There are times you think you know a person. You talk for hours and hours and laugh and have fun. Then something snaps, but the cause is unknown.
I'm starting to truly believe that I'm not supposed to have a significant other with whom I can be happy. I've been lied to one too many times. Used one too many times. I'm not a fucking toy, god damnit! I may not be what you want, but that doesn't give you the right to toy with me and my emotions.
Current playlist:
Evanescence: Hello
My Immortal
The Last Song I'm Wasting on You
Breathe No More
Everybody's Fool
Lacrymosa
Your Star
Pink: Who Knew
NIN: Something I Can Never Have
Metallica: Nothing Else Matters
I was sleeping between 12:45 last night and 12:27 this afternoon (though I did wake up a few times). During that time I had a series of 3 very strange dreams. In the first one, I was the only constant, and the people around me kept changing, but not in a usual kind of way. The same role was played by three different people. At first, I was going to an amusment park with my aunt. Towards the end of the day and on our way back to our hotel, the dreams mood changed dramaticlly. (Oh, and btw, she and I were just floating along a man made river until we reached our spot) Once we got to the hotel, it wasn't a hotel anymore, but rather a town of angry bible tumpers. My aunt wasn't my aunt anymore, though at this time I can't exactly tell you who she was. Perhaps my mother. I don't really know. There was also a young boy with us, though, again, I'm not sure if he was my cousin, brother, or my own.
Once we were inside the town gates, we weren't allowed to leave. The town was layed out very much like Fatal Frame 2's villiage was layed out (if you haven't played the game, it's the best way I can describe it, so I'm sorry.) They took all our belongings away from us and proceded to try to force the devil out of us by giving us some chores. I don't remember what kind of chores they were. Finally, the woman, boy and I were ready to break out of there. We found and packed our belongings, and once again, the woman changed forms. Still, I do not know who she was supposed to be. The angry bible thumpers tried to stop us. I countered back by use of magick. They were scared of me because of it. I remember being shocked at this point, but not because they were scared, it was because I realized just how much of a powerful witch I can be (or rather, I had become in my dream). At this point, the woman changed into a man who helped me and the child get out. It was someone I trusted, and someone I consider to be both stronger and wiser than I. I think I know who he is.
We made it out and were back at a small apartment. I don't know where we were, or how we'd gotten there. I don't remember much else about this dream.
The next dream I had I find to be rather disturbing. It's not a nightmare, but it's not exactly a pleasent 'lets go play with the ponys' kind of dream, either. This time, I was in a neighborhood with my best friend. She lived a few houses down from me, so I was over there quite often. As I walked to her house, I noticed her boyfriend playing a game on a lawn table in the middle of the sidewalk infront of a house that wasn't his. It baffled me, but not so much that I stopped to see what he was doing. I went into her house and found her, though I can't recall what it was I found her doing, or where in the house she was. She told me she was pregnant, and that she was due any day. Of course, this shocked me because she still looked like she always does, and not in the least bit pregnant. At this point, she goes outside and sits in a baby carriage next to her boyfriend's table and he pushes her to the hospital. The next thing I know, we're all in the delivery room and she, her boyfriend, her mother and I share a group hug. Odd, yes? Yes. Especially since there were twin babies. A boy and a girl. For some reason, she had to stay in the hospital, but the babies were free to go. She gave me the babies, and I took them home. Home was now my grandmother's house in Miami.
I remember being in my old room. It was dimly lit and I was rocking the kids back and forth in a rocking chair. Then, the infants sat up and started talking to me. What was odd was that they were sitting up, but the couldn't really hold their heads up. I remember one slipped off my lap, and I picked him up by the scruff of his neck. Eventually, my best friend came home in a kind of pink see through nighty and my room was instantly turned into a care place for her and the kids.
This dream is rather long, and I'm not really in the mood to replay the rest of it. I'll finish this one up later.
The last dream kind of tied into the second, but it's so weird I don't even know where to begin. I'm used to having strange dreams, but lately they've been getting stranger and stranger.
COMMENTS
Dreams are strange but this is how our subconscious talks to us. Let me see if I can interrupt this correctly. The first dream with you and your aunt in the amusement parks seems like a setup. Possibly your subconscious begging you to have more amusement in your life and maybe a stronger connection to your family. The mood changing suggests to me that you often have trouble categorizing your moods. The confusion could be the lack of understanding between you and your emotions. The village of angry bible thumpers seems like this is how you view society as a whole. The whole scenario where they take away your things suggests that you feel like you have no freedom. The lack of having that freedom and being told to do things makes you feel angry yourself and you try to find aways to escape society. The fact that you have people with you suggests that you don't feel alone in this which is a good thing. Having the power to do so, means you believe in your strengths to deny what society will push on you in any shape or form.
Typically when you have a dream about someone being pregnant it means the start of something new or someone new coming into your life. It can also mean you're pregnant, but that wouldn't happen because the children were born in this dream. The fact that there are two babies with different sexes and you take them home to take care of them. I think it means that you have two separate sides within yourself that you wish to commune with. This can be the famine and masculine aspects of yourself. The fact that there is a sense of helplessness because they are both babies and cannot hold up there heads there is much to be desired about these aspects. You might want to look into what sort of fight that is conjuring up. I think that is all I can pull from it. Let me know if it helps at all.
COMMENTS
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NightlyXForest
18:29 Nov 18 2008
Hey sis, I am so sorry you feel this way, but I promise you that you are not destned to be alone forever. No one ever really is. That is the one thing that sucks about love. You have to sacrifce your heart however many times it takes until you fid the one. Its not fair, but its one of those things we must go through.