Black or PINK ????19:40 Nov 15 2006
Times Read: 574
On 07:54:33 Nov 14 2006 VAMPARIAH wrote:
if you like gothic writing....
read Baudelaire, Charles
"The Flowers of Evil"
Francois Rabelais (The Mad Monk)
"Gargantua and Pantagruel"
If you forget your facade you will find your mantra
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On 22:08:56 Nov 14 2006 VAMPARIAH wrote:
I think you are so matrixed over
so a little from here
a little from there
such great words everyone of them on your profile
that you have accumulated such a theme of understanding life
I am the panda that doesn't breed
you know the deal
but in knowing the deal you are paralyzed by what you know but didn't feel
I know you hate guys like me, real vampires, and you are part of the conspiracy to kill me,
but still I look up to all that you have been twisted into being by this fuct world
and I realized even though I liked exactly as you portrayed yourself to be
there was someone in you that has not been allowed to blossom
the day you is gone
the life path you are on you have not chosen
newed I go on, I mean but you are perfect anyways, but I know upon perfection can be perfected, and why not ?
you are prolly a young girl, and you have the world of possibilities,
so why be possessed by the collective unconscious demon?
There should also be a part of yourself still naive, innocent trusting, open and not so cocksure.
I admire whatever you blossom into, but I can also point people in directions they do not see
bye
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she wrote back:
don't feel I need to be pointed in any said direction. I have been cheated and lied to. I have trusted and been proven wrong. I have been forced to grow up faster than the average person. I am young. 20 years old. But I am going to continue to be "cocksure". I lost my innocence long ago when I realized that fairy tales don't come true. I portray myself in the manor that I do because that is who I am. I don't know what you're trying to discover through me but your charm isn't working.
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VAMPARIAH responded:
I don't need anything from anyone.
The vampire turns into werewolf, he was a vampire cuz he was a lone wolf, and he don't need shit.
Never. He might be altruistic not because he cares, or does beauty for others for any reason, he does because he got to before he dies, and there is no option.
When IQ is dependent upon solving problems before you face them or with prevention, that is not what makes you smart, it is the high emotional quotient, the EQ, which is head strong to make the mistake to learn from.
The big heart fills the mind, in effect.
So let me tell you what the mind that knows everyone knows.
Now of course you are one level on top of me, but because it is not acquired knowledge and it has been given to you, you do not see how all you know prevents you from having a big heart, and being impoverished by having the I.Q. to prevent you from making the emotional mistakes that fill your soul.
You have no soul because you don't feel. You are dead, you are goth, you are black, you have given up because you have closed your heart. And you do not see this. You know too much and it prevents you from feeling more, because life is psychology, there is nothing more than the emotions, and you have built a wall.
Yes the wall is a beautiful permanent construction, and it defines you but it confines you too. It is all that you are and all that you are not.
I am 40 next June, I will be twice as old as you, and I have built walls made of Angel Dust, and everything else, to uproot emotion from my brain, but what we feel without our 5 senses is all there is, and you are too jaded to boil with fervor of hate, of true love, of betrayall, of trust, of allowing yourself to find your equal. I am sure you are with someone and if not tomorrow you will be, for love is the right of the young, you have a free ticket to ride, youth power is love power unless you have a dinosaur for a brain, which you do.
You are fossilized, but be like the mosquito trapped in the amber of the tree resin from 260 million years ago, allow the blood of the dinosaur flesh to reinvigorate you.
And now the sentence you have been waiting for.
The wisest of all the philosophers feel all to well, idealism is deepest knowledge.
You do not have idealism. You are ideal you are very fucken real, but that is only because in order to master this stupid human reality where the meaning in life is to be mean, you have become tranquilized and shut down from hope.
The greatest philosophy is idealism.
At 20 you have no right to be jaded enough to seal yourself off from new experiences.
PINK is the new PINK.
don't be dead when the power of life in you is at it's strongest. Let dual natures hit you in your 30's when they are meant to happen.
The 20's are for self discovery and filling your body and mind with experiences.
You could get a helicopter dropt on ya head tomorrow, or some of that blue ice from planes bathrooms could be ejected and kill you, so you might as well love now.
What is the worst that can happen?
You fall in love and live because you trusted?
No risk no reward baby, so do as the NIKE god of victory says, just do it.
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(She wrote something and then I wrote back, still in bondage to her ideals chosen by fate to decide her destiny for her)
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Yes, you have constructed the perfect wall. I love it. But the more you are emotionally hurt, the more you allow yourself to feel pleasure. Pat Benetar was right, love is a battlefield.
You have to allow yourself the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
in order to feel the good stuff.
I love your perfect wall
hope should reign behind it
there must be something the wall protects
yes you are an emotional Neanderthal
I am just trying to get you to evolve
you fear what you want
your apathy is justified, because just i lied and you have been double crossed on the F
just i lied just i fied
same word
maybe you have some secrets that you hold that prevent you from sharing what is behind the wall with someone you let inside
I do not want to know
but do not let secrets eat you up
that is what friends are for
and confession is the best way to be free from the demons of our existence.
The way you feel is justified
the way you don't feel is not
of course you get out there and party
you are young, you are the smartest person I have ever written to
so smart you do not allow yourself to live
because in living you die
but what does not kill you...
but you fear you do not have the strength
I gotta get back to my book
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Your words speak of some wisdom. My wall does hold a precious few secrets. But those are nobodies business. I keep my hope and my love in a little ball, wrapped up safely away from the tragedy that this world holds. If it causes me to be lonely for the rest of my life then so be it. I've tried love, (many) times. Love doesn't work for me. I end up becoming a "booty call", a toy. And again, this is something that doesn't need to be disclosed.
I'm still trying to understand why you seem to be trying to help me break down my guard.
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Look I said, Soulmate says listen.
We are vampires or werewolves or witches because we all got good brains, and the head hunters turn us into monsters, OK?
The freaken mob rules mentality rules.
We are the one man gangs.
I didn't think it was possible, but you are my equal. I didn't think women like you existed.
You situation is the same as mine was. No real love. No real people. Thus no real life.
So let me tell you how it is to be for you, because I have lived it.
I had a girl in grade school and then nothing real until I was 27. When real love passed me by, because her father struck her, and she feared the good man more than the bad man, because we expect evil from bad, and if good does us wrong then we lose hope in life as you have.
I have not been in real love since I last saw her pregnant with a man I picked for her, because my nerve condition and her herpes did not jive.
So.
You will find real love. Love does not use.
Only users lose friends.
And love is a best friendship proposal. When we stop trying to own people like they are objects, then they are no longer sexual objects as well. That is love, a higher plain. We all learn to live without and we become fake, and our behavior style of compromise lets us stray from the righteous real ideal path. So then even if we are real, we do not know how to love. But first we must love ourself woman.
In order to love ourself we must discard fake friends by being as real with them as is necessary for them to act in our life by truisting them with the truths that if you keep as secrets to yourself it will drive you insane. There are different kinds of insanity some are physical, and some are mental, and the mental eventually takes the body and changes the brain chemistry. So philosophy can prevent the mental from making you physically insane.
What drives people insane is the secrets they do not share. Now I am a professional writer who enjoys humiliation and masochism, so I love to publish the truth of my state, and somehow it brings me power.
You do not like pain, and emotional pain you can't handle the most. You are probably building up your life right now to jockey into position for the love line, but, love has no price tag, you would be worth love right now if you sorted out which friends are real, and which ones aren't friends at all.
There has got to be someone that you trust, and if not then write your secrets in a diary. Or go to a Catholic Confessional and speak to someone, but don't pay for a therapist, they just use you.
I treat myself, take responsibility for me, and I find the world inside and as a result I can cure others from the infestation of the cancer of life into out own magical potential lives.
You don't need a Phd to be in love, you don't need a Ferrari. You have to excommunicate the fakes and if you go through your life and you can count the number of good friends outside of your family on one hand, then you are lucky if ya gotta thumb.
I don't want to know you secrets, mine was a sexual obsession, and the animal side nearly stole my god head, but I escaped. I am here to tell you all this as a result, and you better fucken listen amazing woman and live now.
Real friends take you to the real you. They take you to real life, and then to real love. Be real in this fake world and someone will find you. Vampariah found in you someone Presidential.
Now there are 4 other girls I have to straighten out now, and thank you for lowering your defenses enough on your perfect wall, because I understand women better through you to help them.
Thank you for being real to me. Now get used to that modus operandi and just freaken give life a try the way it was meant to be lived, before what ever happened that detoured you from the ideal you.
OK?
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she wrote that she wanted tats, piercings, somehow to be marked bitten by love
but she was afraid of love and only desired the tats and not the complexities of love, fearing to lose her balance in someone else, and losingf her locus of control, but this is how love is and what love does.
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you don't know what tattoos to get
you want to be marked
you want love at first bite
you have the capacity
but you fear your desire
I see you have taken into consideration all that I have said.
I am the man in the train in this forum post I posted.
I read your letters
watched Marlon Brando's monologue in apocalypse now
got up and then made the exorcism post
since you were the one that inspired it
here it is for you. Yu are too young to understand that you have to act, you cannot fear your desire for love, love is all there is, there is something cherishable in you you do not want to be destroyed by love, love is the tattoo that cannot be removed
you want the tat of good love but not bad love so your skin is bare, there is the tat of you, the dragon keeping you in bondage to yourself, but you must slay the dragon and face love
love is all there is
life is to be lived in love, even if it is bad love, good love is bad love and bad love good... you must live you must love...
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in your twenties you will take the ride of the night, you will fall in love with the courtesan, the reason she cannot love you is why you will not be who you were meant to
her pink to black will affect you
in your 30's you will realize that your friends who were possessed were just weak creatures that could not hide nor deal with that kind of possession. It comes out later in life that you too were possessed, the ride of the 20's, the sublimation of their demon will congeal and you will have to deal with it and receive an exorcism.
It is a beautiful thing
if you make it to your 40's then you will survive this life. It is merely a game of numbers.
a certain number of blackballs have to be given out. Life is a right of passage, where the young hop on the train in the middle of town in the night out from clubbing in the rain.
There is a person going from terminal to terminal, and you are local one stop two stops three.
He is going from the beginning to the end of the line. One stop heaven, heaven is hell and hell is heaven they are one and the same. That guys was crazy the 20 something says. And gets off the train.
The 30 something right behind says nil.
Next stop last stop the living get off
the next stop is death.
I am alone on this car, the guy come to check the one way ticket one last time.
The ticket has already been punched.
"You know now you know you had demons all along don't you?"
Yup I say
by the time I realized I had them, I was already someone else. That exorcism movie was scary, I thought exorcisms were evil. I never looked into it. It was by accident I figured out the process of doing one.
and how do you perform an exorcism? The conductor smiles his perfect white smile.
understanding with your heart the demon why he made you like him like evil too.
With knowing why they put you on the path they did, then you can forgive them,
without Love
no understanding
without Love
no forgiveness
without LOve in your heart
EVIL LIVE in U
once you understand the demon, you see through them, you feel sorry for evil, so simplistic in nature
evil no longer has power
over you
took you too long to figure that out eh? stranger?
YES, it took my life to figure out how to heal myself but by the end it was too late, I had learned to live life compensating, coping, faking life, going through the motions, sitting on couches without cable, with cable and without, and now there is no time. I was never allowed to be, never allowed to be me
The door opens
is it heaven or is it hell?
"LAST STOP DEATH"
people boarding to birth come right in...
bye stranger any regrets
why was it fun to be so evil? If it has not been so addictive to destroy myself I might have been me, I might have chosen fatherhood instead of death, I don't know why when I was at the crossroads I chose the other way.
I became an exorcist in bondage, I was a hypocrite healing others and not healing myself, my hands were tied.
the door closes
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