, but for a black person to do it it is nearly impossible and when they do it they have to be shot down by their own people.

The KKK would say it is divine intervention of providence.... for black people to be brainwashed to committ genocide?



I have been to Africa, why the hell aren't there bathrooms, what is this biz about shitting on the street? And please no I don't want Hashish... And the mosquitoes killing yah? You figure they would have fixed that problem already, I mean god tried to help them with the mutation of sickle cell anemia, but they pray to someone else's god and do not hear god tell them to do something about it, so Bill Gates gotta come to the rescue with his malaria plan because black people haven't done a damn thing about it, it is idiotic to allow a situation like that to persist, and then to create a country for black people called LIberia and then for it to be driven into the ground by corruption? Black man taking advantage on black people, it is Aparthied with a different name namely LIBERIA. They wanted to prove to the world they could do it better. Do what better? Be inhumane in government to their own people? The protective zoological zones with black people destroying the only good thing about their continent? Killing the animals to make a buck? Why do black people act so stupid when they are just the same as us? Why the hell are they so desperate in life? Why is it so bad in Africa?



Then for the AIDS situation to be as out of control as it is, it is plain stupidity, for the young people to see their grandma die from AIDS, their mother their father, their older sisters and then they go and have sex without protection? What the fuck is wrong with Africans? Why do they act like animals when they could be just the same as any other people's on the earth, and then they don't even have a religion of their own, they believe in Jesus and have stained glass images of him in churches as a black man? Or they even believe in the Arabic Muslim shit, with those fucked up terrorist Mosque towering minerets blabbering Muslim music annoying on every fucken neighborhood corner? Get me the fuck out of Africa I thought to myself. Jesus or Mohammed have nothing to do with black people, I bet they even sold their carpets they kneel on for prayer 5 times a day and don't even know which way Mecca is? Well Mecca isn't even in Africa! Then half the countries there speak french of have like some other foreign tongue as their official language, they are a people without a culture, without an Identity, without architecture, without their own religion, selling Lions and eating Chimpanzees and pulling the feathers off rare birds to cook, pretty soon all of Africa will be desert, all the trees will be hacked down, and the skies will have no birds in it, like North Korea, with not even rats crawling on the ground, to live hand to mouth hunter gatherer like it isn't even the 21st century is passe. Pass the salt I need more flavor for my rat. That is why they don't have the plague in Africa they've eaten all the rats.



What the hell are you doing in Africa, I hope you don't like black men, white women as pure as they are to be defiled by black men, in a land where AIDS came from, having sex with animals? I hope you come back to Brooklyn soon so I can save you from a fucked up land where beastiality has got them so screwed up they go against god and have children of mixed race just so they can feel better about themselves.



I am in NYC. Come back to Jamaica! Queens





of course you all know I am not religious and mixed race kids are very genetically healthy



I just wanted to end the letter strongly, a comment most religious people seem to concur on



Where did I get all this info?



The lack of permanent structures on Africa was from a writer on a cruise ship



my own travels in africa



but black skin is supeior in baby formation, but the bad organs I heard from a black dude



I talk to black men all the time, unlike most non black people, I talk to all people because I am not racist, black men treat me better than white people, to tell you the truth. THey know I am cool just for treating them like an equal.



&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&







alright here goes, I am leaving the site because of prevalent fraud



any short coming of the black man is based on the duality of human nature.



That strengths are strengths to cover up weaknesses. And unfortunately the

polarization of the black man has been decided by the ones who fear their

strength. The white flight in neighborhoods aren't against the law, and the

segregation that was fixed has not been solved even though they bus dark

skinned peoples into other neighborhood schools to even out the white

flight. So even thugh there has been opportunities given to equalize

conditions that condition them to think they are outcasts merely because of

the color of their skin, it runs deeper than that. That stamping of the

brainwashing that they are good for nothing determines their actions.

Limited from opportunity, when the fish they are given only makes them

unable to fish, giving them free golden medicaid and medicare, they would

rather rot on a couch and not work because, should they get sick and lose

their jobs, if they did give up their medicare, the half jobs they get

through a loophole in the system offers them no healthcare at all, no

benefits. The parents have to work three jobs, and the children stay home to

babysit the babies as a result, losing out on the school experience,

education. And if they choose not to work and be good parents and have the

food stamps, 400 dollars a month, and live in the section 8 housing,

supplied by the goivernment, free, there is always fresh drug money to pump

new bullets on the battlefields of drug territory they are forced to live

on. The extra special children they brought up and love well they if they

gain any talents at all, they get drive byes.



Grafitti exists to cover up blood, make bullet holes into art, and to give

voice to peoples who look at words long enough to see them distorted, and so

all they have to offer is funky grafittied spelled words in life, it is not

that they don't have an education that they can't spell right, they get the

aspect of the game wihtin the game, and so they learn how to rap and create

new lingo, and like the bluesmen of the 30-80's, all kinds of women flock to

their art, even white girls, for there is such feeling in the bluesman, who

taking a page from a horrible life, sing about it in a beautiful way.



But black people have taken a departure from finding beauty in ugly things

in an ugly world, there is not even enough soul in even the bottomless

hearts of the black people, and so they become icons because they like I can

"con" and become part of the game. Of course joining the con in life on

others is very conspiratorial, but it is the most lucrative thing one can

do. To hold the gun instead of being the target. People admire icons, even

if they were cons, ex cons part of the conspiracy of life to kill or be

killed, because there is safety in bullet proofed Humvies the US ARMY

doesn't even have. There is nothing but a festering evil in blackland today,

and it is all some higher plan by the US government to keep a most proud and

god loving people down. One love they say, because well, only god loves

them, and they only love god, because hell has got us all mired up to the

knees in racism, where silence is palpable when melting pots freeze.



Then there are the people who make it out of the hood and try and strive for

success, and in order to seem successful to attract a mate and in building

the perfect nest, they step away from their culture. The culture was lost

when the slave owners forced them to pray to their gods, given Anglican last

names when Lincoln recognized their plight and was shot... so how can a

people wihtout a culture know the difference from real culture and a culture

forced upon them by people in power who had the whole process figured out

long ago. They knew how to eradicate a people, but killing people isn't fun

enough, suffering must be prolonged, torture is not even for the tortured,

it is for the hangman who is always late.



So the Africans with alien last names,grab onto myth of Africa, divied up by

every nation that wanted to colonize some poart of the globe, and who the

hell knows? Maybe they did build the pyramids? The bible has been wrong

before, just because there are no arabs in Egypt now it doesn't mean they

weren't there 5,000 years ago, and anyways back then, there weren't very

many white people, because white people are mutant black people, we all come

from Eve and she was a black woman for if there is a god, god has dark skin.

Believe me I know the deal I am a vampire white person I have undergone the

transformation of losing my olive Mediterraened skin tro understand the game

on the black people is to get them to think they are inferior by holding

poower over their heads and then pretending to be benevolent to give crumbs

and line but not enough to ever get out of the forest and find their way

home, or enough line to get out of the Laberynth should they save the MAiden

from the Bull.



Life will be more of the same as the white people hit delete. This one won't

be passed around the internet like the first that was a pretend slam on

negroid people's, this will be covered up and phone company trucks will be

outside watching me as I am put on a list for knwoing too much to live. The

phone company guys will never really be working over there, besides setting

up wire taps, they don't want one white sonnovabitch to mess up something

that has been in the works since 1776.



COMMENTS

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original profile beginning

01:55 Dec 12 2006
Times Read: 722




well, yes, about the pover thinking aspect, this much I can answer.



I let go.



I picked up the guitar again to not obsess



I removed blocks that were stoppng me from being the ultimate me.



The guitar I knew was meditative and so I stopped playing it because I never got anything accomplished,



now, I have saved my family, and because I tried not to save myself, and I did what I had to do, I may have received the ultimate reward. I don't know it could be just Travoltas Phenomena movie. Hair should have been falling out more and it stopped. This is an important sign. It might mean that I am back.



However, I had a formication experience of ants c rawling up my legs, and instead of having fear with it I let it crawl into my being, and, as that happened, I hypnotised myself, and reprogrammed my mantra, my purpose.



It took the coming together of all the schools of thought and to free myself from the bondage of my limitations, to be reborn to be resurrected, but I have to respect myself, one thing I have learned in life is



there is always a catch.



On the brink of death, I had mastered the chakra, I learned when I held fear to turn it into courage, when I was strong to be emotionally open, the psychology professor said...



with you it is either black or white, try grey.



balance is not oh I am freezing let me set myself on fire...



balance is you feel nothing



now I still have the emotionAL CAPACITY, but I am not going to worry about things until the fear has manifested itself into reality. There will be no self fulfilling prophecy here. I am gonna take it day by day, one day at a time, and make the right decisions in the now point, to adapt to a new situation that either could be a ticket back to life, because I was not meant to be in hell, and the powers that be either knew that, or it was a lesson that I had to learn in life.



When I start to feel new feelings for a woman, or when I eat when I am hungry and not because it is time to eat, then I will run with the moment and trust my intuition. But in this process of taking control the key might be letting go, because if you try to master a situation then the moment is using you for some power trip than just being.



I have done, I thought I was done, I will do something in the future splendid, but now I will simply just be, and find out who this new man is in me.





*************************************



women must go through some pain to seek constant revenge upon men. This

woman in Rhode Island I am staying with is a very well thought out

witch. Never stay with a Psychology Professor, I guess. All the time on her

hands from being passed by, all the pain she must bear besides child

birth, the rib that god took from Adam, left adam a hole in his lung too.

Men are equally susceptible to their loneliness, but at least a woman

can go home with any man, and she can ignore true love as much as she

wants. The man, some of them score, the ones who do not seek true love,

at least. The women bring it on their self, the man has no option, he is

chosen, his fate decided by destiny, guided by a woman in a blue dress.



This is the first time I have lived with a woman. Every moment has been

magical from my end, but her pain on her face from my sins of the time

travel father is the reason for her revenge. She knows I like pain as

her forefathers, but the pain goes onto her and she does not like living

in pain having no memory of perfection. She was someone I thought I

could trust, but she knows exactly what I am up to, she knows every

misstep, and she knows everything but wants me to die in her bed. How many

men have come before? How many men does she have in the back yard? How

many times on the earth on this day the same thing has occurred, how

many times in all the aeons since original sin?



Take my apple make it grey, make me gray also. make me a man by

understanding this. Thank you woman for showing me what you are about. There

is no true love, now I see life is a game of war between the sexes, all

the women who have sat in my car with misty eyes, I thought I was doing

them a favor by being with them to show them the beauty, yet they are

destroyed by staring into my son.



They will all have their revenge on the special men, if he does not

give me his baby then no woman will have him, let the sun burn him down,

naked in shoes of the Indian, there is no love from mother, no love from

father, evil brother say no more, I will top from below and give up

power and leave this earth with total understanding. Yet, no one wants to

hear it. No one wants to know. Revenge is one of the 5 plots, perhaps

the last chapter. How to make this world real? To write the final battle

over my soul, for blurred eyes to acute, and where is my self

destruction tomorrow and when does the path end? Long before I die. I have done

nothing wrong, I knew not to have a baby, and I would never have, so

why does she want to kill me for her pain. I never had the desire once I

was ruined to bring egg drop soup seed into the world, I knew the

difference between perfection and the world that lies around.



"THEY" want me to stay, they still want my seed, the holy graile the

male brain in a queer world, but I love women so much I would give up my

manhood to them and so the holy graile is lost again, just another

loser knight in Connecticut King Arthur's Court. I will sit on the round

table and ask her to wisk her dress to the side to con verse, but I will

ask her, hmmm so you have been at this a while, no sweet wine from sour

grape mash you could have made. She squints, her contacts reflect back

but do not see, kept in too long, mists of Alvalon. Where is my boat to

take me Frodo away, why has Bilbo lived on? His hair has turned Gandalf

grey, and soon to be white, take the young take the vital take my sun

away.



COMMENTS

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SUSPENDED REANIME SHUN

11:29 Dec 09 2006
Times Read: 729


actually I am an id jot savant





When I stop and look around me there is nothing that I need, and when it boils down to it, there is a great conspiracy to keep me here, I have had alot of help even from people that I thought were my enemies to come back from the dead. The last lesson I think I am learning is that I always feared my children, and I knew right away even when my soulmate asked me for a child, I did not ever even consider it for one second. I knew what perfection was, I knew my DNA had been tampered with, and i have been alone these 6 years because I told her to have a baby with the other guy in the room when she asked me.



However, since that time, and only wihtin the past week I have realized that all this rewiring of the body that has happened, and that the last time around, I really tried to lose all my hair because I didn't want to give me brain to my kids, and the damn hair wouldn't go, it is like there is something inside of me that was good really good, that had to be destroyed, to be rebuilt taller on stilts, to be designed as if there was a designer, not for me or my sake or my peace of mind, but to have a kid in a form that is acceptible and also to add to the gene pool something that is not allowed in the form of a man, but in the form of a woman.



Beauty in a man gets ignored, beauty in a woman is accepted. But, the vampire game of stealing minds has come to a head where now God can do no more creating, from the clay of the earth that is left, God uses the the decrepit mud and perfects it as god sees fit , for uses that go beyond my understanding. I have so much activity of rewiring on the left side of my face, and I don't have the heart to even look in the anatomy book to see if the left side of the face or the left eye is controlled from the right brain, I mean the ear is right there, and that has got to be connected to the left brain.



As much as I know, I almost don't even want to know which brain hemisphere is being saved for her. BUt the eternal damnation of it is , if it is the male brain that is going into my daughter, eventually that is going to go into a man, which is the purpose of all of this, soince the Higlander game is in full swing unchecked, by even the truths on a Vampire website. I am currently suspended for mentioning the word Jew.



I read Mein Kemf, I have been to Synagog many tiimes, apart from the Irish the Jews have been my best friends, and the only ones whom buy photographs from my father are Jewish, they come in here and eat up our culture, and the Jewish women are smart too, they are the only ones whom ever accepted my power as a man, and saw value in my strangeness.



In my war book, which is going to be published by the Germans, I tell them right to Taschen's face that the Jews outfoxed the Master Race, and this was why they were put to death. I called Hitler an agitated librarian. The Jews were so smart since the begining of time, they stood in the Middle east and governed the Silk road, they traded goods between worlds that each side of the world knew not about the other, It took Marco Polo to rediscover the Orient after al that Amexander the Great had done had been forgotten. All the while the Europeans must have thought the Jews made silk, and the Chinese thought that the Europeans did not even exist. There were two worlds two sides of the planet that existed unaware of each other, and I always used to think that the Jews did that because they wanted a monopoly, but now I see that the Jews are not only a middle man in Germany prewar, with all the real estate and buisnesses, they are middle men not only on the silk road in the middle east, but they are a middle man between this world and the next and they have always been.



They save sinners, and make them useful with gods purpose, because we all have a piece of the puzzle, and the reason why the world is so screwed up today is because of all the great minds of the Jews that were sent to the concentration camps. We could have used the great brain of the Jew in this day and time, now we have to spend like 10 Billion dollars on some new program to fight autism.



people see the word JEW and they see a swaztika. They are opposites. I mention the word JEW and it is a dirty word. I don't know why, they are merely trying to save the human race. I personally don't think I was meant to have children, I don't like being here and suffering all the time, I want to die, and I don't want to create life, and I don't want nothing, and God keeps the poeple here who don't want to stay, when the world kills the dead even, when I have killed myself to be accepted and to lose powers, when I have done the ultimate supplication to sacrifice everything to fit in, and still I am a paraiah, the only one who shows me love is the JEW god, and is trying it's damndest to put the best of me back to gether again through the Hollywood brain salad surgery game. which they own and should really trademark.



I should travel the world and visit all the sperm clinics at this point. I don't even think she will have freckles, the way god is recreating me.


COMMENTS

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letter to the YMCA

06:09 Dec 08 2006
Times Read: 733


Dear Thomas:          (please read this when you have proper time)



                     In 2004 I applied to make my services available to Mr Delph at the Jamaica YMCA to supervise the weight room. I am a former gym teacher who has had the best schooling, graduated from Cortland in PE. I was ran out from the system in NYC because I was real, and I was meant for better things.



Recently I have made a comeback, and I joined Charles Caldera's team the Rough Riders because he is my best friend, but he is very unscrupulous and I think he only befriends me because I have been slowly dying over the past ten years, and he likes keeping me around so that he feels better about himself, truth set aside, now tonight, I make a full comeback. And when the playoffs start, because he cancelled the game tonight I won't be on the playoff roster. We had enough men. I got into a fight with him at his house. He said I didn't have a shirt on and why did I disrespct him. But we all had our shirts off, so, I dunno, but anyways, I did nothing wrong and he called me up saying he was going to humiliate me tonight at the game. I went there, and I was one of two guys who showed. He called off everyone else to tell them not to come to the game. He did send an emissary to see what my revenge would be. Lately it has been my philosophy to smite evil for a good man is a fool if by doing nothing evil wins, but I cannot disrespect the YMCA, and I weighed the options. My plan was to smack him in the face, smack him in the face, throw him when he charges, throw him again when he charges, you know judo, but then let him grab me the last time and knee him in the face as he goes for my waist. He is into wrestling, you know. But even if he does deserve it, I am not an animal, and I have too many golden irons in the fire to do time, when I have my duty to society to accomplish.



The reason why my back is up against the wall for the playoff scenario, is because I loaned my jersey to one of the young guys so they would play, and the whole plan was for me to just get healthy for the playoffs, And now he is doing his best to keep me inside and get cabin fever as the winter sets in. I am a great athlete, and I have to get out of this NYC winter corral. I need to play not to win, or not to even take over the team, because I let him clap his hands and scream defense and I have shaddup all season long because it is his team, and I will like Patton follow orders even if he knows better. Ultimately Patton knows where to pick his battles and pull his punches, in the playoffs.



He cancelled the game tonight so I won't get in. Now you are the commisioner, I know that as a former gym teacher, what happens within those four walls are governed by jurisprudence and not by bullies. The whole reason I became a gym teacher was to teach people to be civilized, and even if you decide not to intervene with diplomacy to rectify a terrible injustice, for the team, for the league, and for my personal health, then I will abide by your decision, but I plan to play in other leagues in your YMCA in the future, just not with my petty best friend, who puts me to the lengths of writing these embarrassing letters about the both of us.



I am sorry it came to this. I had to take a month off the team to finish a WWII combat photography book I decided to put the final period on, only to save my mother from living with my evil step father, and to honor the soldiers of the Greatest Generation. I had been working on the book for 12 years, and Ben Patton's grandson Ben 8 years ago said it was the most realistic book on war any war anywhere he has ever read. My father also has the best collection of war photographs from Europe in that war. It will be a big book, and it will educate the world on many continents, for I write pretty well for an ex-gym teacher.



And so I took off for Providence to go into seclusion at a fans house and I plotted the whole playoff picture there, and I got on a NYC bound train to get ready for the playoffs, where the cream rises to the top. I have a new simple motion offense I want to employ, that can be taught to idiots in 2 minutes, and is highly undefensable. Since Charles plans aren't working, I have some ideas.



But that is why it has come to this, I went away for more than 3 weeks, and I am about to be bounced off the playoff roster by a guy that thinks he is more cunning than me. What do you think? Who should be victorious? The game is in your hands, please put the number 13 jersey in my name on the roster for the Rough Riders and let me shine in humility. I pass the ball.



                                                             Sincerely,



                                                             David Vaccaro


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scared with no fear

06:19 Dec 06 2006
Times Read: 743


This is a diary entry, a first for me here, in either life on the Rave.



Tonight was the cyclone in my head, and while my legs were being rewired, I knew it was going to head into my arms. So I waited.



I was told that wednesday and thursday are going to be triple days also, and well they were right about god absolving sins.



There was alot of destruction in those 9 years, well 10 really.



I don't know when exactly this phase of rewiring started, but it has been within the past week or so, and I barely got out of Providence with my life, the cross on the train, the psychic, the running the Gauntlet on St Marks where all writers walk.



The switch to Dun Hills, shoot maybe I should go to Don Hills Club when this is over and see if I can still dance, pass like Magic Johnson for Thursdays night game, or even if the Bull in me is just a temporary thing.



I can't call Pamela, I don't know what the fuck to say, will I even have a Magic Johnson in my pants?



I never doubted myself, and now I have put my trust in the system, and I have no fear. Fear would indicate there was even a granule of me left in the fiber of my being, but there is not. There is just me here doing this pitiful diary entry, admitting I am scared, admitting that I doubt I am the caliber of man to take this journey, and I am wanting out, I don't want to have a kid, but this whole trek is designing my genes for well even a boy at this point, it seems, all the sins are being erased.



I went back 5 years to the Vampire sin



then just yesterday I went back 10 years to the sin that brought on the vampire attitude, and I was happy both times, shoot I was like 29 again, but now I am going back even further, I am being born again.





My face flesh is tight, I am even remembering things that I could never remember before, thjooughts are being shuffled into new pigeon holes when they were in different caves on different mountains of my mind, and....



I am tired. I am awake, but I am tired. Tired of this. This is demanding, and I am blase about it too. I don't know how I can face the world or even what to write about it.



The cyclone was too much, it blew my away.


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