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It was an average day. i didn't think it was special in any way. For me it was a good day because today was game day and between work and school it was the only day I really got to have pure fun. Also I got to see him. His name was Dana. I was in love with him. I felt like my only reson to be alive was to be around him and try to get him to see me as someone diffrent then the little girl he knew wial i was growing up.

So any way it was an average day i was hanging out with the guys Dana was sitting next to me explaining somthing out of the book wial his brother Dan was telling me something about where she came from. We were talking when Josh heared the phone ringing. He checked the caller ID and tossed the phone over my head to Dana "Its your wife Dana."

I froze in mid sentance wial talking to Dan. I knew Dan was looking at me like I was crazy but I couldn't seem to pull my brain together. I was stuck.For the rest of the night I was in a state of shock. I'd known this guy for years and had never known he was married. He didn't wear a ring. Neather did she.

I was crushed. I was acually happy when game ended so I could just go home an cry. The ride home was horrible. He decided to ride with josh, my brother and I to my house and being so near to him was painful.

I spent the next week holed up at home. I didn't leave the house, return calls or do anything else. All I did was sit in my room with the stario turned up high crying and writing in my diary feeling stupid and sorry for myself. I blamed myself. It had to my fault right? I was the one that fell for him.

It was the 5th day alone in my room that my mom made me take a shower, get dressed and go to school.

It was summer but i was taking a few independent study corses to catch up. I was cutting throw main campus leaving the isp office when I saw this guy that looked kinda familier. I looked at him trying to place him when I realize with a jolt who it was. Skylar my first love and my first broken heart.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. It wasn't fair. Life is crule. I couldn't deal with him now. I turned around and tried to pretend like I hadn't seen him and started to walk away when I felt a hand on my sholder. I turned around and looked up into his smiling green eyes that made my heart ache.

What he realized I was on the verge of crying he stepped back looked puzzled for a second before pulling me to him and hugging me tightly.

"Aria what has happend to you?" he asked rubbing my back lightly the way he used to when I came to him upset.

"everything" i said pulling away from him "I can't do this right now" i said wipping my eyes angerily

"Aria I'm not leaving. I came back for you and I'm not leaving."

I turned and started walking away mad. "oh so now you want me back? What about when you broke my heart and left me here to pick up the peices wial you went off with whats her name?"

He grabbed my wrist and made me face him. he looked frusterated and angry. "I love you Aria. I loved you then but it scared me. But I'm ready now Aria. I'm not scared anymore. Will you give me another chance?"

"I don't know. I don't even know you anymore" I said shaking my head wondering how my life could get anymore tangled up.

"ok then we'll get to know eachother again" he said smiling now taking my hand and leading me to the parking lot. "where are you going?"

"no where really" i say fallowing him meekly feeling emotional drained.

I didn't love him anymore and I knew it. I hadn't loved him for years now. but being with him on familier ground was comforting. I wanted to just stay here safe with him. As I sat in the car wial he drove talking the whole way to one of our old spots I felt a kind of relife. I was safe, he was safe. I could just stay here and not get hurt. I may even come to love him again. I knew I was fooling myself in a small way but I wanted so bad not to be sad and broken anymore that I didn't care.

It was getting late when my cell phone rang. I didn't reconize the number but awnsered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Aria?" Josh asked

"Whats up Josh?"

"Are you planing on coming to Game it's getting kind of late."

"Josh I'm so sorry I forgot. I kind of have some one with me though."

"Bring him its no big deal."

"ok we'll be there soon bye" Im flicked the phone shut and looked at Sky smiling "want to go to game with me?"

He grimpsed like in pain "do I have to?"

"yes" i said laughing

"Ok" he said smiling

We drove to Game in silence my mind going to fast to talk even if Sky had felt like talking. At the door I knocked too loudly and stood there looking around nerviously. Sky started to whisper something in my ear when Dana opened the door. He stared for a moment before turning around quickly and stalked off to the balcony to have a ciggerette. I showed Sky where to sit befor fallowing him out.

"who's the guy."

"no one just a guy"

"didn't look like just a guy to me" he said angrily flicking ash over the rail

I turned and glared at him angry "so what if he isn't whats it to you?"

He glared hard at me, flicked his butt over the rail, then went back inside blowing past Josh to do so.

I turned around and leaned far over the rail feeling on the verge of tears.

"are you ok" josh asked speaking softly

"I don't even know why he's upset" I sobbed feeling the fresh tears running trails down my cheeks

he smiled indulgently "the seem reson your so upset Aria."

I turned to face him quickly "but he's married. he has no right"

"do you love that guy you brought." he asked handing me a tissuse

"not in a long time" i say wiping my face and glancing back inside to see the two of them glaring daggers at eachother. "what do i do Josh?" i asked looking at him imploringly

"What do you want Aria?"

"the one thing I can't have" i said sadly "I guess everything ends tonight" I said heavaly going back inside.

Game was a conflice between Dana and I. He kept pushing me and I pushed back. we pushed thinks to the breaking point. Challenging eachother and putting the party in danger because of it. I was angry. I wanted so much to just be able to go back a few monthes and not start hanging out with these guys. I wanted to know how I didn't know he was married.

When Game ended I was relived. I packed my stuff quickly and was heading to the door with Sky in tow when dana called out to us.

"hey can I get a ride?"

"sure" Sky said before I could say no.

The drive home was tence. Skylar and Dana talked like they had known eachother for years. trading barbs here and there. when we got to Dana's place he said he had a book inside I needed so why not walkto the apartment with him. I knew it was a ploy but didn't really care. I got out of the car and fallowed a few paces behind him. We stopped when we rounded a corner and could no longer be seen by Skylar.

"So did you plan that little stunt?" he asked mildly

"No but it couldn't have worked better if I had" i said venomisly

"Aria what is your"

I cut him off quickly "Just go home to your wife Dana"

"you know?"

"yeah since she called"

"Aria" he looked lost and unsure

"It wasn't just me was it. It wasn't all in my head"

He smiled his goofy smile and kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that starts wars and brings proud men to there knees. It was the kind of kiss ever girl reads about but never experiances. It's the kind of kiss you share with a soul mate.

"Sorry" he said smiling lightly "I just had to know"

I looked at him confused "know what?"

"What it's like to kiss someone you truly love"

I started to cry again knowning that the one person that was perfect for me would never be mine.

"I'm so sorry Aria, I'm sorry" He said hugging me

I pulled away from him and smiled weakly. "well we never get anything right the first time so maybe someday well get this right." i said know it might just be faulst hope but some kind of hope was better then nothing.

"someday" he whispered

"someday" i wispered back before walking into the dark alone back to the guy I no longer loved leaving behind me the one person I'd come to love with my whole being.

My average day had turned into the most memorable week of my life.

Amara's mom had called me asking me to come over and help with Amara. She was freaking out on the phone sounding panicked, worried, and slightly scared, saying that Amara hadn't left her room in 4 day, that she refuses to eat, sleep, or bathe, and that she wouldn't talk to anyone.



I'd know Amara for years she'd been my best friend since the battle feild that was middle school, so when her mom called me crying saying all this crazy stuff about how her not eating and not leaving her room, I felt bad for her but I figured her and Amara had just gotten into some kind of fight. It was like Amara to sulk about anything she faced problems head on she didn't run from them. Still the way Amara mom had been talking so full of fear and nerves had given me chills.



So the next morning I left about an hour early to work and stopped by Amara's place. When Her mom opened the door a look of pure relieve swept over her face. But in her eyes was a look of despair. Bone deep chilling despair. It scared the crap out of me. I laughed uneasily when she lead me throw the large seemingly empty house to Amara's room.



The house felt earily empty without Amara's laugher, and odd music echoing off the walls. There seemed to be a chill limgering throw the house as I walked down the hall to Amara's room. Only the sound of my shoes on the carpet convincesed me I hadn't gone deaf since entering the house. Something was off, I could feel it all around me, like the entire energy in the house had changed from friendly and inviting into the kind of creepy crawly feeling you feel when entering a hospital ward when you know someones dying.



The familiar back round music was missing as I slowly opened Amara's door. I was so used to hearing Amara's unique music always playing from her room that it threw me off not to have it. When I entered Amara's room I couldn't see anything except a strip of wall illuminated by the light coming in threw the open door. It was jet black in there. The curtain's were closed and blankets covered those throwing the whole room in shadows. There was no light on and it seemed like no one was in there. It smelled stale, like no one had opened a door or window in here in a wail, unlike the normal sent of strawberrys and vanilla that usually permeated the room. I felt like I'd fallen into a parellel world, everything was the same but diffrent...wrong.



"close the door" said a whispery paper thin voice from the farthest corner of the room scaring me slightly.



I closed the door and stepped further into the room closer to the corner where the voice had come from. As my eyes started to adjust to near light-less-ness that permeated the room I could see a shape huddled up against the wall. It looked like a shivering lump if blankets.



"Amara?" I asked stepping forward confused by what I saw.



"Go away" came the wispery voice again. The voice sounded like it belonged to a dead person, frail and weak. It gave me chills.



Not being able to stand not being able to see anything I walked over to the door again and flicked on the light. As I did so I heard a hissing sound and turned to see a very different Amara then the one I was used to huddled in the furthest corner of her bed, curled up in blankets, her beautiful long black hair was lank and greasy, her normally smooth flawless skin looked clammy and had a bluish tint to it, the part of an arm and leg I could see looked bony and bruised, and her once so captivating eyes now looked hallow and empty. I'd never seen her look like this or even close to this, it scared me.



"Amara what happened to you" I asked softly crossing the room to sit at the end of her bed



She turned away from me and stared at the wall across the room. "Go away" She whispered to the wall.



"I'm not going anywhere"I said standing up "now get up were going out" I said convinced that she needed to get out of this depressing room and that getting her out of here would help her get back to her normal self.



She whipped her head around to glare at me "no" she said in a low menacing voice that made me want to flee the room. The voice I'd only heard her use once to scare some guy away who was threatening us, somehow is sounded different now being on the receiving end of the menicing voice. I rubbed my arms where the goosebumps had popped up and sat back done on her bed.



"Please Amara let me help you." I said imploringly wanting so much to pull her to me.



"No one can help me" she said turning her back to me so she was facing the corner.



This girl was not the girl with whom I had spent countless hours talking on the phone with, doing make overs, watching movies, and giggling with. This was not the girl who had faced down abusive boyfriends and testified against them even wial their girls friends still quaked in fear. this was not the person who'd lead rallies, started protests, and fought for everything she believed in. This person was a shadow of that girl. My best friend was trapped somewhere inside her, I had to save her, I had to try, no matter how scared I was.



I grabbed her shoulder and turner her to face me. "How dare you treat me like this I'm you best friend not just some random person you can push around. Your mom may have given in to you and let you sit here and sulk, but I'm not leaving here until you tell me whats the matter."



She pushed me back hard, I fell flat on my back sprawling on the bed surprised by her brutality. By the time I sat up she was standing by the door with her hand on the doorknob. Without the blankets wrapped around her she looked bony and too thin. She'd always been extremely thin but this looked sick. Her skin was horrible covered in bruises in diffrent stages of healing. Cut marks stood out starkly against the pale of her skin. They decorated the inside of her arms, a morbid design.



Seeing her like that sent a sharp pain throw me. I wanted to hug her to me and protect her from whatever it was that was hurting her so badly that she would do this to herself, I wanted to hurt who ever caused this I wanted to do something. I felt usless and scred staring at her. I could feel tears welling in my eyes at seeing her like this.



"Amara please let me help you."



"I don't want your pity or your tears so just GET OUT!" Amara screamed at me bright blotches coloring her cheeks.



"Why are you doing this?" I yelled back



"Because I don't need your help and i don't want it just GO AWAY." She screamed shaking from head to toe with suppressed anger.



She was hiding something. She was defensive and mad, angry at being cornered. She was shaking and looking at me with fear. I felt horrible but I had to reach her. I had to do something I couldn't just walk away.



I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. "no" i said quietly "I'm not leaving you"



She leaned back against the wall and slid down curling up into a ball as she went covering her face as she started to cry.



I rushed forward to her with the intent of hugging her but she pulled away from me "don't touch me" she whispered fiercely in a voice filled with pain.



"what happend Amara?" I asked kneeling down beside her



"everything" she wispered in despair. She smiled at me weakly and laughed in a sad cynical way. "I fell in love"



I cocked my head to the side confused. Falling in love was suppose to be a good thing. But Amara looked like she was wasting away before my eyes.



"I fell in love and I fell to hard and to fast... Just like those silly girls we used to make fun of." she said before laughing humorlessly again. She closed her eyes in pain as she whispered more to herself then me "I don't want to live without him"



"Amara everything will be ok, we'll get throw this"



Her eyes flashed with anger and her voice filled with strength as she screamed at me "haven't you figured it out yet? I don't want to get throw this. If this is the only way I can hold on to what I had with him then this will be how it is. I want you and everything else to just go away. Leave me alone with my memories and pain." she stood up and started to walk back to her bed.



I grabbed her and made her face me. "No I'm not letting you run from this, I'm not going to let you throw your life away over a guy that doesn't deserve you..."



"shut up" she whispered feircly looking down and away from me as I held her arms and tried to make her face me.



"I'm not going to let you hide in here..."



"shut up" she said again her voice gaining strength as she darted her eyes up at me glaring.



"wasting away into nothingness..."



"shut up" she said louder facing me directly glaring strait at me relentlessly her eyes flashing with anger.



"because some guy broke your heart"



"SHUT UP" she screamed pushing me hard against the wall knocking the wind out of me. Anger filled her once beautiful face turning it into a horrid mask. "You have no idea what i'm going throw. You have no idea whats it's like to love a man with your whole being and to be just thrown away. Tossed aside like so much trash. And even with all that if he gave me half a chance I'd go run back to him because i still love him with everything i am. I love him. And a life without him is pointless" she said walking to her door again and opening the door "And now you can leave."



"I'm not leaving" I said walking closer to her



"you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved" Amara said sadly sounding like the strong level headed girl I'd known so well. As she looked at me really looked at me for the first time since I got here and I realized she was right. She had to save herself there was nothing I could do to make her see she is truly an amazing person with so much to give the world. And that no man no matter how great they may be should be allowed to take her life away from her. So nodding slightly to her I walked to the door.



"your right I can't save you, you have to save yourself this time, you have to take the first step, but I'll always be here, I love you Amara I'll always be here." I said with conviction as I turned from her and closed the door softly as i walked away. I could hear her crying as walked down the empty hallway feeling raw and hurt. so much had changed. In less then half an hour I had lost so much.



I felt hallow and sad as I walked away so much of me wanted to go back to her room drag her out into the sunlight and force her to get on with her life but even as I though about doing it I knew it would be to no avail. The Amara I knew was lost to me, she was drowning on her own sorrow and making no effort to reach for my hand. I'd offered my help I couldn't make her take it, she had to do that herself.



I keep coming back I keep trying because I couldn't give up on her. Some days are better then other and some days are worse then the day when i first saw her. But I keep trying because some day if I'm lucky someday she'll come back to me and again become the girl so full of life I'd known, maybe some day she'll take my hand.