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yesterday I found out that I have infection in my blood! It's called Toxoplamosis! You can get it from gardening, cleaning the kitty litter, or from raw meat! Now I'm 5 months pregnate with a litle girl, and eventhough it's going to go away in a couple months, it can still do damage to her! If she gets infected with it, she can be premature, poor growth, severe eye and brain damage! Now since I found this out, I feel asthough I've already failed my child as a mother! But my family and friends keep telling me that no one told me about this, so I had no knowalegd of this, so it's not my fault. But I feel asthough it is! Like I should have known even if no one told me!

I'm so bumbed right now, it's not even funny. My best friend is leaving tomorrow to go live in Colorado, and I don't know how I'm going to survie with out her! We've done almost everything together! She's been there when I need a shoulder to cry on, and I've been there for her aswell. We had shit talks with eachother, and had our share or arugments! Even over the stupiest things! We have so much in commen, but then we're so differnet in so many ways! We don't see eye to eye, but I think that's what makes us see eye to eye! I'm going to miss her so much! Who am I going to spend Halloween with now? I feel like I'm never going to see her again!

Why is it when I think thing are going my way, someone gives me infromation that has to change what I'm thinking? I hate that. But I know this person has my back no matter what! I just wish a certain person would stop with the games. Telling me one thng, and then doing a whole different thing, or telling someone eles. something completely different! It's getting really old, really quick! I'm just tried of all the lies!