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I hate when you say such things.. because secretly I feel the same way. Only, I think I probably have it worse. And sometimes there's just nothing I can say or do to make it right.



You raised me to be better than that and yet, I just can't stand you sharing your thoughts on that subject. Because I love you and you'll be fine, just like I. If not, better.



Meh, this day was bound to be hell. Anyway, I noticed that my tooth is getting worse. Great. A fucking hole that can be seen all the way through. Fucking great. I'll just ignore it some more. My self confidence is shot anyway. I know right? How can mine be so shot?! People love me, I'm a fucking freak and blah blah blah. I don't know. I just kind of feel like that when stupid things are said.



My mind set is too old. I want to fuck up. I want to think young. I just don't. I try at times. But trying can only get you so far. And that's far from doing.

Figuratively speaking. If you have an itch to scratch do you not want to scratch it? I need better goals. Because I can't go on blaming others. I'm at fault.

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Lullaby
12:56 Jul 15 2012

You should scratch an itch... unless it's a tattoo. DON'T SCRATCH A TATTOO!

If you scratch it then it

s entirely your fault :x

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I don`t want to sound too clichè but this one shampoo that I`ve been using is so wonderful. That`s all I gotta say. v_v Not naming it.



Hmm all the beaches seem to be closed. I think we`ll end up going to "Ikea" for her birthday or spend time in Manhattan. I`m hoping Manhattan cause I hate Ikea. xP

1. Head over to the DMV for an ID. (This will take ages)



2. Help them out on buying school supplies for my sister.



3. Get a new screen! >:D



4. Get mommy a cake for her birthday tomorrow. :3



5. Try to spend time off of VR for her birthday and stick 102 candles in the cake. jkjk She`s not that old. xP But she`s been wonderful, I owe her a good time. :3

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Lullaby
18:01 Aug 30 2011

You have fun! :P



I'd really stick 102 candles in the cake, just for gags lol. Or a firecracker...

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We all long for things. As I age I have an older taste in what I want, but nothing is perfect. I guess the only way to find out is to try harder next time. No regrets.



Just dreams.

I made the best eggs this morning. Not saying what I put in them. =P Then some trukey bacon. My god, I think I love it. Soft bacon of course. Followed by home fires and toast for the rest of them. I didn`t eat much because I had eaten before but cooking by itself was enjoyable.



When I woke up, I noticed that the tips of my hair were really curly. o.O Like wtf, I hate that. >: lol Weird bad hair day. O.o

I`m a bit torn. After what he`s said and your morbidness, I can`t help it. Ha, that song on TV jinxed me. I guess, I`ll stick to being honorable, even if it kills me. x_x I`ll not wish to have a life, I`ll watch over. I don`t like the future or his regret. For someone who is older, he`s sure not mature, or maybe too mature. Blah, I`m sorry for everything... and if theres any way to help, beileve me I would. Its going to be rocky, but we can pull it off. Because I`ll be damned if we don`t. lol I love you.

Hmm, what to make for breakfast. Forget the bacon.. (Shock!) xD



Pizza rolls, then after that, chips with, guacamole and some added spices to it.

Yes. I do plan to eat junk this morning. >_> Maybe I`ll have some fruit for lunch. xD

Tornado warning now? o.O

They say that a lot of people don`t have power too. So far, this place has been holding up well against this nonsense.

Then again, we aren`t in full wind of it yet, though its raining really hard and its mega windy. Not a chance in hell of me going outside, lol.



Hope my power lives too or I`ll be bored. If not, eh, I have really cute candle holders that I`ve been meaning to use.

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PAGAN
10:21 Aug 28 2011

Tornado too? Good grief isn't earthquake aftershocks and hurricane not enough to be getting on with?



pretty scarey eh. You be safe o.O

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TheArtistRose
10:45 Aug 28 2011

Lol, but PAGAN, I`m only about 30 something blocks from Gravesend, the water-zombies come after! jkjk

I hear Gravesend is in the B warning zone. o.O Thank god I moved a few years ago. lol And thanks! So far so good. I`m safe and dry. =P Just keeping my journal updated for the recording bit. Would make a good story, water-zombies included. jk xD

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Oceanne
14:40 Aug 28 2011

Water Zombies? Let me at em. Annoying creatures!



Be safe up there...How is everything looking this morning?

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TheArtistRose
18:44 Aug 28 2011

Hahaha, yay, mermaid, that would make an awesome story. =P



And a few hours after that the news downgraded it. o_0 Odd news people. Just said the whole hurricane was just a big tropical storm. The place where I live is out of harm. All the power is working, everything is just fine. :o



Some places didn`t make it out well, accoding to news reports. Lots of flooding and damage, no electric for other places, but I didn`t see any of that. ;P

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Damn I`m tired. Mom fell asleep, which is good because everyone will be up early this morning. Panther`s marching on me too much. lol Guess he didn`t want to wake mom up for attention and wanted another mom. lol

I`m so stealing the remote. >_> Cause she fell asleep with the TV on. She`ll never notice. =P

Oh wow. At the moment transit is free. Like buses and trains. No need for metro cards. They said on the news that this is why we`ve been getting tropical storms and today we`ll get some showers. I`m staying put at home. Once it gets bad enough, there is a good chance that they might close the metro system.



At about 4am Sunday morning, give or take on the time, they`ll be the hurricane. Yes, I am paranoid, because everyone else is. Sometimes, I think it might be good that my fb won`t work. All my fellow NY'ers are talking about it. x_x



Update: The buses and trains WILL close down by 12 today. :|Lol, god this news makes me paranoid.



Well, I`ll stay clear of windows when it happens. Least we have plenty of food, canned and fresh. Thank god some of the trees were cut here.. There still are some trees around the building. Hope none of them break windows. :S I also hope the power doesn`t go. Scary shit man.

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Lullaby
19:50 Aug 27 2011

BE SAFE. >:(

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The cats have been acting so odd in recent days. I hope it has nothing to do with the weather.

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LadyDarkRayne
09:52 Aug 27 2011

Animals often are effected by it.

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Oceanne
12:19 Aug 27 2011

My bet is that it does.animals are affected by changes in Barometric pressure and will almost always act differently and odd when there is a major storm.I always watch my horses because they tell me much about weather simply by the way they act.



Earthquakes especially.

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Okay, lets get some light up in this place!

So, today I went out to stock up on food and I was at the store. Being that there will be the hurricane coming. This little boy is pushing his baby sister in a cart and the girl goes, "Look, a monster, a monster!" The the little brother says, "Thats not a monster, thats a lady."



I laughed. God I love kids. xD I didn`t even look like a monster. o.O I was wearing a skirt with my hair up. xD For those who know me, thats so off from what I always would wear. I wanna buy more skirts. :s I think I like being such a softy now, even if its annoying. lol



Alrighty, now I wanna go sneak off to a computer cafè because I don`t want to deal with computer stuff during this hurricane. I`ll write a note on my FB or something. >_> I know that I have about 40 updates so far. o.o

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PAGAN
21:17 Aug 26 2011

LOL! ladys are quite scarey you know... kids eh.

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Lullaby
11:46 Aug 27 2011

Yeah... uh... the 40 updates would be me. :P

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TheArtistRose
12:51 Aug 27 2011

Not all of them, but you`ve helped so much. xD I owe you one.

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Alright, since I woke up so sore, and I`m a bit cranky, I`ve decided to wait on fixing my computer. I`m too cranky to even reply to messages, so tred with caution. I`m not even replying on this account and the other accounts will eat you alive if I`m pissy. :s

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Lullaby
13:10 Jul 15 2012

Oh, so that's how it is. ;_;

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Don`t mind me. In fact, don`t. Simple as that. I have a rotten feeling about them.

Most of all, I`m sorry for writing so much; too much. Maybe it`s all just me. I can`t help it if I strongly feel bad about what he has to say. Blah, fuck expression. I should stop writing, and bothering with this. Because it`s not really worth recording, or remembering.



At the moment, I should just go for a while. Space. From the net.

I hate when you say you`re sorry because I`m sorry too. I`m sorry for not being good enough, I`m sorry for trying to have fun, I`m sorry for bitching, and I`m sorry that I couldn`t do more. I`ve failed.

I`m only a hell of a lot scared. >_____-



What a wonderful time for me not to have a computer. =/ Different parts of NYC will be going through this HUGE strom during the next few days. Big enough for people in Coney Island and Manhattan beach to have an emergancy so far. I may not exactly be in those areas but I`m hella close.... (only those who`d have my address would know but that`s not many on here. Which is why I wish my FB was working so I could bug people in my area. x_____x) ..heh, shit.



Yes, I am paranoid, and I am scared for something that usually doesn`t happen. I don`t want to have to go through evacuation. >__-

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Kaine
20:02 Aug 25 2011

Don't sweat it rose your far enough away from the coast that you'll just get some wind just stay inside your house and stay away from your windows in case they blow in. We get this crap all the time I usually just sleep through it ,not much else you can do unless you like surfing !

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TheArtistRose
20:12 Aug 25 2011

We aren`t as close as we used to be. It`s the earthquake`s fault. I`ll be sure to avoid windows, but they are talking about evacuation if it does get strong enough to affect my area. =/ There will be the begining of rain storms tonight, and they`ll decide everything by Friday. We`re a zone C.. whatever that is. :s I am sweating it cause it`s not like this. wtf? Hope this shit doesn`t hit my area too bad. =/ I do have pets after all. =/

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PAGAN
23:10 Aug 25 2011

Hey, Hope you'll be safe. Take care! :P

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It figures, that when I can`t message her back, she`d reply. blah. I`ve had it with annoying people. I`d like to stay "dead" for a while.

I can`t be bothered trying to explain what she did was wrong. People just don`t think. =/



heh. Well, this Friday I might get the screen. Might set it up the next day. *If* thats the problem. If not, then I`ll return it and give up for a while.

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Lullaby
11:30 Aug 25 2011

Take things one at a time.

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I guess it`s more like a new sense of self. To become less shy. Cause I`m horrible with that.

I don`t know.. I see my hair up and maybe more skirts or shorts in my future. xD Cause of the placement of my tattoos. It`s just not like me, and yet. o_O May-be. Change is always good anyways. :s

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PAGAN
17:02 Aug 24 2011

change is a good thing :D Dying to see the new tattoo when you can post pics here :)

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Lullaby
13:32 Jul 15 2012

Change is good. Being girly isn't bad :)

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Yea boi! Guess who got her new tattoo? >_>

♥ :3

Since I can`t screen print it, only those who have me added to face book can see it once I unbandage it.



I was torn between hard core bat and skull or cute-sy bat and heart. -purr- I`ve gone soft. xP ;)

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Lullaby
13:22 Jul 15 2012

Too much info, were you male. lmfao :x

|Soft serve ice cream or hardcore? xD

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Earthquake aftershock in Brooklyn!!?!?

Doom! ._.

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Sulks
20:05 Aug 23 2011

o.O

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TheArtistRose
20:20 Aug 23 2011

Lol, if I die.. jkjk I`m sure NYC will be okay. The buildings here might die if anything else happens though. O_o

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Mother said she might have me get my tattoo tonight instead. o_0 Yaaaaaay! ]:D

It depends on how some chores and company goes, that she`s having over. =o Other then that, I`ve been playing with this DSi`s camera. xD Was hard to get my baby to stay still. Medusa was being such a brat. =P (By baby I mean kitty. >_>) And hey (vain moment) I look awesome too. Imay not see comments but this is way better than nothing. xP



Depending on what happens, I`ll upload tattoo pictures onto FB but I won`t be able to see comments. xD And I`ll only have those pictures of it from that time because I won`t be able to shave that leg untill after it heals. xD (Lol, what a thing to say. xP But it`s true! Tmi, but true. haha)

At times I wonder if she`ll read it. I really hope she`d respect my space but it happens. Once in a while everyone wants to know about one another. Well, by then I hope to hell I can gtfo. xD

I don`t know if it`s this cold still or what.. but I`ve been so sleepy. It`s not even so bad. I`m enjoying all this sleep. o_0 I feel like a zombie when I`m up. I called a store and they said the problem could be the picture memory or the screen. I`m thinking it`s the mo`fo`screen cause that shit was acting up ad only worked if smacked or having the brightness played with. It`s safe to just assume it`s a screen problem, right? Fuckit, yo`cause, I`m not fuckin`playing games with a store that wants money. I`ll get my tattoo -first- and then worry about the computer. Gonna get the screen for it one day and if it doesn`t work, I`ll just return the shit. In the mean time... mmmmm sleep... eveythings so soft and.... -hugs pillow-

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Requiem
01:04 Aug 23 2011

Sleep. Sleep. If i didn't think it would creep you out, I'd e-rub your hair to make you sleep more peacefully. Heh.

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Lullaby
14:47 Aug 23 2011

Req... you have a rare talent. :P



Roser~! I'd get the tattoo first. Simply because no one can take it away from you once you have it. Also, it won't break like a computer screen will, in five years. A tattoo is for life, as you'll already know. ;P

It's not selfish to take the tatt, and let's face it... they're fun. ;D

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TheArtistRose
15:07 Aug 23 2011

Lol, Req does have talent. xD



(yay, I found the shift button for this thing.)



I was joking around this morning, telling my sister that I`d get a daisy tatt on my ass. rofl. That`d so hurt. xD



Going to get my bat tatt tomorrow night. :3 I`ll take pictures. ;D

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I told my sister it was snowing today and she really looked out the window. xD It`s August. haha

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Sulks
15:30 Aug 23 2011

Bad! LOL

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Lullaby
13:19 Jul 15 2012

It COULD be snowing! ... here... ._.

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So, my mother asks me if there are any combos on the table. Y`know, those snack like things, and I`m like, "There are condoms on the table? o_0" And we both laugh. xD

Since I can`t make FB status` then I`ll spam my journal to make me feel better. >:P "That small moment in time where there are no teenagers in this home. :o"

Connection on my sister`s DSi, so, I can`t get on much. Just my luck, eh? Kinda hard to type, if you need me, just drop a message, cause not even FB will save me. xP I don`t know how to make another paragraph with this thung, o_0 Even mt emotes are screwed. =P So, the story is that I need to replace my screen. At this point, not even shaking it will help. heh. Looks like I`m on break for now. Later everyone. (Tyops porbably will happen on this. T_T)

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TheArtistRose
02:15 Aug 22 2011

/headwall/ worst typos ever. ♪thing♪my

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There are a few friends, of some of my family, that I really hate. So I tend to be childish at times. Let the drama begin. >_>



One dude, someone's ex, is a rotten bastard, and he's dying. Maybe. (God damnit, die, mother fucker [Or would saying mother fucker be too literal? x:]) He's like a god damned roach.



Another asshole is someone who my sibling loves. FuckHellNo. I hate that boys family. His father calls me a vampire. -.-'

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JustinV
22:53 Aug 21 2011

Does he know calling you a vampire isn't an insult?

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♥ Less than 6 days for me to get a new one. I'm a little over excited. :3 >_>

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Lullaby
16:44 Aug 21 2011

Jealousy. Is. Ugly.

So help me god, I'm going to need plastic surgery for this degree of ugliness.

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TheArtistRose
18:55 Aug 21 2011

O.o Hey, least you got yours at a younger age. o.o

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Slept for about 10 hours and woke up in between. And Omfg, I feel like hell. Food fucking hates me. Hates! Gah, I think I need to change my diet for a few days. Maybe a piece of bread would do me good. I don't know what happened but I feel a little food poisoned. x_x

So, as I was walking outside today I found a place that was hiring. I filled out the application online. Now to wait. God, I really hope I get this.. something. :/ If I get this small dead end job then I would have something under my belt for the future and I can help out around here and I'd be able to get insurance.



I've been contemplating some very bad ideas. Like running. I've *been* having those ideas for a *very* long time because I've been so stuck. :|



Every night I'd end up with bad thoughts. Stuff that would keep me up at night. Now, I may never see the glory of what others have. I may struggle at times, but it's nothing new. It's life.



So, I thought about it... I, just don't.. want it to be like before. It brings me to tears to think about my past and hell. How the hell I even managed sometimes is beyond me. But hey, I know someone out there has got to have it worse, so I should be grateful for what I can have. Even if it means owning a computer. Something which I didn't have till we had moved. Back when I was 18 and 1/2.



I was being stupid because my mother treats me like a baby and an adult. She wants me to go out and get a job, yet she wants me to help her ALL the time. It's hard to chose between the two, when I also have a pre-teen to look after.



In recent days, yes, I did have a few arguments, because I hate having burden upon burden and then having everyone tell me that I do nothing. >__- I mean, I am human, I can get sick too. I can have my teeth rotting because I can't see a dentist. :/ It's never freaking easy, and no, I don't get out much unless it's because I bring her somewhere or do something for her. Ugh, like being a fucking salve at times. No fun for myself, no meeting new people.. blah. This is why I end up on VR. Plus, heh, most people are shit anyway. All they do is want and not enjoy things like long walks. In a sense, sometimes I just can't afford it when people beg for shit.



As my last entry said.. maybe we're both alone, my mother and I.. but at least we together. I guess. Ugh, it's frustrating. I just.. stopped myself from running a lot of the time because I don't want to go back to the ghetto. It's not fun. :/ I'm tired of street life. Yes, I will always be a goody two shoes, I mean, I don't like all the fighting in the streets and shit.



Heh, well, that's enough venting for one day. Please, freaking, PLEASE, let me get this job.

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Requiem
00:59 Aug 20 2011

I will do my damndest to send positive thoughts your way.

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JustinV
22:55 Aug 21 2011

What Req said - right there with her.

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There are times when I get scared. I get scared because.. -because I'm not as brave and mighty as I'd like to think I am. No- not anymore. I've done enough, in the past. I guess, I'll be the little bitch who's often scratching at the door like usual.



I don't even think I'll see glory, truth be told, I'll be a loser. But at least I can be here, and not there. Sometimes being alone is better than being alone.

I don't know how to respond to you. I didn't invite all those people and you missed out on the first one. ._.



This is why I hate making "parties" or events. People expect too damn much when they don't even plan on doing something in the future. Plus it's not like I talk to you everyday. =/ Truth is I hardly talk to people much. You're all too annoying and not worth my time. I talk to VR mostly; that bad? :x

My hip was hurtin' bad this morning. So I took some pain killers. It's weird, how it doesn't take much to upset it sometimes. Ha, I feel old because of this. Pain killers make me sleepy. Looks like this will be another reason to postpone some plans of mine. I will wait for November to do anything crazy, this goes to say that I'll do those crazy things if things don't get better with others and such.

I fail so bad and I let it get to me. This whole wasting time once old thing gets to me. Makes me want to sleep away my life when even that's wrong.



Yet she won't even give me my keys. She stole them and guilt trips me. I can't help it. The guilt tripping works all the time. When I disagree I get stuff thrown at me. But it's better than what used to happen. It really is. Maybe that's because I'm old. I stopped getting hurt. I should be grateful for that.

Some things are better left unsaid.

There are times when I cry now. Because I can and there's no fear for doing so. But it brings such anger. That now you can take care of yourself and I have to go along with it. Maybe I'm just too selfish, when looking at the past and such. Maybe I can't see past things the right way. Who knows.



I just need to hide it all sometimes. And pretend, like it's all good, until it's too late. Lol Ah, scratch that, I just need to breathe. I can breathe, and that's the best part. ;)



Edit: Grr, Truth is that I'm jealous. "Bring me to the doctors because I caught your cold." In the mean time I'll be wasting my time there feeling like a dog. Just waiting there and you'll be all better.. at a doctors. T_T Gah, I'm stupid to be jealous of you.

Grr.. I feel like saying fuck off. I know. I really suck when it comes to people. I really, really do.



I hate when some people visit and when I see others. Because I'm supposed to be nice! And yet people take advantage of it. I'm not there to, blah.... If I go on with this rant, people will hate me.



I used to be so social. So people loving but all I do is hate at how inconsiderate some people really are. Even some of my past friends. Including my mother's friends. All a bunch of "Poor me I need attention, I need your shit" people, when you just don't have it like that yourself. Which is probably why I never liked parties. No fun in that shit. I sound like such a prick. lol Wish I wasn't like that and I'm not. It just gets on my nerves so bad. Like the only time some people want to see you is if they can get something out of it.

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anji13
02:41 Aug 17 2011

Nah you dont sound like a prick...



and i totally get where you're comin' from on this one.

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JustinV
03:27 Aug 17 2011

Been there most of my life. And yet, AND YET somehow they still gravitate to me. I try radiating evil hatred and it just seems to attract them all the more....maybe I need to be all sunshine and farting rainbows.....

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God, I can't have one damn bowl of cereal without it being something I "stole". -Mumbles-





Why does it have to rain today!?

Gio was a boy I grew up with all those years ago during childhood. I still know his sisters and brothers. But he was one fucked up evil kid. With such a fake laugh. I'm not even sad.



I have a FB status.. to see if anyone else I have randomly added remembers him. I sure as hell hope not. lol Been too many years!



I do know that 5 years ago on the 17th of August I had gotten into a big street fight. Don't know if I ever wrote about this in my journal before but it'll be there now.



My mother, sister and I were out late. Just hanging out like usual and this druggie starts fucking with us. So I stop her from punching my mother. She managed to knock my glasses off but I pinned the bitch down and she couldn't do shit. (My plan was to leave everyone un-hurt)



I must have walked over 30 plus blocks to get to a friends house from there with my mother. xP That way she felt safer. Years later and we end up living very close to our 'friends'. Heh, I don't have many close friends. I'll admit that.



This was all a time before I was addicted to the computer. I guess I may be bored out of my mind these days but a lot safer than I used to be just hanging out so late.



Ah, and how did Gio die, you wonder? From an asthma attack. He was up late one night and needed to go to an ER. They didn't come till it was too late. Idiots. v_v

Today I feel like a little kid. It's a nice feeling. Might just be my fever talking. Wish I could go out and play... whatever is it kids do! xP But I won't. This colds got me all snuggled up in bed for a while. Times when I can't seem to breathe well make me sleepy. I've felt better, just have an annoying cough.



I guess from all the times I've been inside I get worried about things. But when I venture out I have fun! Just hard when you're trapped waiting for November to come.

I had a wonderful time today. :) It was nice to get along with family for once. And even though there were times when I felt like I was gonna die between the bee near my face and me feeling so sick, I did indeed have fun! Mother nature sure hates me though. >_>



My friend didn't show because her parents couldn't drive her there. So she wants to see if we'll met up at the next BBQ. Thing is, I don't want there to be a next one before the 26th. ._. To be honest, with my 2nd tattoo coming up and everything else that I need to get done, having another BBQ would be stressful. First things first, I need to take care of myself more. I need to drink more often too. x__x I don't know why I never see myself as worthy of taking care of me and not others. x_x I need to break that habit.



Ah, But I do look forward to getting a 2nd tattoo. :3 It makes me so happy and I have no idea why. o_O So, so happy. I've even been getting complements. ♥ >_>' I guess people see the same beauty I see in the simple one. :P That or it must just go with me.



My next tattoo will be on my leg and with a like for shorts during the BBQ's and it being at the beach, I really don't see another one any time soon. I just don't. Besides, I really have had it with mother nature tryin' to be such a bitch to me. .__. I want to stay in for a few days. I saw a huge pretty butterfly today and then a white spider. o_O And something bit me. ._. and that bee!!! 'nuff said. Scary!

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Sulks
13:22 Aug 14 2011

YAY! Sounds like you had fun :D

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Requiem
13:44 Aug 14 2011

I am very very glad your BBQ went well, nature notwithstanding :)

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So! I'm going to be throwing a BBQ! I hope my friend got the message. >_> I'll still have fun. I love cooking and playing with fire.



No swimming for me though. I know I was enjoying it last time but I can't go for too many reasons. Including tmi reasons. ._. Good news is that I feel better than before. xP Now off to get some ice and a slushie. >:P

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! I'm supposed to be throwing a BBQ tomorrow and I FEEL LIKE HELL! Rawr...



What to do. I wish I felt better. -__-'

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bandnrd
22:12 Aug 12 2011

I hope you feel better. :/

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Lullaby
04:34 Aug 13 2011

*gigglesnort*

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TheArtistRose
04:39 Aug 13 2011

Thanks nrd. :D Sorry though nrd, you're not invited. :(

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Woo.. A little rest did a lot of good. Less crying in the morning. I just don't know what to do sometimes. There's a lot of pressure and time wasted and stress. I was thinking of going into a shelter just to get the damn government stuff without having to deal with my family but maybe my mom will stop her shit too and help.



I know I'm old. I would have done a bunch more given the chance but the economy is shit and it's not so easy. I'm sure as hell not working for any crap place. But I also know that if I chose a shelter option, it won't be all fun as well. I'm just trying to think things out. I know that if I did that I wouldn't be on VR much. :/ But these kinds of things stress me out way too much. Plus all the mini drama at home. I can't stand it much anymore. Years.. YEARS of helping them and I'm not about to let them treat me like shit anymore.



No, it's not about being on my own and shit and it's not about wanting my own place or getting away. It's more-so wanting my life. To be able to stand on my feet and take care of my health. To be able to have some damn insurance.



This is why I want no one to really look into this entry. I just need to blow off some steam by writing about it. This way I won't end up freaking.

I'm trying. I'm thinking about some things but I guess I'll go in for ID or something. Every time I do a search I break down into tears. I don't know why! I'm old. I should be able to take care of things. Gah. ._. I'm such a cry baby.

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Lullaby
07:46 Aug 11 2011

You know what they say... people crying need... (dun dun DUN!) HUGGSIES! :D

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TheArtistRose
11:10 Aug 11 2011

Naw, Not unless it's on my bed with nothingness. Everyone pisses me off and my self confidence is beat. I just... Don't know what to do exactly because someone is being abusive with words. Yet, if I truly am that old then what the hell am I doing here? If I get treated like crap. My tooth has been bothering the shit out of me. Part of me wishes to just go on and start a new life but I'd need my ID first. ._. And every time I search up help, I cry. -.- What I need is sleep not hugs. So I can wake up with a clear head.



And that's the truth of this entry but I don't want any of that "I feel sorry for you crap" from people. xP This is just me expressing myself.

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Just calm down. It won't matter... I won't have to. Haha fuck T__T I hate this. Don't show it. So, I can't take care of one problem. Ah fuck. I hate you so much. What the hell is the point? :/ I'm not going to get any healthier if I stay here but I'll have a roof over my head I guess. God I hate that.

Mental abuse is different from physical. And you've done a lot of both. But it's okay. I'll keep telling myself that everything is going to be alright. Why? At the moment I need to take care of myself. I could give less about you.



Maybe I'll do something stupid like try to get my stuff back on. But it'll be odd. The gov has that job program which does NOTHING and has idiotic people. I don't stand a chance.



Sleep is what can take all this pain away. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep. It's been wonderful.

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Sulks
22:40 Aug 10 2011

Hope things get better for you.

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TheArtistRose
22:49 Aug 10 2011

Sorry for venting. x_x Nothing is so bad.. everything is alright. I just needed a space to scream so to speak and I kill my journal with this stuff.

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It's such a dude magnet. hahaha



That's all I gotta say because you don't have to know. XD

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human20
20:19 Aug 10 2011

very funny

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Sulks
22:39 Aug 10 2011

LOL @ H20

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I don't know what to think of people on here sometimes. I know this place is "Rave" but just because I'm in NYC doesn't mean I go clubbing. I don't blame stupid people for assuming though. Whenever I don't show up with some people outside or something people assume in real life that I have some young rowdy young person's life full of raves, concerts and drinking.. well I don't. I'm too much of a goody two shoes. Although my life can have it's moments none of it's adventures are in bars or clubs so I'm sorry if I can't answer you with "Hey, you're in NYC, wanna meet up in a club?"



The answer is no. For a few reasons too. One being that I'm too young and the next being that you're a stranger. o.O Lastly, I don't think I'll be a drinker when I can drink in age. It all looks retarded.



I'd rather have a cup of coffee if I had to meet up with people. O.o

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Sulks
10:38 Aug 10 2011

♥ coffee. And you're right to not want or need to drink to have a good time.

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BlackMetal888
16:38 Aug 10 2011

Believe me you have it rite! Drinking is not all it's cracked up to be.

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I woke up feeling body aches. No wonder why I look so pale. s: I don't even want food and all I want to do is sleep. Great day for whatever it is I caught.. A cold? I don't know. Ah well, it's lot's of rest for me! Serves me right anyway since I needed it for the left hip/leg.

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Sulks
22:32 Aug 09 2011

old age, that's what it is uh-huh LOL



Sounds like a cold so maybe rest up 'til you feel less achy, that'll do your hip good anyway I hope. You don't have some sort of infection from your sore hip? 'Cause if so, that could be what's making you feel poorly. Take care of yourself lady :P

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TheArtistRose
00:04 Aug 10 2011

I had an infection last year from something else ( A wound) and I'm always prone to infections so I hope not. I've just been resting lots. I'm sure it'll go away, on the other hand, it feels nice to sleep for once.

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My hip hurts a lot more. x_x Probably wasn't so cool to be out but I longed for it. Gah, when I walk the wrong step I scream out in pain. I'll just take a pain killer and call it a day. I don't want to go to the doctor's for it because I'd end up going to the ER. x:



I'll just rest it and it'll go away until it starts up. >_>

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Sulks
15:24 Aug 09 2011

yeouch! Sounds painful. Hope it gets better soon for you.

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TheArtistRose
22:21 Aug 09 2011

Thanks I hope so too.

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So I came back after talking to her. I thought she understood but she doesn't. God I wish she'd drop dead already. I'm crying like an idiot. Fuck you. As soon as I get a hold of the phone I'm calling that comic store and asking them for a job again. They'll probably not answer back like last time but it's worth a shot.



I hate you so much. Ugh, fuck these tears. Fuck all this pain. I hate you.

I hate you. Contemplating doing stupid things tonight. Ah well. This is what you want. I'll show you how much I don't do anything, yell, and ect, ect, all I hear are excuses for your sorry ass. I'll leave, and think about coming back. And If you cry, it's not my fault.

Hmm, reading information never felt so fun. As to what articles I read when I get bored it's all in that one newspaper. Gets my mind off of other things.

I wish I could do so much more. I love them. I really would and I'd have no problem doing ANYTHING even if it meant I got hurt in the end. I can only hold onto the fact that it's going well even if it doesn't look like it.



Yesterday my sister was being a brat, lol. My fault for getting angry punching a wall and breaking my bracelets. Every time I punch something they break. What hurt even more is when one of my longer nails broke off.

I understand her though, she's almost a teen and she's probably just as much of a brat like I am. Thank god for metal music. Haha Got all my angry out and made me happy. :P



Ha, what else? I got some new clothes for once. Yay! Might sneak out later. Been dying to be out for the sake of it. Computer has been boring the shit out of me in recent days. Creepers be creepin', haters be hatin', same old, same old. -yawn-



I'm glad I got sleep before. My left leg near the hip was hurting again. I have no idea why I get such pain that comes up at random and makes me random scream sometimes. o.O I wish I could look into it but eh, I can't be bothered. Might be from years of helping someone out. I'll just pretend I can't feel the pain in the mean time. Seems to work. Status "Fight it. Does not exist." No pain, no game. ;P

No luck but I really wish I could find something. That's all I'll say.

Guess when their food sucks I can eat some canned stuff. I hate when they buy what I dislike. Too hot to eat much anyway. Sleep hasn't been working for me at night. I wish more things were open at night. Sun is so over rated man. >_>'

Sometimes I wonder what people think of me. Scary or friendly? Still got randoms saying they know me when I have no idea who the hell they are. People always tend to assume things about me. o.O But I'm totally a goody-two-shoes kind of person. Kids these days. v_v

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Sulks
11:29 Aug 03 2011

arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! Scarey! jk! :P



You were one of the first people that spoke to me here and one of the first I knew would be cool to have as a friend because you have a good sense of humour.

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One of those days where I wish I could take my own advice. In the end everyone dislikes something. Even if we know it's wrong. I hate every time I see you. Because you're an idiot.

Oh god. xD So I took a picture of the tattoo with my sister's DSiXL but I can't put it up yet. :P I still have to get a memory card that will fit it.



Looking in her albums I saw that she had picture of me when I said I didn't want her to take any of myself. Apparently they're of me sleeping in my PJ's and one of them of me in my night gown. lmfao But at first I so didn't even think it was me in those pics. hahaha They are surprisingly not bad. xP But I'm not putting those up! No one wants to see me looking all lazy by sleeping on the couch. xD

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Sulks
14:45 Aug 02 2011

LOL! I hate photos of myself! haha :P

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God damn I wish I could go to the dentist. You people don't know how good you have it. There's one thing that looks like it's getting worse. x_x My teeth are something I hold pride in and they're slowly dying on me. T__T



On another note, I feel so much better than yesterday! I really want to try and have some fun today.

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Sulks
11:35 Aug 02 2011

Hey! Today is a new day! :D

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Oceanne
13:20 Aug 02 2011

:( Not only only fo teeth play their role in someones self esteem,they are essential to good health.

Hope you can get the work you need done on them soon.

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TheArtistRose
14:20 Aug 02 2011

It's just a cavity that I noticed. My teeth look awesome as always and not many people will notice it. I just notice it because it's one of my obsessions.

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I hate you. The one day I open up the window to try and sleep with some air and you let the kitty in. Then I wake up to close it. I haven't been feeling well. I need sleep and yet whenever I sleep in the room with the fans, you wake me up or yell. I don't even get any air on myself. It's no wonder why I'm sick.



God, and when I stay up I get cranky and wish I could just run away for a bit. But there's nothing to do and it was raining. Fuck, sometimes I just wish I had one embrace. I know, sounds rather odd coming from me. I hate this so much. I hate everyone. And every time I help you guys I end up getting hurt. It's my fault. Meh. Hate, hate, hate. I get sick of hate. I want to love. :/

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Sulks
12:19 Aug 01 2011

aww, poor you. There is nothing worse than being disturbed when you're in need of sleep.

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TheArtistRose
12:26 Aug 01 2011

Nah, I feel so much better now. Nice short cold shower, tons of cold soda and a fan! I hate complaining about the heat but I think I'm just over heated. Just got that naughty kitty out of my room though.

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dragonthunder
09:09 Aug 02 2011

let them help themselves.

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Sometimes when I get like this, sleep is the only answer. I need to get out more. I just don't have it in mind on where. On one hand I'd love to visit the sun, on another, I need to stay out of it for a while.



I'm a night girl. But I don't know when to run away for the hell of it. :3