They All Fall Down
13:02 Jan 31 2022
Times Read: 378
Brian Houston, Senior Pastor and founder of Australian mega, megachurch, Hillsong, stepped down yesterday (until at least the end of 2022) amidst a scandal that his father, also a Pastor, sexually abused a 7-year-old-boy sometime in the 1970s and Mr. Houston failed to bring that information to the authorities. He has been charged with concealing historical child sexual abuse and has entered a not-guilty plea.
I will be interested, from both a legal perspective and from the perspective of someone who has been on staff at a megachurch, to see how this plays out. It is a strange criminal charge from a legal perspective; not a bad one, just a strange one. It will also be interesting to watch how Hillsong deals with this situation. It will also be interesting from a personal perspective as I have heard Mr. Houston preach, in person, numerous times as well as meeting him several times.
Why you should always make sure a package is addressed to you!
12:43 Jan 28 2022
Times Read: 414
During the several years that my neighbor has lived in his house, we have gotten to be pretty good friends. Although there is a language barrier, I've gotten to be pretty good friends with his wife. She has been teaching me conversational Spanish to go along with the grammatical Spanish I have been taking, and I have been teaching her conversational English. He recently found out that she was cheating on him and they had a big dramatic fight outside at 1:30 a.m. Of course, I didn't know that he'd found her in bed with someone when he came home from a construction project that had run much later than he'd planned. I remember drowsily waking up and thinking, what in the world is Izzy screaming about at 1:30 a.m. and why is he speaking Spanish; if I am going to be awake, I want to know what is going on! I saw Izzy the next day and learned the torrid details. Needless to say, a separation was in the works. His wife moved out to be with her new man and Izzy stayed in the house with their four children, which is the situation as it stands today. It has been several months and I am reasonably sure Izzy has begun to date.
If you know me, you know I suffer from pretty horrible migraines and can have more than 1 per day and more than 3 per week. Yet, on I plunge. I have been in a study for new medicine and it is working pretty well and I am down to about one headache per week. The only problem is that I have noticed that these headaches are more severe. It's almost like they store up to hit me hard when they come. A friend suggested trying essential oils and gave me a laundry list of oils that I "needed" in my repertoire. Damn, those things are expensive, so I have been ordering them slowly.
Yesterday, a few packages came, and just by feeling them, I could tell, or thought I could tell, that they were some of the essential oils I'd ordered. Systematically, I began cutting open the envelopes, unfurling the bubble wrap (stopping to pop a few bubbles), and seeing what was inside. When I got to the third package, I saw that it was an oil and had leaked everywhere. It smelled a lot like rose oil which I love but know I did not order. Since it had leaked everywhere and was all over my hands, I rubbed the oil into my overly dry arms. As I unwrapped the bottle, I could read the words "India God Oil." What the fuck is India God Oil I thought to myself and headed to the computer to see what the heck I'd accidentally ordered. It turns out India God Oil is "male enhancement oil designed to prolong ejaculation," and I'd just rubbed it on my arms! Well, I KNOW I did NOT order that because I do not have a penis. Interestingly, I did not feel any numbing sensation or difference in my arms, except for them being more moisturized.
I went back to the living room where I'd left the "God Oil" and its tattered packaging and looked at the address; shit! It was Izzy's "God Oil." Damn, I thought to myself, what was I going to do? Was I going to stroll next door with the oil, ring the doorbell, ask for Izzy and say, "here is your penis oil. Sorry, I unwrapped it, not looking at the package. Oh, by the way, it's just rose oil and doesn't work... at least on your arms?" No, I had to come up with a better plan. I heard Izzy's incredibly loud van turn onto our street a few minutes later.
Crap, still no viable plan. Izzy decided to stop by and say hello to my mom and me before going home to make matters worse. I gathered up the penis oil and the packaging and asked Izzy to step out front with me. This was going well so far, I thought. As we got outside, Izzy decided I looked serious and asked me what was wrong. I began to explain, "well, I accidentally opened a package addressed to you. I did not look at the label before opening it. I am so sorry." Izzy was not mad; instead, he replied, "I just hope it was something good." At this point, I lost it. His response was just too much and I replied, "it wasn't good for me, but I sure hope it was good for you." Izzy looked at me with an odd expression somewhere between amusement and mortification as it dawned on him what was in the package I'd opened. He began to turn a shade of red that I had not seen in a long time. He also began to laugh, more of a nervous giggle. I said, "well, we might as well get this over with. Here is your penis oil. You will have to let me know if it works because, before I knew what it was, I put it on my arms and think it is just rose oil." Izzy replied, "thanks for the penis oil," as he departed my lawn. I think it will be a few days before I see Izzy again.
Offbeat Mood
12:50 Jan 26 2022
Times Read: 451
Have you ever woken up in that mood? No, not that mood! Get your mind out of the gutter.
This morning I woke up feeling tired because I am working about 10000 zillion hours at work. As I've been up longer, I am tending to find humor in most everything, even the fact that a package that I opened had a part of it broken to smithereens. I love that word, smithereens. Smithereens. Smithereens. Ok, I digressed enough. I decided that I was going to email the customer service email for this product. I think the email is somewhat humorous. Maybe you agree; maybe you don't. Maybe I care; maybe I don't.
Dear Glamcor LLC/RikiLovesRiki,
I bought the Riki Skinny with 5X Magnifying Mirror in White from an Allure link a few weeks ago. It arrived and the magnifying mirror is broken into about 1000 pieces, 2 of which lodged in my foot before I realized that the mirror was broken (the large flat mirror obscures the viewing of the small magnifying mirror in the packaging until the large mirror has been removed). I attached pictures of the magnifying mirror in all of its broken glory. I apologize for the less-than-desirable lighting. I did not, however, attach pictures of my bloody foot so as not to catch the faint of heart off-guard.
As I sit here bleeding with gauze on my foot, I would like to please request that a new magnifying mirror be sent to my residence as quickly as possible. I do not want to have to pack everything up and send it back due to Covid; I do not desire to have to go to the post office. I'd prefer to just dispose of the magnifying mirror properly before there are more bloody foot casualties.
Please let me know if this request is possible. If you need to speak with me, I can be reached at: . My shipping address is:
Thank you in advance for your assistance with this issue.
I have already heard back and they are sending a replacement mirror. The customer service representative did not answer my question regarding getting a chuckle out of my email. Oh well, maybe it made her day a bit brighter. Customer service representatives have a difficult job.
Dumbass
23:37 Jan 21 2022
Times Read: 483
Have you ever done something to yourself, on purpose, that sounded like a good idea and then after you tried it you were like "oh, damn that was stupid?" Yep, I have done that just now.
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